If I Hated You
"You're joking."
My heel twisted into the carpet of Jonas's office floor. I swallowed a huge lump in my throat. I needed a drink. I needed something to calm my nerves. My fingers began to fidget. My left leg began bouncing.
"I know this must be a...surprise to you." Jonas said. I still hadn't looked up. I was too afraid. "But since you're the only player living alone and...the least likely to murder her, we thought it'd be best for you to take Dani in. Can you do that, Katie?"
The Irish woman didn't speak for a moment. I don't think she knew what to say. I stopped talking to her. I cut contact.
"I can do that, yes."
"Great! That solves one problem. Now for—"
"Did you tell Leah?"
"No. Not yet." He answered. "I will address it soon. But Dani isn't going to be training with the squad this week. She'll be doing fitness testing and weights with Eoin and Gary."
"Yeah, okay. We're uh, we're doing a team dinner tonight...What about that?"
"That's up to Dani."
I shook my head. "No."
"Well, then," Jonas stood up. I did too. "I'll see you tomorrow morning. I'll leave you with Katie now. I'm excited for this—for you, Dan. We've missed you." He held his hand out.
"Yeah," I sighed. "Thanks Jonas."
"Come on. I have to go grab something from the changing room, but then we can go home." I nodded.
I walked a few paces behind Katie. She didn't make much of an attempt to talk to me. I deserved it though. I left. I cut her out. I shoved my hands into my pockets and watched my feet move as we walked.
"All the girls have gone home." She suddenly said.
"Okay."
It was after practice hours. Of course they left.
"Kim's captain this year."
"Oh," I nodded. "Good for her. She's uh, she's a good leader." I suddenly bumped into her. "Sorry. Not paying attention." I mumbled.
"I stopped walking." Her eyes met mine. Katie put her hands on my shoulders. "I'm glad you're back." She then pulled me close and wrapped her arms around me. "I'm really, really glad you're back."
"I'm sorry." I gripped her practice shirt. I could feel my eyes begin to water. "I'm so sorry Katie."
"It's okay, mate." Her arms tightened around me. "There are no hard feelings. At all. Whatever's going on, we're going to get you through it. I meant it then and I mean it now: I'll take care of you, Dani."
"Thank you, Katie. I mean it."
"Come on, let's get my things and get out of here."
It felt weird to be back in London. I had a sense of déjà vu being here. I knew exactly where I was going. It was like I had never left, but I had. I had been gone for almost two years.
Katie knew nothing about the person I was now. Well, maybe she did. They say the news lies, but they don't about me. There's nothing for them to lie about. What they say I do, I've done.
I've done my time in jail. I've done my time in rehab. They said it'd change me, but it never did. I still had a drinking problem.
We got to the car, and I noticed all of my bags were already at Katie's car. She silently helped me put them into the trunk then we were on our way. My leg bounced the entire way and she noticed it. She picked up my hand and laced our fingers together.
"I didn't want to come back." I finally said.
"Why's that?" Katie never peeled her eyes from the road.
"I hurt her and...and I didn't want to come back and face what'd I done. She's never going to forgive me. She doesn't have to or—or need to. I can't even forgive myself for the pain I caused her."
"Well," she gently squeezed my hand "you're going to focus on yourself, yeah?" I nodded. "Then Leah will have to wait and that's okay."
"I don't think I can face her in person."
"As long as you can handle her on the pitch, then that's okay. We can only ask you to do so much, yeah?"
"Yeah."
"So...Why were you sent here?"
I sighed. "I still have an alcohol problem. Jonas reached out to the Royals and my agent, saying he could help me. I was forced really."
"He can only help if you let him."
"Now that I haven't had a drink for a couple days, and I'm sober, I can say that I was destroying myself over there. I'm afraid I'll do it again here."
"You won't."
"How do you know?"
"I won't let you." She gave me a small smile. "You're not alone anymore. And hey, we can slowly introduce you to the team again. Start with Wally—"
"No, not Wally. She'll kill me." I looked at Katie. "How about Steph?"
"Okay," She smiled again. "We'll start with Steph. You tell me who you want to see again first, and we'll go from there. I'll tell Jonas too." I liked that plan. "Did you see what the Lionesses did?"
"No. I've been on a plane and with management most of the day. What'd they do?"
"Google it. Read it too."
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and did what Katie said.
England Women pen open letter to government calling for all girls to be allowed to play football at school.
The England Women's National team have put out a statement, demanding changes. Here's what the letter says:
Dear Rishi Sunak and Liz Truss,
On Sunday evening history was made. The dreams of 23 women came true. England became European champions for the first time in history.
Throughout the Euros, we as a team spoke about our legacy and goal to inspire a nation. Many will think that this has been achieved, but we see this as only the beginning. We are looking to the future. We want to create real change in this country and we are asking you, if you were to become Prime Minister on 5 September, to help us achieve that change.
We want every young girl in the nation to be able to play football at school.
Currently only 63% of girls can play football in PE lessons. The reality is we are inspiring young girls to play football, only for many to end up going to school and not being able to play.
This is something that we all experienced growing up. we were often stopped from playing. So we made our own teams, we travelled across the country despite the odds, we just kept playing football.
Women's football has come a long way. But it still has a long way to go.
