Time does not, in fact, heal all wounds. But it does make the injuries more tolerable to endure. No amount of time would ever rid Cale or Alver of the grief they felt about losing their mothers at a young age but that grief could become easier with time.
Likewise, everything else that they endured in their turbulent lives wouldn't be healed with time alone. Cale wouldn't regain his connection to his family through time, it required effort and understanding of everyone involved.
And time didn't make feelings fade either.
I got engaged to Alver Crossman fifteen years ago.
Now that he thought about it, that was an insane amount of time ago. Yet the memories burned fresh in his mind and his feelings had changed an impossible amount of ways since that day. If he thought about it, he'd spent more of his life engaged to Alver than he'd spent not engaged to Alver and that was probably a cause for concern.
The older he got, the more apparent it was that they had been an ill suited match from the start. From the reasons their parents arranged the engagement all the way to their positions and choices in life, it was clear that they just weren't ever given the opportunity to be good together. As though some cruel god had arranged events to work against them time and again.
The number of letters increased.
Then Alver began to contact him through communication orbs.
And two months ago, Alver brought up visiting the Henituse Territory this upcoming spring.
Of course, Cale turned him down and told him to come in the winter. Just to be a spoiled brat.
Cale rested his cheek on the palm of his hand and stared down at the contents of his desk with a pensive feeling.
It would be his first time seeing Alver in person since everything.
Tasha left the Henituse Territory a full year after and a few months later, Alver wanted to come see him.
It was hard to put a label on his feelings.
In the past nearly two years, Cale and Alver had talked about virtually every topic under the sun. The need for secrecy vanished and after everything, it felt wrong to lie. It was easy. It was fun. Cale treasured the correspondence with Alver more than he ever had before.
But they never addressed their feelings. The nebulous nature of an engagement that neither of them asked for and both strived to get rid of.
...should I try to seduce him?
Cale sighed and leaned back in his chair, kicking his legs up onto the counter as he contemplated matters. Years of envelopes filled with Cale's unrequited love laid before him and he didn't know quite what to do with it. These days there was hardly a day that went past without some communication between Cale and his ex-fiance but what were the nature of those feelings?
Cale knew he was in love. He'd been in love before but now he was stupidly in love. Pathetically in love. Getting to know Alver better had apparently been a terrible mistake because now he had a ridiculous amount of reasons to love Alver.
And he knew that Alver loved him too, that much was evident in his dedication and affection.
...but what kind of love was it?
Love for a younger sibling or friend? Sort of like the obnoxiously overwhelming affection he endured from Jungsu, Eric, and Roksu? Or was there something else there?
We don't talk about it because I don't want to talk about it.
Alver was respectful of his boundaries, sometimes far too respectful but Cale appreciated it nonetheless, and Cale couldn't claim that he wanted to talk about Alver's feelings toward him. Or what he wanted their relationship to become. Perhaps due to confessing to Alver twice already in different ways and being gently rejected both times.
Does it really count as a rejection if he just told me he thought my feelings were a youthful mistake? Besides, Bob never rejected me, he'd just looked horrified when I talked about it.
He was depressing himself.
Truth be told, he was putting it off. For the first time in his memory, he had a good relationship with everyone he loved. There were still kinks to iron out and there were grievances that weren't easily forgotten, but the 'lout' was reformed and his family was happy. He had friends, family, and the person he was in love with paid him constant attention.
I know that it's not just pity.
He would have to be stupid to continue believing that after everything. Cale was unfortunately quite astute when it came to reading people.
...but what if it is?
He was also still a little insecure.
It would hurt too much if he confessed to Alver a third time and this time he received a firm rejection and a pitying look. He wasn't ready to face that.
Jungsu seems convinced we're going to get married. Crazy guy.
Cale ran a hand through his hair and settled down.
Alver was due to arrive at the Territory in roughly a month. There wouldn't be any fancy carriage or entourage, just the Crown Prince teleporting with a small group of trusted individuals in order to spend time with his good friend Cale Henituse.
Cale knew he was taking time out of his schedule that he shouldn't. Even now, Alver was probably overworking himself half to death just so that he'd have the freetime necessary to arrive. It would simply be easier for them both if Cale went to see him but Alver expressed a desire to visit after a long time and so, here they were.
