Mosspaw's paws were heavy as they crunched on vibrant red and orange leaves as she walked. The forest had transformed into a golden landscape, with leaves gracefully falling from the trees to the ground. The forest floor was dappled with pools of sunlight, which offered spots of warm recluse in the midst of the chilly beginning of leaf-fall.
"Mosspaw!"
She lifted her head from the herb she was gathering, suddenly realizing that she had been dozing off, her eyes heavy with sleep.
"Why are you so tired? You sleep like a dormice every night,' Featherwhisker teased.
"Sorry," Mosspaw mumbled. "I was up with a bellyache last night." Realizing her excuse might worry her mentor, she corrected herself. "But it's fine now. Must have been a bad mouse."
Her mentor glanced at her with suspicion but said no more. What he didn't know was that Mosspaw had been visiting StarClan every night for the last half moon, and she hadn't gotten any real sleep. Every night she was awake either training or lounging in StarClan.
She had realized after the first few days that she wasn't getting any real rest when she was there, but she couldn't help returning to the peaceful realm every night. As long as she was there, she felt energized, relaxed, and excited to learn or spend time with her ancestors. But once she woke, she was still just as exhausted as the night before.
But she couldn't help it.
"You're making a mess of those stems," Featherwhisker observed. "Mosspaw, are you even awake? What's going on with you?"
She looked at her collection of marigold. Petals littered her chest and the stems were torn and chewed up. Mosspaw shook her head to clear it but nearly toppled over.
"Mosspaw!"
"Sorry!" She mustered her energy. "I'm just tired from last night. Maybe I should go back to camp." It's not like she was being useful. She started gathering up her marigold.
"Stop."
Mosspaw looked at her mentor, whose gaze was stern and serious.
"Tell me what's really going on."
Mosspaw tensed. "There's nothing going on," she insisted.
"You're always tired these days." He sighed. "I don't get it, Mosspaw. You sleep soundly all night, but you wake up exhausted and clumsy. Your pelt is a mess. You haven't made any friends other than Spottedpaw. Something is wrong."
Mosspaw was fully awake now, her heart feeling like it was beating out of her chest. The ground swayed beneath her feet.
"Are you sick? Are you in pain anywhere?" Featherwhisker pressed.
"No, it's nothing like that," Mosspaw insisted.
"Then what is it?" He stared at her. "You can trust me, Mosspaw. But I know something is wrong, and I deserve to know what it is."
Fox-dung! What do I say?
"Tell me."
Mosspaw looked at her paws. "I can't," she mumbled.
"Speak up."
She looked at her mentor. "I can't!" she mewed, almost yelling. "I just can't." She turned to go back to camp. Featherwhisker stepped in front of her.
"Why not?"
Mosspaw searched for the right words. But they didn't come.
"Whatever it is, it can stay between us. But I need to know why my apprentice is acting so sickly. Did you know that your sister came to me and asked if you were okay? How do you think that made me feel? That I couldn't answer her?"
Mosspaw's pelt burned. Was it really that noticeable?
It's okay, a voice whispered in her ear. Mosspaw recognized it as Snowfur.
Mosspaw's jaw hung open.
"Mosspaw," Featherwhisker repeated.
"I can visit StarClan in my dreams," she blurted out.
His eyes grew wide. "You can what?"
"I do it almost every night. I meet with Snowfur and Cloudberry and they teach me things."
"Like what?"
"How to hunt, battle skills, how to recognize and use different herbs." Mosspaw stared at her mentor, trying to figure out what he was thinking. "Do you think there's something wrong with me?"
Featherwhisker held her gaze. "No." He sighed. "How long has this been going on?"
"Since I was first apprenticed to Thrushpelt."
She held her breath.
"Does anyone else know?"
"No."
Featherwhisker paused. "We should go back to camp," he finally mewed. "Collect your marigold. You need to get some sleep."
Mosspaw went to sleep as soon as they returned to camp and woke up feeling more energized than she had in moons. As she extended her paws into a stretch, Featherwhisker entered the clearing with a mouthful of flowers.
"You've been asleep all day," he observed. "You must have been exhausted."
Mosspaw licked her chest fur in embarrassment. "I'm fine, really."
"How would you feel about talking to Sunstar about your... situation?"
Mosspaw froze. "What?" He had agreed to keep it a secret!
"I won't tell him if you don't want me to. But I thought if he knew, we could use it to help the Clan."
"What if he thinks something is wrong with me?"
"He's your leader. He won't," he reassured her. "Mosspaw, you have an amazing gift. You can visit StarClan whenever you close your eyes. Don't you think that kind of power could help the Clan?"