We ask you and your government to ensure that all girls have access to a minimum of 2hrs a week PE. Not only should we be offering football to girls, we also need to invest in and support female PE teachers too. Their role is crucial and we need to give them the recourses to provide girls' football sessions. They are key role models from which so many young girls can flourish.
We have made incredible strides in the women's game, but this generation of school girls deserve more. they deserve to play football at lunchtime, they deserve to play football in PE lessons and they deserve they can one day play for England. We want their dreams to also come true.
This is an opportunity to make a huge difference. A change that will impact millions of young girls' lives. We — the 23 members of the England Senior Women's EURO squad — ask you to make it a priority to invest into girls' football in school, so that every girl has the choice.
Regards,
The 2022 UEFA Women's EURO England Squad
All of their signatures were at the bottom of the letter too. I glanced at Katie then back at the letter. I had a small smile on my face. I knew who led this. I was proud that she did.
"She came up with it?"
"A few days ago, yeah. Government hasn't responded, but with the way it was approached, they'd be stupid to say no."
"Yeah," I laughed. "They would." We got to Katie's house. There was another car parked in the drive. "I thought nobody knew—"
"It's Ruesha. She has the weekend off. With our luck, she's probably taking a nap."
"Okay."
Katie grabbed a suitcase and a bag. I slung my backpack over my back and grabbed my other suitcase. Ruesha wasn't out, so I think I dodged a bullet. Katie walked to a room down the hall and opened the door.
"It's not...much. I hardly use it and I wasn't really expecting you."
"It's all good. I think I'll be okay."
"Right," She nodded. "I'll let you get settled."
"Thanks, Katie."
I set my backpack down on the bed and took a look around. It was bare. Felt like prison but also felt safe. I lifted my U.S. suitcase onto the bed and unzipped it. I started lifting my folded clothes out and placing them out on the bed.
I started to get nervous though. The more I unpacked, the closer I was to seeing the people I broke. To seeing her. I was afraid to face her after what I'd done.
In the long wrong, I admit I was wrong. I shouldn't have done the things I did. But also...I didn't commit the most heinous of crimes. I broke hearts, fucked around, drank and drank, went to jail...
I wished I could take back some of those things. I wished I didn't let my childhood define who I'd be now. But I did and I didn't think I could change that.
I slowly put things into a dresser. I did it meticulously. I made sure I paid attention to every detail even though there weren't many. I stacked my suitcases and bags into the small closet I had.
The next couple of hours seemed to pass by rather slowly. Katie came in and said she was heading to dinner with the team and Ruesha.
I was officially alone.
I scrolled through social media for a while. I saw all the latest news. Utah hadn't posted my leave yet. They agreed to wait until I finished the two week rehab program Arsenal had set up for me. So, they had zero team news other than welcoming Kelley, Becky, and Christen home.
But then I saw my name in some British news report. Great. Just what I needed.
Danielle Cruz – Kicked out of U.S. Camp?
The UWNT midfielder was seen leaving camp five days earlier than the rest of the departures, meaning she missed the last international game. Then an announcement was made via social media: 'Midfielder Danielle Cruz has left camp due to personal reasons.'
We don't know much about why she left, but we've seen the type of person she is. We've seen her track record. Sex, party, drugs. She lives the Hollywood life. We've tried reaching out to family and friends but have had no response. We reached out to ex-girlfriend
I stopped reading it. It was stupid. All of it. Was it right? Absolutely. But that's why I'm here. To get better. To prove my worth.
But I knew I'd fall again.
Maybe I stop focusing on that. Maybe I move on. Maybe I find someone knew. Someone who can make me happy. I can do that. I knew I could. I started convincing myself I could find someone knew. I believed it.
Stop it, Dani. Stop focusing on a life that led back to her.
~ ~ ~
Jonas thought it'd be a good idea to introduce me to the newbies coming in. One of the first things he said to me this morning was, "You're good at making opinions for people. Make these ones good." So, I planned on it.
I was first introduced to Laura. That's where I was now. Laura. It was just her and I though. We were told to do warm-ups before fitness testing.
"Leah told me about you."
"Oh yeah?" I kept my voice soft. "What'd she say?"
"Well, not much. Just that you were bad news. Jordan said that too."
Of course Jordan got a say.
"I'm a different person. They say the news lies and they do. But I admit to some of the things they say I did."
"Like punching the referee?"
"Exactly that." I laughed. "I did apologize. To the referee."
"And Leah?"
"I haven't gotten that far yet. I will though." I looked at the blonde. "You want to know what I think?" She nodded, squeezing the water bottle in her hand to pour water into her mouth. I leaned back on the physio bench. "I think you need to form your own opinion about me."
"How would I do that exactly?"
"Who do you think I am?"
"A player," I nodded with a shrug. "But also someone who knows how to get what you want."
"That is accurate. I'll leave it up to you though, Laura." I touched her shoulder as I walked past.
"I'm going to like you, aren't I?" She grinned.
She was pretty.
"Maybe, maybe not."
Day one was going well.
~~~~~~
AN: A little bit longer. I've decided to 'focus' on something in a book, and in this one, I'd like it to be description. So, you may not get the 2 a day updates like you sometimes do because I'm working on making it good.
If I Hated You - Fletcher
I chose this song because Dani's 'trying' to move on from Leah, but she could be going about it in a wrong way. I thought this song represented her moving on.
They'll meet each other again soon, I promise. We're getting closer. How do you think them seeing each other will go?
As always, vote ⭐️
🫶🏼