Quora is a wild, wild place. The evidence?:
It's so real tho
I've been doing more Conan art. I would put photos here, but I can't be bothered. It's a process. If you want to see check out my Redbubble shop lol. I don't mind if u just look
Also, here's my dog Herbie:
Also- Måneskin WAS AMAZINg AhhHhHHHHHHH!!! I TOUCHED VIC! She walked thru the crowd right in front of us (my mum and I) and Mum was wearing a 'The Cure' shirt which Vic thought was really cool. SHE SMILED AND MADE EYE CONTACT WITH ME and my arm brushed hers when she walked past!!!
If u have questions, or want to fan girl with me, do so here:
Do u guys have things u want to know about me? ask here:
Anyways... onto the story lol.
As we stroll down the hall of the castle, I feel so strangely out of place. It's so unusual, the people, the 'investments', the money. And while this is meant to be a fun and pleasant evening, I can't help but feel uptight. My muscles are tense, and though I try to relax them, the people around us and undeniably focused-on-us eyes are enough of a reminder to maintain my for-one-night-only posture.
This place is dripping with record label owners and famous musicians waiting to pounce, to snatch up Conan into singing for them. But he won't, and I'm proud of him for that, but also all too aware of the pressure that he'll have on him.
Pride pounds through my veins as people watch him and me together, even though most watch with vicious, judging eyes. But those people aren't the ones that count, I've learnt. They're the people here for popularity or money or investments, and most of them are influencers. Somewhere in this castle, there are more familiar faces, but for now, I'm glad to have found a quiet, slightly less hectic place to just breathe.
It's the official album release party for Starfall today, and Conan's record company is hosting a party in collaboration with Spotify to celebrate and promote it. It's in this big brick castle in the city, and it's almost like a more spacious version of The Institute from City Of Bones, except modern and decked with fairy lights. I feel like everybody here should be wearing thick black training suits as opposed to sequins and glitter and skin.
Conan has been anxious about this all week, mostly about dealing with people, but his anxiety is always pointless. The way he deals with people is highly admirable. You'd never be able to tell that he was nervous, really. But it's also highly exhausting for both of us. We're not even halfway through the night and all I want to do is go home and crawl under the sheets and fall asleep. The whole week has been like this, since the album release. It's been endlessly checking social media and phone calls, and feeling bad on my end for not being able to do more for Conan to help him deal with it all.
We both spent a solid four hours getting ready for this party. Conan hired people to do my makeup, hair and outfit as a 'treat', but in reality, I don't think it was really a choice. He and I both knew that there'd be a crap ton of photos taken of us tonight, Conan, especially... he is the star of the show, after all. But neither of us expected that many photos.
The makeup and hair artists really did go full-out though, and the designer didn't exactly go minimal either. My hair hangs loose at my shoulders, simply curled and slightly fluffed, but there are two intricate braids going from the front of my hair to the back. Conan's hair is slightly fluffy too, but barely touched compared to mine. We both have thin black eyeliner lining our eyes, with minimal eyeshadow giving the eyeliner a blended look. My lips are painted a few shades darker. I look like a model, my cheekbones are highlighted and sharp. Mind you, I probably will be on a few covers of magazines with Conan now... not necessarily consentingly. I think back to all the gossip magazines that I've seen in the supermarkets before, with photos of celebrities in clearly framed photos and just as terrible captions.
Ours will probably have things like: 'Olivia Rodrigo's Boyfriend Who Wears More Makeup Than She Does Seen At Big Party With New, Less Pretty Girl!', 'Who's Showing More Skin? Pop Star Conan Gray Or Mysterious Unknown Lady Love', "Konin Gray's New Lady Love Fails To Impress' or probably even 'Has Hearthrob Conan Gray Really Settled For Less Than He Deserves?'
I was glad that the people working on my look for tonight didn't decide to deal with me in the same room as Conan when he was being dressed up. Well... sort of, but not because of the crippling heart, breathing and general functioning issues I have whenever Conan undresses in front of me. No, I would've died had he been in the room when the makeup artist and person dressing me decided to remove my sweater. Much to their shock, I had dark, reddish patches and bruises on my neck, across my shoulders and the top of my chest. I hadn't even noticed them too much myself, but I was so embarrassed. Luckily, as the make-up artist prided himself in telling me, he'd 'dealt with worse' and was 'used to dealing with situations like these' and now it looks like my skin was never anything less than perfect in the first place.
