The front door shut quietly behind me, my hands shaking as I nervously looked around the living room. So far, I couldn't see or hear anything out of place, but I knew that could change in an instant. I didn't know where Ryan was, but it was clear he was home given some of the lights being on.
I quietly slipped my shoes off as quiet as I could, avoiding the creaky parts of the floor that I'd come to memorize over time. Anxiously, I stole a glance out of the living room window as I passed, over to where I had seen Optimus last.
At that moment, I almost wished I could've seen him. At least I wouldn't be sharing the tense moment alone.
I forced my feet to move, heading further into the house and towards the stairs leading to the second floor. I could feel my heart pounding as I looked up the stairs. Ryan's door was close to the top of the stairs, and the walls didn't offer the best sound insulation between the stairs and his room.
I could feel my heart racing in my chest as I slowly, carefully made my way up the stairs, one shaking foot at a time. It was a painstaking effort, and when one of the steps creaked near the top of the steps my heart literally jumped into my throat.
I strained my ears in a panic, trying to hear if anything had changed, any noises at all-
It was at that moment that I heard the faint sound of Ryan's shower running. For a moment, I felt complete relief, before forcing my walls back up just in case. It was best to get into my room as quickly as possible. There was always a chance he wasn't in the shower and could actually still hear me, or worse, elsewhere in the house than his room. My numb feet, after a few moments, carried me to my room, narrowly avoiding the particularly creaky spot between the two smaller rooms.
Relief flooded me as I finally stepped inside my little sanctuary of sorts, only to have my heart plummet at seeing how broken my door was from earlier. It would be even harder to have privacy now, whatever little I already had. Barely managing to hold back a shaky sigh, I carefully began setting my things down with barely a sound. Distantly, I recognized my hands stuffing my things off next to my bed, decently hidden out of sight just in case. I only managed to snap briefly back to the present to plug in my phone, remembering it was completely dead.
I peeked into the hall again, still seeing the dim light from under Ryan's door and the muffled shower sounds. For a moment, a small bubble of hope glimmered in my chest that maybe I could actually be in the clear.
My bed, by now, was growing more and more hard to resist despite all of this, and without much thought, my feet shuffled over to the side of my bed before my mind had consciously realized it.
I really just need to go to sleep.
I couldn't even list the reasons why, my mind was so scrambled with thoughts. Still, my limbs managed to pull me into bed and under my blankets, and at that moment, I felt like things would be okay. Even if for a little while, things would be okay as long as I stayed where I was, in my blankets and mattress...
Eventually, I woke up to faint light filtering through my curtains. Peace washed over me as I slowly came to, starting to move and stretch a little before settling again. I didn't even dare to open my eyes, the moment feeling far too serene. The warmth surrounding me, the dull ache in my body relatively placated by the mattress and the trapped body heat from beneath my blankets felt far too good to ruin the moment by disturbing it in any way.
Several quiet moments passed before those quiet little thoughts began to creep in, the dark little tendrils that permeated the back of my mind.
This wasn't real.
I curled into my blankets a little more, letting out a heavy sigh before finally steeling myself to open my eyes. Blearily, I scanned the room in my half-awake state, nothing other than the door displaced. Despite that, the growing pit in my stomach wasn't going away at the familiarity of my surroundings.
My bones, even my whole body felt heavy, incapable of moving. I debated whether I should even try to get up at all, just stay in bed and hide away, hide from it all. I liked the sound of that; just being able to not exist in the situation at all and just wait until something better came...
But I'd been waiting for a "better" for years. For Ryan to change, maybe Nathan would finally be able to take me far away from here without fear of Ryan and the consequences. "Better" never came. The brief, sweet moments of freedom I'd tasted before had nothing like the torment my adoptive parent had put me through countless times as punishment.
It wasn't worth it anymore, was it? Trying to fight. It never worked anyways. Better to just get on with it and just take the hand that life dealt you, I guess.
I could feel the pain and aches in my body as I shifted, trying to motivate myself to get up. The stiffness I felt in my muscles and joints alone from yesterday was bad enough-
I instantly shot up in bed.
Yesterday?
The memories of the day before were foggy, blurry; but they quickly started to come back as the seconds passed. Slowly, I could feel my stomach dropping to my feet.
