THE MORE YOU COMMENT, THE MORE I WANT TO WRITE!!
Arsalan walked up to me until he was only a few steps away. He was looking at me now with a softened look that didn't seem as scary. I gulped and tried to stabilize my heavy breathing before he could notice. I didn't wan to appear weak in front of him.
"I told you to close the door because the guards downstairs could hear our conversation. Our royal status demands us to be our best, which means a single mistake can bring along numerous problems. Our personal life should not be the talk of the public which is why we must talk behind closed door about such matters" he explained in a serious tone. He then looked away and rubbed the nape of his neck with his hand. I guess he was right, my parents also explained to me how matters between a married couple should remain private between them. But I couldn't share a room with him, he needed to give me some other option.
"Could you please give me another room. I'm sure I saw a few down the hallway" I requested
"You can't leave this room tonight Isbah. Though my men are true and loyal to me, they are still men and I wouldn't want my wife close to them unnecessarily. Having you stay in another room will not only make you more vulnerable if God forbid something were to happen, but it would also keep me worried. I want you to here where I see you with me" he said authoritatively and then walked back to the bed and took a seat on the edge. There was a short moment of silence that followed as neither of us said or did anything. I was looking at Arsalan while he faced the side wall with his back towards me. I wondered what he would do next because this night was just out of my comfort zone. The room was quite dark with only the light of the lanterns illuminating it. The windows were open and I could see parts of the night sky since most was hidden behind he clouds.
"You've probably had a long day. Come and sleep" Arsalan said while still facing the opposite direction. I didn't move initially but then decided to at least grab my pillow before he got angry again. I walked to the side of the bed closest me while Arsalan was seated on the other side. I went up to the head of the bed and picked up the pillow placed there. I also put down the lantern in my hand on the side table. I then walked to the chaise lounge placed by the wall where Arsalan was facing. I didn't want to come in his sight but he was gonna find out anyway. I slowly walked to it and set my pillow there. Just then, Arsalan lifted his head to look at me and a frown formed on his face as though he was disappointed in me.
"You know you won't fit on it" he stated and I just looked down in embarrassment. I knew I wouldn't fit on it but there was no way I was sharing a bed with him.
"I will manage" I said and placed the pillow on it
"Just come to the bed, I'm not going to eat you" he said with a shake of his head
"I know but I'm fine here" I said and I was now twiddling with the pillow case as a way to keep myself occupied
"Do you really hate me that much? I though that in three years you might have begun to think a little differently about me, at least enough to give me a chance but you are the same indecisive girl" he said while staring at me with saddened eyes that made me feel wrong and guilty.
"Maybe if you were a girl you'd understand how difficult it is to accept someone you didn't wholeheartedly choose but rather agreed to marry because of other people's influence" I said sentimentally. I was tired of being blamed for not accepting this relationship.
"YOU said yes at the Nikkah. You accepted. No one was threatening to kill you. You could have disagreed" he said
"Your parents begging you to do something is a threat, a threat of being labelled as an ungrateful child which I couldn't take" I said with teary eyes recalling my baba's crying face
"I doubt you parents are like that. They know that God gave you every right to choose for yourself so you could have said No. I am sure they gave you the choice" he argued
"Yes I could have disagreed but I didn't ok. I hate that.... I hate that I didn't stand up for myself. I regret agreeing to it. I hate that you choose me... did you not like anyone else. You could have gotten anyone" I complained a bit louder in a hoarse voice. Tears now rolled down my face as I tried to contain my sobs
"I did like someone and it was you which is why I choose to marry you... I don't understand, you hate me because I choose you over thousands of other girls?" he said in anger with a bit of confusion. We were now arguing face to face, sometimes we would whisper as an effort to keep our voices low enough so the guards wouldn't hear us.
"Yes! I thought I liked you when I saw you before our wedding but I didn't know who you were then. I hated the Shehzada for ending my options of marrying someone I would have liked and so these last three years I've spent blaming and hating my husband who married me forcefully and that unfortunately is you" I cried. Arsalan abruptly stood up from the bed in anger and stomped towards me until we were just a few inches away. My body tensed at seeing him so close to me and I couldn't keep looking at him without breaking away every few seconds.
"Never repeat that again! Never say that I forced you to marry me because I did no such thing. I consider it an abusive insult to myself that I would ever force a helpless women in any way, especially to marry me. I am not that cruel" He said with eyes shooting daggers at me, "It's best if you get that thought out of your head and hold yourself accountable for your own actions"
"As your husband I have every right over you! If I want, I can force you right now and no one can stop me, not even you" He said dangerously and my breath hitched and skin went pale, "But I would do no such thing because I know how to treat a women with respect and dignity. I am willing to accept all my responsibilities and I hope you accept yours as well before it gets too late"
"You think you can scare me just because I am here alone" I whimpered looking up at his dominating figure hovering over me. I backed up a little and my legs hit the chaise lounge unbalancing me and I fell back onto it in a seated position. Just then, Arsalan stepped forward until his legs almost touched mine and he bent down to reach my level until out faces were just a few inches apart. He placed his one hand on the head of the chaise lounge, trapping me from there. I could feel his breath and his eyes stared into mine. By now, I was breathing heavily and my heartbeat was racing.
