(Au. Wrote this while listening to Lover, You Should Have Come Over by Jeff Buckley and The Gold by Phoebe Bridges, both fit but the first one hits harder)
Four years later
It's the second weekend of the month meaning that it's my turn to be with Julia. Mia and I have been doing shared custody since she turned one. For a week and usually the second weekend of the month she stays at my home and the rest of the time she stays at Mia's. I wish I could have her for a lot longer but since she is still pretty young we decided this was the best way to go. In the future, we will probably redo the schedule.
I ended up moving from the apartment I rented when I came back from rehab two years ago since Julia's school was pretty far from it and bought a big apartment close to Mia's house. Being near them made everything a lot easier.
If I could buy that apartment it was only because the security business I started back then was doing pretty well, and still is, it was difficult at first, the Russo name wasn't especially loved around here but with time I was able to make something else out of it. Rick, my dad, helped me too. We started working together the moment I came back and also making up for all the time we lost as father and son. Sometimes it still is a bit weird between us, too much history, but we are family nonetheless.
Mia's and I's relationship took a turn, we work a lot differently now than how we used to do, Co-parenting is not always easy but I would dare to say we are friends, family in a way, too. We try to be for Julia, everything we do is for her. And so far I'm proud to admit that we have done an amazing job. I still wish things had worked between us, that we could raise Julia together but at the end of the day what matters is that she is happy, and she is a very happy kid, so smart and beautiful too.
She is my everything and our bond is truly incredible.
Last weekend we went to the zoo, she had the time of her life.
"Daddy, do you think I could ride a giraffe?" She asks from the backside of the car.
"I don't think so honey, They are wild animals and too tall for that." I smile looking at her through the rearview mirror.
"What about a lion?" Her little head bops to the side as if she were picturing it.
"I think that might be worse, lions are not as friendly in real life as the ones in Lion King, baby. But if you want I can ask your mom if I can get you horse riding next week. That's a safe animal to ride." Maybe I could ask Danielle too and take her and Miles.
"But horses are boring, everyone can do that." She shakes her head.
"Okay, what if go with ponies?" I try.
"That's the tiny version of a horse, Daddy. I'm not silly." She laughs and my smile just grows bigger.
"Well, I'm running out of animals Judy so you have to choose one." I focus back on the road as she thinks about it.
And after a few seconds, she seems to finally know her answer. "Okay, horses. Can Miles come?"
"I will ask your aunt."
I turn left on the next street and park in front of our house. "Come on, seatbelt off, We have to get you a snack and bathe you before getting you back to mom's."
Getting out of the car I open the door on the side Jude is on and pick her up. She weighs a lot more now than when she was a baby, as it's expected, but for as long as I can I will keep carrying her around. At some point, she might be too heavy for me due to the prosthetic so I have to make out the most of it.
"Leg okay?" She asks putting her tiny arms around my neck.
"Leg okay." I nod.
I explained to her that she has to be careful when I pick her up or play since my agility is not the same as her mother's because of my "fake" leg -that's what she likes to call it- and at first, I thought she wouldn't really get it since she is only five but she understood it perfectly. Obviously, she forgets sometimes and runs directly into my legs at full force but that was expected and so far my equilibrium has been saving me.
"Can I watch TV before bathing?" I can't see her face but I know damn well she is using that smile. The smile she got from her mother, that one that makes me melt.
"Only while I get the bath ready. Then you are going in, you stinky little monkey." I lock the car and walk to the main door with her still latched to my body.
She wouldn't stop running around at the zoo, it wasn't easy to keep up but thankfully the different habitats were close to each other so I could always reach her before she disappeared from my sight. Her hair is a mess now and there are more stains on her polka-dot dress than actual dots but it's nothing a good wash can't save.
"Okay, there you go." I let her down and she ran off to the living room while I set her bag down and closed the door behind me.
And while she watches whatever show is airing right now I go get the bath ready. I put some bubbles and a few toys too. She is at this phase of wanting to be independent, she wants to do everything alone, showering and bathing too. But she is still too young in both mine and Mia's opinion so what we decided to do was allow her to wash herself but stay in the bathroom in case she needs us.
