I didn't expect to enter the dormitory and find a crowd around Peter. Yet, here I am, standing with Tris, staring at Peter who stands at the center of a group of initiates, reading loudly from a piece of paper.
'The mass exodus of the children of Abnegation leaders cannot be ignored or attributed to coincidence,' he reads, and I have a faint feeling that I will not like what comes next, 'The recent transfer of Beatrice and Caleb Prior, the children of Andrew Prior, calls into question the soundness of Abnegation's values and teachings.'
My fists clench, and my nails are digging into my palms. I glance at Tris. She's looking at Christina who stands at the edge of the crowd. There's an unidentifiable emotion on her face, but I can guess what it is she is feeling. Anger. Burning anger. Because they have made it personal. Because they aren't just attacking Abnegation but attacked Andrew. Her father.
'There is also the matter of Ariadne 'Ari' Graves.' Peter's gaze is now resting on me. He's trying to provoke me, and he's succeeding. 'Ariadne was adopted by the Priors at the young age of eleven, after the brutal murder of her parents, Katilyn and Travis Graves.'
It takes all of my self-control to stop myself from marching up to Peter and snatching the newspaper from him. To stop myself from ripping it into shreds. I don't think I have hated Peter more than I have now.
'She was raised and cared for by Andrew Prior and his family since the tragic death of her parents. She transferred to Dauntless, in what is believed to be an attempt to escape from Andrew.' Escape? I didn't want to escape from Andrew nor any of the Priors. They're like family to me and I.... is this all my fault?
'Molly Atwood, a fellow Dauntless transfer, suggests a disturbed and abusive upbringing might be to blame. 'She has terrible nightmares,' Molly says, 'She screams in her sleep. I don't know what it is she sees - but it's definitely traumatizing.' This is all my fault.
I shouldn't have beaten Molly. If I hadn't, perhaps she wouldn't feel the need to exact her revenge. She's upset I placed higher than her, despite having been quite badly myself. She must have spoken to the Erudite reporter who had come here not too long ago.
I look at Tris. She's white. Shaking with anger. I don't know what she will do if Peter continues - but I doubt it will be good.
'Give it to me,' I say, pushing through the crowd to reach Peter, knowing I have to interfere before Tris does something she regrets.
'But I'm not done reading,' says Peter teasingly, and for a second - it's like we are two friends fighting over something silly. Only for a moment, until reality comes crashing and I remember all the terrible things he has done. He looks away from me, and pulls out the paper again, reading once more.
'However, perhaps the answer lies not in a morally bereft man, but in the corrupted ideals of an entire faction. Perhaps the answer is that we have entrusted our city to a group of proselytizing tyrants who do not know how to lead us out of poverty and into prosperity.'
I glance at Tris, who's storming over. She's furious. In a blind rage and doesn't even care that she almost pushes me to the ground to reach Peter, who's only provoking her further. As I stagger to my feet, Tris stomps on Peter's foot. He grunts softly, but no one seems to notice. No one seems to notice because at that moment Tris throws herself at Molly.
I have never stopped a fight until now. Will, who has suddenly appeared seemingly from thin air, helps me drag Tris away from them. Tris who is fighting every step of the way, screaming at the top of her lungs.
'That's my father!' She screams. Her voice is shrill - absolutely shattering my eardrums, and I'm prepared to bet that if not slightly deaf before, I'll definitely be hard of hearing after this. 'My father, you coward.'
Will and I manage to drag her out of the room, and into the hallway. She doesn't calm down - shoving Will against the wall, but at least she isn't strong.
'Don't push him, Beatrice,' I say, looking at Will. He looks very tired. There are black bags under his eyes. He's absolutely exhausted, and I feel bad for not noticing. I'm supposed to be his friend.
'What?' shouts Tris, snapping me out of my thoughts. 'Do you think I can't defend myself against that piece of Candor trash?' To say she's upset would be the understatement of the century.
'No, I don't,' I say honestly. 'Peter's much bigger than you - I didn't want to be cleaning your blood from the dormitory floor.' Tris' eyes look as if they're about to pop from her skull.
'Yeah, Tris,' says Will lowly, 'we understand you're upset, but can you calm down before you do something rash?' Tris laughs. It's a high, shrill sound.
'Calm down? Calm down? That's my family they're talking about.' She reminds me strongly of the factionless. 'That's my faction.'
'No, it's not,' says Will, before I can so much as open my mouth. 'It's your old faction, and there's nothing you can do about what they say, so you might as well just ignore it.'
The words sting but he's not wrong.
'Were you even listening?' Her cheeks were red, and her breathing labored. She seemed almost drunk. 'Your stupid ex-faction isn't just insulting Abnegation anymore. They're calling for an overthrow of the entire government.' Will laughs.
'No, they're not.' He smiles. It's a tired smile. 'They're arrogant and dull, and that's why I left them, but they are revolutionaries.' He shakes his head. 'They just want more say, that's all, and they resent Abnegation for refusing to listen to them.'
'They don't want people to listen,' says Tris, 'they want people to agree.' Will doesn't say anything, so she continues. 'And you shouldn't bully people into agreeing with you.' She presses her palms against her cheeks. 'I can't believe my brother joined them.'
'Let's not talk about Caleb,' I say, forcing a smile as I place an arm on both of their shoulders, 'what about we do something fun?'
'Fun?' says Will sardonically, raising an eyebrow.
'Well, I think it would be healthier for you to have a nap than fun but...''