I'd really fucked up this time, hadn't I... Ryan was going to kill me for last night. Not coming home on time, not checking in as soon as I could, not telling him anything about where I was or what I was doing-
My mind was quickly spiraling, the tender, weak threads of sanity starting to fray and break. My hands pulled at my hair in my distress, struggling to breathe. I couldn't think, couldn't breathe, my body moving on its own and rocking, nails scraping at skin, pulling at hair, all too much-
I couldn't face him after not showing up last night, I'd never done that before. Did he already even know I was home?
My tear filled eyes managed to catch the light from the window and my breath caught in my throat. A potential escape that I'd never actually attempted to use, maybe I'd use it now, run away from all this, get as far away as I can-
Pain registered on my face, and I only realized what had happened when my head hit the carpeted floor, with Ryan's familiar shoes inches from my eyes.
"I fucking thought I taught you better than to run off," He growled out, his voice filled with venom as he grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked me to my feet. I couldn't help the screams of pain that left me, my body flailing to get away from the source of the pain.
"Shut the fuck up, you bitch," he sneered, slapping me again across the other cheek. "You know the goddamn rules, so why don't you fucking obey?! Do I have to teach you yet again?!"
I was sobbing hysterically by now, my whole body shaking uncontrollably as he held me in place by my hair. Everything hurt and my headache was nearing a migraine by now. "No, no, please, I'm a good girl, I promise, I didn't mean to, please, I'm sorry!!"
Ryan scoffed and pulled me roughly right into his face.
"Bullshit."
I was pleading with him at this point, begging and sobbing for him to not be angry with me, I was so sorry, it won't happen again, but all he did was laugh.
That cold, inhuman laugh sent ice through my veins.
"How many times do you say that and still disobey? I swear to God, it's almost like you want this," he scoffed, practically shoving me away from him. I landed on my bed, narrowly missing hitting my head on the wall.
I could feel my body reacting before I noticed. The pleading in my tone as I begged him to not punish me, my entire body shaking so much I could probably dislocate a joint, the sheer panic as I tried to salvage what was left of my foothold in the situation.
As if I ever had any.
I could still hear that underlying tone of malice in his voice as he spoke to me again. I couldn't even meet his eyes as he spoke, my trembling body alone not allowing me to make eye contact. I was sure he felt a sick satisfaction because of it. I had to swallow the bile that rose in my throat, cold sweat breaking out on my back and forehead.
"You really are so broken and pathetic, looking like that. It really suits you. All my nurturing and hard work has paid off, to some extent," he laughed. "Still, you can't seem to be a good fucking dog like I asked, and we both know what happens to misbehaving little girls..."
Every single cell and molecule of my body was shaking violently as I started to sob uncontrollably. I tried in a vain attempt to crawl away, but Ryan's hands grabbed at me and yanked me back, pinning me down with his full weight on my own bed. He reeked of cigarettes and alcohol already, and I almost threw up on him at how offensive the smell was alone. He swiftly backhanded me at my gagging, causing me to choke on my own tongue.
"Fucking bitch," he sneered, malice in his voice; but the glint in his eyes said other ideas. I tried to squirm out from under him, but he barely had to do anything to keep me in place. I had no leverage, and he was so much bigger, heavier, stronger than me.
Fighting was pointless.
Ryan's punishments were always especially cruel and sadistic, to the point of incredibly inhumane. This time, he'd fixated himself on his dog insult earlier, and subsequently treating me like one in the worst ways imaginable.
I wanted to be swallowed up by the ground and never come back up. I was finally left alone, beaten to hell and naked on my bedroom floor. My room was completely destroyed, wrecked by Ryan's doing as he had his way with his twisted punishments.
I couldn't move. I didn't even want to move. Just fall asleep, never wake up, never go through this again.. None of my muscles would cooperate in any way, and my eyes could barely stay open despite being wide awake.
I just wanted it to end. I wanted everything to stop, to just have a break.
I was tired.
Faintly, I could hear Ryan downstairs; doing what I couldn't tell. I didn't care in that moment, only that it meant he wasn't doing anything to me currently. His attention was elsewhere.
I let my eyes stay closed, my entire body completely limp. Please, let me rest for a moment...
I had no idea how much time passed as I laid there. It didn't matter to me. There wasn't a single reason I could think of to move a single muscle; better to just lie still and close your eyes and take in the moment of peace in between the pain. The moments of quiet that I always ended up clinging to so desperately. Hours seemed to slip by, the sunshine streaming partially through the curtains inching across the floor. The warmth it gave off as it fell across my bare skin was a rare comfort.
Eventually, I heard a soft commotion downstairs, but I had no energy to even entertain myself with imagining what it was. The floor currently felt comfortable, safe, floating in between consciousness.