"Okay, lady. The bath is ready, Let's get you out of those dirty clothes." I find her sitting down in the same position she was before, her eyes not leaving the screen.
"Daddy, daddy, look! I want that!" She screams pointing at the TV where an ad for some ballerina Barbie is playing.
That's why she was so focused. She loves everything that involves dancing, like her mother.
"Do you prefer the Barbie or the pink tutu? Because you know you can only choose one." I would buy her both but Mia asked me to relax a bit with the gifts, I may have overdone it a few times.
"The Barbie!" She says confidently.
"Then we will get the Barbie, we can go later okay? Before I get you back to mommy's house. But first a bath." This is my weekend with her and sometimes we extend it to Monday but Mia said she has to go to the doctor with her tomorrow and I have work so I can't take her. But next week it's my week so I won't have to wait much.
"Okay, deal." She nods, her beautiful dark chocolate-colored curls bouncing up and down.
"Then let's go." I go to help her up as she still watches the TV.
"Hunter gave that to Mommy the other day." She mutters pointing at the TV once again and I instantly look that way.
It's an AD for a jewelry store.
"What do you mean, honey? A ring?" My voice catches as I let the words out.
"Yes! He got down on one knee and everything."Mommy looked surprised." She explains excitedly.
Maybe it would be a good moment to mention that Mia and Hunter started dating a year ago. She was the one to tell me, and I must admit it felt like a shot straight through my heart at first but I knew her meeting someone else would happen eventually, and honestly I rather her new man to be Hunter than some random. He is a good guy and I know he will treat her right but I did not expect them to get engaged so soon.
I also tried dating but it didn't go well. Actually, that might be putting it lightly, I would say it was catastrophic. I had two dates and on both, I couldn't stop talking about Julia and Mia. So it's only fair that neither one of the two women called me or even texted me again. If I'm not mistaken one even said I should get over my ex first before going back into dating.
Every day that goes by it's more clear to me that Mia was the only one for me.
"Did your mother say anything to Hunter, or maybe tell you anything about what that meant?" Asking my five-year-old for information about her mother, could I be more pathetic?
"No, she started tearing up and then she took the ring box. I went to get her a tissue so I don't know what happened after." She turns off the TV and stands up from the floor. "Why? Is it something bad?"
"Oh no baby, it's nothing bad. It's good, I'm sure your mom will explain it to you soon." I mutter through greeted teeth.
Yeah, well, that's pretty much what happened. It was a complete weekend. When I went to leave Julia at Mia's I planned on congratulating her but she wasn't there, only Tomás, and obviously, I didn't dare to ask him. I could have texted her but it didn't feel right, I guess I will try my luck today. I plan on going out for dinner with Julia and tomorrow Danielle and Miles are coming for a play date.
Just when I'm about to get my car keys my phone vibrates and when I see Mia's name across the screen I swear I feel my heart jumping inside my chest. I have been trying to act as naturally as usual but turns out I'm not especially good at that.
Mia: Julia said that you are going out for dinner, is that right or should I tell her to eat something before you come get her?
Me: No, she is right, we are going out for dinner so don't worry, thank you.
Mia: Okay perfect, she is almost ready, putting her shoes on.
She hasn't stopped playing with that ballerina Barbie you bought her by the way, It's like the rest of her toys don't exist anymore.
Me: I'm glad she likes it, and that she actually plays with it not like the other five Barbies I bought her and she never touched.
Mia: I have a feeling that she will never let go of this one. She won't stop saying that when she grows up she is going to be a ballerina too. And that she will wear the same tutu as her Barbie.
Me: Maybe we should get her in ballet classes, What do you think? I think she would enjoy it.
Mia: I have been thinking about it too, We should look for some good dance academies around the area and then decide. You okay with that?
Me: Sounds about right. I'm going to get the car now, see you in a bit.
See you in a bit. Who says that? Usually, I'm not this stupid but the news about her being engaged won't leave my fucking head. I know there was no way I could stop her from moving on but a part of me still doesn't understand that she is not mine anymore.
Mia: Perfect, she will be ready. See you.
Well, at least she doesn't think it's weird.
___
"Okay, just knock on that door and be cool," I tell myself before finally knocking and in less than ten seconds Mia has already opened it.
