Me and Diana both lay, staring at the ceiling, the room filled with awkward silence.
Usually, we can sit in a comfortable silence but not tonight, I want to say something but I don't know what to say, what is there to say?
I am still angry, not necessarily at her, at Tatum, I wish I slapped her harder. If she shows up at the house again, maybe I will.
I'm also upset about it, although I'm not in love with Olivia anymore it still hurts to find out that I kept my loyalty to her while she was sleeping with my brother and my best friend.
My whole relationship with Olivia was just a lie.
It hurts because at one point Olivia was my main priority, I loved her more than I loved myself and I would give everything up for her. Tatum called me a lost puppy towards Diana, but no, I was a lost puppy to Olivia. I would do anything she asked me to because I was so in love with her, she flirted with other women and I did everything to prove I was better.
I always loved Olivia more than she loved me, it's when I left that she realised nobody would love her as much as I did.
I was so obsessed with trying to get Olivia's attention during our whole relationship, it felt like her eyes were never on mine. Olivia was the more dominant one in our relationship, although she wasn't the best in the bedroom...she was always more dominant. She was always the flirt, making the first moves at the beginning until I became more comfortable. With Diana I'm the dominant one, I was too scared to kiss Olivia at the start, my heart did beat faster than usual when I went to kiss Diana, I asked her incase she didn't want that.
It was constant arguments with Olivia and she would end up throwing my stuff around...With Diana we barely argue..well until now but we just get along, if we have a small argument we get over it.
With Olivia, it was mostly a one sided love, with Diana, it's an equal kind of love. We love each other beyond words, I could describe the love I had for Olivia, but Diana...I can never find the rights words, they're all too little.
"I love you, Natalie." Diana ends the silence, I glance to her quickly and she's already looking at me.
"I love you." I respond and she keeps looking at me, I hold the eye contact, looking into her eyes for the first time in forever it feels like.
"Are you mad at me?" She asks and I shake my head slowly.
"No. I just...Tatum." I say and she shifts closer to me.
"Yeah...I heard the glass breaking earlier, what happened?"
"Just Tatum being Tatum, I suppose. She admitted to sleeping with Olivia during our marriage." I tell her, turning onto my side so I can keep the conversation going after this little discussion.
"Really?" She asks and I nod.
"Did Tatum ever try anything?....With you, because she told me you could do better and if I find out she tried anything..." I trail off and Diana furrows her eyebrows confused.
"She said I could do better?" She questions and I hum with a nod, she laughs and I look to her as she begins smiling. My eyes almost widen at the sight, my eyes can't help but glue to her lips.
"What?" I ask, confused to why she is laughing.
"And who could I do better with? Tatum? I would rather have sex with Olivia in that case." She says and I snort.
"If you slept with Olivia, I would kill the both of you." I tell her and she stops laughing, but she keeps that smile that I love on her face, she looks up at me as I lean onto my elbow.
"My heart only belongs to one woman, I only want to lay with her." She tells me and I smile at the sappy words, I don't ask if I can, I just lean down cupping her face before I press my lips to hers.
I feel her soft lips curve more into a bigger smile against my own lips making my heart warm. I pull back looking at her.
"That's what I thought." I say before giving her another quickly kiss, she looks up at me, her eyes shining but there's still that...dull effect in a weird confusing way.
✺
I sit in my office at my desk, tapping the wood as my eyes stay on the screen. I bite my lip trying to focus but my mind goes blank.
I have a release date for my book about me and Diana, August 25th, the date we met.
Now, I am trying to work on a new book since I have ideas jotted down in my notebook but none of them seem to be working out which may drive me insane at this point.
My hands go to the keyboard just as my phone buzzes on the desk, I glance to it before pulling my hands away from the keys and picking up my phone instead.
I see a message from Carson.
Carson
New high school opened just out of town I think 🚌🏫📚✏️
Natalie
What's with the emojis?
Carson
Lilah has been teaching me 👩🏫👩🏫👩🏫👩🏫👩🏫👌👌👌
Natalie
Please stop...
Carson
😢😢😢
Natalie
I am blocking you.
Carson
Stop being rude. I am telling you about a new job opportunity 🤓🤓
Natalie
Just send me the name of the school.
Carson
👍👍👍👌
Natalie
🤦♀️
I click the attachment Carson sends, I read through it quickly finding out some information about the school. It's about a thirty to forty minute drive from here which isn't too bad as I get up early anyway.
I look at the photo of the school, looks fancy...
I look at the email before putting down my phone.
I type it into my computer before my office door creaks open, I look over to see Diana peaking her head in as I shut off my computer quickly.
"You're up." I say out of surprise to finally see her out of that bedroom, it's almost nine am, she fell asleep around three.
She steps inside shutting the door as she nods.
"Yeah..." She walks over slowly, rubbing her eye gently. I look at the cast on her arm before I sit back.
"Did you sleep well?"
"It's the most sleep I got in the last couple of days so I guess. I would have preferred to wake up with you beside me though." She tells me as she walks closer, I do have something to ask her but I'm afraid she will get angry over it.