The bittersweet nostalgia of welcoming Alver here mixed with the desire to see him. The idea of welcoming Alver here, happy to see him. Happy to welcome him. And to see that happiness reflected in Alver's eyes. Throughout their long engagement, this would be a first.
It's ridiculous how excited I am...
The letters were gently gathered up and placed back into the drawer where Cale kept them. He wouldn't admit it even under pain of torture but he'd been scouring the letters for some hint of Alver's feelings. You make me happy was still the strongest contender for an admission of love and Cale knew that was thin. But still, it didn't make for a bad evening to re-read letters sent by the man he loved.
He also had a hobby of reviewing the letters that Bob and Alver sent simultaneously for something more to hold above the duplicitous crown prince. It was hilarious how flustered Alver got when Cale started reading a letter aloud.
Alver was really just a dumb kid when he'd chosen to risk it all in order to comfort a fiance who he didn't even like. Crazy punk. Cale smiled fondly and let his eyes linger on the last letter.
He knew he should re-read it before Alver came.
Sometimes, he really let himself believe that Alver's feelings were the same as his own and that delusion would be difficult to hide during an in person visit. So it was better to rip the bandaid off now.
The lengthy and heartbreaking letter in which Bob assured him that Cale's own feelings didn't exist.
Cale hated that letter. If he loved Alver even a little bit less, the damn thing would be kindling. A letter that perfectly distilled all of Alver's worst arrogance and lies and betrayal and the letter that was going to tell him better than words ever could just how Alver felt about him. Or at least, how Alver felt about him when he wrote this letter.
It would be a nice splash of coldwater. A refreshing reminder that Alver's feelings were, in all likelihood, platonic. A dose of reality to keep his head from drifting too far up into the clouds.
Yet, he hesitated.
...I really just don't want to admit it's unrequited, huh?
Unbeknownst to Cale, Alver was experiencing a similar crisis.
–
The Henituse Territory was just as he remembered it.
The teleportation circle, located neatly between the main building and the training area, was situated underneath a gazebo. The crisp winter air was a stark contrast to the comparatively warm capital and Alver was faced with the nostalgic sight of the full Henituse family waiting to greet him politely. It was a bit embarrassing somehow.
Alver's relationship with the family had changed so much since the days when he resented being abandoned in this territory and now it was difficult not to feel a bit awkward as an adult. Perhaps it was because when he was younger there was always a clear explanation for his arrival and it had never been his choice before.
Oh. That was it. Alver found a smile creeping onto his lips as he realized it. This was the first time he ever came to the Henituse Territory voluntarily. By his choice and under his own power, he was the one who decided when and why he came here.
It was a freeing thought. For all the countless days he'd spent resentful of being forced here, now he was here of his own accord.
I think I understand a bit more what Cale was talking about. It wasn't that Alver had never lacked autonomy in his life or found the rigid structure of his existence to be suffocating, but often he accepted it as inevitable.
There was something truly powerful about choosing something freely, even if it was the same thing you were forced to tolerate before.
Among the line of welcoming faces, Alver's eyes rested on the one who haunted his thoughts and felt a laugh itching inside of his throat, begging to be set free.
Cale was quite blatantly pouting.
For what possible reason? Alver didn't even want to guess. He would rather hear it from Cale's lips. But the funny look on Cale's face was absolutely adorable.
I don't think you'll ever look happy to see me. Alver really did chuckle at the thought. It ought to have discouraged him but there was something just so Cale about the glower that he couldn't help but love it.
As though infected by Alver's good mood, a smile overtook Cale's dower expression and it was an amazing sight to see. Bright and elegant, confident and cocky, adorable and sweet. The type of smirk he would expect from the arrogant lout of the Henituse family.
I really love him so much.
The greetings were brief, and a touch awkward between Deruth and Alver, but soon Alver was walking the familiar route to his bedroom with Ron as a guide and Cale walking leisurely at his side, as though it was the most normal thing to do in the world.
To some extent, he was relieved that Cale was relaxed around him. He'd been nervous that Cale seeing him in person might bring back bad memories or perhaps they might fall into old habits. Alver wasn't sure he had the strength to hear Cale's vehement declarations of hatred the way he had when they were children.