"Hey, she will be here in a second, went to find something, I don't even know what." She laughs looking behind her. "Come on Jude, your dad is waiting!" She shouts before looking back at me.
She has her hair down, which is weird for her, and she looks as beautiful as always even in her pajamas.
Focus, Carlos.
"Don't worry, how have you been?" I try to make some conversation like we usually do when Julia takes longer to come but this time there's some weird tension in the air and it's not just me.
"I'm good, I was about to watch a movie. How have you been?" She smiles tightly.
"All good." I nod staring at her not knowing what to say or do.
She nods awkwardly and turns around again. "Julia!"
"A second!" I hear Julia scream from inside.
"I'm sorry, I told you she would be ready and now she is making you wait, I hope you don't have a reservation or anything." She bites the inside of her lip, thing she only does when she is nervous.
"Don't worry, no reservation. I'm taking her to McDonalds, she has been asking me for a while." We usually have dinner at home since I have learned to cook. I'm still not amazing but I would dare to say I'm pretty good. "Hope you don't mind."
"Oh, no no, sounds cool. She has been asking me too." She looks back inside the house once again.
Just do it, Carlos, it's now or never.
"I- well, Julia told me about you and Hunter... congratulations." I finally say it, ripping the bandaid off at once.
"Oh, thank you... but hmm, actually, we." She tops, exhaling. "We are not getting married."
Fuck yeah, I mean, shit. Be cool.
"I'm sorry, Julia said something about a ring I shouldn't have made assumptions, my bad." So smooth, I just made this a lot more awkward.
"No, you didn't, he- well he did ask me to marry but I- I... said no. I tried explaining it to Julia but well, seems like she didn't understand."
"Oh." That's all I say, standing there like an idiot not taking my eyes off her.
"Yeah." And that's all she says, also standing there not taking her eyes off me.
You could cut the tension between us even with a dull knife.
"I'm ready!" Julia comes in running, a big smile on her face. "Are we going to McDonalds?" She looks up at me.
"If that's still what you want." I finally broke eye contact with Mia.
"It is!" She takes my hand. "Bye, Mommy!"
"Bye, honey. Have fun." Mia bends down to kiss her.
"Actually, wanna come with us?" The question leaves my mouth before I can stop it but if I'm being honest I'm glad it did.
"Yes, mommy come!" Julia jumps into the idea right away.
She is the best sidekick without even knowing.
"Oh, I wouldn't want to interfere." Mia shakes her head a timid smile on her lips.
"Please, you wouldn't be. Come on, we will have a lot more fun with you there." I try once again.
"Yes, come on mommy!" Julia also repeats.
"Well I would have to get ready, you okay with waiting for ten minutes?" She asks that timid smile still on her face.
"Not at all, take all the time you need." I smile too.
I would wait a hundred years for you if I had to.
"Okay then, come in, You and Julia can wait for me in the living room while I go change." She guides us inside.
"Perfect." I smile at her once again while getting inside her house.
Okay, you can do this Mia, is just dinner and he is the father of your child, there's nothing weird about that right? Just say yes.
"Well I would have to get ready, you okay with waiting for ten minutes?" I say smiling timidly.
"Not at all, take all the time you need." He smiles too and I swear I get butterflies everywhere.
I see him a few times every month but for some reason today he looks better than usual, and he always looks good. He isn't wearing his typical suit, instead, he is wearing straight-cut blue jeans and a dark navy button-down. His hair is longer than it used to be back then but it's perfectly styled back with some gel. And he has a very light stubble. Forties are treating him well, very well.
Mia, focus.
"Okay then, come in, You and Julia can wait for me in the living room while I go change." I step to the side, guiding them inside the house.
"Perfect." He smiles once again and gets inside.
And after leaving him in the living room with Julia I practically run to my room that looks a lot emptier now. Hunter moved back to his house a few days ago.
