It's a meeting like no others, however, the team didn't know that when they walked in the conference room. The entire team is seated, except Tony, who's standing in front of a whiteboard. On it, multiple pictures are on it, all covered with postmarks. They're in a shape of a pyramid. The team can't help but wonder what's going on.
"Thank you all for coming. I was told by Fury that we need to do better when we're out-"
"We're already giving us all."
Tony glares at Sam. "Did I say you can talk?" Sam frowns, glaring back at the billionaire. "Thought so. Anyway, if I can continue talking without being interrupted, Fury expects better for us, even when we're already giving our best. So, I brainstormed some ideas to make the team better and come to the conclusion that we need between us a competition."
"That sounds unhealthy, Tony." Steve points out, not sounding happy about the plan. "Especially with our line of works."
"I disagree." Thor speaks up. "The only way to get better is having a rivalry with those equal to you."
"Thank you, Thor." Tony looks gratefully at the thunder god. "And Steve, don't interrupt me." With a whiplash, he scowls at Steve. "And now, I present to you a system I personally designed. I call it 'The Pyramid'. It's basically like a tier list, with how good you are, the higher you are, and how bad you are, the lower you are. This tier list is in the shape of a pyramid. With this tool, we can figure out who we should consider ourselves a role model and who should do better. I calculate it after every mission based on how well you-"
"Isn't this like Dance Moms?" Natasha speaks up. Everybody looks at her. "That is exactly how they used it in the series."
"And I'm pretty sure it left many traumas and insecurities on the kids." Y/N adds, frowning at Tony's choice.
It takes two seconds until Tony respond. "That's just a coincidence and the fact you slander me because of it is just sad." He sounds it like a toxic corporation giving an apology. "Anyway, now that I explained the system and the solution, let's get into it." Tony's hand goes to the bottom right to reveal the worst performing Avenger. "Steve."
"Excuse me!?"
"Yes, excuse you." Despite sounding serious, the team are certain Tony is amused by this. "The reason you're on the bottom, and I'm not talking about sex, is the reason because you're role was unnecessary."
"I was backing up my teammates. I was making sure nobody got seriously hurt or died." Steve defends himself.
"Whatever makes you sleep." Tony dismisses Steve's claim, which makes him glare even further at the rich man. Tony then moves over to the next person. "Natasha."
"Oh god." Natasha puts a hand on her head, already feeling tired.
"You're just not that special. You're quick and agile, but Pietro and Sam can fulfill that role too. There is just nothing special that sets you apart."
Natasha can't help but groan. She knows arguing is going to make it worst, but she can't help but speak up. "You know I'm a spy, right?"
"Yes, and I find it funny that you barely use your skills." Tony then moves on to the third person. "Brucie." All eyes go to the doctor. "You did nothing during the mission."
Bruce looks extremely confused. "Didn't the Hulk took care of most of the enemies, broke into the base and be used as a meat shield for you?"
"Yes, but that's the Hulk, not you. Just because you share the same body doesn't mean you get credit for what he did."
For whatever reason, Bruce looks offended. He always wanted people to dissociate him and the Hulk, but the least they could do is complementing him when the Hulk does something right.
Tony then moves over to the next person. "Clint." Clint merely rolls his eyes. "All you do is shooting arrows. That's so the year 600. Somehow, your fighting style is even older then Caps."
"And what about my costume-made arrows?" Clint points out, curious how Tony is going to answer that.
"That doesn't matter." Then the last person of the last tier. "James Barnes."
Bucky can already feel he's going to get scold of something ridiculous. "What did I do?"
"You killed my mother."
Never mind. It's justified. Bucky doesn't bother arguing with it, even if he was brainwashed. Tony then moves to the next tier, the fourth one out of five. Somehow, they perfectly got a pyramid shape with the amount of their members. "Rhodey. You are just me, but just a bootleg. It's just an uphill battle when you compete with me."
"Tony, I really mean when I say this. I consider stop being friends with you if this continues." It's hard to say if Rhodey is seriously or not.
"I take that risk." To the second person from the fourth tier. "Thor."
The thunder god looks offended. "How ridiculous! Didn't I took out armies of enemies?"
"Yes, but you were a little... off." Tony suggests towards something, but Thor doesn't understand what he's talking about.
"And what does that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. Just... lay off the snacks a little while." Tony quickly looks back at the pyramid while Thor looks even more belittled.
"You dare to call me fat!?"
Tony points up his finger. "Not fat. Just follow my advice."
Thor scoffs. "The audacity! You slander me with lies!" The blonde god looks back at the rest of the team, who all remain quietly. None of them speaking up about the issue. "Why aren't you backing me up?"
The team all look at each other, wondering who the first that speaks the truth. For whatever reason, most looks at Steve, and thus he feels obligated to admit. "Thor, it's alright. It happens to the best of us."