...
'I don't know about you - but this doesn't seem very fun,' says Will, glancing around in distaste. I pat him lightly on the shoulder.
'Lighten up,' I say, 'I've never had booze before. Thought we could all get black-out drunk together.' Will doesn't seem too interested by my suggestion - Tris, however? She's deep in thought. She has never had alcohol before - it is strictly forbidden in Abnegation, as most fun things are.
'I don't think it can be that bad,' says Tris, finally. Her eyes have wandered to the bar, from which a handsome Dauntless with a fang earring, and tattoos along his arms is serving drinks. 'I've never drank either.'
'It is that bad,' says Will, crossing his arms in front of his chest. 'You will lose all of your inhibition, and -'
'You certainly know a lot about drinking, Willie,' I say to which Will scowls, most likely because of the terrible nickname which I have used. 'Come on, this will be fun. I promise.' He hesitates.
'It could be fun,' he mumbles after a few moments. I nod my head eagerly, smiling brightly. My smile grows even brighter when I see a rather familiar figure not too far off in the distance, taking swigs from a bottle of unknown liquid. He looks different from usual, but I recognize him easily enough.
'Look!' I hiss, pointing to a table not too far from where we are standing, 'Four's drinking.' Tris turns to look so fast - it's surprising she didn't get whiplash. She stares Four, eyes wide. 'Ha, and I though he was responsible.'
She's still staring at him. And perhaps, if she had looked away a little faster, Four wouldn't have seen her. Unfortunately, he did.
'Tris!' Four calls out.
I care about Tris. A lot. She's all I have left of home, and she's something like a sister to me - and I may be like one to her. An annoying younger sister, but a sister regardless. Despite that, I dart away when spotting Four. I'm not risking being caught by Four and ruining our fun.
Fortunately, I am fast and have managed to run before he sees me. Will hasn't. He's standing awkwardly by Tris, but judging by the amused smile on his face, he's enjoying it greatly, so I don't feel too guilty about ditching him.
I smile at my success, turning slowly only to find myself standing in front of Peter. My breath hitches and I instantly take a step back, only for Peter to step closer to me.
'Why are you moving away?' His words are slurred, and it doesn't take a genius to know he's intoxicated. I can smell it on his breath. He's drunk. Very drunk, seeing as how he seems to be barely staying upright.
'I don't like you very much,' I say. Instantly his face falls. He reaches out for me, but I stagger backwards - almost falling to the floor, but it's better than the alternative of being around Peter. I really don't want to be near him. Especially not in his intoxicated state.
'You used to like me before,' he mumbles. He's looking at me with wide eyes. His eyes are inordinately pretty - but looking at his green eyes, all I can think of is Caleb. 'Or you didn't completely hate me. Now...' He looks at me. 'You're scared of me.'
'I'm Dauntless,' I remind him. 'I'm not scared of you.' I'm more scared of the danger that he brings with him. 'You're just - you know - evil.'
'I'm not evil.' I look at him, unconvinced.
'Yes, you're totally not evil.' I roll my eyes. 'Good people don't stab people in the eyes. They definitely don't provoke people on purpose.'
'You've been ignoring me,' he says simply, as if that explains everything. 'I needed your attention.' I frown.
'Why does that -' I'm interrupted, because at that moment Peter's lips crush against mine.
He kisses passionately - as if he's a starving man and I am his last meal. It's gentle and yet so rough at the same time. His fingers caress the curve of my waist, and I close my eyes, kissing him back.
I am overcome by feelings - but it's not feelings for Peter, but for Caleb. Caleb who I am thinking of, despite Peter being the one kissing me.
I think of the first time I saw him. I think of the tingling sensation I felt whenever he touched me. I think of his green eyes. Green eyes which seemed to see the real me. I think of how much I loved him. How much I do love him. So, when Peter bites my lip, it isn't his name which I murmur.
'Caleb.'
He pulls away. He's looking at me, and there's an unmistakable hint of hurt in his eyes. I should feel guilty - I should feel even the slightest bit of remorse for stringing Peter along, despite him being completely evil. But I don't.
I can't. Not when I can think only of Caleb. Of his scent. Of his smile. Of his eyes. Of his touch. I have tried for so long to suppress the memories - but now, they're all flooding back. So, without looking once at Peter, I leave, stumbling back to bar where I can hopefully drink away all the memories.
...
I was wrong and Will was right. Drinking isn't fun. Not in the slightest. Because I don't only have a raging headache and a general hatred for life, but I have woken up with a tattoo. In my intoxicated state, I still had been thinking of Caleb. Something which I am certain of considering his name has been tattooed on my wrist.
I'm never drinking again.
'Why would you even drink so much?' asks Christina, as she passes me a glass of water. Last night she found me wandering drunk in the Pit and was the one who brought me to the dormitory. And while I'm very thankful, I wish she found me a bit earlier. Before I got Caleb's name tattooed on my wrist. 'It's not healthy.'
'I know,' I say, accepting the water, 'but I was feeling sad.' Christina looks at me, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
'You?' asks Christina, looking unconvinced. 'But you're so... cheerful.' I understand what she means. I'm always cracking jokes and smiling. However, she doesn't sense the pain behind it all.
'Yeah,' I say. 'Don't worry, I will never touch alcohol again.'
'You can tell me anything,' says Christina, her expression suddenly serious, 'you know that right?'
I can't. I can't share anything, and I feel so lonely because of it.