I know a lil someone who has been waiting for this chapter for a little while now ;)
I know it's not a Conan song, but I've been getting super into Måneskin recently and If Not For You is going to be used in this chapter because it just fits. This song describes what Conan is to me. It's beautiful.
"If not for you, I wouldn't sing anymore/ If not for you, I couldn't get off this floor/ If not for you, hell would be knockin' on my door/ If not for you~"
Tell me your top 3 Conan Gray lyrics! This is serious guys! Obvi, not I just wanna know and judge you as people based on your lyric taste lol:
Translations:
Watashi no on'na no akachan= My baby girl
Si, senor= Yes sir
Mi amor (If you are on Wattpad and STILL don't know what this means- and I mean this in the nicest way possible- that's just pure sad.)= My love
Unko atama= poop head (I'm so mature)
Knocking on his door, I swallow back a mouthful of an entire day's full of anxiety. The sun is setting now, the sky painted pinks and oranges and at the top, a dusty blue. I hear him yelp a little, but then there are fast-paced thuds and the unlocking of the door followed by a squeak.
"Baby!" he flings himself at me and pulls me into a massive embrace, squeezing me tight. His arms don't seem to know where to go, caressing me and squeezing me tight. He's inhibiting me from breathing, but I don't mind, squeezing him back. He presses a line of kisses from the base of my neck up to my jaw, causing soft giggles to escape my lips.
"Somebody's excited to see me," I chuckle, "That's nice for a change."
"I was so anxious all day," he admits, "But I don't know why I was so anxious. I think I was just nervous that you wouldn't like my surprise. It's all adrenaline now that you're here though!" he holds his hand out to prove his point, and it's shaking.
"Conan, you're gorgeous, you know that?" I sigh, cheeks hot and my heart feeling swollen in a way that only Conan or intense happiness manages to make me feel. He looks embarrassed, and instead of replying, he leans in to kiss me. It's intense and slightly sloppy, but it still manages to send me to somewhere best described as heaven. I kiss him back, gripping his shirt intensely.
"Come inside baby girl," he smiles affectionately, still holding me as we awkwardly clamber through his doorframe. He leans me up against the wall and straightens up a little, putting a small distance between us that I close by wrapping my arms around his neck. He sighs deeply, his soft brown eyes never leaving mine once, not until I look down.
"Oh shoot! You're dressed up!" I notice. He's wearing a neat, black button-up dress shirt and neat black jeans. Suddenly, my green blouse and leather cargo pants make me feel underdressed, even with my necklace and little star hairpins that I found at a vintage market this morning, "And I'm severely underdressed!"
"No," he sighs contentedly, closing some of the distance between our faces. His eyes lock onto mine again, a cloud of pink creeping up his cheeks, "You're perfect~"
He kisses my neck gently, slowly working down towards my collarbones, giving me kitten licks here and there that make my head tilt back further each time. He straightens up, grasping my hand in his and chuckling to himself.
"So, what's my surprise?" I ask impatiently, and he shakes his head,
"You'll have to wait and see. Close your eyes!" He commands, and I obey him. He pulls a blindfold over my eyes and ties it slowly.
"Ooh- kinky~" I joke, and I hear him scoff. He grabs both my shoulders and steers me around his house, his chest closely pressed against my back. I avoid taking large steps for fear of tripping over, but I end up tripping over my own feet anyway. I can hear his heartbeat in my heart and am completely aware that mine is beating at the same 100-mile-per-hour pace and with the same earthquake intensity. I hear a door squeak open, and we both come to a halt.
"Okay," he coos, untying the blindfold and tucking it into his pocket, "surprise!"
I look around the living room and gasp. The main lights are turned off, but there are about 100 little candles around the place, lighting up the floor, and a medium table with two chairs. On the table are two glasses of a clear-ish drink, filled with ice cubes and lime slices. In front of them are more candles, and rose petals are scattered awkwardly around the place. The room smells amazing- of herbs and the usual- coffee. The curtains are wide open, and we have a perfect view of the city and it's lights. I can see Broadway from here, and it makes me smile. That's where Layla is tonight, with some of our mutual friends.
"Conan, you didn't have to~" I begin, my thoughts returning back to him, but he puts a finger to my lips,
"But I did. I know I'm only gone for a little while, but I'm going to miss you like crazy. Besides, you're the best thing in my life right now- you deserve to be celebrated, gorgeous," Conan winks cheesily, and I start crying a little, "Don't you like it?"
"I love it!" I sob softly, "I love it. Gosh, I'm such an emotional wreck, it's... it's just that it's all so perfect. You're perfect. Just... kiss me again."
He smirks cockily, pulling me close to him and kissing me again for the millionth time. But it still feels new- and just as exciting as the first. He sways me from side to side, tenderly stroking my hair. He pulls apart, leaning onto the countertop plucking a bouquet from the table and passing it to me. It's full of bright, blood-red roses, and I inhale them gratefully.