I want to suggest therapy to her, I think it would be good for her and she would get a professionals help and advice instead of mine which may not be the best sometimes.
"Yes, apologies, I was trying to get some work done." I tell her as she leans back against the desk besides my chair. She looks at me and I glance to her.
"What?" I ask and she shrugs smiling a little.
"Nothing...Just...Remembering what happened last time I was in here with you." She looks away and I keep looking at her for a second before my eyes dip lower even though they shouldn't.
She's only in a shirt, my Fleetwood Mac one that I haven't seen in months.
She leans over slipping my glasses off, I forgot I even had them on. She puts them on herself before she sits up onto the desk looking around.
"Do you remember it?" She asks me and I straighten up in my chair.
"I do." I respond looking at my desk for a second before back to her. She smiles slightly looking through her eyelashes at me.
I break eye contact looking down at her pale thighs as she pulls her shirt up slowly revealing more including one bandage on her right thigh.
I take a breath before looking away and clearing my throat.
"I have work to do. My editor is on my ass about this." I say and she huffs taking off the glasses.
"About what?"
"I don't know, he wants something, an idea at least and I have nothing." I told my editor, Vincent I had an idea and I was writing so he was expecting me to talk to him about it..
"Then take a break."
"I can't." I tell her and she looks back over her shoulder before sitting back more on the desk.
"Twenty minutes break?"
"Behave yourself." I roll my eyes fighting back the smirk.
"You don't want me to." She says, nudging the arm rest of my chair, I glance to her again and she smiles slightly at me.
"You will wish you did if I indulge in whatever you want right now."
"No I won't." She huffs and I look at her again.
"You're a temptress, Diana." I shake my head and she smiles, sleep really helped with the mood she was in before.
"I'm trying to help with your fantasies...You seem to have a lot of them, especially in your book." She tells me and I bite my lip and her eyes go to them.
"I have an email to send." I move my chair closer to her and she smiles.
"It can wait." She tells me and I slowly move her knees apart as I move my chair between her legs.
"Natalia?" I hear the front door opening and my Moms voice. I shut her legs quickly as I get up.
"Jesus Christ." I breath out as I almost run over to my office door, I pull it open slightly and my Mom walks down the hall towards me.
"Mom? What are you doing here?" I ask and she raises her eyebrows at me.
"Attitude, Natalia. I have no problem slapping it out of you." She says and I sigh.
"I have a pile of work, Mom." I tell her.
"I thought you were fired from that school?" She says and my mouth falls open.
"I—Yes, I was but I have a new job, I have a whole bunch of work so now isn't a great time." I tell her and she nods.
"Come over to my house when you are not busy then, Natalia." Her shoulders drop slightly and I feel a stab of guilt.
"Wait.." I say and she looks back at me.
"I love you, Mom. I will bake cookies and bring them over. I am really sorry about this, work has just got me drowning at the moment." I tell her and she nods before she begins smiling.
"I love you, be safe and do not over stress yourself." She tells me and I nod. She walks over to the door opening it before leaving and closing it.
I shut my office door with a sigh, I drop my head against the door.
"That was embarrassing." Diana says and I hum.
"At least she didn't walk into my office to see my head between your legs." I lean off the door turning around as I walk back over to my chair.
"Actually...I have to talk to you about something." She tells me and I look at her as I sit down.
"Go on."
"All my things are still at Yale, but yesterday Josephine messaged me offering to get my things and bring them here."
"Professor Moore?" I question, crossing one leg over the other as I relax my arms on the arm rests.
"Yeah...but I wanted to ask if she could stay for awhile."
"Why?"
"Because I don't have any friends anymore and she's the closest thing I have to a friend." She tells me and I look at her.
"You have me."
"Yeah but you're my fiancée, you're more than my friend, I just need a friend support...I think it might help I'm not sure." She shrugs and I look away.
"Don't be mad—"
"I'm not mad but I just thought she was out of the picture." I speak and she huffs.
"She's my friend."
"She's your Professor."
"And you were my teacher."
"Exactly, I was your teacher who ended up as your fiancée...She has flirted with you multiple times at Yale, what do you think she wants? To be your friend?" I ask and she gets off the desk.
"I thought you would understand."
"I thought you understood by now she wants to fuck you, Diana." I say and she scoffs.
"You think I would let her?"
"I have an interview next week, if I get that job you two will have the house to yourself for hours...to do whatever you please." I say, I don't have an interview but I will get one.
"Whatever we please? I would never cheat on you, I thought I made that clear last night?" She turns back around to me. I thought last night was the end of the arguing.
"It's not you I'm worried about making a move, it's her, I told you I don't trust her."
"It's not that you don't trust her, you're worried that I'll leave you for her, you're worried that I'll get excited about sneaking around again....I wouldn't do that, not to you, I love you too much for that and I'm upset that you even think that." She says walking over to my office door, she leaves shutting the door without letting me speak another word.
Just when things were beginning to get better with her.