"Morning Aurora!"
"Frank?" I ask sleepily, just having been woken up by the sound of the front door opening and then slamming shut. I sit up on the couch with a yawn and watch as Frank passes me on his way to the kitchen, a couple bags of groceries in each of his hands. "What are you doing?"
"I'm making breakfast," he calls back to me. "Go wake up the rest of the family."
"Um, I would if it wasn't hours before we usually get up on a Saturday."
The sun hasn't even begun to break through the dreary winter sky yet. Frank doesn't seem to notice, humming to himself and rummaging loudly through the fridge. I let out a sigh, resigned to the fact that I'm not going to be able to fall back asleep down here, and grab my blanket so I can head upstairs.
All of the boys are sleeping soundly when I enter their room. I cross over to Ian's bed and push him over before climbing on top of the mattress next to him.
"Rory?"
"Frank is downstairs," I complain. Ian groans and rolls over to give me more space.
"Did he bother you?"
"No. Well, other than starting breakfast at five in the morning."
"Jesus. How long is this sober thing going to last?"
"No idea."
"Hopefully he'll crap out soon," Ian yawns. "Then you won't wake me up at five to crawl into my bed."
"Relax," I tell him. "Enjoy the body heat and go back to sleep."
"Whatever."
Despite what he says, I know that Ian doesn't mind me crashing up here. I don't do it often because I don't want to invade his space but we used to a lot when we were younger, especially when it was super cold outside. Fiona would come to wake us up in the mornings before school and find me nearly falling off the bed as Ian slept spread out next to me.
This morning, however, neither of the two of us have trouble falling back to sleep even if it's only for a couple of hours. When I finally wake up for good I head into the bathroom to get ready and pass Lip on my way out once I'm finished.
"Morning."
"Morning, Rosie. Did you sleep up here last night?" he asks me.
"No, just early this morning. Frank got here early to make breakfast. Apparently he's still sober."
"Not a surprise," Lip says darkly and I can tell that he's not in a good mood. "He's going to drag this out as long as possible."
He shuts the bathroom door behind him with more force than necessary and I frown. I thought that our conversation last night might have helped him feel a little better but apparently I was wrong. Lip is still struggling with this and I don't know how to help him.
I grab my blanket from Ian's room and fold it, heading downstairs to place it on the couch before moving into the kitchen. Carl and Debbie are already seated at the table while Frank flips food on the stove.
"What's going on in here?" Fiona asks, entering just behind me.
"Daddy made us some Mickey Mouse pancakes," Debbie explains as Frank hands me a plate of food. I take it reluctantly.
"Are you serious?"
"What did I tell you?" Lip says as he comes down the stairs, pulling a sweater over his head. "Still not drinking until he gets his money."
"If I ever drink again," Frank adds. "Java is my vice now."
"Sure," Lip says as he pours himself a cup of coffee. "Drunk or sober, you're still an asshole."
Debbie frowns and starts to scold her brother but Frank raises his hand.
"It's okay, Deb. Everyone's got a right to his opinion. That's what makes this country so great."
He reaches over to clap Lip on the shoulder and a wave of anger flashes over Lip's face.
"Lip?" I ask, turning from my position at the table to face him. "Will you bring me a cup of coffee?"
"Hm? Oh yeah, sure, Rosie."
"Where'd you get all of this stuff to make breakfast?" Fiona asks her dad.
"Traded some old hustler magazines with Rusty the drunk. He's a dishwasher at the Denny's over on west ninety-fifth street. You want some OJ?"
"I'm good. I'm headed to the job center anyway, I'll see you guys later."
"Yeah, we got to go too," Lip says. "Come on, Debs, Carl, grab your coats. I told Kev we'd be over in five."
"Where are you going?" Frank asks.
"Bowling. Lip knows a kid who can get is in for free," Debbie says. "You wanna come?"
"No, Debs," Lip says instantly as the three of them grab their coats from by the back door. "I don't think he can."
"Hey, I'd love to come! Just let me clean this place up real quick."
Lip sighs heavily as Frank tosses the dirty dishes into the sink and then follows the kids towards the front door. When they exit the kitchen he turns to me with a pleading look on his face.
"Please tell me that you can come too."
"Sorry," I tell him. "I have plans to hang out with Ian and Mandy today."
Lip groans and hangs his head forward dejectedly.
"I am not going to survive this."
"It's gonna be okay," I tell him. "You'll have Kev."
"I need you."
"Lip..."
