The last time Jasper cried, Margaret had died. He had been recruited by Maria, brainwashed and manipulated. Lost in his confusion, and the hunger of his early life he obeyed every order Maria gave, he began worked hard, trained and ran as much as he was told to, he learned about his ability and utilized it to his advantage during battles. This didn't go unnoticed by Maria. Not too long after, he read in a newspaper column that read:
Margaret Whitlock, the young wife of Jasper Whitlock - the youngest Major of Texas Cavalry - sadly passed away a week after the reported death of his husband. The Houston community will hold mass in their honor next Sunday at 8:00am.
That afternoon, when they fought against a rival vampire clan, Jasper killed without regret. In the ends of his newborn fase he was allowed to live, as long as he continued to serve her, doing her dirty work, getting rid of those who didn't live up to her outrageous expectations. Jasper was still haunted by the faces of those he had murdered, the feelings they transmitted onto him. The silence. Slowly he began to loose himself, he believed every lie Maria spun and fed him, he let himself think that she liked him, that what she said she felt was true. And yet, her emotions never matched her words. He became Maria's best soldier, her own death machine. His knowledge about the army, and his numb and callous attitude towards life after Margaret's death made his work efficient.
After a specially chaotic battle, Jasper was left behind, the newborns were either dead or gone, and there was no sign of Maria. He was drained, tired and thirsty. So thirsty. Stumbling and tripping over his feet, he dragged himself towards the camp. It was a route that, in a healthy state, would've only taken him a couple minutes to accomplish, but with his hunger growing took him double the time. When he got there, it was empty. There were no tents, no vampires, no food. Maria had taken everything. At that moment, he felt a pain settle within his chest as he remembered everything he had been robbed of. His love, his life, his humanity. He had become The Major. Cold, unforgiving and lethal. At the campsite everyone knew him, everyone feared him, he trained every new recruit, and those who didn't do well in his eyes were never seen again. But in this pit of darkness, as he began to drown in the sorrow that dripped onto him, he remembered the light. Her laughter, sweet like angels singing, and her chocolate locks falling on her face as she hurried herself under his hat. He had to go on, for her. With the last bits of strength he had left, he slumped over his horse, and rode.
***
It had been some time since they had arrived at Maggie's driveway, but both of them remained silent. She didn't know what to say. Nothing seemed right, and it frustrated her, she always knew what to tell him, and in this moment, this crucial moment, she was lost. Her trembling hands unclasped her seatbelt, snapping Jasper out of his trance.
"Why don't you come inside?" She suggested, gathering her things in her arms. Jasper was staring at her, his eyes frozen on hers. A second passed, and he nodded. Luckily for them, Charlie was still a the office, saving them an awkward greeting. It was nerve-racking being so quiet, usually they never stopped their chatter, there was never silence. Something was clearly wrong, and Margaret only hoped she could do something about it.
It smelt like her, and that calmed him down. Her room had her scent engraved in it, he let it sink in, taking a deep breath. Maggie couldn't stand still, he felt her worry, heavy and growing, as she placed her backpack on the chair, took books out of it, placed them in drawers, fetched clothes and threw them in the laundry basket. This was torture. Jasper straightened from his position against her bedroom door, but Margaret kept fussing. He walked closer to her, and found the comfort of her warmth once he set his hand on hers. Instinctively she wrapped her fingers around his, relishing their cold shocks.
"I love you Margaret." He murmured into her hair, his lips resting atop of her head. Margaret shifted, allowing her head to rest against his chest, her heartbeat descending.
"I was so worried," She began, her arms snaking around him, bringing him closer and closer. "I didn't know what to do... I was terrified, for you." The words left her trembling lips and sunk deeply into him, like arrows digging in his unseating heart. "I can't even begin to comprehend how overwhelming it must be for you," A shaky breath shuddered through her as she worked through her thoughts. "carrying everyone's concerns with you, feeling everyones fear. Specially with everything that's going on."
"Specially, with everything that has been going on, I'm thankful that you were there with me." Jasper's eyes were closed, her mere presence fueling his joy, he imagined telling her everything about the mating bond right there and then, he was burning with the need to tell her. But he couldn't, not when The Major was so close, he had to tell him that first. "I've never snapped out of it so quickly." It took him great effort to form that sentence, because it meant digging into a dark room he had been dumping his problems in. He swallowed, then held her at arm's length, looking at her with full loving eyes. "This isn't easy to say."
"We have all the time in the world." Margaret assured him, her hand cupping his face, just like she had always done. Such a simple touch that brought him back to those simple days, a touch that meant hope. Jasper knew what he had to do, even if it meant working up the courage to expose himself in a way he had done but once before, when he had found Carlisle.
