Bada sighed as she tried once more to get a hold of Tatter. She just landed on Seoul and decided to go ahead with her dance class, even if she was feeling drained. It was crucial for her, a way to release the stress and tension that had built up inside her. She needed a way to let out her stress after what happened
Bada dialed Tatter's number once more and sighed in relief when the call actually went through.
"Finally," she said, exhaustion in her voice. "I've been calling you for ages."
"Sorry it was on don't disturb," Tatter apologized, "did you land?"
"Yeah," Bada mumbled, eyes closed. "Can you grab my dance bag on your way to class?"
"Didn't you cancel?" Tatter asked, confused.
"No," Bada replied with a hint of annoyance. "I'm not that tired. Just grab my dance bag and get here"
"Please," Bada pleaded, desperation evident in her voice.
Tatter stopped for a moment, sensing the urgency in Bada's tone. "Yeah, I can do that," Tatter replied, hesitant but willing to help. "Bada, are you okay?"
Bada sighed, trying to sound alright.
"I'm fine," she said, but her voice still gave away the weight she felt.
"Okay, see you at class,"
Bada ended the call, feeling overwhelmed. Her mind kept drifting back to what her mom said.
Enough, she thought.
Bada felt a wave of relief wash over her as she tapped "block" on her mom's number. Finally, no more stress or drama, she thought to herself.
Bada handed some cash to the taxi and then stepped out. She walked through SM Entertainment, familiar faces greeting her with bright smiles and warm "Hellos." She looked tired, not having the energy to reciprocate with more than just a small smile and a "Hi."
Tatter still hadn't arrived, so Bada grabbed a random shirt from her locker, not bothering to check if it was clean or not.
Bada entered her dance class, greeted by her students with warm smiles. Even though Bada could only give a forced smile in return, their expressions were genuine, and Bada took a moment to appreciate that. She then explained what they were going to do for this class, going over the steps and explaining them clearly and concisely.
"Lower," Bada ordered in a stern voice "Chaeyoung sharper" she said, pointing to the movement she wanted. Chaeyoung nodded, taking it in stride.
Bada did her best to keep her temper in check. She understood that her students were doing the best they could, and it wasn't their fault. She needed to get her shit together continue on with the dance class. She took a breath, collecting herself.
"That's all today," Bada said, cutting off the music. She grabbed some tissues and wiped off the sweat, feeling exhausted yet relieved at the same time. "I'll text you the next week's schedule," she added, waving everyone off, as the students began saying their goodbyes to her.
"I hate traffic," Tatter complained as she entered the room, lugging two bags with her. She dumped them on the ground and looked over at Bada, who was clearly not herself, but she decided not to ask. Being pushy was her least favorite thing
"Let's just get the dance recorded, and then we're done," Bada blurted out, wanting to finish as soon as possible.
As Bada started dancing, she remembered the conversation she had with her mother earlier in the morning. She couldn't get her words out of her head, no matter how hard she tried. With every move she made, the sting inside her heart only grew deeper.
"Bada, I can accept a lot of things," her mother said, her voice shaking with anger. "But I cannot accept a relationship between you and a-A GIRL! Being attracted to a girl is wrong, it's unnatural. How can you think this is normal, when it clearly is not?"
The words rang in her ears, even as she danced. She could feel her heart breaking with every move she made, every step she took.
"I can't believe I gave birth to such a disappointment,"
"Why are you doing this to me. To this family!"
"I didn't raise you to love girls! BE NORMAL FOR ONCE!"
Bada didn't ask to be like this, but if that's a crime, then so be it! She won't change for anyone anymore, not even for her mother.
"You were wilding," Tatter chuckled, glancing at Bada as the music ended. Her breath was heavy and her emotions were raw, the anger and hurt still fresh in her mind.
"Who made you this mad?" Tatter asked, sensing that something had bothered her friend. Her tone was gentle. She genuinely wanted to help Bada and make sure her friend was okay.
"Nah, no one," Bada lied, not trusting herself to say any more. She just hoped Tatter wouldn't notice her shaky voice.
The dark-haired girl didn't make it far before the walls collapsed around her and tears started flooding her eyes. Just one glance inside the bag was enough to overwhelm her emotions, and she was helpless to do anything but let the feelings wash over her. She tried to control herself, to reign in her thoughts and gather courage, but it was too difficult to do. She let herself cry and gave in to those tears for just a moment, needing the release.
"Bada," Tatter immediately rushed to her. "What happened? Why are you crying?" She tried to move the bag out of Bada's hands but was met with resistance.
Tatter looked inside the bag and saw a bunch of old toys, letters, and shirts, just random stuff. Confused was an understatement for what she felt as she processed everything.
"Sorry, I must've picked the wrong bag. I saw this-...in your closet," Tatter quickly blurted out as she tried to cover up her confusion and curiosity.
She was supposed to throw this bag years ago, but she couldn't find the strength to do so. Despite wanting to free herself from the past, she simply couldn't bring herself to do it. She didn't dare open it and face the ghosts of her past.
Now, after all these years, she was met with memories of her and Jia. Their pictures, the letters that they used to pass in class. The matching shirts they wore back when everything was perfect and innocent. The pain was almost unbearable, and she had to look away before she gave into the overwhelming flood of emotions.
She grabbed one of the pictures, a memory of a happier time. There she was, looking at Jia while she was smiling. They were at an old cafe.
She remembers that day all too well. She could almost feel how light her heart was on that day, and it was a relief to hold onto that memory, even if it was only for a moment.
"Who is that?" Tatter's voice brought her back to reality
"My best friend," someone she loved, feeling a pang in her heart as she said it. "Ex best friend," she corrected herself, even though it hurt to admit that, deep down, that was the truth. She and Jia had been so close, but now they were a world apart, and it was a harsh reality to have to live with.
"What happened?" Tatter reached out and picked up the melody keychain, noticing the initials written on it.
CH.J
"It was my fault," Bada whispered, her head buried in her knees. The tears wouldn't stop, no matter how hard she tried to suppress them "I miss her so much"
Tatter gently held Bada in her arms, trying to bring her comfort as she cried. She understood how much pain she was in and wanted to offer her all the support and love she could. She didn't bother with words; she knew that all she needed was a hug.
"I hurt her," Bada whispered "I regret everything."
She looked for Jia everywhere, searching frantically for her on social media, her mother too. But she found nothing. Even the old friends from her hometown had no idea where she was, saying that she moved away with her mother and didn't tell anyone where.
It was as if she had disappeared without a trace, without a word or a goodbye to anyone.
And it was all her fault
eli~
my poor little meow meow😩
To the people who are going through the same thing, you are valid, and your feelings are valid and real. Just because your parents or anyone in general, don't accept you for who you are, doesn't mean you're wrong, or that there's something wrong with you.
You have worth, and you are loved. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone, but yourself. Being yourself is the best thing you can do
You are strong and brave, and you will get through this. I believe in you and I love you🤍