When he arrived at the castle only to be caught by Professor Black, who was standing near the doors of the great hall with an irritated expression, Harry thought things couldn't get worse.
He was wrong. And it wasn't even about the detention.
And a big part of that was having to put up with Lockhart.
The first time the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor intercepted him was when Harry and the other Gryffindor and Hufflepuff students were going to their joint Herbology class.
"Today's class will be in Greenhouse 3," Professor Sprout said.
This excited the students, as all the classes with the squat professor whose clothes were always dirty with soil had been in Greenhouse 1.
She dismissed them while Lockhart was talking to her near the greenhouses.
At first, Harry didn't care about the man's presence, even when his comment about teaching Professor Sprout how to take care of the Whomping Willow visibly annoyed the older witch with the colleague's presence. Harry ignored the man's presence, entering the greenhouse behind Hermione and Ron.
"Harry," the professor called out, "I'd like to have a word with you."
The dark-haired boy looked at the professor and then at the professor without understanding why.
"Would you mind if he's a few minutes late?" Lockhart said, and Professor Sprout was annoyed by this, "Great."
Lockhart closed the door in the Herbology professor's angry face.
Harry looked at the man with wide eyes behind his glasses, confused by his attitude.
"Harry, Harry, Harry," Lockhart said as he guided the boy to the side, "as soon as I heard what you went through, I couldn't help but blame myself."
Harry just stared at him, confused about what this man was talking about. About him not being able to get on the Hogwarts Express? It wasn't about his life with the Weasleys, nobody knew what he went through at home, and most seemed not to care. Unless he's talking about the troubles he got into with the Ministry thanks to Dobby.
"I've never been so shocked in my life," he continued, oblivious to Harry's confusion, "But as soon as I saw you arriving at Hogwarts in a flying car, I knew," the man shook his head as if he were sad, "you got a taste of popularity. Starring on the front page with me, and you can't wait for more."
"I didn't..."
"Harry, Harry, Harry," Lockhart said, holding him by the shoulders, "I understand you, kid. When you have a little taste once, you want more, I get it..."
Potter stopped paying attention to whatever the professor was saying, too shocked by someone thinking he wanted publicity and fame. And risking being expelled from Hogwarts and being unable to do magic like Hagrid, who would do such a thing?
Harry sees himself as just a kid learning about the world, but Lockhart's idea of him just seems silly.
As soon as he realized that the blond man had stopped talking, Harry quickly said goodbye to him and ran back to Herbology class.
The class itself was calm, they reported the Mandrakes. It wasn't really fun, but he learned about the properties of the strange noisy plant.
He shared a table with Hermione, Ron, and another Hufflepuff boy.
"Justin Finch-Fletchley," the boy introduced himself excitedly, extending his hand to Harry, "I know who you are, of course, the famous Harry Potter," the boy turned to the girl, "and you're Hermione Granger, always the first in everything."
Hermione smiled at the boy as she shook his hand, her cheeks a shade darker.
"And Ron Weasley," Justin greeted the redhead, "the flying car was yours, right?"
Ron just shook his hand without any great positive reaction, the Howler he received at breakfast was still on his mind.
"That Lockhart is the greatest, don't you think?" Justin commented.
And that was the moment Harry lost Hermione completely. She and the Hufflepuff boy spent the remaining time talking about how amazing the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor was. Potter saw Ron rolling his eyes and huffing quietly every time one of the other two praised him.
Harry remembered how much Mrs. Weasley and Ginny admired the man, and he felt sorry for Ron having to listen to such devotion to a man who didn't seem all that special, coming from his own family.
When the class ended, the students were all tired and sweaty, and they headed to Transfiguration class. That's when Ron's problems arose, with his broken wand he couldn't properly perform any spells.
"Damn it."
"Write home asking for a new one," Harry suggested at the end of the class.
"And receive another Howler in response?" Ron said disappointed, "It's your fault that the wand broke..." Ron said, imitating his mother's voice through the Howler.
Harry just patted Ron's shoulder, trying to comfort the boy, which wasn't working, but Harry didn't know what else to do.
"What's the next class?" Harry asked, trying to change the subject.
"Defense Against the Dark Arts," Hermione responded very excitedly.
