The second stage of initiation has been testing my patience. For the last hour or so, we have simply been sitting in a dark hallway, waiting. It's so boring. Four has disappeared through a door and hasn't come back since. It makes me wonder what is happening behind the door.
I have already drawn many conclusions, and I think behind the door, Four is setting up some sort of torture machine for us to endure through. It sounds like something the Dauntless would do to their initiates. It will still be better than waiting - everything is better than waiting.
'So,' says Lynn, scuffing the floor with her shoe. 'Which one of you ranked first, huh?' No one answers at first, until Peter finally clears his throat. Peter whom I have not spoken to in a long time.
'Me,' he says. He doesn't sound as proud as I expect him to. Perhaps because he feels guilty for - you know - stabbing Edward in the eye. But this is Peter. He won't feel remorse - he's pure evil. He wouldn't have done it if he thought he would've regretted it.
'Bet I could take you.' She speaks casually, turning the ring in her eyebrow with her fingertips. 'I'm second, but I bet any of us could take you, transfer.' I doubt that. Although with his faults, I doubt someone could beat Peter up without suffering afterwards. He has a way of getting revenge. Take Edward for example. He beat Peter up, now he's not only factionless, but also missing an eye.
'I wouldn't be so sure about that if I were you,' Peter says, and his eyes are glittering. 'Who's first?'
'Uriah,' she says. 'And I am sure you know how many years we've spent preparing for this?' It's an intimidation tactic. I know that, and yet I still am intimidated. I look to Peter, who opens his mouth to respond but is cut off as Four opens the door.
'Lynn,' he says, beckoning to her. She walks down the hallway, the blue light at the end making her bare head glow. I look away, turning to Will, who is facing Uriah.
'So, you're first,' Will says to Uriah. Uriah who simply shrugs his shoulders.
'Yeah.' He looks at Will. 'And?'
'And you don't think it's unfair that you've spent your entire life getting ready for this, and we've been expected to learn it all in a few weeks?" says Will, his eyes narrowing. I see his point. We have an automatic disadvantage having come from different factions. Edward was the only one of us transfers who had previous training.
'Not really,' says Uriah, shrugging his shoulders once more. 'Stage one was about skill, but no one can prepare for stage two.' He smiles slightly. 'At least, so I'm told.'
No one responds to that, not even knowing what to say if they gathered the courage too. Instead, we sit in silence. For at least twenty minutes until the door swings open and Four calls another name.
'Peter,' he says. Peter looks afraid - not quite as cocky or confident as I have grown so accustomed to seeing him. He walks to the door, and soon he has disappeared. It's after another twenty minutes that he calls me forth.
'Ariadne.' He deliberately calls me by my name, knowing quite well that I don't wish to be called it. I'm usually annoyed - today, I'm too scared. It's with shaky legs that I march over to the door, forcing a smile which looks more like a grimace than anything.
My poor attempt at a smile fades as soon as my eyes adjust to the darkness.
At the center of the room sits a reclining metal chair. It reminds me strongly of the chair on which I sat during the aptitude test. Even more familiar is the machine which sits by the chair. I recognize it from the aptitude test, and its concerning to see it in this room.
With a few more mirrors and some light, it would look exactly as the room for the aptitude testing had. I look around, frowning slightly as I spot a desk in the corner with a computer screen on it.
What will it be used for?
'Sit,' he says, pushing me lightly.
I stumble slightly and fall into the chair. It's not quite as comfortable as the chair from the aptitude testing, but at least it's not painful to sit in. If I have observed correctly, I will be put in a simulation - I'm scared of what exactly I will find.
'So... the simulation?' I ask, attempting to sound casual. I struggle, but I don't think I sound half as terrified as I am.
'Ever heard the phrase 'face your fears'?' he says. I nod slowly, swallowing. I don't have a good feeling about this. 'We're taking that literally. The simulation will teach you to control your emotions in the midst of a frightening situation.'
I nod, pressing my lips into a tight, forced smile. I try to convince myself that this won't be terrible, but I'm not that good of a liar. Even though the simulations aren't real - I can't help but be afraid. It takes all a lot of self-restraint to keep myself in the chair - even more when Four pulls out a syringe.
'Hell no,' I say, shaking my head. I have never been fond of needles - especially ones which are the size of my arm. 'I am not having that in my arm.' Four doesn't look pleased.
'Do you want to be cut?'
'I'm considering it,' I say. A few moments pass. 'Alright. Just promise not to kill me or anything too drastic? I'm not exactly a fan of needles.' His expression softens.