"Yeah, I know," he says and my heart squeezes in my chest. "I'll see you later, Rosie."
"Bye."
I watch him go and as he disappears out the front door with the rest of them, I get this intense feeling that I should have gone with him. I want to help Lip with this more than anything but I remind myself that I'm not his girlfriend. He's made it clear that he doesn't want me to be that person for him. I can't drop everything in my life and come running the moment he needs me. Not anymore.
Ian comes downstairs a little while later with Liam in his arms. He finds me sitting at the table, most of my breakfast still on my plate and a blank expression as I stare straight ahead.
"Aurora. Aurora!"
"What?" I come to my senses. "Sorry."
"You alright?" Ian asks me as he sets Liam in his highchair.
"Yeah. I just- I think Lip is taking this really hard. The whole Frank being sober thing."
"You're worried about him," Ian observes.
"I'm worried about all of you, dummy," I retort. "How are you handling things?"
Ian shrugs.
"Frank is Frank. I've never really expected anything else from him."
"Well, good. I don't need you losing it too."
"Lip isn't losing it," he assures me. "He's fine. And Fiona is right, Frank will be back to normal in a few days."
"Yeah, I guess."
"Are you almost ready?" Ian asks me.
"Ready for me to do homework like we planned while you and Mandy play video games all day? Sure. I just need to grab my coat."
"Hey, we'll let you play a couple rounds."
"Jerk."
I flick a bite of pancake in Ian's direction, causing him to laugh.
The two of us finish cleaning up from breakfast and make sure that Liam gets something to eat before we take off. We drop the baby off with Sheila for the day and head down the street towards the Milkovich house.
"Hey," Mandy greets us at the front door. "Come on in, all my brothers are out."
"All of them?" I ask, shooting a glance at Ian. He had told me about his encounter with Mickey when it happened but with all of the craziness recently, we hadn't really talked about it.
"Yep. Thank god. Now they can't act like such pervs around you, Aurora."
She's right, most of her brothers give me the creeps. Not Mickey, though.
The three of us head into the cluttered living room. Mandy and Ian settle on the couch while I sit in the arm chair right next to them. Normally this is where the they would do as little homework as possible but considering that both Mandy and I are close to failing English, we decide to get some work done first.
"Wait, it's not "Max and I?" Ian asks in a frustrated voice. We've been working on the same worksheet for what feels like hours. "That's how fancy people always correct us."
"No," Mandy explains as she reads the textbook. "It's "me" because... oh, here. Me is the object of the proposition."
"So it's 'with Max and me'?"
"Yup."
"Sounds weird," Ian clicks his teeth.
"It needs to make sense if you take the name away," I think out loud, my eyes closed as I concentrate and try to remember how Lip explained it. "You wouldn't say 'with I.' It's 'with me.'"
"Oh," Ian says as Mandy nods. "Yeah, that makes sense."
He fixes a couple answers on the worksheet as the front door opens. Mickey walks into the house with a large drink in his hand and belches as he passes by us.
"Douchebags," he mutters, disappearing down the hallway.
"Ass face," Mandy says in response while Ian looks back after her brother. He's silent for a moment before setting his homework down with a sigh.
"Gotta go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"Hold the handle down when you flush," Mandy tells him, not even looking up from her homework, but I watch carefully as Ian heads in the same direction as Mickey.
I raise my eyebrows at him. He responds with a shrug before rounding the corner and I shake my head.
"Hey, you want a pizza bagel?" Mandy asks me.
"Sure."
"Do you want to help me make you a pizza bagel?"
"Not really," I grin, setting down my pencil and looking over at her. "I'm guessing that I don't really have an option, though."
"Wow, you know me so well."
I chuckle as Mandy grabs my hand and drags me to the kitchen to help her prep the food.
We're both finished eating by the time Ian gets back. He plops down onto the couch next to me as Mandy and I shoot at each other on the tv screen, controllers in our hands.
"Took you long enough," Mandy says distractedly.
"Yeah. Your dad was in there forever. Okay, Aurora, it's literally painful to watch you-"
"Whatever," I snap, shoving the video game controller into his hands. "You know video games aren't my thing."
"That's obvious."
"Shove over, faggots," Mickey says, entering the room and squeezing in next to Ian on the couch. "Looks like Morgan can't keep up. Watch and learn."
He takes the controller out of Ian's hand and as he does so, Ian shoots me a look. There's a sheepish smile on his face that he only half manages to hide. I nudge him with my shoulder before turning back to the tv to watch Mandy kick her brothers smug ass.