"You serious!?" Thor scowls.
"Well, it doesn't happen to the best of us. Me, Vision, Steve and Peter probably-"
"Shut it, Tony." Steve orders before looking back at Thor. "Look, it's not the end of the world. If you want, we can make a workout routine."
"All these slanderous lies! I will not stand for it!" Thor stands up and heads to the exit.
Everybody feels sorry for Thor, except Tony. Y/N looks back to the man who caused all this. "You happy? You made Thor upset just because he gained a little bit of weight."
"I'M NOT FAT!"
"It needed to be said. Moving on." Tony then reveals the next person. "Sam."
"Oh my god." Sam groans. "Are you going shame me too for something random?"
"Dunno. Maybe if you consider you're just average, then yes."
"Then yes, I'm insulted."
"'Kay." Tony says without a care and reveals the last person on the fourth tier. "Peter." Tony eyes lays on Peter, who looks extremely nervous with the reveal. "You did nothing wrong. It's just that everyone else that is higher up is just better than you. That's all."
Peter looks upset as Tony looks back at board. Y/N quickly offers a hug to the young boy and console him. "It's alright. You're a good Avenger."
"Am I?"
"To the third tier!" It's feels like hours and they're like halfway there. "Vision! You did good. Next person, Wanda. You also did good. Then Pietro, you did good too."
"Hey, hey, hey, hey!" Pietro speaks up. "You went all this way to make fun of everyone in detail and yet you can't even give a complement to us."
"I complemented you." Tony corrected him.
"Doing good is not a complement." Wanda disagrees with him.
"Fine. You people are such leeches for praise. Vision, good lasering. Wanda, like your magic. Pietro, I like that you're fast. Now to the second tier." Tony reveals the first of the two people that is on this tier. "The Hulk. I like that he's actually great and destroy stuff. Still trouble listening to my commands."
Bruce sighs. "And he still managed to get on the second tier."
"Yes, because the bar is so low." Tony gives another blow to the team, who almost everyone doesn't care about his opinion. "To the second person. And although not first, he still did good. As the saying goes, second is the first to lose."
"God Tony, how much Dance Moms did you watch?" Natasha wonders.
Tony holds the postmark and reveal whoever it is. "Y/N!"
"What!?"
"The hell!?"
"Why!?"
"Tony, I was sick last mission." Although it seems a bit mean that everyone disagrees with the placement, Y/N agrees with it with a very good reason. "I didn't do anything."
"I whole heartedly disagree. Even when you were sick, you still were back at HQ, where you gave viable information to us."
"All I did was cheering you on." Y/N corrects him.
"And that was our key of victory." Tony is ready to move on, though he gets interrupted.
"Tony, why did you put Y/N so high?" Steve asks, doubting Tony's intend. "There must be an alternative motive."
"There is none."
"Is it because you have a crush on him?" Natasha spills the beans, making everyone intrigued. Y/N especially wonders his answer. Tony, who looks like he has been caught, quickly changes his facial expression.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Tony, do you have a crush on me?" Y/N presses him.
"Do you have a crush on me?" Tony retorts the question.
Y/N frowns a bit. "I asked you first."
"I asked you second."
"...I'm not getting an answer, do I?"
"Do I get an answer?" Y/N remains quiet as Tony continues to look at him. "Thought so." And thus, he moves to the final tier and last person. "And the one that did the best is..." And he reveals whoever it is, and to no one surprise, it's- "Me!"
"Wow, what a surprise." Vision comments with no enthusiasm.
"Couldn't guessed that." Clint deadpanned comments.
"You don't need to clap. It was only natural it was I on the top." Tony sounds modest, but nobody got that expression. "And I'm going to explain why."
"I rather not hear it." Steve responds with a disapproving look. "You announced a meeting, where you placed each and every one of us in a toxic list based on your own opinion on us. Put yourself on the top just to boost your ego. Put Y/N on the second place because you like him, despite even him agreeing he shouldn't be there. Insulted and dismissed every positive thing we did last meeting. Barely praises those who are higher. Made Thor self-conscious. Zero feedback on how we could improve ourselves. And you expect us to listen to you while you brag."
There is just one thing Tony could respond to this. "Yes."
"Alright people, we're leaving." Natasha says to everyone in the room, causing everyone to stand up and start heading to the exit.
"Wow, I didn't expect the Avengers to be sooo sensitive." Tony mocks them, causing those who walk pass to glare at him. "All I did is commenting on your performance and you took it personal."
"You called me nothing special." Natasha points out.
"And?" Natasha rolls her eyes as she and everyone walking out of the room. "Y/N, wait!"
Y/N looks back at Tony. "What?"
"You sure you don't have a crush on me?"
Y/N frowns. "Fuck off..." He says tiredly and exited the room, being the last person to leave.
Now, Tony is all alone in the room. He looks back at the pyramid. "At least I had fun."