Ron turned to the girl, grabbing the timetable she was carrying. The redhead looked at the paper and then at her with narrowed eyes.
"Why did you underline Lockhart's classes with little hearts?"
Ron knew that Hermione admired the professor, for some reason he didn't understand, but hearts were just too much.
Hermione pulled the timetable back, her cheeks blushing again. She simply ignored him for the rest of their lunchtime.
Ron just looked at her with disappointment for a few seconds before focusing on his food again.
Harry just stared at his friends while eating, everything peaceful. Then a flash almost blinded him.
Temporary blindness, Harry discovered, was caused by the flash of a camera. And that's how he met Colin Creevey, a first-year boy who was his fan.
Harry agreed to take a photo with the boy, there was no reason to refuse, even though he found it very strange that someone wanted a picture with him.
"Signing photos now, Potter."
Harry rolled his eyes just at Draco Malfoy's voice, he huffed turning to the blond who crossed almost the entire Great Hall to come and bother him. Quite a walk considering that the Gryffindor and Slytherin tables were on opposite sides of the courtyard.
"Everyone get in line," Draco shouted, attracting more students' attention, "Saint Potter is going to hand out autographed photos."
"I'm not doing it," Harry said angrily, "so shut up, Malfoy."
"You're just jealous," Colin's thin, fragile voice caught the attention of the older boys who were very close to the little boy.
"Jealous," Draco said, disgust evident in his voice, "Of what? The disgusting scar, no thanks. Having an open head doesn't make me special."
Crabbe and Goyle began to laugh.
"Go eat slugs," Ron said angrily.
The boys accompanying Malfoy stopped laughing, and Crabbe started massaging his knuckles, trying to intimidate the others, already approaching them.
"It seems that the holidays may have affected your memory," a new voice emerged.
Draco hesitated as he turned around and met the gaze of their Potions professor.
"No, sir," the Slytherins responded together.
Professor Black just stared at them with one eyebrow raised.
"So you remember my rules?"
"Yes, sir," they responded with less enthusiasm.
"Great, I'm afraid I already have students in detention with me tonight," Professor Black said, looking at Ron and Harry.
Draco let out a little laugh that was immediately cut off.
"But deducting ten points from Slytherin should remind you more effectively than my words."
Harry heard someone groaning in agony, he looked at the Slytherin table and saw an irritated girl staring at their scene.
"If you have nothing constructive to do here, I recommend you go on your way," Black finished, stepping aside, a signal for the three of them to leave.
This was the first time Harry saw the professor since the lecture and detention he received the previous night. He just stared at the boy for a second, an unreadable look before turning back and returning to the teachers' table.
"And you still think he's bad," Hermione whispered to Ron.
"No," the redhead responded immediately, "he's a great professor. I'm very happy that he's here."
"But he's a Death Eater," Colin whispered, afraid to speak aloud.
"Not anymore," Ron said, "he defected, and he's nicer than the other Slytherins."
"Offensive, Weasley," a Slytherin boy sitting at the Hufflepuff table said, looking at him, "but you're not completely wrong."
The boy turned back, and Colin left, and finally, Harry could finish his lunch in peace.
[...]
Harry and Ron were already disheartened about the DADA class, but the surprise test that Lockhart gave them, which was basically all about the professor himself, made them realize that their classes in this subject would probably be terrible.
At least for them, Granger was as excited for a surprise test as any child with their favorite candy. That and the fact that she already admired that flamboyant man.
Three pages of questions, 54 in total. Starting with "What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?" and ending with "When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday and what would be the ideal gift?"
Harry was sure that not even Dudley with his terrible personality could be so egocentric. Maybe not even Malfoy would reach that level, but Harry wouldn't bet his hand on the blonde for that, or for anything.
The test lasted half an hour and the rest of the class, and another part of the class was used to discuss the questions. Hermione, unsurprisingly, got the highest grade, not that most of the students seemed to care about it at the moment.
"Now, children, it is my duty to teach you how to defend yourselves against the worst creatures in the magical world," Lockhart began to say after the test was corrected and Gryffindor gained ten points thanks to Hermione and her useless knowledge of the professor's personal life, "You may face your worst nightmares in this room, but rest assured that no harm will come to you while I'm here."