After several more hours of video games and victories for everyone, even me, Ian and decide it's time to head home. Danny and I have a date tonight and when I tell Mandy this she practically shoos me out the door.
"What are you still doing here? You need to start getting ready!"
"Mandy, it's not for hours."
"Exactly. You need a lot of work."
"Wow. Thank you."
"You know what I mean," she giggles. "Go get ready to fuck this guy's brains out."
"Whose brains?" Mickey asks, most of his focus still on the tv.
"Danny Lewis."
"Really, Aurora? That fucking asswipe?"
"Shut it, Mickey," I tell him. "You don't even know him."
"Don't need to. Don't want to."
"Well if someone kissed you as good as he kisses me then I promise you'd want to get to know them better too"
"Okay," Ian says, standing from the couch and pulling me to my feet as Mickey glares at me. I think he can tell we're getting into dangerous territory. "Yep. Time for us to go."
"Have fun!" Mandy calls after us as we leave the house and head back down the street towards home.
"You're really shit at keeping secrets, you know that?" Ian asks, the two of us walking side by side.
"Hey, I didn't say anything. You're the one keeping things private. Anything you want to update me about?"
"We may have hooked up a few times," Ian says and this time he doesn't fight the grin forming on his face.
"And Kash?"
"I don't know. We're in kind of a weird place right now. His wife wants another baby."
"Does he know about Mickey?" I ask.
"Definitely not. And technically you don't either, remember? Mickey would flip if he learned I told you."
"Relax," I say, bumping him with my shoulder. "Despite what you think, I can keep a secret."
"Yeah right. I'll know it when I see it."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"In the entire time I've known you, you've never managed to keep anything secret!"
"Not true! I never told anyone that you're gay."
"Yeah but the first time you had a crush on a girl you practically shouted it to the heavens so-"
Ian laughs as I shove him.
"That was me, dumbass. You know I'd never fuck you over. Plus, I like Mickey. He's not as bad as everyone says."
"He's really not," Ian agrees.
As we walk, I look over at my best friend and I realize that he probably knows a lot more about who Mickey really is than anyone else.
~
Lip and the rest of the Gallaghers don't get back from bowling until well after Ian and I get home. I'm mostly ready to go and just finishing up my makeup in the bathroom mirror when Lip appears in the open doorway, leaning tiredly against the frame.
"Hey," I greet him, meeting his eyes in the mirror. "How was it?"
"Exhausting."
He's not lying. There's dark circles under his eyes and I can tell by the look on his face that things haven't gotten any better.
"Frank's still driving you up the wall?"
"It's not even about me," he says, resting his head back and looking up at the ceiling. "He's got Debs and Carl completely fooled and he's going to hurt them when he turns back into Frank. I've been trying to warn them but I don't think it's working."
I turn around to face Lip and take in his defeated form. I know that this has been hitting him hard. He doesn't want his siblings to experience the same heartbreak that he went through. That's one of the things I love about him.
I also don't think he should be carrying this on his own.
"I can help out tonight," I offer. "I'm getting ready to head out but I shouldn't be back too late-"
"Head out?" Lip asks me, finally taking in my fairly low-cut top and styled hair. "What, do you have a date or something?"
I blink, a little taken aback at his tone.
"Yeah, actually, I do."
"Great," Lip says, pushing himself off the wall and walking down the hallway. "Have fun."
"Lip. Lip!"
I groan in frustration and start down the hall after him.
"What the fuck is your problem?"
"I don't have a problem, Rosie."
"Clearly you do! Do you want me to stay? Is that it?"
Lip turns towards me is quiet for a long moment before he speaks.
"Would you if I wanted you to?"
"I asked you first," I tell him.
Both of us are silent. My phone buzzes and pings with several messages in my pocket and I know that it's Danny telling me he's here to pick me up. Lip probably knows too but neither of us move as the sound echoes down the narrow hallway.
"Just go," Lip says eventually. He doesn't seem angry anymore, just tired. "I can handle it."
"But-"
"Rosie. I said go."
"Fine," I say, unable to tell if I'm more irritated that he told me to go or that I wanted him to tell me to stay.
I walk back into the bathroom to grab my makeup back and quickly finish fixing my mascara before I head downstairs to grab my coat. Danny's car is waiting for me in the cold and I quickly cross the yard before throwing over the passenger door and climbing inside.
"Hey there," the boy says, leaning across the console to kiss me.
"Hey. Sorry about that, I- uh- got held up."