We had been dating for almost a year when he asked me to marry him, I was in shock... we had an amazing year together and I think that a part of me did love him but when I saw him down on his knees with a ring all I could think about was, well... Carlos. And I know it's wrong, I know I shouldn't have agreed to date him in the first place if I still wasn't over Carlos but I- I thought I could give it a chance, he was amazing with Julia and also with me, but now I realize it wasn't fair for him, that's why I started crying the moment he popped the question. I came true to him later, I explained everything, that a part of me was still in love with another man... and Hunter, being Hunter, told me that he understood. That he would need time before being able to be around me again but that he could never hate me. I felt like trash for a while, still do, but I know saying no to marrying him was the right thing. He deserves better.
Getting out of my pajamas I go with a summer dress I bought recently and put on a little more makeup than usual, as well as some jewellery. And then when I'm about to put my hair up in a ponytail as I usually do I find myself staring at my reflection in the mirror and stopping, leaving my hair down instead. Smiling I take my purse and go back to the living room.
"I'm ready," I mutter and Carlos' stare snaps right in my direction.
He stands from the sofa, looks at me up and down and I swear it looks like he wants to say something but he doesn't.
"Can we go? I'm hungry." Julia asks looking between her father and me while we both stare at one another. "Hello?"
"Yeah, sorry. Let's go." Carlos is the one to answer.
___
"Did he really do that?" I ask, as I look at Carlos who is staring a Julia with the biggest of smiles on his face while she explains something that happened at the park with Miles last weekend.
He hasn't taken his eyes off her the whole dinner except a few times to look at me. And I must admit that seeing him like this, being the amazing father I know he could be does something to me.
"He did! And then he took the doll from him and gave it back to me." Julia keeps going.
Apparently, they were at the park playing when some kid snatched one of Julia's dolls out of her hand and Miles instantly came to her rescue. Confronting the kid before getting the doll back and giving it back to Julia.
"He is truly a hero," Carlos says laughing a little.
"He is the best!" Julia agrees taking a fry from Carlos' box.
"Hey! That's mine." He jokes.
"Learn how to share, daddy." She sticks her tongue out.
"Oh? Really?" Carlos steals a chicken nugget from her.
"Hey! I took a fry not a nugget!"
"Learn how to share, princesa." He mocks her also sticking his tongue out. (Princess)
God, I'm still in love with this man.
"Want anything else?" Carlos asks pointing at my empty boxes of food and me bringing me back from my thoughts.
"I'm full, thank you." I smile not being able to take my eyes off him.
___
"Can we do this more?" Julia asks from the backside of the car.
I said that I would take a taxi so they could get home already but Carlos insisted on driving me.
"If your mom is okay with it, I'm in." Carlos looks at her through the rearview mirror.
"Yeah, why not." I nod also looking at her.
I had so much fun and this doesn't have to mean anything is just two people raising a little girl together and having fun as a family.
"We are here." Carlos parks at the side of the street. "I'm going to walk your mom to the door stay here okay?" He turns to Julia who just nods.
"You don't have why to do that."
"Please, I insist." He smiles and I nod.
We get out of the car and walk side by side to the door, and I swear I feel like a teenager all over again. I haven't felt this nervous about a man well, since forever.
I open the door and go inside but turn around to face him again before closing it.
"I had a lot of fun, thank you so much for inviting me," I say looking at the car where Julia is in and then at him.
"I had a lot of fun too, same as Julia, I'm glad you came." He smiles for the hundredth time tonight but it still gives me goosebumps every time.
"We really should do this more often, it could be good for her," I say and a part of me does it for Julia but the other is purely selfish.
And as he stands there, with his hands inside his pockets, looking so nervous and like he wants to say something once again I swear I have never found him as cute as I do right now.
"We should, and maybe, if you want, we could go out sometime, without Julia I mean... just the two of us." He finally says it and now it's him smiling timidly.
"I would love that too," I reply not even taking a second to think about it.
Don't forget to check Miles' story The Devil's Keeper (Matteo's and Danni's son) first chapter will be coming out soon!
Author's note
As always if you are here ty for reading and don't forget to vote and comment your thoughts!
No way I would leave you all without an epilogue I'm not that evil, and obviously it had to be chapter 100.
I think this pretty much hints how they future will be like, they are made for one another and we all know that. They just needed time.
I really love this chapter and I hope you all do too and you're welcome for this hehe.
I love you all sm,
Maria