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AIDAN:
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"Yes ma. I'm there now." I told Aunt Fatima, standing before the hospital.
"You can do this, okay?" I laughed at her words. She'd been assuring me about that even before I started this, it was something I had become use to.
"Okay." I said and walked into the hospital building, placing my phone carefully in my pocket.
When I had gotten near Dr. Adaeze's office, I felt a quick flash behind me again. My brows furrowed and the turned around immediately, but all I saw was an empty hallway. I looked around the area for a while but when I couldn't sight anyone, I turned the door knob and stepped into the office, shutting the door behind me.
Dr. Adaeze, who had been washing her hands by the sink, flinched and jerked backwards, exclaiming loudly at the immediate sight of me.
I smiled and waved. "Good evening to you too."
She eased up and smiled. "Stop doing that."
I nodded and grinned, taking a slight bow before her. "My apologies."
She laughed and walked to her sofa, sitting down immediately. I walked towards the sofa I usually sit on and sat down as well. She took out a paper and waved it at me.
"Look what I found." She smiled.
"What?"
"A form your dad filled, for your therapy session. You were supposed to be the one to do that but he said you weren't in a good state then."
I kept quiet for a while and stared at the paper. "What's in it?"
She shrugged. "Just some questions about your... health."
I looked from her to the paper, brows furrowing. "Can I see that?"
"Sure." She replied, and handed it to me.
All it contained were questions about my 'mental issues' and the cause. But it wasn't filled right, the part of it where the cause of my mental disorders was to be written and any traumatic event that could've caused it was to be stated.. it was left blank, unoccupied.
I scoffed.
Of course he didn't know. No one really did, except Aunt Fatima.
I handed it back to her and she smiled warmly. "We'll dance to music later, okay? Do you mind if I ask you some questions?"
I remained silent, staring at the paper and I sighed. A part of me felt... fearful, a feeling I wasn't quiet familiar with, and another part of me, felt assured, even though I didn't understand why.
"Yeah, sure." I muttered. I heard her exhale.
"From what I'm seeing in this form, it looks to me like you were diagnosed of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and an Obssessive Compulsive disorder. Is that right?"
I nodded. "Yeah."
"So, can you tell me, Aidan. What is the most traumatic experience you have had in your life?"
I looked up at her and she stared back with a soft, gentle expression, nodding at me to go ahead, and speak.
"The most traumatic experience I've had was the time of my mother and sister's death." And I said no more than that.
She nodded and asked, "Both?"
I nodded. "Yeah."
"That's sad." She said with a frown. "Could you explain the event?"
I looked at her and gulped, my gaze falling to my interwined fingers as I leaned back on the sofa.
"I get that you don't feel comfortable sharing it with me." She said.
I looked up, surprised at how understanding she sounded. "You do?"
She nodded. "If you don't feel comfortable sharing it now, we can skip this and talk about it some other time."
She continued. "Just be rest assured that no matter what you tell me, be it right or wrong, good or bad, I won't judge you, okay. And I'm always ready to listen to you, and hear your side of the story."
Be it right or wrong, I won't judge you.
Her words sounded so believable, and I wanted to put my faith in it and trust her. A part of me wanted to open up to her about everything, but the greater part of myself couldn't.
I looked at her again, and she smiled and assured me. "I'll wait for you." She said, picking up a pocket book and looking through it.
I took in a deep breath and exhaled. Then, I took in another, and another.
"I..." I hesitated. She looked up from her little book and watched me.
I sighed sadly, then, looked up and stared straight into her eyes.
"I'm responsible for the death of my mum and my sister." I said. "I killed them both."
I expected to see her calm exterior falter, to break and shatter to pieces at my words. I expected to see fear take over her friendly face, but she remained seated, crossed leg and nodding.
She must've noticed how confused I felt, because she smiled.
"You're not surprised, or scared?" I asked. She shook her head and smiled.
"I told you, I don't judge. I'm here to give advice and assist you." She said. "Go on. How did you kill them, explain exactly how everything happened."
I hesitated for another moment. "My family and I had gone out to an amusement park on my mother's birthday. We were having so much fun, taking pictures, singing happy birthday songs and all that, until I happened. I just had to be stubborn and I ran towards a dark deserted part of the park, an alley, because I felt some of the activities they did were too girly and didn't want to take part in it."