"It's all good," Danny responds, throwing the car into drive. "You ready for tonight?"
"I'm pretty sure you never told me what we're doing so... I guess?"
"I'm taking you to a movie," he grins. "Then I'll show you my favorite spot in the city. It's nice and quiet, very private."
"Oh yeah?" I ask as his places his hand on my thigh, rubbing it slowly with his free hand as he drives. "And what do we need privacy for?"
Danny shrugs.
"Figured you'd want to finish whatever we start at the movie."
"The movie you obviously don't plan on watching," I state.
"Who could ever focus on a movie with a girl as hot you next to them?"
"Jesus, you're such a flirt," I sigh but I don't take his hand off my leg. Instead I place mine over it and move it slightly higher, enjoying the way his eyes flit back and forth between me and the road.
Danny may not be a genius but he's pretty accurate at predicting what goes on during the movie. The two of us sit in the back corner and aren't even twenty minutes into the cheesy horror film when the popcorn bucket on my lap falls to the ground, unnoticed by either of us as Danny kisses me hungrily. Luckily the theater is pretty empty and the movie is terrible so we're not really missing much. At least, I think the movie is terrible. I leave the theater with marks all up and down my neck that prove I wasn't really paying attention anyway.
The two of us grab a bite to eat before driving around for a while and finally settling at Danny's 'favorite spot.' It's really just a quiet little park tucked away behind behind a couple apartment complexes. Unless you lived in the area you'd never even know it's here.
Danny pulls into the small gravel parking area and puts the car in park before looking over at me. I finish my shake and set it aside, resting my head against the headrest and looking back at him.
"What?"
"Nothing," he grins, reaching out and tracing the only slightly fading marks along my neck. "Sorry about that. Guess I got a little carried away."
"Maybe you should pick a better movie next time so you pay a little more attention to that," I grin, leaning lightly towards him.
"Oh, you think that had anything to do with the movie?" he grins back. "Aurora, every guy I know would have done the same thing tonight."
"You're lying."
"I'm not. I see how they all look at you. Why do you think Lip acts the way he does?"
At the mention of Lip's name my smile drops off my face and I lean back in my seat.
"This again?"
"Look, I'm not trying to be an asshole," Danny says.
"And yet..."
"Look, I just-"
"No," I interrupt. "Stop talking about Lip. Our relationship is complicated but that doesn't mean he feels that way about me. And even if he did, you should be trying to make me forget about him, not bringing him up when I'm getting ready to kiss you."
"You were going to kiss me?"
"Yeah. And then your big fat mouth ruined it for you."
"Too bad," he fake pouts. "Guess I'll just have to kiss you instead."
He leans forward and presses his lips against mine, enveloping my mouth with his. I sigh and kiss him back as he reaches out to cup my face. Danny's hand slides down my neck and across my collarbone, his fingers trailing down my skin in a line until they end up cupping my breast. He massages it gently and the motion sends a zing of sensation down to my core. I moan into his mouth.
"Still thinking that I ruined my chance?"
"Just shut the fuck up," I say, grabbing the back of his neck and kissing him harder.
The two of us continue for a long time, quiet music playing from the speakers as we kiss. Eventually I end up on his lap and he guides my hips I grind against him, my body feeling more needy than usual. Neither of us are wearing a shirt and I'm fumbling with the buckle of his jeans when my phone pings with an incoming message. Initially I ignore it but then it chimes again, then again, then again.
"Ugh," I groan in a frustrated voice, pulling away and reaching for the device. "I'm sorry, it sounds like it could be an emergency and-"
"It's okay," Danny says. He reaches up to tuck my hair behind my hear and continues kissing my neck as I check what the messages day.
From Lip:
Rosie, where aret you?
I need you
Please, Im dyin
I changed my mind
I miss you
"Fuck," I groan, throwing my phone to the side in irritation. Danny notices my tone and stops kissing me to look up.
"What?"
"Nothing," I assure him.
"It's him, isn't it?"
"He's just messing around," I tell him, although I'm not sure I believe it myself.
"Right."
"Hey..."
I cup Danny's face and kiss him again, trying to return to the moment, but I'm distracted when my phone begins to ring. It rings three separate times before I pull away and rest my head back with a huff.
"I'm going to fucking kill Lip."
Danny sighs as I pick up my phone again and examine even more texts coming through.
"Do you need me to take you home?"
I run my hand over my face, annoyed at the fact that this has to happen right now. I'm honestly having an okay time but I know that if I stay, I won't be able to think about the part of me that wants to make sure that everything is alright. I look at Danny with a guilty look of my face.