'You'll be fine,' he says. For some odd reason that I will never understand, I believe him. Four doesn't seem like the type to lie - though what do I know about Four?
'I'll be fine,' I repeat. It's reassuring. I manage to calm down. I close my eyes as Four inserts the needle into my neck, puncturing my skin. When I hear him step back, I open my eyes. His expression lacks the sympathy it had a few moments ago and he looks much more serious.
'The serum,' he explains, 'will go into effect in sixty seconds. The simulation is different from the aptitude test.' He pauses. 'It doesn't have any wires - at least not for you. Instead, there's a transmitter in the serum which will send the data.'
He gestures to the computer. I nod along. I'm kind of fascinated, but it's difficult to focus on his words with my heart beating as fast as it is.
'Another difference is that the serum stimulates the amygdala, which is the part of the brain involved in processing negative emotions - like fear - and then induces a hallucination.'
The information is interesting, but it's not quite processing.
'The brain's electrical activity,' says Four, tapping his skull with his pointer and middle finger, 'is then transmitted to our computer, which then translates your hallucination into a simulated image that I can see and monitor. I will then forward the recording to Dauntless administrators. You stay in the hallucination until you calm down - that is, lower your heart rate and control your breathing.'
It sounds memorized, and I wonder how many times Four has recited this. He must have repeated it to many initiates.
'Ariadne,' he says. I flinch at the sound of my real name. 'Just know, this will be difficult. Exceptionally difficult.' He looks at me. He isn't glaring at me - it's unusual. 'You have to much braver.'
I don't understand what he means, and before I can question him - my vision is blurring and everything fades to black.
...
I am alone. Standing by a beach. I'm barefoot and walking along the sand. It's a hot day. I look at the water, which is slapping against the sand. It looks cool and very blue. I don't hesitate to walk into the water. In a matter of seconds, I am knee deep in water.
I don't know how to swim. I only remember so briefly, but I don't think too much of it. I don't think I will drown. So, I continue walking. The water is up to my waist. Then to my neck. I am almost fully in the water now.
It's all fake.
The voice surprises me - I almost slip. However, I manage to catch myself. Catch myself before I fall into the water.
I frown. It's not water anymore. Instead, I'm submerged in a red liquid. It's dark shade of red. Red like blood.
BLOOD. BLOOD. BLOOD.
I stumble back, and my breathing is heavy. I can hear my heart pounding against my ears as it dawns. As I realize that the water doesn't just look like blood - it is blood.
BLOOD!
Before I can turn - before I can run away faster than I have ever before - a wave comes. It rises and suddenly I am swept by it. I'm drowning. Slowly sinking in an ocean of red. Ocean of blood. I can't breathe. I can't...
I frown. I can breathe. I am breathing, or wouldn't I be already dead. That's how things work in the real world - which must mean that this isn't real. That I'm not in the real world. After all, in the real world, water doesn't simply turn to blood.
It's a simulation.
And I'm not drowning. I am not in an ocean of blood. I am strapped in a reclinable chair at Dauntless headquarters. All I have to do is open my eyes.
I look around. I'm in the metal chair with Four staring at me. His head is tilted to the side - he looks as though he is looking at a puzzle which he can't quite figure out.
'You don't look very scared,' he finally says. It's relieving to hear him speak. The silence is daunting.
'I'm a very good actor,' I say, nodding my head. I look at the computer screen. It is black, just as it had been before the simulation. 'Did you see everything?'
I'm not breathing right. I don't feel right. It's all so wrong. I want to cry and scream, but I'm not. Instead, I sit in the chair as if I haven't drowned in an ocean of blood. Blood that I am fairly sure is my own.
'Yes,' says Four. He doesn't offer more information. 'Do you know how long that was?' I shake my head.
I have probably taken longer than any initiate. I feel ashamed. It was such an unrealistic simulation, and it still took me so long to realize that it isn't real. I was drowning in an ocean of blood. Am I really that stupid not to realize it's fake?
'It was one minute.' I stare at him. That can't be right.
'You're a liar.' He doesn't say anything, instead he helps me out of the chair, which is very polite and not what I am used to. 'You -'
'Head back to the dorms, Ariadne,' he says. He is expressionless - it's unsettling. 'I have other...' His voice trails off.
'But why -' I start, but Four has already slammed the door on my face, but not before he says something. Not before he tells me.
'Be careful.'
I have a feeling he knows something.