"Bianca? I'm gonna have to call you back," I scramble for my phone while he watches me.
"What? Why? Is everything oka-"
"I'll just call you back, okay?" Without giving her a chance to respond, I'm hanging up the phone, my eyes on his bloodshot ones, heart racing and hands clammy.
"What...what are you doing here?" For the first time since meeting him, I feel slightly afraid. He laughs, moving away from the pillar and swaying towards the door as he does so.
"Are you drunk?" I hiss, stumbling out of his way as he barges into my house. I'm tempted to stop him, but I don't want to touch him. To let him touch me. He glances around my house, nodding to himself before leaning back against the wall, training his eyes on me once more, sending a chill down my spine.
"You should not be here right now, I have no idea when they're-"
"They'll be gone for a while," He slurs, and I just shake my head, rolling my eyes as I hesitantly close my front door.
"Why are you in my house?" I snap again, crossing my arms over my chest and he just chuckles, eyeing me closely.
"Because I missed you," He states casually, trying to take a step forward but I push him back against the wall, a chill running through me as soon as I touch him. His eyes seem to light up as well at the contact.
"I don't...I don't care if you miss-"
"I love you," He cuts me off, swaying forward and in one quick motion leaning toward me and draping both wrists over my shoulders, his face mere inches from mine. I drink in his scent, minty and musky mixed with the unmistakeable stench of whiskey. I know I should move him off me but I physically can't bring myself to. Some part of me needs him here, the part of me that's been deprived of his touch for weeks now. His touch, his lips...just him.
"I'm not gonna stop telling you, Iris," I gulp at his words as his hazel-yellow eyes pour into mine, "I need you, baby. I need you more than I need to breathe," He slowly starts moving me towards the wall, one step at a time and I can't seem to stop him. I know what he's trying to do, I know he's trying to corner me. I guess part of me wants that too, however far down I've buried that want.
"I...I can't do this again with you," I choke out and only now do I realize I'm slightly crying. He brings a finger to my cheek to brush away a tear and my skin feels electrified by his touch.
"Don't you need me too, baby?" His eyes are also glossy as he presses me back gently against the wall behind me. My heart is pounding at the possibility of my parents walking in, but for some reason that thought could not be further from my mind right now. Reflexifelvy and hesitantly, I find myself nodding silently. He cracks a smile at this, bringing a hand to cup my cheek.
"Iris...there's no one else but you. Can't you see that by now? I need you more than I've ever needed anything. You're my life," He breathes, tears now trickling down his cheeks freely and I can feel every wall I've built around my heart come crumbling down at this. I turn into his hand and his eyes crinkle with unbridled joy at the small movement.
"You're...you're drunk. You should go home and think over what the hell you're saying right now," At this, I try to gently push him off me but he easily stops me from doing so.
"I don't need more time to think," He slurs. He sounds drunk but his eyes have never looked more sober, more lively, "I need to show you how much I love you,"
I watch him silently, his every movement swaying both of us as he brings both hands to my face, holding me gently. The butterflies in my stomach are soaring as I feel drunk off merely being touched by him.
"But I need to know...I need to know how you feel, baby," He mumbles as he caresses my hair, my face, driving me closer and closer to the edge.
How the hell did I get myself in this position again?
My eyes meet his and I feel detached from my body as the words leave my lips.
"I love you, too,"
And with that, it was over.
His lips were on mine in one fell swoop, claiming mine in a way they never have before, his hands in my hair, cupping my face, all over me. Him, everywhere.
I give in to him as I feel tears freely falling down my face, and we're lost in a haze of tears and joy and passion as he picks me up, me easily wrapping my legs around his waist, our lips never parting from one another's.
"I need you," He growls and before I know it, I'm indicating to take us upstairs and he does without much struggle, lying me down easily on my small bed, closing the door behind us.
Sitting up on my elbows, only now do I see how out of place the tall, dark man looks in my room. I've not given much time to ponder it before he's on me again. I'm completely overwhelmed by the feeling of him all over me, his lips on mine, on my neck, on my waist. His hands tugging at his pants, at mine.
"Wait, Michael," I breathe, but his hands are expertly lifting my shirt off of me and his in almost the same movement. The tension between us is growing as our breathing is picking up, our kisses becoming more urgent, more needy.