"I'm really sorry. I don't know what's going on and-"
"It's fine," he says. "I get it."
"Okay," I say as I slide back over into my seat. "I'll make it up to you."
"You better," he says and I'm grateful for the smile on his face.
He drives me home quickly and the two of us sit in silence most of the way back.
When I arrive at the Gallagher house, the first thing I notice is that it's empty. Most of the lights are off and the usually busy house is unnaturally quiet.
"Lip!" I call out, taking off my coat and walking tentatively through the living room. "Lip, this shit isn't funny. Where the fuck are you- ah!"
I let out a squeal as someone grabs my hand and yanks me to the side.
The Gallaghers have a small alcove underneath their stairs. The kids keep it stocked with pillows and string lights and there's a sheet covering the opening, hiding the people inside from view. Lip wraps his hand around my wrist and pulls me into the small space behind him, yanking the sheet closed as I land on my back on the pillows.
"What the fuck!?" I yell, smacking his shoulder as he grins down at me. "You scared the shit out of me!"
"Sorry," Lip smiles, scooting closer to me. "Didn't mean to freak you out."
He's so close in the enclosed space that our faces are only a few inches apart and I can feel his body heat seeping into me. My breath catches in my throat as Lip reaches out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear.
"What did you mean to do?" I ask him quietly, almost too nervous to breathe.
"I don't know," he says in a far away voice, too distracted by looking at my face. As his eyes roam over me I can't help but feel like there's nothing else in the world but the two of us right now. A meteor could hit the earth and neither of us would notice.
"Lip-"
I'm cut off from finishing my sentence when Lip suddenly surges forward to kiss me. My eyes go wide but it doesn't take long for me to get over my initial surprise and melt into him, unable to think about anything other than how many times I've dreamed about this exact moment.
Lip Gallagher, the boy I've always loved, is kissing me the way I've always wanted him to. Like he means it.
I shift on the soft pillows and lean back so that I can pull Lip on top of me. He moves easily and slides between my legs, wrapping an arm around my waist. The pressure of his body on top of mine is enough to make me to moan and I reach up to twist my hands in his hair, my underwear already dampening underneath my jeans.
"Holy fuck," Lip groans against my mouth, the contact clearly getting to him too. I tighten my legs around him and feel him harden against my thigh. A barrage of filthy thoughts floods my brain at the sensation and I kiss Lip harder, smashing my lips against his.
I've never felt anything like this. Even though I've been with a decent amount of people, no one has ever been able to envelop me like Lip does. The smell and sensation of him floods all of my senses and it's almost impossible to form a coherent thought. Almost.
After what could be hours or seconds since Lip first kissed me, I finally begin to come to my senses. The usual scent of cigarettes that rolls off him is accompanied with the overwhelming smell of alcohol and I finally recognize his sloppy, frenzied kisses as a reflection of his inebriated state.
In other words, he's hammered.
"Wait," I say, reluctantly tilting my chin up to break our kiss. "Lip, hold on-"
"What, Rosie?" Lip says as he trails kisses down my throat, nipping and sucking on the sensitive skin. "Don't want me to cover up these pussy marks that moron tried to leave?"
"No, that's not- just-"
I fight the urge from every part of my body screaming at me to keep going and place my hands on Lip's chest. It takes a considerable amount of self control but I push him back and meet his gaze, alarmed at how glossed over his eyes are.
How did I not notice that?
"Lip. We can't do this right now."
"Why not?" he asks, the words practically coming out in a whine.
"Because you're plastered."
"So?"
"What do you mean, 'so?' What the hell happened when I was gone?"
Lip's eyebrows knit together and I think I catch a glimpse of his mask slipping just slightly.
"Nothing. Frank is back to normal, everything is fine."
"Lip..."
"Don't," he says instantly. "Please, don't do that. Just- just kiss me."
I open my mouth to protest but the second that his lips meet mine, I'm back under his spell. Lip tilts me back and props himself up so that he's leaning over me. When I move to reach under his shirt and run my hands down his stomach, Lip adjusts so that one of his knees is pressed between my legs. Without even thinking I move against him and grind against his leg, the pleasure on my clit causing me to moan loudly.
"Jesus, Rosie," Lip groans. "You're gonna fucking kill me with those noises."
He reaches down to grab my hips and guides the movement against him. I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling his forehead against mine in an attempt to ground myself.