I paused, but continued again. "I spotted two grimly looking men talking to each other in hushed tones and lighting and smoking cigarettes. I had a bad feeling about them, so, I hid and watched."
Dr. Adaeze nodded. "One of them brought out a suitcase, and a knife which had something that looked like blood over it. I heard words like money and kill being exchanged often between them. Suddenly, I spotted my mum and my sister, Imogen searching for me on the other end of the alley. The men spotted them immediately and thought they'd been listening to their conversation the entire time, so they attacked them, turning gun mouths in their direction. Mum and Imogen saw me hiding behind the men, they dared not to speak but their eyes spoke a thousand pleas..." My voice broke and I felt a familiar ache in my heart.
I inhaled and exhaled. I continued. "I had the chance to help them. I could've smacked those men from behind, my mum and sister could've gotten free, but I was too much of a coward to help.. " My voice broke again and my eyes stung.
"I didn't know what to do, Dr. Adaeze. Fear consumed me, and while my mum and sister began to scream and cry for help, I did the only thing my mind could process."
I looked Dr. Adaeze straight in the eyes, and tightened my jaw.
"I ran."
I chuckled, my heart throbbing painfully in my chest. "And I ran, and I ran, and I ran. And the next thing I heard, two sound gunshots."
"I explained everything to my dad. We went back to that same alley but the men were already gone. I saw... "
My throat ran dry, a huge lump had formed in my throat. My eyes stung really badly and I felt like I'd been burned and stabbed in a pit of fire, over and over again.
I traced my glassy eyes to the face of Dr. Adaeze. She looked at me as if she could relate to what I told her but she looked sympathetic, too. She placed a hand on my knee and smiled encouragingly.
I sighed. I shut my eyes, and I inhaled and exhaled.
"Dr. Adaeze." I called. "I saw their bodies, laying lifeless on the ground and tainted with blood. My dad called the police and rushed them to the hospital, but by the time they had gotten there, they were dead."
The room fell silent and I laughed. I laughed at my cowardice, my foolishness and the painful reality that I couldn't change what I'd done.
"The police were able to find the culprits, but that didn't bring back the lives that was lost."
The room fell silent for a another moment.
"When did this happen?" She asked, slowly and calculative.
"I can't remember exactly when, but I know it happened when I was in my early teens."
She nodded. "I see."
"How often do you think about this?"
I sighed, placing a hand gently on my chest. "A lot. I can't get it off of my head."
"Noted." She said. "Do you ever have thoughts about this event that seem to force its way into your mind?"
"Yeah, how could I not." I said. "Especially when I'm alone and I don't do anything."
"I see." She told me. "And how has this trauma affected your life, Aidan?"
I looked up, staring into space. "It's okay sometimes, but other times, my life feels gloomy, it's feels lonely and like it's lacking. My life feels like something I was gifted by mistake, because after what I'd done, I know I definitely don't deserve to live."
She kept quiet for a moment, watching me, analyzing me.
"One more question." She said, calmly. "How do you feel when fortunate things happen to you and when a loved one is good to you?"
"I feel...no, I know I don't deserve good things anymore." I said, my thoughts went back to Otamayomi and I sighed sadly.
I did like her, I couldn't deny it, but she was too good for me. She was one of the many treasures I didn't deserve.
"It seems to me like you're feeling guilt about it. Am I right, Aidan?"
I nodded.
She leaned forward. "I read in your form that you cut yourself. Why do you do that? And is there anything that triggers the thoughts of the trauma?"
I sighed, for the umpteenth time. "I do feel guilty, and I don't deserve a lot of things. So, whenever those thoughts come up, I cut myself with a razor and remind myself that I shouldn't be happy after I did what I did."
"Aidan, I don't believe you killed them." Dr. Adaeze said. "You were young then. You were scared, not a coward. Anyone would've been scared at the sight of a gun."
I shook my head, sighing sadly and looking away. "You don't understand."
"Okay. Let's look at it this way." She voiced. "When you saw them, you ran to your dad, didn't you?"
I nodded.
"So, it isn't like you just left them and kept quiet. You reported the situation to your father, who quickly went to find them and rushed them to a hospital. The police caught the murderers and your mum and sister got justice. Some people become so scared, speaking up becomes a problem and the matter worsens, but you were bold enough to have informed your dad immediately. If not for you, the true killers would've been roaming free by now, forgetting they had killed some people."