Suddenly, I'm half naked lying in front of him, him only in his boxers.
He's watching me like a hawk, all light having departed from his once bright eyes. He's tracing the curve of my stomach and before I can do or say anything or speak to the pounding of my heart, he's leaning over me, slowly, carefully kissing me.
"I love you, Iris. You know that right?" I nod between kisses, feeling my mind drift further and further away as he drives my senses insane. His fingers expertly find their way to my underwear, tugging them down ever so slightly and carefully. I still at his movements but he either doesn't notice or chooses not to.
"Michael..." His name falls from my mouth and he pulls away slightly to look me in the eyes. "I'm not..." But the look in his eyes convinces me that I am. Or at the very least that I should be.
"Don't worry, I won't hurt you, baby," My heartrate skyrockets at these words as he pulls my underwear down the rest of the way, his boxers going with it.
"I'll make sure it feels good for you too, okay?" When I look away, he clutches my face in one hand, bringing me back to him.
"Just look at me, baby," I nod, his lips coming to mine again as I feel his hands moving down there. I try to calm my racing heart by focusing on him, only him.
"I gotcha, honey," He moans as he presses ever so slightly into me.
I bury my head into his chest, clenching my eyes shut.
—-
When it was over, he peeled off of me, going to the bathroom briefly and I heard the shower running. I sat there in silence, my thighs pressed together as I tried to ignore the throbbing pain there. I'm not sure how long he was gone for, but when he returned, he laughed quietly, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
"Everything okay?" He questions, tugging his pants back on and I nod numbly, not sure what else to say. I keep replaying what just happened over and over again in my head. All I see is him thrusting in and out of me, all I hear are his grunts in my ear as I bit my lip and tried to ignore how painful it was.
"Baby..." He tucks two fingers under my chin, bringing my attention to him, "I know that was a lot. But you wanted that too, right?" I find myself at a loss for words.
Did I want that? As painful and uncomfortable as it might have been, his encouraging words and kisses did make it slightly better. I enjoyed being close to him in that way again. But less than an hour ago, I had no idea any of this was going to happen.
"I feel kind of...dirty," I admit, looking down and his shoulders sag slightly.
"Why, baby?" I shake my head, unsure of myself. Unsure of everything.
"I just...didn't know we were gonna do that," I realize I sound very meek so I try to shake out of it, not wanting him to think I don't want him.
"It'll only get easier from here. And better," He smirks, ignoring what I said. I half a smile before he leans in and I feel dizzy at his touch once more.
"I should go before they come back," He pulls away, tugging his shirt on and I feel a pit in my stomach at these words.
"You're leaving?" His eyes meet mine and he smiles.
"Your parents are gonna be back soon," I nod, hating this reality but having to accept it.
"Don't worry. We'll do this again soon," He reassures me of something that I wasn't worried about.
"I just don't you to leave now, after we did that," He kisses me once more, this time me not wanting to let go, but he's pulling away all too quickly.
"Fuck, Iris. I don't want to go," I clutch his arm, suddenly feeling much more reliant on him than I've ever felt before.
"I'll see you in class, okay?" He presses a kiss to my forehead, and just like that, he's gone, leaving me clutching my bedsheet that I only noticed now has a little bit of blood on it.
Shit. I want to get up and clean it before my parents get back but the pressure between my thighs is growing and I just don't really feel like standing up right now.
My heart is just now starting to slow down as I try to wrap my mind around what the hell just happened.
There isn't really much to think about though.
I'm his.
Again.
—-
I'm only reminded of the horrible fact that I told Ethan we would talk today when I wake up to my phone buzzing in my ear the next morning.
Shit.
I let it go to voicemail only for him to immeidatley call again. I wait him out and pray that he doesn't make a surprise guest appearance like Michael did last night. Thinking about last night sends a chill down my spine even thinking about it.
Him showing up drunk...confessing his love for me...me doing the same...and everything that came after. I find myself tracing my fingers over my lips, my neck, anywhere that he was...bringing my hands down to my thighs.
What the hell happened?
Not sure what to do next, I stumble to the bathroom, trying to take a cold shower and shock myself out of it. Eyeing the ibuprofen in my bathroom cabinet, I clench my eyes shut and try to ignore the pulsing pain between my thighs.