But to another extent, Alver felt all the more nervous. Cale acted as though this was all normal and wore an unaffected expression and a casually graceful posture. Was Alver the only one who was nervous? And if Cale wasn't remotely conscious of him, how did that bode for the future?
Although it was certainly better for Cale to be comfortable around him than scared of him, perhaps a part of his heart had hoped that Cale might be as flustered as Alver was. They were currently just friends but...
Alver swallowed thickly and earned a nudge from Cale, making fun of him for sounding nervous. "What's wrong? Scared I'll bite?"
Alver caught the mischief in Cale's eyes and went along with it, if for no other purpose than to distract himself. "Judging by those canines, it would hurt quite a bit so I hope you won't. Although, I suppose it makes sense for a dog like you to chase after squirrels."
There was a definite stifled laugh that came from Ron and Cale shot him a glare before clicking his tongue at Alver. "So you've finally admitted that you're a squirrel fucker then?"
"I'll be a squirrel but my sexual orientation still does not include small furry animals, I'm afraid."
Cale laughed and it was such a good sound. Clear and boisterous and full of amusement.
I want to kiss him.
Alver politely said a brief goodbye to Cale upon reaching his room, taking in the familiar sight with an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia.
It really was the exact way he'd left it. Maintained over the years but not a decoration out of place. In a way, it made him feel as though he'd gone backwards in time and he couldn't help but marvel at the feeling.
He approached his old desk before frowning very slightly. This was the only area that changed. Strange. There were plenty of bedrooms and offices within the sprawling Henituse estate, there was hardly a need for someone to seek out this specific desk...
An urgent pounding on his door disrupted his thoughts and Alver walked over, opening it for a flushed and angry looking Cale.
"Get out."
"...pardon?"
Cale pushed past him and then made a halfhearted effort to push Alver out of the room. "I said shoo! I told Ron not to send you to this room, that lying conniving little–"
"...why didn't you complain when he guided us here then?"
Cale flushed and sent Alver a withering glare. "I was distracted, okay? Fuck off." The words were harsh but they lacked any of Cale's biting resentment. He just sounded embarrassed.
Alver's thoughts drifted towards the desk and a smile slowly spread across his lips. Silly. Silly and cute. Cale really didn't need to feel so embarrassed over using the desk. Of course, Alver was going to tease him over it but it really wasn't that big of a deal.
It did feel a bit special though. To consider Cale sneaking into his old room in order to pen letters to him. It felt like a special secret that was just between the two of them. Quite refreshing.
"Is there something wrong with this room?" Alver asked coyly, the look in his eye entirely giving away his intentions.
Cale scowled at him. As though considering making an argument, flashes of irritation and calculation passed behind his eyes, before Cale apparently decided on his best route to victory.
"Fine. Asshole. If you really wanna know." Cale stomped over to the desk, his sudden change surprising Alver for just a moment before he remembered that was just the sort of person Cale was. Instead of keeping a secret fearfully, he was far more likely to glare his personal monsters in the face with blunt honesty. "I didn't want you to see this shit."
To Alver's surprise once more, Cale didn't merely gesture to the desk and announce this is where I wrote, see? Are you happy now? but rather pulled open a draw roughly and slammed a pile of envelopes onto the desk.
Oh. His letters. Alver approached the desk with a small smile that froze when he got a better look at the envelopes.
Those letters.
The ones that Alver assumed fed the Henituse fireplace and went unread. Desperate and embarrassing letters from before he realized how deep his emotions were for Cale but still couldn't let go.
A flush of embarrassment overtook him and Alver tried not to let it show as Cale explained further.
"It's shitty that I never replied to you. I'm sorry." Cale grumbled and looked away and Alver had an idea as to why Cale found this embarrassing as well. Each letter was neatly opened and maintained. Every word that Alver sent to Cale had been properly treasured.
Emotion he didn't know how to control surged in his heart and Alver tried, with great difficulty, not to pull Cale into a crushing hug.
Cale was so ridiculously precious.
Alver picked up an envelope, intending to lighten the mood by making fun of his own one-sided correspondence when something about the envelope struck him as strange.