She paused. "Secondly, if you had thrown large rocks at them, they would have died and you would've been in serious trouble with the law. Children might not go to jail, but there's still Juvenile detention."
She fell silent after that and I let her words slowly sink in. It was a totally different view on things. It had never even crossed my mind once, and at that very moment, I felt like a little bit of weight had been thrown of my shoulders and I felt less tense inside.
I looked at her. "I... I never thought about it that way."
She nodded. "And that's why you've been feeling guilty ever since. You forgot the good you had done, settled for the bad you thought you did and having regrets for not hitting those men, you forgot that there are consequences to one's actions."
I let her words sink in, digesting each word bit by bit, pieces by pieces, until I had grasped a little understanding to what she said.
"So, you're saying it's not my fault?" I asked. She nodded and grinned.
"Of course." She replied, then, she stood up and stretched. "That's enough for today. Come, I have a music playlist I know you'll definitely love."
I nodded and stood up with a small smile as I walked towards the stool she placed her speaker on and put it in Bluetooth mode.
That day, I left the hospital with a kind of warmth in my chest, with a loosened shoulder and a small unfamiliar feeling that kept tugging at my heart. I call it hope, and it was free from negativity.
Hence, from that day on, my body was shared in twos. A smaller part of it that eminated the warmth, hope and gratitude that'd carry me from then on, and the greater part of it, overwhelmed by my guilt.
Her words touched me, it spread down to the depth of my soul and settled to there, for me to always remember, and replay in my head when I felt the need to.
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
I couldn't stop staring.
I quickly realized, she was my favorite thing to look at.
The English language teacher paced to and fro in the front of the class, yelling tips on letter and essay writing.
Most of my classmates didn't bother writing down those tips because they all assumed they were old enough and knew them by heart.
But I saw Otamayomi write them down, and I found myself mirroring her actions.
"Mehn, you're so in love." Ayomide laughed.
"I dey tell you." Samuel added. "If he keeps getting distracted like this, he'll fail his exams the moment he sets eyes on her."
"Omo, I can't wait. I'm going to find out if Tammy likes him." Ayo said.
"Isn't it obvious already?" Samuel asked.
"How?"
"I've seen them naa. They're always getting lost in each other's eyes and playing together." Samuel commented. Then, he turned to me.
"I just mentioned a few. Take notes of the green flags, okay? It'll help."
I laughed at them both.
"You guys are a handful."
Samuel shook his head. "We want you to shoot your shot and get the love of your life. You're welcome."
I shook my head, chuckling softly. My gaze fell on the back of Otamayomi's head again, I smiled.
Suddenly, the door of the classroom was pushed open and Ifeoluwa, Otamayomi's twin brother stepped in. He walked to the teacher and whispered in his ear. The teacher nodded, dropped his marker and began to make his way out of class.
"Be quiet." He said as he walked out.
Ifeoluwa looked down at his sister and smiled warmly at her as she giggled. Almost immediately, his gaze landed on me and his eyes hardened, his brows furrowed and he began to walk towards me.
Otamayomi must've noticed a shift in her brother's stare because she turned and waved at me. I waved back, happily.
Ifeoluwa got to my seat and scowled. "I see you hanging around my sister lately and acting funny. You like her, don't you?"
I felt taken aback by the question for a brief moment but I answered it anyways.
"Yeah."
He nodded. "That's nice and all but I don't like you. Stop hanging around my sister, I hate it. Guys like you aren't good for her."
I frowned. "But you don't even know me."
He wore a deeper frown. "I don't have to. All I know is that you like my sister, and that's enough reason to not like you. So, stay away from her."
"Guy... " Ayo let out, frowning.
"Don't guy me, Ayomide." Ifeoluwa said. "I have my reasons."
And he turned around and walked away, out of our classroom.
I looked to the door, and then, at Otamayomi, and back to Ayomide.
I groaned and sighed.
"How am I supposed to do that?"
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So, Aidan finally opened up about his trauma to Dr. Adaeze which most of you are probably already aware of.
The therapy's a good thing on him, and I think Miss Adaeze is a pretty awesome therapist. If you won't praise her, I will 😂
Ifeoluwa, Ifeoluwa, Ifeoluwa. He's interfering with something that's already been binded and can't be forced. Oh well.
What are your thoughts on this chapter? Let me know in the comments.
Adios,
Benzita13 ❤️