Harry heard Dean and Seamus laughing right behind them, a slight disbelief evident in their sounds.
The professor placed a cage covered with a white cloth on the table and pulled the cover off.
Dean and Seamus stopped laughing, and Neville slumped in his chair at the front of the row.
"I ask that you do not scream," Lockhart recommended in a low voice,
"it can provoke them. Recently captured Cornish Pixies."
Seamus took a shaky breath.
"They're not... not very... dangerous, are they?" the Irish boy asked.
"Don't be so sure."
The diabetes was electric-blue with about twenty centimeters tall and thin faces. Their sharp voices resembled a bunch of peacocks making bats.
Well, if Harry had any doubts about Lockhart's classes when he entered the room, the certainty he acquired at the end of it was not positive for the teacher's side.
Lockhart opened the cage without at least teaching the spell before.
"Peskipiksi Pesternomi!" The teacher said, after sending the students to gather those creatures who were destroying everything which their little hands achieved.
The spell had no effect, the stick that the man used for the spell was stolen by one of the creatures who threw it out the window.
The teacher dived under the table hiding clearly, letting the students turn around to get out of this confusion.
The signal sounded and everybody ran out as fast as they could by the door like a bunch of gnus. When a false calm took over the room, the teacher rose from his hiding place and saw Harry, Ron, and Hermione almost passing through the door.
"Well, I'm going to ask you to quickly put the rest in the cage," Lockhart said before passing through the children and leaving them there with those creatures.
Harry and Ron stared at the door with similar cockroaches.
"He just wants to give us a direct experience," Hermione said capturing two diabetics at once with a Freezing Spell and putting them in the cage.
"Right, right?" Harry said angry trying to grab a diabetic who was dancing by showing his tongue to him out of his reach "Mione, he has no idea what he's doing."
"Beast, have you read his books? All the incredible deeds he has."
"What he says he did," Ron murmured back.
From that day on, Harry avoided the man whenever possible.
[...]
Harry spent a while thinking about it and concluded that no matter how much he went into some adventures, he hated all of them. You see, some of them were fun, but most of them had unfortunate consequences, and no matter how much you fly in Mr. Weasley has been incredible — except for the last ten minutes of the journey — the consequences did not make it completely worth it.
They arrived at Hogwarts, almost in time to pass unnoticed, but were caught by Professor Black as they were sliding through the side hallway of the big hall. And now they were punished, Ron and he were in custody until the end of the month for all the confusion they created.
He's not even sure if the teachers know that they stumbled on that weird bad mood tree, and Harry didn't even want to think about the problems they'd have if they had done something like knocking it down.
For Harry, more surprising than being caught by Professor Black when they enter school, is how many dirty boilers can exist in the first days of class.
After the second day of cleaning them without magic, he was surprised at how little the other students took care of the boilers.
"They never end," Ron cried.
The redhead was completely defeated all day long, and Harry shared that feeling after it's both fault that Mr. Weasley was now facing an investigation from the Ministry because altering bringing objects with magic is prohibited, and displaying any trace of magic in front of bringing — as the two boys did while leaving the train station — is a serious crime.
Mrs. Weasley seemed furious and frightened through the whistle.
The public display of Matriarch Weasley's anger in front of everyone in the main hall during breakfast was very humiliating and contributed to Ron's cloudy mood, this and the fact that his stick is broken and he can no longer do right spells.
Ron landed the last boiler that he was cleaning aside and swung his arms trying to get rid of the pain and fatigue of the limbs.
"Good work, boys," said Professor Black, observing them. He looked at the wrist where a watch was.
Harry shrugged his eyebrows briefly, he had never seen witches with that kind of watch, besides Mr. Weasley. But witches generally weren't wearing watches.
If he had a good memory yet, Harry was almost sure that the teacher didn't wear a watch last year.
"Today's arrest is over," the man turned his gaze at them, "Put the clean boilers back on the tables and they can go."
Ron released a stifled sound of animation as he took three boilers at once and ran to put them on the tables. All to be able to leave immediately.
The teacher followed his movements with his gaze. Harry noticed his lips contracting as if the man was trying not to laugh at Ron's despair.
"Come on, help me," Ron murmured to Harry when he came back to pick up more boilers.