Carina was promenading with Simon, hearing stories from his Oxford days with great joy, there is so much information that can be used for extortion from Anthony, "He knew this, of course." Simon said as Carina laughed, her eyes filled with mirth.
"And so Anthony Bridgerton..." she repeats,
"Mm."
"...serious man that he is..." it was now Simon's turn to laugh,
"...let a farm animal into your dormitory? Why ever would you put up with such pranks?" she says with a giggle.
"He was my friend. Who do you think helped your brother get the animal back out?" he retorted.
"Of course it was you." she sasses.
Then Carina felt silent, lost in her thoughts. Knowing she is never one to remain silent at any given moment, unless reading, he questions,
"What has got you so silent? What are you thinking?"
"Nothing, you would never wish to know." she clips back.
"Oh, really? I would like for you to try me." he says with a fierce look in his eyes and challenge in his words, aware of the way Carina would never back down from a challenge.
"Oh? So would you like me to tell you? Is that so, Your Grace? Are you sure you would not regret it?" she challenges back with a smirk.
"Do you see me backing down, My Lady?" he sasses.
Turning to the view yet again, on the side of the bridge, Carina says, "Very well then your grace. I was just wondering.... I do not wish to do this, find a husband to build a family with when I am not even sure if I am ready to be married."
Simon's eyes softened, looking at her while she looks out into the water, with the kind of softness in his eyes that didn't make sense being there, not to him at least. Lady Danbury and Violet observing them from afar would have different words to say on the matter.
"It would not only be unfair to me, but also to my husband, and my children if I have any. I am just now realising, just as how I should not give up my freedom to have babies because my husband wants them, he also shouldn't have to give up his desires of family because I do not wish the same." she says with so much feeling her voice cracked, with a sigh she reels her emotions back in and turned to Simon, "What about you? Surely you would want an heir some day?"
It was Simon's turn to be lost in feels, he hesitated for a minute, unsure if he would want to go down that path, but then gave in.
He gave in to the stupid woman and her stupid smile, that stupid woman with her stupid eyes. Her stupid words that made him feel significant in her life, and her stupid actions to trust him even in her plight. He gave in, to that feeling he got in his chest when she was around, and he gave in to the urge to call her a friend- his friend- just because he liked the sound. So he gave in, and decided to trust her, like he never did anyone else. He decided to trust her with everything he ever felt.
"I- I was not that close with my father." he began, looking onto the lake now, as Carina turned to look at him, then chuckled sardonically, "that is putting it bluntly. My father... he was not a good man, or a good father figure. I never saw him much, he did not like me. Like is far-fetched even, I would say he was more- ashamed of me. I used to have a- a terrible stutter as a child." he confessed, not daring to look in Carina's direction in fear of whatever judgement he might see in her eyes. Startled to instead feel her hand slip into his and her fingers intertwining with his own, he turned to look at her.
What he saw could have brought him to tears right there, or probably to his knees, for she was surely an angel- too good to be true. He found Carina already looking at him, right in his eyes. But there was no judgement in hers, neither was there pity.
It was a fire, a look he never witnessed in those blue eyes of hers, lit so suddenly as if she had been anticipating this. "He should not have done that Simon. He was the only one at fault here, he wronged you." Her look was one of warmth, reassurance, and anger. Pure rage, a fury boiling so hot one might have mistaken her as the one who was wronged.
Giving her hand a squeeze, he turned to face the lake, dropped his gaze to their conjoined hands and continued, too confused about the fluttering in his chest to ponder her look and his reaction any longer,
"Right. As I said, I never saw him much. He used to avoid me, pretend I didn't exist. But I was a child, I wanted his attention, I desired his approval. So I wanted him to see me. I would write to him, about my progress, I thought he would be pleased and acknowledge me. He didn't, not until I would seek him out, trying to win his appraisal. Only, all he ever gave me were insults and degrading remarks." Carina's grip on his hand tightened, wishing, needing to be able to do more to comfort him.
"But as I grew older, I understood he could never do anything other than loathe me. So I decided to harbour the same feelings. I loathed him and ignored him until he died. And on his deathbed, I made him a vow. I promised him I would destroy the one thing he loved more than anything in the world. I made a vow to end his dukedom. I promised to myself and him then that I would never marry or sire any heirs, that the Basset line shall end with me." he finishes, looking Carina right in the eye as every puzzle piece came together and she finally gathered the truth about his choice.
Giving him a small smile to show she understood him, she locked her arm in his and began the walk back to her waiting mama and godmother, "Simon, but don't you think holding onto such bitter hatred, you are preventing your chance at true happiness. Do not misunderstand me, its just, if you wish to vex your father, living a happy life would be the best way to do so since he never wanted that. However, continuing to live in hatred will do exactly what he wished to do with you- make you miserable, even if it is at the cost of his dukedom, he still wins."
Simon furries his brows, his already swindling thoughts making his resolve fall more than ever. Yet, he shook his head and refused to second guess himself, not now- not when he was right next to Carina. "I guess I never thought of it that way. However, Carina it is not just about hatred for my father. I do not wish to have a family because I first hand know how much painful it is. My father was horrible to my mother and me. I do not wish that fate upon anyone else, let alone my own children and wife."
Understanding filled her eyes, "Well, if it is any consolation, I have seen you with my younger siblings Simon, I assure you that you will be a wonderful father. Not to say, you play the role of a suitor so well, I do not doubt you would be a the best husband to your wife. Please believe me when I say, you are nothing like your father. I may not know him but I am you friend... and I know you. And you are the kindest most respectful man I have met after my father and brothers. It is your choice to marry or not. But just remember.... You, Simon Basset, may share the same last name with the man you told me about today but that is just as far the similarities go."
Reaching the bench occupied by their chaperones, Carina let go of Simon's arm and held onto her mama's after a curtsy farewell. "See you at the ball, Your Grace.", she said with a small smile. A smile that left Simon breathless. One that made him want to believe everything she said to him. That stupid smile that made him want to trust and blindly follow her to the ends of the world. That one stupid smile that made him want to hurt anyone who received it but him. That smile that he coveted only for himself, the one he wasn't ready to share.
And as Carina lay awake in her bed that night, admiring the blue rose he picked for her, all she could think of was Simon. That stupid man who stole her heart. That stupid man that made her fall even deeper today. It was his thoughts that put her to sleep, and he was the subject of her dreams.
Oh gods! She was certainly ruined.
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Author's note:
IM BACK PEEPS!! Can I just say- OH. MY. GOD!! SO MUCH LOVEEEE!!
like 14 k reads?? (Ik y'all must be just a handful considering I have like 20 chapters posted but lemme be delusional for a bit)
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT GUYS!!!
Also, as I had said once b4, i originally wrote the exact same og plot and twisted some dialogues.. so this chapter was actually supposed to be the ✨self pleasure✨ one idk if u guys remembered the og scene of the show..
Now I do still have a copy of that.. *evil smirk* tell me if u want it.. though disclaimer: THAT IS NOW NOT A PART OF THE STORYLINE DO NOT CONFUSE IT.. like I won't publish that if you confuse it.
(ps. I was editing this chapter and looking back I did not realise I had some good stuff written.. I forgot all about it cuz it's been MONTHS since I originally wrote it and I cried to my bsf.s at 2 in the morning about how I simp over my own writing sometimes and wanna tear everything down the next)