"They didn't have fifteen dozen of them at the store, but I thought this amount would do," he giggles, and I join him. Then I place them back on the counter gently, afraid of damaging them. "Now, you ready?" I nod, and he ushers me to a seat, pulling it out for me to sit on then sliding it in towards the table once I'm on it, "I'll be right back!" he announced, running towards the kitchen and returning with two hot plates of carbonara. I can see the creamy melted cheese and pancetta mixed evenly through it, the heavenly scent growing more and more intense as I observe the dish.
"Ooh, yum! Thank you!" I grin, watching him place one plate in front of me and the other in front of the other seat, sliding into his seat.
"My pleasure. The drink is a non-alcoholic mojito by the way!" he tells me, picking up his glass and drinking some. I do the same, and the sweetness of the drink brings a rush of colour to my cheeks.
"Cuban drink with Italian food?" I grin, "Genius!"
Ploughing into his carbonara, he muffles something through a mouthful of pancetta and parmesan. The sauce and creamy, and it doesn't take long for my entire plate to disappear, "How do you freaking cook this well Coney?!"
"I listened to Italian glam-rock the whole time. No regrets, although when I was making the tiramisu I almost put too much cognac in it because I was dancing along too aggressively..."
"This was the best surprise yet. Thank you, baby," I sigh, but he gets to his feet and pulls me with him.
"I'm not done yet!" he clarifies, pulling out a rose from my bouquet and putting it between his teeth, "Dance with me, mi amor?" he asks, although it's slightly muffled.
"Si, Señor," I reply, and he leads me to the balcony, his phone in hand. He opens the door and pulls me through, pressing play on his phone and resting the phone on a black metal chair near the door. The sound of Damiano David's raw voice and Thomas Raggi's guitar blares around our bodies.
There'll be no summer
His hands move to my waist, gripping softly,
There'll be no spring
I wrap my arms around his neck, swaying side to side.
If not for this love of mine
He leans in closer to me, barely any space between us.
Thornes without flowers
His heartbeat is steady and calming,
Bars with no drinks
and it prompts me to rest my head against his shoulder.
If not for this love of mine
I press a kiss to the base of his neck, nuzzling into him
All the lights
We work in slow, steady circles, swaying along to the music.
All the parties would just fade out
Neither of us are particularly wonderful at dancing,
Shut them down
But It doesn't matter.
If not for you, I wouldn't sing anymore
Conan pulls apart a little, letting go of my waist,
If not for you, I couldn't get off this floor
and taking my hand in his, spinning me out,
If not for you, hell would be knockin' on my door
And back into his arms,
If not for you
His arms return to my waist,
No more Nirvana
Gripping even tighter than before.
No Billy Jean
"Why do you have to be so perfect?" I whisper
No dancin' if you were gone
"Because that's what you deserve" he whispers back,
How could I wake up
A shy smile playing on his lips
How could I sleep
I lean in to kiss them softly,
How could I be someone?
And his smile is even wider when I pull apart.
All those crowds
One of my hands moves to his hair,
All the music would just fade out
twirling a long, curly strand around my finger
Not a sound
and watching with amusement as it bounces back.
If not for you, I wouldn't sing anymore
His eyes dance over my skin,
If not for you, I couldn't get off this floor
And he sighs every now and then,
If not for you, hell would be knockin' on my door
Watching me with his lower lip snagged between his teeth.
If not for you, ooh-ooh
Despite the coolness in the air, my body is on fire.
If not for you, hell would be knockin' on my door
I pull his face even closer to mine,
If not for you, ooh-ooh
"If not for you, I couldn't ever be as happy as you make me," I tell him, pulling him into a hug and leaning us both against the railing.
"Gosh, y/n. I keep falling in love with you. I do it every damn time I see you. I love you, and how you make me feel, so, so much," he replies, burying his face into my neck and sighing deeply, "I can't leave you for two weeks!"
"You can't not go!" I protest, and he looks up at me with puppy-dog eyes.
"No, I can't, but I'm going to miss you too much in Texas. It won't be the same without you. If I help you sort it all out, will you come with me?" He asks, and I hesitate. Work... I can do it remotely. Besides, I want to see Ashley again and... Conan's hometown. And see Olivia perform.
"I'd love to," I sigh, "But are you sure Ash will be okay with me coming?"
"Are you freaking kidding me?" Conan gapes exaggeratedly, "Of course, she'll be okay with it! She'd love it! Besides, I can just sleep on the couch!"
"There are other options..." I blush, "But we'll discuss that later!"
"Hey, yeah," he waggles his eyebrows mock-suggestively, "Hey- we could always do y/n sandwich again!" I remember when I slept in between Ash and Cone when she came to visit vividly, and the memories bring the strange sadness that nostalgia always brings.
"Maybe," I chuckle, "But what I want right now is tiramasu. Judge me all you like, but as soon as you mentioned it, I almost passed out with joy!"
"Of course, watashi no on'na no akachan!"
"I'm not going to lie, I have no idea what that means," I point out, and he laughs.
"Trust me, it was good. Trust me, you'd prefer me calling you that than unko atama!"