"I wouldn't dream of it" He said softening his glare. He then backed away before sitting beside me uninvited. I scooted away from him but there was only little space to my right. He followed my action and scooted closer towards me until there was a finger worth of space left between us. I cowered into my corner and didn't look at him.
"Things cannot go on like this Isbah. We can not fight every time we talk about our marriage. Weather you like it or not, we are married and it was on mutual consent even if not mutual happiness" He said and I internally shook my head
"Tell me... what can I do to make you like me?" he asked and I glimpsed at him
"I don't now" I said
"Then why don't you give me a chance? You need to tell me something!" he insisted and I sniffled
I looked at him and said, "I don't know... I just don't like this relationship. It makes me feel like I am a prisoner to other people's wants when in fact it should be a beautiful and happy bond" I said and he sighed looking away for a moment
"We did agree on talking like friends at the least so lets work on that. That is not to say I won't speak of our relationship at all but at least lets communicate better. Just talk" Arsalan said with a small smile, "If you really don't want to share the bed, then its all yours and I'll sleep here" he said referring to the chaise lounge. My cheeks were tinted red but I was relieved at this decision. I quickly got up to leave but he caught my wrist which made me turn to look at him. He was still seated and was looking up at me with a smile.
"Good night!" he said with a smirk and then slowly released my wrist. I nodded once and quickly returned to the bed, leaving the pillow I had placed on the chaise lounge. That happened so quickly that I didn't have time to process it or react how I would have otherwise.
I reached the bed and took off my shoes. Then I climb onto it and snuck under the quilt while occasionally glancing at Arsalan who kept his gaze on me. It sent butterflies in my stomach but I tried to ignore it to the best I could. By now, I was seated on the bed when suddenly, Arsalan's movement caught my eyes as he fixed himself on the chaise lounge. Just seeing him try to squeeze his legs to fit in it hurt my eyes. It was clear he was going to have a very uncomfortable sleep. In fact, sleeping on the ground would have been more comfortable but it was quite dusty and who knew how many insects there might be.
I slowly lay down on one side of the bed but kept glancing at Arsalan from time to time. The guilt of making his sleep there wouldn't let me sleep. I would have managed to somewhat fit there but he was too big. An hour passed by in silence as I tried to sleep but no success. A lot of it was because of being in a new place and missing my family. The thought of being in the same room as Arsalan was no help either but I trusted him enough to not be scared right now. Then, there was also my guilt that kept nudging me to ask him to come back to the bed where he could properly sleep. But he wouldn't let me sleep on the chaise lounge which meant we would have to share. I couldn't be the bad person I was proving to be so I had to do something. I sat up on the end and look at Arsalan who lay there with his eyes closed. I quietly got out of the bed and slipped into my shoes. Then I tip-toed to him until I was standing beside the chaise lounge.
"Arsalan" I whispered but no response
"Arsalan" I whispered louder but still no response. I could hear his light snores now and began to double thing if I should wake him up. I still decided to call him once more so I whispered his name the loudest I could and his eyes shot open. He quickly sat up on the chaise lounge a little delusional as one is after waking up and looked at me in confusion and worry.
"What happened?" he asked a little concerned in his sleepy voice
"You can sleep on the bed since you seem very uncomfortable here" I offered and he looked at me in the most surprised manner as if he didn't believe what I just said.
"I don't think I heard you right" He said
"You did" I replied looking away. Just then, I saw a smile form on his lips as his eyes opened up wider.
"Thank goodness you offered" he said jokingly, "I have slept on tougher grounds but this chaise lounge is something else"
"And what about you?" he asked fully realizing what I had offered
"I can sleep here. I'll manage to fit" I said and his smile slowly faded
"You can return to the bed then. I'll remain here" He said a little disappointed and began to lay back.
I stared at him angrily but his eyes were closed as he adjusted himself on the chaise lounge. I couldn't believe this man, I was offering him a comfy bed but he was so stubborn. Well, suits him better anyways. I returned to the bed and slid under the covers. I kept my scarf loosely atop my head as I drowned into a weak sleep.
---
"Good morning!" I heard Arsalan's excited voice which woke me from my slumber. I rubbed my eyes and sat up on the bed while adjusting my scarf. I then met his fresh eyes with my drowsy ones.
"Just pack up or change anything you need to and come meet me downstairs. I'll be waiting. Call me if you need my help" he instructed and headed out, closing the door behind him. I quickly got out of the bed and fixed myself up. There was a pot of water there as well which I used to gargle with and clean my face. I quickly fixed my dress and scarf. The sun hadn't risen yet so it was still pretty early but I saw some emerging golden rays on the horizon. I quickly headed out of the room and downstairs to meet Arsalan.
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