Daten City. A town clinging to the threshold between heaven and hell. Where the peace of its human inhabitants is rigorously threatened by foul-tempered evil spirits. A faded darkness lodged in the cracks of troubled souls will have struck this to today,unnoticed. However...There are some who wield a light beyond all human understanding and ascend their stools of righteousness to eradicate those shadows bound by the bowels of hell. But who could it be given the three that are eliminating this darkness,are they servants of god or minions of the devil?
Outside of a very large church some sort of rat-zipper-dog thing was pouncing and prowling the grounds.
Dog-thingamajig: Chuck! Chuck! Chuck! Chuck!
But its playing came to an abrupt end when some clouds above swirled around with viscous light that struck the creature frying it. But the luck got worse for the dog when a priest with a big afro popped out of the wall and hit it in the head with a small mallet. When the dog got hit a scrap of paper came out of its mouth.
Time to get it on is it?
A loud alarm blared around the church,so loud you'd be able to hear it for 5 miles. Inside the church inside a room the alarm had woken a milkman(The kind that delivers milk not made).
Milk man: Wha- Wha- Wha- Shit! What the hells going on?!
As the guy gets up we see that he has no clothes on and is covering his business with his uniform. Rising up from the same bed was some blonde chick. In another room that's darker than the first another chick rises from her bed and then lays back down. In a final room in another bed an unknown individual was still sleeping despite the alarm,all that could be seen was a red claw-like hand hanging from the bed.
The dog whatchamacallit from before now burnt and somehow still alive,was pouncing around a hall where the priest from before was also. Until a couch came from above squashing the dog,carrying all three of our protagonists and the milk man.
Afro priest: Havin a good morning,Panty?
Lusty blonde: That's your cue to go,sweetcheeks~
She tells the milkman as he leaves
Milkman: So I'll call you.
Afro priest: How're you feelin this mornin,Stocking?
Gluttonous goth: Fuck off. Don't talk to me until I've had my goddamn sugar.
She grabs a plate of pie and eats a piece of it.
Afro priest: And are you okay today,Beanie?
Sloth-like guy: As long as I'm up all day.
Beanie is a green haired kid with a right green eye and left red eye who likes loafing around,he's the smart one when he's not lazing about. He sticks his tongue out as his jacket sleeve slides down revealing the red hand.
Panty was snoring,Stocking was drinking a soda and Beanie had taken out a small game console. Business as usual...
Afro priest: Heaven has blessed us with a clue that should lead us to another ghost to take out. Listen up!
He digs around in his afro and pulls out the scrap of paper.
Afro priest: Water closet! That means bathroom.
Unfortunately for him no one was listening,in fact they were paying even less attention then before. He then pulls a string which triggers and white board to pop up with a film on it.
Afro priest: We have reports that people are being suddenly and inexplicably sucked into their toilets,almost as if their commodes are eatin them alive. taking a massive dump is one of the most vulnerable positions a person can find themselves in, but someone or something to pray upon that weakness is a vicious and damnable act,woah this be the work of a ghost!
Yeah nobody gives a fuck what you're saying right now dood.
Panty: All I need out of life is to wake up to some morning wood.
Stocking: Is there anything hard you refuse to jump on?
Panty: Oh stop it with the self righteous bullshit. Everyone's got a hobby.
Stocking: That's true,I'll stick to sugar.
Panty: Don't you ever crave protein?
Socking: Don't you ever not?
Panty: Hey it's good for you,ain't that,Beanie?
Beanie: How the hell would I know?
Afro priest: Shut up! If you don't wanna be stuck here forever the only option you pathetic excuse for anything resembling angles have,is to buy your way back into heaven with heaven coins you collect when exterminating evil ghost!
He pulls out a plaque showing their progress.
They are...not even close.
Afro priest: Contrary to popular belief you are not here to collect men or sugar so focus and stop acting like fatass hoes!
The green dog creature sees that the three haven't been paying attention so it decides to fart on them. Big mistake on its part. Panty and Stocking punch and kick it around like a ball which ends when Beanie uses his left hand and smacks it towards the wall killing it.
The priest is just standing there with his usual disapproved face.
Now everyone,including Chuck who is somehow alive,just waits in silence.
Stocking: So what're ya thinkin?
Beanie: I'm cool with whatever.
Panty: Ah fuck it. Lets go.
The trio dawn their usual wear.
Beanie has on a yellow hoodie,blue jeans,yellow and white sneakers and a yellow hat(I think we all know what it is).
Panty: Hey,Stocking,Beanie.
Stocking: What is it,Panty?
Panty: You ready to roll?
Panty grabs a car key.
Beanie: Lets get it on.
The three were now underground in a pink hummer,with Panty driving,Stocking in the passenger seat and Beanie lounging in the back. They zoom through the large drive-way and drive out of a secret exit. As they swerve and speed away from the church their hummer makes its way to the road...while blasting away every other car with its impressive speed.