"Hey, don't–" Cale started but it was too late and Alver had neatly plucked out the extra page.
[Hey ya squirrel fucking garbage, been awhile]
Oh.
Heat rushed through Alver's chest and to his veins, making his entire body tingle with emotion as he couldn't help but read each word as though discovering some great treasure. It wasn't anything exceptional, the same as a million letters that Cale had sent him before, although perhaps a bit more open than usual.
But he wrote back.
Alver picked up another envelope and Cale groaned, sinking to the ground with his head in his hands as though wrecked with embarrassment. After confirming the contents of another letter, just to be sure, Alver knelt down beside him with a soft smile.
"Cale."
"...what?" Cale asked grouchily, keeping his face hidden in his knees. Alver could see how red his ears were though.
"You really wrote a reply to each one?"
"...shut up, idiot. Isn't that obvious? Fucker."
"May I read them?"
"What does it matter?" Cale groused, thoroughly pouting now.
Alver rested a hand gently by Cale's ear, his own heart pounding in his ears. "It matters to me. I don't want to disrespect your wishes."
Cale paused and for just a moment, Alver could swear that Cale leaned into Alver's hand.
"...they were written for you. You can read them. Jerk."
Alver couldn't quite help himself, pushing the envelope a bit farther.
"Why'd you reply? I thought you hated me back then."
Cale looked up and his face was so adorably red that Alver didn't know quite what to do about himself. The prominent pout and Cale's handsome face, and the knowledge that Cale was so flustered because of him.
That perhaps things weren't as hopeless between them as he thought.
"...you rejected me, asshole. What the fuck was I supposed to feel?" Cale gnashed his teeth in a way that made Alver a little nervous that Cale just might bite him and shifted his position to grab Alver by the collar, a ferocious expression on his face that was maintained by bravery and pride. Never one to run away. Never one to accept loss. Cale was the sort of man who could fight a war for twenty years alone without ever losing his passion. "I'm not so desperate as to keep fucking vying for your goddamn attention, you piece of shit."
Alver's eyes widened and just how many times in his life had Cale made him feel like a fool? It wasn't that Cale was smarter in any significant way but perhaps he was. Alver always measured intelligence by his prowess as a prince but when it came to Cale, he was just an idiot.
"...I am."
"What?" Cale snapped.
"I'm desperate enough to keep vying for your attention." Alver allowed his hand to caress Cale's cheek gently, tenderly, hesitantly, ready to be pushed away. "Why do you think I kept sending letters?"
Cale's face was an adorable mess of confusion and hope and Alver really did feel like an idiot for not noticing sooner. He was always a fool when it came to understanding Cale it would seem and he always noticed obvious things about Cale way too late.
He leaned forward, slowly and gently entering Cale's space and watching Cale's expression for any sign of rejection. "May I kiss you?"
Of course Cale wasn't the sort of person to meekly nod yes and then submissively await his prince's kiss. With a growl that sounded a lot more like the dog Alver accused him of being and a lot less like a person, Cale dragged Alver down by the collar and pressed their lips together.
A desperate and affectionate kiss full of years of emotion.
Alver really did forget how to breathe. Cale's soft lips moved chastely against his own before pulling away with a look of such vulnerable hope on his face that it broke Alver's heart.
Ah, he'd probably, no he'd definitely, broken Cale's heart so many times. He'd need to make up for that.
Alver caressed Cale's lips gently with his thumb, smiling at him lovingly. "I wanted to do this in the garden, just to find a place meaningful to both of us." Alver explained, pulling a small box from his pocket and watching Cale's eyes widen impossibly further. "I love you. I have for some time now." Alver leaned in, placing one last kiss on Cale's lips before presenting the ring. "Would you like to court me with marriage in mind, Cale Henituse?"
The feeling of Cale's crushing weight over him as Alver was pushed down with Cale's urgent hug. The tearful laughter on Cale's flushed face. The shower of kisses while Alver was pinned to the floor with Cale hugging him for the first time in many years with such affection. The shower of letters that fell down from the desk above them. The smile he could feel on Cale's lips that reflected his own as he was finally able to hold the person he loved close.
I love him.
Sometimes it really could be that simple, when people had the freedom to decide.