It was, however, the familiar voice calling my name that made me finally stir. A pained whine left me, fire shooting through my sides as I tried to move.
"Mika? Oh my god, fuck.."
I missed him, that voice... my big brother, my protector, always there for me; it'd been so long since I'd last seen him..
"Hold on, I'm getting you clothes, alright? I'm here now."
My heart rate instantly started rising, my growing panic as I breathily clawed for him from the floor, unable to do much else. "Please-"
"H-hey, I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm here. Ryan's not here, I got him to leave the house for a while." A hand gripped mine tightly, still shaky. It was now that I finally had enough energy to open my eyes and actually try focusing them. I struggled to focus them on my older brother, but I could tell he was visibly upset. Tousled auburn hair, those dark brown eyes that I'd drawn comfort from on the worst nights, brow furrowed in his own worry. Still, he was resolute, with a small smile that didn't match his dull, dark colored eyes. Despite a protest from me, he pulled away, searching my room for clothes.
"How many times has he done this?"
Even in my somewhat delirious state, I easily picked up on the tremble in his voice. It didn't take a genius to put the pieces together on what happened with the evidence around us.
I didn't have the heart to tell him the truth that I'd lost count of his sick fantasies. Nor the details. No one else needed to relive through that but me. I stayed quiet, staring blankly at my bookshelves.
He seemed to understand, regardless. He knew Ryan just as well as I did.
"Why haven't you told me?"
I barely managed a wince at the pain in his quiet question. The pit of guilt in my chest grew as I squeezed my eyes shut.
"You managed to leave.. I didn't want you coming back and getting hurt again.."
He was at my side again, sitting on his knees next to me with a handful of my clothes.
"Mika, don't worry about that." His voice, while quiet, still held a soft sternness. "I'm supposed to protect you."
I weakly shook my head from where I still lie on the floor. "We protect each other. That's..." I winced at the sharp pain in my chest the more I breathed.
Nathan instantly hushed me with a roll of his eyes that didn't have any bite behind it. "Yes, but right now, I can protect you, and that's what I'm doing. Now can you put these on, or do you need help?"
It was not the first time he'd helped me back into my own clothes. How many times he'd helped me with my own injuries and then back into clothes again over the years, I'd lost count. I barely remembered a time before being in Ryan's abusive custody. Numbly, I felt Nathan's hands helping me into my own clothes again, always so gentle as if he was terrified to break me.
Moving that much only made the pain worse, and I limply leaned into his chest after he'd finished, breathless and silent tears of pain slipping from my eyes.
"I'm so tired," I barely managed to whimper out in between shallow breaths.
A chin rested on top of my head, my brother's hands carefully rubbing my arms comfortingly. "I know... I'm sorry." He let out a sigh, and we both sat for a moment in my room, oddly peaceful and quiet.
"We gotta get going before Ryan starts realizing what's going on," he finally said, reluctantly pulling away from me. "We'll grab what we can, what's valuable to you. I'm taking you to my place."
There was that pit of anxiety again, boiling up in my chest. I was shaking my head, only to groan as the headache I had turned instantly to a massive migraine. My eyes felt far too huge in my head suddenly and my brain pulsing painfully in my skull.
"He'll find us, you barely managed to leave in the first place-"
"You let me worry about that," Nathan interjected, his tone curt and final. "I'm taking you home with me. He's not putting his filthy hands on you any more."
I had no energy to argue with him. In truth, I was afraid to hope that this would actually work. Nathan managed to get out before, maybe he actually had a concrete plan to evade Ryan's wrath. I was so, so scared despite having some hope for once. When Nathan left, it was utter hell and with no one else to take it out on, he turned to me.
"Are you sure this is going to work...? He knows you're here, he'll catch on.."
Nathan stopped what he was doing for a moment, grabbing some of my most important belongings that he knew of and shoving it into one of my backpacks. A slight smile curled his lips for a moment, a twinkle of mischief in his eyes.
"I had a plan before I came, don't worry," he said, then winking at me. "I called in a favor from a friend to distract him. We should hurry though, I'm not sure how much time we have."
By this time I had managed to crawl my way to my bed, on a mission albeit painfully to get my phone. Luckily, it fell behind my bed at some point in the night still on the charger, so it was still fully charged. Despite my own emotional turmoil, I found a small shred of peace at the sight of the full battery symbol. I let out a somewhat ragged sigh of relief, slouching against the bed to take a breath.