Panty: Yeah! I love how See-through gets us wherever we need to go with some motherfuckin style!
For those of you Chuck also hitched a ride.
Stocking: Get it girl! Get it!
Beanie: To the max!
Yup even the car gets an intro.
(Time-skip brought to you by Panty aiming cocking her gun,Backlace)
Somewhere outside of a house a blonde lady was congregating a plumber on a job well done.
Lady: Hahaha,yes its never flowed better. Oh god,you are a master at your craft.
Plumber: Er...yeah,thanks. I'll stop by later and check on it.
Lady: My,aren't you just the sweetest darn thing. But I think you need to stay just a little bit longer,cause I've got something else you can check up o-
She couldn't finish her sentence due to See-through crashing into the plumbers van sending it flying into him.
Panty: Bingo!
The crash had littered both the plumber and the toilets in the back of the truck all over the ladies lawn.
Panty: Found im!
Stocking: A toilet and a plumber dood?
Panty: Yeah that's him!
Stocking: Are you sure?
Panty: That's the fucker we're lookin for,isn't that right asshole?!
Beanie takes out a helmet with cat ears. His eyes look through a green visor and scans the man. He is not a ghost.
Beanie: Something tells me it's not him.
Panty ignores this and takes out her gun,she points it to the doods head.
Panty: Tell me punk do ya feel lucky,well do ya,do ya?
Stocking: That might not be him.
Panty ignores Stocking and fires a few rounds in his head but he doesn't die.(Holy weapons can't kill humans...unless they're half unholy.)
Panty: I don't think it's him.
Stocking: Color me shocked.
Beanie just facepalms.
Plumber: Please stop hitting me,it really hurts. I haven't done anything.
Panty: Fuck. You're a hot piece of ass.
Lady: You are preaching to the vag,sister.
Panty wipes the drool of her face and hands Stocking her...Undergarments.
Panty: Hang onto these for me.
Stocking: Gross...
Panty and the plumber spend a few hours having a"good time".
(Time-skip brought to you by Stocking wielding her swords,Stripe 1 and 2)
Later that evening back at the church the trio had returned unsuccessful in their hunt.
Panty: Well,he's feeling lucky now.
Stocking: But he was just a plumber.
Beanie: What a waste of productivity.
Panty: Not true,my pipes are totally clean.
Stocking: How long've you been waiting to use that joke?
Panty: Fuck,it seems like forever. I couldn't not,you know what I mean?
Garter: What're you saying?! You mean you failed?! You're acting like you don't even give a shit!
They didn't in fact. They just kept chatting between the three of them. Chuck popped up but Garter smashed his head in.
Garter: Oh lord grant me the patience! Let's just fucking eat!
(Time-skip brought to you by Beanie cocking his crossbow,Crossbean)
The gang had just had dinner and boy was it good.
Panty: Urp! Shit was that good.
Stocking: Your curry is unreal garter.
Beanie: I'll sleep happy now!
Garter: Hahaha! That's cause it's black baby. You wont ever go back.
Stocking: So what's up for dessert? I'm guessing chocolate,for no reason in particular.
Panty: Well I don't give a shit. So I'm gonna go take one. I'll be in the can if you need me.
Stocking: Don't let the toilet eat you.
Beanie: Haha! Nice one!
Panty: Oh,screw off!
She slammed the door and went to do her dirty business. Downstairs Stocking kept talking about the dessert her and Beanie picked up,Unlucky for Panty she could hear all the sweet talk...I'll stop.
Panty: She even hear what's she saying?
Panty was having an easy time on the commode until some funny noises started coming from the toilet worrying her.
Panty: Grah-Fuck,shit!
With a few thumps and Panty sitting down like an idiot,she look like she was being sucked down the toilet.
Panty: STOCKING!! BEANIE!! Help me god dammit! Stocking! Beanie!
Stocking: Shut up panty! No one wants to talk to you while you're taking a dump that's so disgusting!
Beanie: Keep it down P! I don't wanna hear you shitting!
While 2/3 of the three ignored their teammate,Panty was now waste deep in the toilet.
Stocking: I hope you shit your face off while you shit your guts out if that makes you feel any better!
Stocking/Beanie: Hahahaha!
Panty was now all the way in the toilet she had lost the battle but not the war cause she came out quick with a whole tsunami of shit and sewage. The bathroom door burst open flattening Chuck,who just so happened to be there. Panty emerge alive but covered in shit.
Panty: Okay...I get it now...
Garter,Beanie and Stocking come upstairs with Gart and Stocks questioning Panty while Beans was focusing on the shit.
Garter: Okay,you get what now?
Stocking: Maybe the"whats"curry.
Beanie: Is this shit?!
The smell of all the crap then got to them and all three puked.
Panty: Oh,yeah... I get it...