"I used to be a soldier before I was turned." Hesitantly the words began falling off his lips, eyes lowered, as if he were ashamed of what he was revealing. "During that same time, vampires had began a series of wars, fighting for territory, fighting the Voulturi, fighting to get out of hiding..." Those were the words he had been told, the lies that he had believed when he was but a kid.
"But you were so young, how did they let you enroll?" Maggie pondered, concern pulling her brows together. He remembered the day he talked about enrolling with her, how her eyes became teary, how she begged him not to go, and yet, how proud she was he was willing to do it for her. He did everything for her.
"I had lied about my age to be able to get into the Confederate Army," Jasper felt the weight of his story building up on him, breaking him. The bed dipped under his weight when he sat on it, arms propped on his knees and a far away glance on his face as he recalled the events that changed his life. "I was the youngest Major in Texas Cavalry, I was good at fighting, I had 'charisma', or so my mates said. In no time I had climbed through the ranks, led a couple fights and became well-known in my order." Margaret listened carefully, she noted how his voice, though it held pride at his work, was drowning with nostalgia and something bigger. Regret.
She supposed, he would soon tell her the event that changed his life forever. "I wrote often, to my sister-" and to you, he wanted to say. He didn't. Not yet. "Once I received a letter that changed everything, and even though we were being successful, even if we were somehow still alive, after being away from home I could only wish to go back." The words had been chiseled into his skull, and he knew he would never forget them, not even with Margaret back in his life. "I took a risky chance. We had suffered a great defeat, I had been injured, badly." Margaret's feelings shifted for a brief second, from concern to dread and fear of him being injured, dying. She had to remind herself that he was right there in front of her. "When I became conscious, nighttime had fallen, and no living person was around me. They had thought me dead." A knot formed in his throat, she had thought him dead too. "I was weak, and tired, riding with no clear route, trying to find my way back home-" to you, he was about to say. Just in time he bit it off his tongue once again. "I encountered a group of young women. They were pale as ghosts, and slender. In my innocence I believed they were victims of the war. I approached them, hoping to provide my assistance in exchange of food and a place to sleep, or perhaps clean rags to cover my wound." His voice got stuck in his throat for a second, and he had to take in a shaky breath. "Instead, one of them inched closer, and-" The room was filled with silence, but a warm fuzzy sensation came over him as Maggie rested her head on his shoulder, both staring out her window into the rainy street. "A few weeks after that, I found out someone really important to me had passed, and that, alongside my desperate need for blood, were encouragement enough to follow her orders. I fought, I tore and broke. I killed, without mercy." Margaret didn't have special abilities like the Cullen's had, but she was able to see the horror in his eyes as he stated those last words. "I lost myself, I became someone fueled by my instincts and desires. Sometimes, those instincts kick in, and I loose control. I'm still getting used to this new life I have been granted." Jasper looked at her now, his eyes filled with such sadness and fear. "I'm afraid I might hurt you. I'm afraid someone will hurt you, because then I won't be able to stop myself." Margaret inhaled a shudder, her face relaxed, compassion and understanding radiating from her like rays of sunshine.
"You won't." Her answer was swiftly out of her mouth, not even a split second to ponder, along with a compassionate smile. "You've gone through things I can barely even imagine, and this?" She signaled between them. "Telling me was a great step, I cannot begin to understand how hard this must've been for you, but what I can do, is offer you my whole support." Their hands touched, and she tightened her grip on his, reassuringly. "We will get through this. We will get through all that is being thrown at us, I know we will." There was nothing he could do to stop him from kissing her that instant, so he did. He took his time, savoring her lips on his, cherishing how her hand tangled in his hair, memorizing every second of it.
"I love you." A whisper against her lips. She became aware of how loose his back felt, how smooth his shoulders were, and deep down, she gave thanks that she was able to relieve his burden, even if it were for a minute.
"I love you, too Jazz."
***
After a few minutes of talking, Jasper saw Bella's car approaching through the window, and prepared to leave, so that she didn't have much of a chance to discover their secret. He was grabbing his backpack when Maggie leaned over the window seat, hesitation in her mind.
"Jazz?" He meet her eyes - his face brighter than before - and hummed in answer. "That person who was very special to you," A pause, Maggie tried to reorganize her thoughts. "was it Rose?" Jasper held a saddened smile as he remembered the last time he saw her.
"No, the next time I saw her after leaving for the war, she had already been changed." Jasper waited, he knew what she wanted to ask him, and he encouraged her feelings to allow her to express it. He wanted her to ask it to him, he wanted to answer it.
"Did you love her?" She finally mumbled, her eyes drifting. He approached her slowly, and lifted her chin with his finger, forcing their eyes to meet.
"I've only ever loved you."