The shower only does so much seeing as as soon as I strip my clothes off, I'm met with hickies and bruises basically all over my chest, wrists and neck. Jesus, I'm iron-deficient.
I hesitate texting Hayden and B about what happened...but that thought immediately leaves my mind as I realize what deep shit I'd be sinking both Michael and myself into. They just started warming up to me again. I just started warming up to the idea of never speaking to Michael again. So much for that.
After throwing my sheets, pillowcases, whatever we touched last night into the wash, I sit on my bed, with a towel in my hair, still in enormous pain, as I debate what to text Ethan.
One of the last things Michael mumbled to me before we...did what we did...was how I can't see Ethan anymore. He can't see us together, it makes him feel crazy and like he might do something he would regret.
I've known for a while that I can't keep associating with Ethan as long as Michael is in my life in any form...but this...
I have to cut him out. For good. It's for his own sake. It'll kill me to lose one of my best friends, but I can't keep subjecting him to Michael's wrath.
I'm done with Ethan. What should I say to get him to leave me alone?
Is all I choose to say in my groupchat with Bianca and Hayden. Their responses come within seconds.
Woah, wth happened
Is everything okay?? What did he do???
Do I have to beat him up for u
I smile slighly at Hayden's unwavering loyalty for me, but really wish they wouldn't be asking so many questions.
I don't rly wanna explain. And it doesn't matter, I'm just done with him
I pray silently that they'll stop asking and just be good friends and listen and be there for me...
For sure. But i wanna hear about it later
I don't think u have to say anything, just don't talk to him
I roll my eyes at the extremely unhelpful advice. Yeah, that's likely. How the hell am I supposed to go from being besties with a slight crush on each other one day to ignoring him for the rest of the year the next?
That's not gonna work, B Hayden responds faster than I can. That boy's relentless
Well, what else is she supposed to say? Just give him the cold shoulder, he'll get the hint eventually
Sighing, I realize, B's probably right. There's not much I can say. He didn't do anything wrong. I just...can't be friends with him anymore.
U'll have to do something that gets him to hate u
I was worried Hayden was gonna say that.
Like what?
I feel like I'm waiting years for her response to come.
Well, what's the one thing that gets under his skin than anything
Hayden's text makes my stomach drop. Does she know...?
What are u suggesting that she tell him she's got a bf or something? Bianca's blissfully unaware question relaxes me slightly.
I mean, I guess that could work. When he thought u were in a relationship, u could tell he was rly bummed
Well...she was in a relationship. Sorta
My heart is racing now as they inch closer and closer to the truth.
Yeah, that should work. Let's just pretend me and that guy got back together. Thanks guys
Bianca replies with a crisp thumbs up emoji and just when I start to relax, thinking that I can make this work - I can lie to all my friends about seeing Michael again - a buzz comes again from Hayden.
This text is just sent to me, however, not through our groupchat.
Be honest with me Is all she says. It's all she has to say.
Did something happen with him
I know my silence will seem suspect to her, but I really just don't know what to say in response. She's caught me, dead to rights. But I can't admit to it again. I can't implicate them further, I can't involve them again.
I love him and that's that. They don't need to know.
With Ethan? Nothing rly, I just don't wanna talk to him anymore
I'm not stupid, u know that's not who I'm talking about
Michael
Even seeing the name over text sends a chill down my spine. I suppose the idea of her knowing me this well terrifies me. How the hell am I gonna keep this a secret from her?
Nothing, honestly
This is just between me and Ethan
I wait for a response from her for many minutes, but when I don't receive one after 10, I realize I'm probably not getting one.
Oh well, if she doesn't believe me, there's not much I can do about that.
It's my life, and my relationship with Michael doesn't involve her.
—-
Ignoring Ethan was easy.
Well, it was for the rest of that Sunday and the first hour before I walked into first period. Michael's piercing gaze is on me immediately, my eyes meeting his, us sharing words without speaking a word aloud. The way he's watching me...it almost seems like he wants to take me again right here, right now.
Tearing my eyes away from him, I focus on the very interesting doodle I started on Friday, that I intend to finish today. Nothing's gonna distract me from it. Nothing except....
"Iris, what the hell?" Ethan says under his breath as he taps me on the shoulder, taking his usual seat next to me. Pretending like I have music blasting through my earbuds, I ignore him. He leans across and surprises me by pulling one out of my ear. Jesus, this is gonna be difficult.