"Hold on," I say, my eyes shut tight as I try to form a thought or a complete sentence or literally anything. "Ah- Lip, just- please..."
"What is it? What's wrong?"
"Just- I need a minute to fucking breathe!"
Lip hears the seriousness of my tone and backs off immediately. Even though I told him to, my body immediately misses the contact and I have to fight the urge to pull him back. Instead, I sit up and bury my head in my hands.
"Rosie?" Lip asks in a concerned voice. "Are you okay?"
"No, I'm not fucking okay!" I say. "What even- how are you- what the fuck is happening?!"
"What's it look like?" he asks, reaching out to touch my face. "I'm kissing the girl I can't get out of my head."
"Bullshit," I say as I shove his hand away.
"Excuse me?"
"This is some ploy to use or embarrass me. Some weird fucking bet you have with your fuck buddy."
"Rosie, how could you think that?"
"Because you didn't want me!" I cry out.
Lip stares at me in shock.
"What are you even talking about?"
"At Kev and V's wedding," I explain, tears of anger beginning to form in my eyes. "I told you that I didn't want to be used to get Karen's attention. You promised me that wasn't the case but you lied. You didn't want me! You wanted her."
"I want you now!"
A humorless laugh escapes my lips as the absurdity of his words and this whole situation starts to sink in. Lip seems to realize what he said and his face pales.
"Rosie, that's not what I meant-"
"Of course it is," I snap. Real tears are welling in my eyes now and I can see Lip's panic grow as he notices them too. "You didn't want me when I wanted you but now that I'm with someone else, you just have to have me. Heaven forbid Lip comes in second place, right? Fuck everyone else's actual genuine feelings, including mine."
"That's not it!" Lip exclaims.
"Then what is it!?"
"I-"
I wait for him to say something, anything, and when he doesn't I can feel the last few pieces of my heart shatter.
"You are unbelievable."
"No- wait," Lip says, fumbling drunkenly after me. He tries to catch my arm before I leave but I shove him backwards before whipping the sheet to the side and leaving him behind.
Lip calls after me but I don't turn around, too busy wondering how my heart went from being whole to breaking into so many parts I'm not sure I'm going to be able to pick up the pieces.
~Lip's pov ~
What the fuck did I just do?
I watch helplessly as Rosie pushes the sheet out of the way and climbs out of the small space. As the sound of her angry stomps disappear out the front door and it slams shut behind her, a resounding silence fills the air. Her absence looms large and I feel it as though it's a gaping hole in my chest. My stomach lurches, a combination of alcohol and regret, and I rush out to throw up an evening's worth of poison into a nearby trashcan.
It's not that I regret kissing Rosie. I don't. In fact, it's been all I've been able to think about for months. It's that she's my best friend and I probably just ruined everything.
I've always cared about Rosie. I've always wanted to protect her, since the day that Ian brought her home freezing her ass off and I immediately handed her the jacket off my back. It's never been in doubt that she means everything to me. But recently I haven't been able to get her out of my head. I think about her all the time. When I'm at school, when I'm with Karen, and when I see her with Danny fucking Lewis.
I may not be a particularly jealous person but I swear my blood boils every time she looks in his direction. I tell myself over and over again that it's just because I don't think he's good enough to be with her but that's a lie. It's because I want to be with her.
And now I've fucked it all up.
I didn't see this coming. I know I'm an asshole but I didn't see myself pulling something like this. Calling her here and springing this on her. She doesn't deserve it, I know that. I just can't help myself.
I'm drunk and I missed her. Thinking about her being out with that fucking idiot doing god knows what was enough to send me over the edge. It was bad enough watching her leave with him, never mind all of the shit recently with Frank. So when Fiona and everyone else went over to party with Kev and V, I stayed here to drink.
I thought that I could wash it away. How much I care about Rosie, how weak I feel for needing her. How much I fucked things up even before today. I was wrong. The alcohol only made things worse and now here I am, curled up on the floor just like my fucking father, feeling like the biggest piece of shit in the universe.
Come back.
I want to go after Rosie and tell her I'm sorry. Promise that I didn't mean what I said and that I've always wanted her. But she wouldn't listen. She made that perfectly clear when she left.
The more I think about it, her leaving, the angrier I get. I know she wants me as much as I want her. I could feel it in the way her body responded to my touch, moaning and writhing beneath me. She's lying to everyone and she's lying to herself. I know it. Rosie has never been good at hiding how she feels. She's just too goddamn stubborn to admit it.
Well, fine. If she wants to be like that, so be it.
Two can play at this game.