Conan doesn't look anywhere but in front of him, as we walk, his arm tightly circled around my waist, hand brushing my stomach. The crystal sconces on the walls and lights on the floor surround him like a halo, the warm light contrasting with the dark walls and decor. He's dressed in dark slacks that are loose-fitting from the bottoms of his thighs onwards. He's wearing his Never Ending Song jacket over bare skin. I'm wearing a simple knee-length black dress with two yellow strips up the sides and a star on the back matching Conan's jacket.
"They've played this song a million times already..." Conan mutters, and I freeze, turning to look at him. I tune into what's actually playing and realise that they're still playing his album... still.
"I mean... I guess it is an album release party... it is celebrating this album's existence..." I comment.
"Yeah, but like... must they?" He laughs nervously, and my expressions soften.
"Are you still anxious?" I ask quietly, eyes trained on his face.
"Very much so," he exhales shakily, his voice cracking a little. I cup his cheeks with my hands tenderly, leaning up to kiss him slowly.
"You're doing wonderful. How about this? After we get out of here, we can do whatever you want... my treat. Deal?" I offer, and he grins, his soft breathing tickling my skin.
"I just want to lie in bed with you and watch a movie... ideally with ice cream and coffee. Is that alright, or not exciting enough for you?" he snickers, and I shake my head slightly.
"Sounds perfect to me. So, do you not like that they're playing your album? Because I'm sure they can change it if you ask baby~?"
"It's not that... it's just weird that they've played it over and over again. Like... there's better stuff that they could play," he points out, and I nod.
"Yeah, I get that. But I like it, and honestly, I like that they've played it practically non-stop. If I was at home right now, I'd be doing exactly that, just in my headphones. They're playing it because it is your voice, and they're celebrating it."
"Yes because I'm a genius," he says sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
I take his hand and lead him over towards the wall,
"I'm sick of pacing," I explain, leaning against the dark wallpaper, "Now, don't do that."
"Do what?!" He asks defensively, looking around flightily.
"Don't put yourself down. It's not making your anxiety better, dumbass. Now, I love you, but you really need to relax. It's okay. Just focus on me, not the music. I'll ask for them to change it if it's really annoying you, but..." I trail off, but Conan leans in to kiss me.
"I'm sorry," he mutters against my lips, "You're right. You don't need to do that, I'm just being insecure. I love you too, Y/n."
"For what it counts, I've only heard incredibly good things about the album tonight. You've gotten a lot of compliments," I point out, and his grin returns.
"Hmm, yes," he murmurs, "It's been a good ego boost, that's for sure."
"Huh," I scoff, "If I didn't know any better I'd say that you've been liking all the praise!"
"Is there something wrong with that dear? After all, isn't the point of praise to build others up?" he points out, and I smile.
"Nothing wrong with it at all," I pull him in by the belt, and he braces himself with his forearm pressed against the wall, "In fact... it's kind of cute..."
"Hmm, I am cute, aren't I?" he interrupts,
"I like suddenly-cocky Cone!"
He slaps my shoulder playfully, chewing on his lower lip,
"I wouldn't say cocky, but if it turns you on~" he murmurs, going in to kiss me again, but I burst out giggling. He shoots me a quizzical look and it only makes me laugh more, "I have no idea what's so funny but okay!'
I pull his head down to mine and he stumbles a little, falling against me and pushing me harder against the wall. He pulls apart a little but freezes once I slide my hands up to rest on his chest, on the hard skin beneath his jacket. In return, he cranes his neck to plant soft, slow kisses up along my jaw.
I can hear a couple of high-pitched giggles from behind him, followed by low, jealous whispering. I shoot a look over his shoulder to see a group of young women staring and giggling at each other. They see me watching and all avert my gaze, blushing, but still watching. The sudden realisation of piercing eyes makes me all too aware that there's no chance of privacy in these halls, and just thinking about it makes my whole body tense up.
"Conan..." I mutter, and he hums questioningly in reply, "Those girls... the girls behind us are staring at you~'
"Of course they are, I'm stunningly attractive~" he replies, and I sigh in frustration, "Come with me~"
I pull him with me into the closest room, locking the door behind us, and sighing deeply. But before I can say anything, he pushes me up against the wall again.
"Hmm, much better... privacy~" he exhales, his mouth next to my ear which he kisses. The lighting in this room is dark and more natural. The walls here are not decked in old gothic-style artworks or sconces, and there are no extravagant chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. Rather, this room is painted seafoam blue and is clearly one of the castle's rooms that they hire out to stay in. There's a kitchen and a huge couch, as well as a few doors which I assume lead to the bedroom and bathroom.
"Mmm~ just us now baby~" I mutter, and I feel him relax under my touch, leaning against me.
