Letter ten: October
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Lily stood there, paralyzed by the weight of the moment. After all this time, all those shared moments, had they meant nothing to him? The kisses, the hugs, the countless experiences they'd shared - did they hold no significance?
Speech eluded her; she was too shocked to say anything. Too sad to let him go, yet too weak to reach out and grab his hand, to beg him to stay.
Tears that had dried up returned, flowing freely down her cheeks as he began to walk away. A turbulent whirlwind of thoughts churned in her mind, but none offered a solution.
Heartbroken was an understatement. She was a jumble of emotions, a tangle of confusion. In her state of turmoil, rational thinking abandoned her, leaving only the raw, aching desire for Marcus to be here, right now.
The chill of the night air gnawed at her, but she paid it no mind. It was only when a warm hug enveloped her from behind that she realized how cold she'd become.
"It's okay, don't cry, my darling," her mom's soothing voice whispered.
But those words ignited a torrent of tears, and she clung to her mom, her tears soaking her mother's shirt.
"I don't know..." Lily sobbed, her voice quaking. "I don't know why this happened! It hurts."
She continued to cry, and her mom patted her back, offering kisses and comfort. With a tender gesture, her mom closed the door and draped a blanket over her trembling shoulders.
"Shh," her mom hushed, stroking her hair. "It's going to be okay."
But all Lily could manage to say amid her sobs was, "It hurts, it hurts so much..."
The next day, Lily woke up to an unsettling feeling. She'd slept right through her alarm, a restless night leaving her utterly exhausted. Staying home seemed like the best option.
As she contemplated texting her mom about it, she noticed a note on the kitchen table.
"My darling, yesterday was a tough day. We all have our ups and downs, and it seems like you're in a downswing. Don't worry about school today; rest up. I've already called your school to let them know you're unwell. Mom."
A warm smile crept onto Lily's face. No matter what happened, she had her mom's unwavering support.
Her body ached all over, a testament to her restless night. Puffy eyes and a sense of unease clung to her.
"Great," she muttered to herself.
The events of the previous day kept replaying in her mind. She couldn't understand why he had said what he did. They hadn't been facing any problems, or so she thought.
But she knew Marcus was hiding something; she could feel it. And tomorrow, she was determined to uncover the truth, no matter what.
But for today, she had the day to herself, a chance to clear her mind. She hadn't even checked her messages yet; Charlotte had probably texted her.
Opening her phone, she saw a message from Charlotte as expected, asking how she was. Lily replied that she was fine and promised to catch up with her tomorrow.
Then, there was a message from Davina. She hesitated for a moment. She still wasn't in talking terms with Davina. Still, she couldn't ignore it.
"Hi, I heard you were sick. I hope you get better," Davina had written.
Lily sent a brief reply, not wanting to burden herself with more thoughts. Today was a day to heal. Her heart ached relentlessly, and she couldn't help but wonder if Marcus felt the same way.
What was he hiding? And why, amidst breaking her heart, had he said those three words – "I love you"?
The following day inched by, and Lily still couldn't bring herself to return to school; now, she was genuinely unwell. She had felt slightly off the previous day too, perhaps a result of standing outside in the chilly weather during that painful breakup.
Marcus... he was probably sick as well.
A cold and a throbbing headache gripped her. She quickly descended the stairs to fetch some cold medicine before retreating back to her bed, her thoughts swirling.
What had been going through Marcus's mind? Why had he chosen to end things so abruptly? What was he hiding? Before she could spiral further into her thoughts in search of answers, sleep overtook her.
Upon waking, she sensed the presence of someone sitting on her bed beside her.
"Mom?" Lily murmured as she blinked her eyes open.
"Your mom let me in," Charlotte responded.
Lily was taken aback. Why was Charlotte here?
"What are you doing here? You do realize I have a cold, right?" Lily inquired, concern lacing her words. She didn't want Charlotte to fall ill too.
"It's fine, I just wanted to check on you. Your mom filled me in on what's happening. I'm here for emotional support!" Charlotte quipped with a teasing grin.