"Oh, hey," I greet blithly, and he scoffs, leaning back in his chair.
"Hey? You ignored me all weekend, and that's all you have to say? Hey?" I scrunch my eyebrows up in mock confusion.
"I didn't get any texts or calls from you..." I don't dare chance a look up at him, keeping my eyes fixed on my doodling that is starting to look like a lot of nothing.
"Did you block me or something?" He seems to be getting angrier by the second and I just shake my head, struggling with all my might to not look over at him.
"Iris, can you just-" Just in the nick of time, the bell rings, silencing him for a moment. "Can you please loo-" But he's quickly cut off by Michael's overbearing presence as he starts walking up toward the front of class, choosing to walk in between our rows, even though we're on the farthest side of the classroom from his desk.
Ethan glares at the back of his perfectly gelled-back hair, looking like he wants to say more, but slumping back in his chair and remaining silent.
This is gonna suck.
On the bright side, Michael seems to be in a much better mood, but I can't help but flinch every time his eyes connect with mine, reminding me of what we did just last night. While I watch his lips move, I see them all over me, on my chest, breathing into my neck, whispering how much he loves me...
As he writes on the whiteboard, I see his hands cupping my cheeks, running down my body, bringing both my wrists together above my head...
I only realize that my heart is pounding and I'm extremely turned on when the bell rings to signal the end of class, and I'm torn out of my daydreaming. Michael looks to be in a similar trance as makes a beeline toward my desk.
Not really wanting to talk to him about last night, or any of the confusing, conflicting feelings of disgust, regret, love, and lust that's racing through me right now, I stuff my books into my bag, and make my way to the door, trying to avoid two men in the same room for very different reasons.
"Iris-wait!" Ethan calls but I'm halfway down the hallway by the time he makes his way out the door. I regretfully take one glance back towards Michael's classroom, both of them have their eyes on me. Ethan's concerned and Michael's deeply intense and dark. I rush away from both of them, trying to calm the racing of my heart and ignoring the still-pulsing pain that refuses to go away.
Quickly, I find my seat in second period, not looking forward to Bianca and Hayden busting my balls for ignoring them as well.
Surprisingly when they come in only minutes before the tardy bell rings, they're oddly quiet.
"Hey, guys," I greet, but they barely glance up at me, a ghost of a smile on both their faces. They know something. Seeing as the bell has rung, my teacher starts blathering on about our warm-up, and any conversation I could've wished to have with them, any explanation I could've attempted to give is thwarted.
I try to ignore the buzzing in my pocket for as long as possible, sure that it's a combination of Michael and Ethan losing their shit at me. When I get the chance, I sneak a quick glance to see it's, surprisingly, only Michael messaging me.
Ethan has remained eerily quiet. I quickly glance up at Bianca and Hayden to see them furiously texting away under their desks. Gulping, I shove my phone back in my pocket and try to ignore whatever the hell is going on.
When the bell rings to signal the end of class and the beginning of nutrition, I expect each of them to wait for me to pack my bag, but the both hustle out, much like I did in first period.
"Hey, guys, wait up!" They hesitate before waiting just outside the door, fixing their bags on their shoulders and looking nothing if not uncomfortable.
"Is everything okay?" I ask as we walk out of the building together.
"Is everything fine with you?" Bianca turns the question around, looking at me accusatively as Hayden remains stoic and silent next to her.
"Yeah, I mean...I just don't wanna talk to Ethan anymore. Like hang out with him and stuff," I say awkwardly, rocking back on my heels.
"Oh yeah, speaking of Ethan," My stomach drops at Hayden's words, "We talked to him. He shouldn't be bothering you anymore," She glances at Bianca slyly.
"Yeah, we told him you and your boyfriend got back together," Bianca adds on as they start walking in the opposite direction of where we usually go. I hesitate to call out after them. They're acting so damn weird, I almost don't wanna know what it's about.
"Iris," I hear my name called from above me, and I glance up to see Michael staring mesmerizingly down at me, a slight smirk on his face. He signals for me to come upstairs and I hesitate for a moment. My friends walking in one direction, my teacher/lover beckoning me from the other. Glancing over at my friends retreating backs, watching their heads tilt back in laughter, I turn back to Michael and start ascending the stairs.