Stocking: Well we don't get it.
The three smell the horrible smell again and once again puke.
Meanwhile outside it was like someone had summoned the screaming shits,every pothole in town had burst with overflowing shit. Soon the shit all came together and fused into a giant ghastly creature.
The citizens of Daten all ran outside to see what was going on.
Guy: What the hell is that thing?!
Dood: It looks like a huge ass scoop of chocolate ice cream!
Kid: Hey I want some yummy!
The people smelled the creature and all puked before they were washed away by a wave of shit. Just then the police came in,Y'know you can always count on the cops.
Cop 1: Freeze,shithead!
Cop 2: Don't make any sudden movements!
The fuzz all shoot the giant monster,which makes it rain globs of crap which makes them hurl.
Shit ghost: Shit...Fart...Doo Doo!
It uses its giant hand that wipes out all the cops,Y'know I was joking right?
Police chief: Holy shit! what the fuck are we gonna do?!
Garter is right behind him
Police chief: Oh no offence,preacher man but jesus god what is that?!
Garter: Unfortunately you be starin into the brown eye of an evil spirit. The negative energy creative by all who suffocated and died from the stench of clogged-ass toilets has manifested itself into a vengeful spirit! This powerful ghost utilized all the fecal matter to achieve its pooty-poot physical form.
Cop 3: That's disgusting!
Cop 4: Oh god,he's gonna spew!
The chief does in fact spew.
Cop 5: I don't think I can handle anymore bodily functions.
Cop 6: Suck it up dood,not literally though,aw shit I'm gonna hurl again!
Police chief: Don't tell me prare is the only thing that can get us out of this?!
Garter: Why the heck would I tell you that? God ain't even here right now! Prare can go to hell,we got angels and a nephalem! Panty,Stocking and Beanie,you're up!
Some guy: What,you talking about that walking turd-sickle over there?
Random man: With that goth chick next to it who obviously has daddy issues.
Offscreen punk: And that slouch of a dork following them?
Panty,Stocking and Beanie ignored their jeers and kept advancing towards the ghost.
Panty: It's time for us to flush the toilet.
Stocking: Number 1 that was cheesy,Number 2 you smell like shit.
Panty: How about I buy you a cake from that fancy bakery and you manage to do this without saying another fucking word?
Stocking: As long as what I'm saying now doesn't count,I'm in.
Panty: Then let's make this fucking fucker pay for covering me in this fucking shit. Okay you can reply to that.
Stocking: Lets rock.
Beanie: Just go for it!
Beanie: Quit transforming and let's get this douche!
Beanie rips up his...beanie and it transforms into a crossbow.
Panty takes aim and fires her gun at the ghost and unlike the polices guns it actual makes an affect the ghost head shrunches in on itself and then makes an even bigger hole in its head. Stocking slashes with her sword and leaves the ghost in pieces. Beanie delivers the coup de grace by firing a red arrow into the ghost making it explode.
Ghost: This Blows!
And now the citizens of Daten can now rest peacefully once more. While everyone celebrates a small golden coins falls to the ground,Garter picks it up.
Garter: Good,you got a coin.
Panty: All that for just one?
Garter: Yeah one closer so quit ya bitchin.
A loud bell chime could be heard from above.
Garter: The evil has been vanquished,so rings the bell...at least I'm assuming that's why it's ringing.
The team now done with their job begin to head home.
Stocking: Now keep your promise and go buy me that cake. I need sweet,stat.
Panty: Yeah,yeah look,I've found myself a tasty little treat for me too.
Cop 7: Whatever you say man,you're an angel.
Garter: You still have a punishment to face.
Stocking: Ooh,like what,bondage?
Garter: What would I get outta that?
Beanie: Who's gonna clean up the shitpocalypse at home,not it.
Panty: Uh yeah,I've got plans so you could leave me the hell alone.
Even though the trio had saved the city it was still covered in"you know what". One guy even had so much on his house it fell over.
Guy: Shit.
________________________________________________________________________________
Beanies log #205
The girls and I faced off against Big brown eye A.K.A. Giant brown a ghost who was born out of the angry spirit of a plumber who died due to toilet fumes.
He in fact made it rain shit all over Daten but turns out he wasn't all that tough.
And what did we get out of that?
One coin. One fucking coin just for going through all that crap.
Beanies door slams open.
Panty: Hey,Beanie. Turns out that cop was a cop out. Wanna pick up where he left off big yeller?
Beanie: Wow,Panty. That was your upteenth try to bone and fail one more and you get a free smoothie to fatten your non-existent ass.
Panty: Whatever you'll come around.
Beanie: When pigs fly.
Panty slams his door shut and Beanie goes back to logging.
Needless to say it wasn't all a huge time waste.
But now I should probably get some sleep,9-13 hours outta do me some good.
Beanie,Out-
I like this show okay