Lily recognized Charlotte's efforts to lift her spirits and managed a faint smile. However, with all the confusion in her life, sadness seemed to cling to her.
"So, my mom told you..." Lily sighed.
"You don't have to explain anything if you don't want to," Charlotte assured her with a warm smile.
"Thanks," Lily replied sincerely.
"Just so you know, I'm always here for you," Charlotte added.
Lily wanted to hug her, but she hesitated, not wanting to risk passing on her cold.
"I'd give you a hug, but I'd feel terrible if you got sick tomorrow," Lily explained with a hint of humor.
They both shared a laugh and caught up on what Lily had missed at school – assignments, homework, and much more.
"You know, Marcus hasn't shown up either," Charlotte mentioned.
"He's probably just sick, nothing more," Lily replied, though the mention of Marcus tugged at her heart.
"Maybe he's sad too," Charlotte suggested.
Lily remained silent. Talking about Marcus was like poking at a fresh wound.
"Why do you think he broke up with me?" Lily asked in a moment of despair, a tear escaping her eye.
Charlotte paused, choosing her words carefully.
"Honestly, Marcus can be really annoying, and he'd always wear that annoyed expression whenever I entered the room and interrupted your alone time, as he put it. But one thing I noticed was how he looked at you. Every single time you were together, it was like you were the best thing that ever happened to him. I don't know why he did what he did, but I'm certain it wasn't because he didn't like you."
With those words, they embraced. All their efforts to resist the urge to hug had been in vain, but it brought a measure of comfort to Lily in her troubled times.
Lily's recovery was swift, and the next day, she felt ready to return to school. As she woke up, a sense of dread loomed over her, the idea of going back to school still a daunting prospect.
Nevertheless, she mustered the courage and motivation to face the day.
With a sigh, she rolled out of bed and tidied the covers. Today was going to be a long one, she thought. Afterward, she splashed her face with water to wake herself up and descended the stairs to the kitchen for breakfast. Her appetite was still recovering, so she settled for a piece of fruit.
As she headed to school, mixed emotions swirled within her. She didn't know if she wanted to run into Marcus.
Part of her longed to see him, to hug him, but anger, sadness, and confusion still gripped her heart in the aftermath of their breakup.
To her disappointment or relief, Marcus wasn't at their usual meeting spot for their walk to school. Lily sighed, wondering if he was intentionally avoiding her.
At school, she greeted Charlotte, and still, Marcus hadn't made an appearance. The day unfolded with the usual classes until one of the teachers shared some joyful news with the entire class – Marcus's poem had been selected as one of the contest winners!
Lily's heart swelled with pride and happiness. She'd always known he had the talent to become a great poet. His words had the power to touch her heart deeply. However, the bittersweet reality remained – he wasn't here, and they were no longer together.
Undeterred, she decided to send him a text congratulating him on his achievement. After all, that's what colleagues do, right? Charlotte noticed her efforts, offering a supportive smile amidst the bittersweet atmosphere in the classroom.
As the day came to an end, Marcus still hadn't responded. Lily's pride was too bruised to consider storming over to his house demanding an explanation.
He had been the one to initiate the breakup, and maybe he simply needed space, a respite from their conversations.
The next day dawned in a haze, the passing hours stretching endlessly. As Lily entered her classroom, she sensed an unusual silence in the air.
Whispers had given way to silence, and every pair of eyes seemed fixated on her.
Reacting quick, Charlotte rose from her seat, rushing to Lily's side, a protective shield against the brewing storm. Davina, too, made a move, but one of their classmates anticipated them.
"Is it true?" the classmate's voice quivered, "Is Marcus really gone?"
Lily's world spun around.
Gone?
What were they talking about?
A cruel prank, perhaps?
Marcus couldn't be gone.
He had been right there with her just days ago, through all those ordinary yet cherished moments.
"What do you mean?" Lily stuttered, her composure slipping.
"Lily, come on, let's get out of here," Charlotte urged, gently tugging at Lily's hand, leading her toward the corridor.
But Lily, driven by a gnawing fear, yanked her hand away and demanded answers.
"What do you mean?!" Her voice quivered, a tear now streaming down her cheek.