"Finally~" he sighs, "Don't get me wrong, I'm honoured and everything to have this party, but I'd much rather celebrate with you and only you... and maybe Ash... and Liv... but mostly you~"
"Mmm, I don't think Ash or Liv are too interested in what we'd be doing to celebrate~"
I pull him back towards my lips, kissing him hard. My heart races and my hands have to grip his jacket to keep me upright. He groans, pressed so close to me, not a gap between us, moving with me in a way that makes me forget my own name. I feel small in his arms but safe. So safe. I try to tug at his jacket more to pull it off, but he doesn't let me, freezing and pulling apart.
"Mmm, I'm sorry, I want to too, but... Max wants me to a speech in like... ten minutes. But later~?" He sighs, and I nod, pressing a quick kiss to his nose.
"Later."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Conan steps up on the makeshift stage, and the people around us cheer loudly.
"Oh my gosh! Thank you so much!" He chuckles into the microphone, and the crowd shouts even louder. I can see him blush, "Thank you so much!" he repeats.
"I love you, Conan!" some girl screams at the top of her lungs, just as the crowd quietens down.
"And I love you, random citizen!" he replies, and there are a couple of chuckles from those who get the reference, "Wow, how do I even BEGIN?! Perhaps with thank you, thank you for all of your support. After all the support that Superache brought, and the fame that Kid Krow gained thanks to Heather, there were really high expectations. And I'm so grateful, that according to this crowd here today, I must've met those!"
The crowd cheers again,
"I really couldn't have done this without you. Every stream, every watch, every purchase has helped me so much. I love you guys so much! But I have someone in particular to thank. She was the inspiration for much of this album, in particular, Heaven Sent, Dream Of Me, Starwatcher, Midnight Rain, Stay The Night and Living Daylight. In fact, you'll recognise her from the Living Daylight music video. Her name, my friends, is Y/n. You wanna come up here gorgeous?"
I shake nervously but wipe my palms on my skirt. For Conan. I step up onto the stage, taking his hand as the people around us cheer yet again,
"Hey beautiful," he kisses my cheek and everyone cheers louder, and he turns to the crowd laughing with one arm around my waist, "I know, I love her too! Isn't she gorgeous? As I'm sure lots of you know, Y/n has been a huge inspiration for me, since I've met her. She's been with me for so many recording sessions and photo or video sessions that I'm surprised that she hasn't gone insane yet. We met after one of my concerts during a snowstorm when she needed somewhere to stay. I liked her fan art shirt and took her for coffee, and she ended up staying with me for the night."
Someone in the crowd wolf-whistles, but Conan continues, "Hah! Not like that! And we exchanged numbers the next morning, and have been talking ever since. I had such a massive crush on her. I thought I'd been in love before, but Y/n? She was different. She was cute and such a massive fan and she certainly did NOT hold back from shamelessly fangirling around me. She built me up when I really needed it, and just brought a light to my life. She was silly too. One time, we were at a supermarket late at night, and she made me do the Never Ending Song dance with her. The girl knew it by heart- better than I did! I found that so admirable... not torturing me, but how fun and passionate she was. But we were good friends and I was scared to break that, to rush in... Until one day, at a party we kissed, and things evolved from there."
Conan faces me properly, taking the microphone from the stand and holding it in front of him, his smile wide and eyes glistening,
"So thank you, Y/n. For everything. For being so damn cute, and kind, and loving and patient. For being you. For being there when I needed it, and for supporting me. For loving me, and for holding me... for never letting go. I love you so much, Y/n. I don't think I'll ever stop. You're my 'never ending song'. As a child I never really knew what real love looked like- it was unstable. But you... you're stable. Well... you're not, but you know what I mean. You're a constant. I want us to stay that way. I can't lose you. So.... can you make us play forever?"
I nod vigorously, tears pouring down my face, and I pull him in close again, kissing him shamelessly. Conan pulls apart, whooping into the microphone,
"Hot damn! See why I like her? Alright, I love y'all, and I'll be back soon to perform some of these new songs!" he announces, and his fans scream. He takes my hand, pulling me off stage as one of the representatives for the record company takes the microphone from Conan's hand.
"I mean it," he whispers to me, his face serious, "I love you."
I'm not crying you are.
I had such a hard time spelling 'crippling' haha 🤣😭 because we got back late last night I took my meds super late so I felt so gross and groggy this morning and woke up at 1 PM.
Also, I realised that I'm so sick of being single. I just want to kiss someone.
I'm just going (even more) crazy.
Also, I made the mistake of looking up 'Hickies' to describe them properly and that... that was dangerous. Reminds me of when Cone talked about looking up 'Sex Live' on YouTube because of that song 🤣🥲Cone and I are the same I swear!
Jamie 🤣 https://youtube.com/shorts/wA10ZLvwabA?feature=shared