King Harwyn takes his seat after his welcome to all the guests, a smile on his face as he looks at Queen Marlia and she smiles back, her long white hair reminding me so much of Aeris. I'm only watching them so closely because I can feel their eyes on me and I'm trying my best not to look.
I turn away from the dais and plant a small smile on my face, hands clasped in front of me I stand near the other girls as music begins to play and I know the dancing will begin any moment now. My lungs burn and I realise I am holding my breath, I let it out, taking in quick gasps of air.
"Dae," I freeze as I hear his voice, eyes wide I look in front of me trying to find an escape but with nothing and no one close enough I slowly turn around to face Alvaryn.
"Your Highness," I curtsy slowly and I can feel the ire radiating off of him. He didn't like me using his title, always insisted I call him by his name, but I needed to keep this formal, I needed to keep this distance.
"Can I have this dance?" He asks holding his hand out and I nod, taking his hand as he leads me to the dance floor as other couples take their places.
We begin moving in step together and I stare at his jacket, too afraid to look up into his eyes. The delicate gold swirl of embroidery against the emerald green of his jacket around the edge of his lapel keeping my focus.
"How are you?" He asks softly.
"Well, and yourself?"
He lets out an irritated sigh.
"A little confused and concerned to be honest with you, why have you refused to meet with me the last two times?" He asks, words rushed out as we continue moving together.
My thoughts scramble but I had practised this answer, I had repeated the words over and over in my head in case they asked the question.
"I decided it would be best if we stop spending time together alone." I answer as calmly as possible.
"What? Why?"
"While I have valued our friendship I believe it is best if you focus on your responsibilities and I focus on mine." I can feel the weight on my chest, still as heavy as the day it settled there. I didn't realise how difficult it would be to say these words out loud, it hard been hard enough just thinking them alone in my room.
"What is that supposed to mean? I am perfectly capable of focussing on my responsibilities when I spend time with you, how does us being friends have anything to do with our responsibilities?" He asks, I can hear the irritation and confusion in his voice and I remind myself to breathe and step and turn avoiding his eyes at all costs.
"You and Aeris have important decisions to make and I need to make sure I am presenting myself as well as possible for the selection. Our time together was coming to an end anyways, soon you will both have wives and I will be leaving the palace, it is best for us to end our time together now." I say, trying desperately to keep my voice calm and strong but I can feel the tears threating to gather.
"You won't even look at me Dae, where has this come from? You can't mean all of that." His words are urgent and I can feel myself giving in, but I couldn't tell them the full truth.
I take a deep breath and force myself to look up at him, his beautiful grey eyes are two dark storm clouds and I force myself to hold his stare.
"I do mean it, I did a lot of thinking and I believe this is for the best." I say, willing as much confidence into my voice as possible. He will know I'm not lying, that every word is the truth.
His brows furrow as he continues to stare down at me. The song and dance coming to an end I take a step back and curtsy.
"Thank you for the dance." I say quickly before turning and leaving him there.
I take deep slow breaths as I force the threat of tears away, keeping my smile planted on my face I walk.
"Miss Daella," I stop, hearing my name I turn and smile.
"Lord Winston, so good to see you." I curtsy.
"You as well, can I have the next dance?" He asks holding out his elbow to me.
"Of course."
All I want to do is go back to my room and cry until there isn't anything left but instead I smile and do my best to pay attention as I am danced around the room. As the dance comes to an end I see a familiar face behind Winston with a determined expression.
"Thank you for the dance." I stammer out quickly as I take a step back just as Aeris reaches us.
"Of course, we haven't spoken for a little while," He begins, smiling down at me.
"Winston," Aeris interrupts without any apologies, stepping up beside him, eyes focussed on me as he grins.
"Your Highness," Winston bows quickly.
"I was just going to ask this lovely creature here to dance, so you will excuse me if I steal her away for a moment." He says, not waiting for Winston's reply before taking my hand and leading me away.
My dress feels too tight and my heart beat is going too fast.
"Hello Dearest," Aeris smiles down at me as he places a hand at my waist and holds the other tightly, his voice like a familiar embrace, or perhaps more like a vice grip as it settles inside me, making it difficult to remember how to breathe properly.
"Hello Your Highness," I return quietly, his expression hardens immediately.
"You know how I feel about you calling me that, we are friends are we not? It's Aeris only." He says firmly and I remain silent.
The song for the dance begins and I feel him lead me into the first set of moves, always sure and confident of each step and twist and turn.
"I've just been talking to my dear brother Alvy," He begins and I can't help the skip my heart beat makes. "He's been telling me some disturbing information."
Oh gods, oh gods, we shouldn't be doing this here. Or maybe this was the best place to do it. He wouldn't be able to overreact with everyone here. He would need to remain calm and not burst into a ball of flames.
"He has told me that you have decided you no longer want to spend time alone with either of us." I swallow, the room felt too small, there were too many people watching. "Tell me why."
I look up at his sudden change in voice, his tone serious and demanding. His dark eyes catch mine and my thoughts scramble and scatter as I try to remember the explanation I had ready.
"I just think it is better for you both to focus on your responsibilities and for me to focus on mine." I answer quietly.
"Alvaryn said you told him something similar, that you were telling him the truth." He replies, his gaze determined like if he stares long enough he will uncover all of my secrets. "I however don't believe that is the entire reason. You can't have changed your mind so suddenly, and there is no reason spending time with you would stop me or Alvaryn from focussing on our responsibilities. This all happened after the kennels, after we were alone together..." He stops, looking down for a moment, he looks uncertain and it's a strange expression to see on him. "Is it because of what happened?" He asks quietly and I know he is referring to the kiss and I quickly shake my head. I didn't want to lie about it, I didn't want to lie at all. The kiss had been amazing, and beautiful and I wanted more, but it also made me realise that could never happen.
"So if it wasn't that then tell me why you have changed your mind so quickly? It doesn't make any sense." He demands.
"It does make sense, the selection is so close and you both have a decision to make, as your friend I want to make sure you both make the right decision and you won't have time to do that if you spend all your time with me." My words rush out in quick defence as I listen to the song, waiting for it to end.
"You say you're still my friend? A real friend wouldn't do this, just pull away so suddenly and for such a ridiculous reason. A real friend would tell me the true reason why this is happening instead of just hiding away." His words are bitter and I look up at his dark endless eyes and I can feel the pain and hurt and it only makes that weight on my chest that much heavier.
I can't cry. I won't cry.
This is for the best.
"I'm sorry you feel that way." There is so much more my heart wants to let out, all the words and reasons and explanations all just piling up inside me.
He just stares down at me, expression hard, I can feel him closing himself off, pulling back.
It is for the best.
It would be easier if they both just accept it. Would he go back to drowning himself in liquor? Would he regret the time we did spend together? Would he start to hate me?
The song comes to an end and I take a step back.
"Thank you for the dance." I say with a curtsy and he turns and leaves without a word.
It was just his temper, he was angry with me. That was to be expected. It would make it easier if he hated me.
It is for the best.
It is for the best.
It is for the best.