Mosspaw looked at her paws. She knew he was right.
"Can I do something first?"
"Alright," Featherwhisker agreed. "I'll be waiting."
Mosspaw left the clearing and scanned the camp, searching for a familiar blue-gray pelt. She spotted it exiting the warrior's den.
"Bluefur!" she called, trotting over to her mother. "I need to talk to you." She tried to sound as serious as possible, but it was hard with her high-pitched voice.
"What is it?" Bluefur looked at her with curious eyes.
Mosspaw glanced around. "Not here," she mumbled, leading her to a quiet corner of the camp.
Bluefur sat with her tail tucked over her paws. "What is it, Mosspaw? You're shaking."
Mosspaw looked down at her paws. They were trembling like an earthquake had hit. She forced them to be still.
"I- I have a..." What was the right word? Gift? Power?
"Yes?"
"I can visit StarClan in my dreams," she blurted out. "Whenever I go to sleep."
Bluefur's eyes widened like an owl's.
"I've been able to since I was apprenticed," she mewed, anticipating the question. "Only Featherwhisker knows."
"Oh, my precious daughter," Bluefur mewed, stepping closer to Mosspaw and licking her head like a kit. "It must have been so hard to live with that all alone. I will always be here to support you."
For a moment, Mosspaw thought she'd burst into tears. It was hard.
"Thank you," she whispered.
"Are you going to tell anyone else?"
Mosspaw sighed. "I wanted you to know first. But I want Oakheart to know. And Mistypaw and Stonepaw."
"What about Sunstar?"
"Featherwhisker and I are going to tell him now. But I wanted to tell you first."
Bluefur wrapped her tail around Mosspaw. "You wanted to tell me first," she purred. "Thank you, Mosspaw. I appreciate that."
"I wanted to tell you sooner," Mosspaw mumbled. "But I was so scared you'd think there was something wrong with me."
"There's nothing wrong with you, my dear. You're just different. Like I was."
Mosspaw leaned into her mother. She was relieved that someone understood.
"Snowfur asked me to tell you she loves you, and she misses you."
Bluefur stared at Mosspaw. Her gaze grew cloudy, and she licked her head.
"Thank you, Mosspaw."
"I better get back to Featherwhisker." She pulled away. "Will you help me tell the others?"
"Of course," she purred. "Good luck, my dear."
Mosspaw trotted back to the medicine den, feeling like a massive weight had fallen off her shoulders. But how would Sunstar react?
"Are you ready?"
Mosspaw looked at her mentor and took a deep breath. "Yes."
They walked, side by side, to Sunstar's den.
"It's Featherwhisker and Mosspaw!"
"Come in!"
Mosspaw followed her mentor into the den. It was bigger than she expected, but still warm and cozy. Sunstar was in his nest.
"Mosspaw has something to tell you."
No! Mosspaw had expected Featherwhisker to do the talking. She didn't even know what to say to her leader!
"I- uh," she stuttered. He looked at her expectantly.
"Go on," Sunstar urged.
Just tell him like you told Bluefur.
"I can visit StarClan in my dreams," she mewed simply. "Whenver I go to sleep, I can choose to wake up in StarClan."
Sunstar stared at her. "Are you sure StarClan doesn't choose to visit you?"
"Yes," Mosspaw exhaled. "I visit almost every night. I have a mentor there. Her name is Cloudberry."
Sunstar's eyes grew wide. "Cloudberry? She mentored Goosefeather."
Mosspaw nodded. "She teaches me about herbs. And Snowfur teaches me about hunting and battle skills."
"Bluefur's sister..." Sunstar sighed.
Mosspaw explained how long she had been able to visit StarClan and what it was like.
"Have you seen Pinestar?"
Mosspaw shook her head. "Not yet."
Sunstar's ear twitched. "Let me know if you do. Thank you for telling me, Mosspaw."
"I want to use my power to help the Clan, if I can," Mosspaw proposed.
"I'll think about ways we can do that. Until then, I will keep everything you've told me to myself."
"Thank you." At least her whole Clan wouldn't find out right away.
Her and Featherwhisker exited the den.
"Are you okay? Featherwhisker asked as they walked back to the medicine clearing.
Mosspaw looked at her paws. They were trembling with every step. "I'm fine."
Featherwhisker sighed. "You'd better go find Spottedpaw. She's in the forest collecting borage."
Mosspaw nodded and left the camp. As she searched for Spottedpaw, she wondered more and more what user her power could have for the Clan.