I was used to this kind of fatigue; this dull ache over my entire body after being used and thrown around like a simple toy and then thrown away when a piece breaks. I couldn't even muster up the emotional energy to try to process what happened.
My gaze landed on my brother's bent over form, watching as he stuffed a duffle bag I'd never seen before full of my clothes and other belongings.
Was this it? Was this finally the break I needed?
Brown eyes met mine, soft with worry. I jumped slightly, startled at the sudden eye contact, and looked down at my hands in my lap.
"I promised you I'd find a way to take care of you. I know you're scared, but I'm here now and I'm not letting you be hurt anymore."
A hand appeared in my vision as I stared at my clasped hands in my lap, and placed itself on top of mine. A thumb tenderly brushed over the knuckles in muted concern. I couldn't muster any more energy to look up again in that moment, far too weak from the pain and exhaustion.
I hope so...
It didn't take much longer for Nathan to finish stuffing the duffel bag and my backpack full of my most important belongings. It wasn't much, but with my favorite comfort items and what I needed, it was more than enough for a getaway.
I'd started shaking again, fear and dread starting to take hold. This was it. This was really it; the closest I'd ever come to escape, and now that it was here, it was terrifying. This was the biggest new I'd ever had, and I knew how to navigate it somewhat, at least. Plus, if this went through, I had no idea just how Ryan would react.
It would be the worst reaction yet, if I had to guess.
"Nathan," I whimpered as tears began to pour from my eyes again. I was shaking violently by now, starting to hyperventilate. He dropped the bags as gently as he could before rushing to my side, grabbing my hand with one of his' and wrapping his other arm around my shoulders and pressing me to him.
"You're going to be safe. I promise. I just need to get you out of here." He pressed his cheek to the top of my head for a moment. "Is there anything else you need? I know you're scared, but we need to leave now, okay?"
The shaking wouldn't stop, and the more he spoke, it only seemed to get worse. I could barely rationalize that he was right, but I managed to force myself to shake my head in agreement.
I could feel his hands pulling me gently to my feet as he verbally walked me through everything, guiding me to lean on the wall before running to grab the bags he packed. Once he arranged them as best he could over his shoulders, he came to my side again before guiding me out of my destroyed bedroom, and slowly, down the stairs. With each step, searing pain rippled through my body, but with my brother's help, I never ended up fully falling. It was all mostly a blur, barely able to focus on my surroundings due to the pain from the near torture and assaults my body had endured.
I vaguely realized we were heading to the back stairs. I would later come to understand that Nathan had chosen the back door specifically, out of fear that Ryan might come back sooner than he anticipated.
When the first rays of sunshine and fresh air hit me when the door opened, it shocked me so much that I froze in place, my senses overwhelmed, before hands gently rubbed my arms in comfort before they began to guide me again. My feet were numb, and I couldn't tell where or what I was stepping on any longer.
We rounded the corner of the house, and Nathan started to become a little more restless, urging me on slightly more than before. I could feel his tension, his worry. I forced my eyes to focus on my surroundings as best as I could, and after a few moments my vision fully cleared from its original blurred state.
My feet stumbled briefly as I turned my head around to look around us, and Nathan caught me again. I mumbled a 'thanks' in distraction.
Something should be here, right?
I looked at the other end of the road, and it finally dawned on me why. A bit down the road was a stop sign; and with sudden clarity that felt like a punch to the gut I realized it was the last spot I had seen that red and blue semi.
Where was he?
I could barely have time to feel my heart starting to sink in my chest when Nathan nearly shoved me into the passenger seat of his car, in the middle of swearing under his breath against Ryan. I yelped in pain as fire ran up my legs as he tried to stuff me into his car without realizing.
A flurry of apologies left my brother's mouth as his voice cracked, but his hands were still resolute though much gentler now as he guided me.
I didn't have the energy to respond by this point. I had used up every inch of it getting out of the house, and my body was in agony. I panted and groaned weakly, my face contorted in pain as I slumped weakly into the passenger seat as he buckled me in.
"Hardest part's over now for you," he joked, giving my hand a squeeze briefly before closing the door.
My thoughts started to wander, my mind slipping deeper into dissociation and sound completely fell away. Thoughts felt like molasses, but a few still managed to slowly make its way through occasionally.
Is this a dream...?
Am I really getting out...?
Yet, the one main thought that my mind kept circling back around to was one that honestly surprised me, and I had no clue on how to feel about it. A pit grew in my stomach, a promise ringing faintly in my mind.
Where was Optimus Prime?