The classroom fell into a scary silence. No one knew the answers, yet rumors swirled like wildfire, hungry for an explanation.
Lily bolted from her seat, stumbling in her steps. Tears stained the floor, her hands scraped from the fall.
Charlotte and Davina rushed to her side, helping her rise, embracing her in a warm embrace while the rest of the class bore witness in solemn silence.
"It's going to be okay."
"Calm down."
"Everything will work out."
Comforting words flowed from her friends' lips, but she couldn't hear them, she was too focused on what was happen in her mind.
No.
It couldn't be, it just couldn't be true.
She had to know the truth.
With a sudden surge of determination, she pulled away from Charlotte and bolted towards the source of it all, like a sprinter racing towards the finish line.
She wasn't a natural runner, her breath came in ragged gasps, her chest burning, but her tears seemed to fuel her, pushing her past her limits.
Her eyes, swollen and reddened by grief, were stinging now from the cold wind that seemed to conspire against her, trying to hold her back.
The sky above had turned a somber gray, mirroring her tumultuous emotions. The wind whipped at her, a relentless adversary, attempting to slow her pace, but she pressed on, her determination unwavering.
It felt like nature itself was sending her a message, whispering in the rustling leaves and the chilling gusts that she couldn't do this. But she refused to yield. She wouldn't stop until she unraveled the truth, until she found the answers she so desperately needed. Only then could she allow herself to rest.
Finally, she reached Marcus's house and pounded on the door with a mix of fury and sorrow. The knocks echoed her inner turmoil. Exhausted and overwhelmed, she sank to the doorstep, her tears now falling freely onto trembling hands.
Moments later, Marcus' mother appeared, her eyes, her face, had a sadness deeper than her own.
The truth hit her like a tidal wave, she couldn't deny it any longer.
His parents, too, were drowning in sorrow. Their mournful cries resonated with the depths of a pain that words could never capture.
"Oh, my dear," Marcus' mother whispered, enveloping Lily in a tearful embrace.
"Marcus," Lily sobbed, "he didn't tell me..."
For a brief, bewildering moment, Marcus' mother looked surprised. Then her eyes softened.
"He didn't tell you anything?"
"He's known for ten months," she revealed.
Known?
Known what?
Confusion clouded Lily's thoughts, and she implored Marcus' mother for answers.
"What do you mean?" Lily choked out, despair etched across her face.
"It's better if you hear it from him," Marcus' mother responded, handing Lily the ten letters that explained everything, that brought her despair, anger and sadness after finally knowing everything.
With trembling hands, Lily opened the first letter, her tears blurring the words. She didn't want to ruin Marcus' letters.
"My dearest Lily,
For the past ten months, I've carried a heavy burden, a secret I couldn't bear to share. I was diagnosed with a rare genetic heart disease, and my days were numbered.
You must be filled with questions, and now, you deserve answers.
Meeting you was the greatest blessing of my life. That rainy day when our paths crossed at the swing, it was simultaneously the worst and the best day I've ever experienced. The best because I met you, the person who taught me how to truly live again, to savor life's smallest pleasures, and to extend a helping hand to others. The worst because it revealed that my time with you would be cut short, that I wouldn't be here for much longer to enjoy these moments by your side.
From that day on, I made a promise to myself that I would keep my distance from others. I didn't want to subject anyone else, especially you, to the heartbreak I knew would come. I couldn't bear to break another heart in addition to my own. But, despite my struggles, I couldn't help but to fall deeply in love with you. This became my greatest regret and my most cherished treasure.
I'm sorry for being selfish, and I'm sorry for not being here with you now. If I were, I would hold you close and shower you with a thousand hugs and kisses. But I will never be here, and I will never deserve you or any kind of forgiveness.
I've always been a selfish being. To cope with everything, to manage the overwhelming emotions I felt for you, I started writing these letters every month. I knew that someday, this moment might come, so,
Should these words reach your eyes, know that my presence has vanished from this world."
A/N: I'm the author and I have no words.
The epilogue and author's note will be published in a few hours hopefully! Sorry for the delay!