"I realized I don't have to be perfect. All I have to do is show up and enjoy the messy, imperfect, and beautiful journey of my life."
-Kerry Washington
The ride to the hospital was long, yet quiet. I didn't bother telling anyone where I was going. By anyone, I didn't feel the need to update Jaden, Korrie, Esau or Luna. I have yet to speak to anyone other than Kamie anyways.
There was about 99% of me that told me not to show up to the hospital. However, that 1% said at the end of the day, that is my mother in there fighting for her life. She may not be happy with me, but she did give life to me. I don't have to always treat her the way she treats me.
I'm not sure how this visit is going to go, but I am determined to try my best to keep calm and kill everyone with kindness. Long as everyone keeps their personal ill feelings out of this, everything should be fine, at least that's what I am hoping and praying for.
Soon as I parked, I texted Kamie and told her I made it. I was almost tempted to call Josiah, but I still don't feel led to give any of them my number. They can only contact me via Facebook messenger.
I messaged him on Facebook messenger asking where they are. He told me which floor and lobby to go to.
I had made it to the lobby and was instantly greeted by Josiah. "Sis, you made it. Mom is still in surgery."
"Thank you for calling me." I smiled.
Dad stood up and rushed to my side. "Baby girl. I'm so glad you are here. This means a lot to me." He smiled as he hugged me again. "You look beautiful and healthy."
"Thank you." I'm really not sure what to say to them. Honestly, this whole moment just feels awkward to even be here, and truthfully, that's sad. I should never feel awkward around my family.
My little sister Nineveh and I locked eyes, but neither of us said a word. Which was fine by me.
"Hey sis." Nehemiah said as he and I shared a hug.
"Hey."
"Come, sit down with us." Dad said.
I sat down and instantly pulled my phone out and started scrolling on social media. I wasn't sure what to say to any of them. I was just here to figure out what's going on, as well as, when I'll be able to leave. Being in the room with my "family" is triggering a lot of emotions that I have not healed from.
"She was hit by a drunk driver. A young pregnant teenager that was dealing with depression, hit your mother. She survived, but they said they had to deliver the baby that was stillborn. I hate that for her." Dad said.
"Dang, that's awful." All I could do was shake my head. Underage drinking, pregnant, depression, stillborn baby and now having to hope and pray my mom survives this, if not, that's an added charge for the teen.
"We are trusting and believing God to heal and restore your mother. We know that by His strips we are healed." Dad continued.
"In case you didn't know, he just quoted a scripture." Nineveh said.
"Thank you for the reminder my dear sister." I smirked not even wanting to do this arguing with her today.
"I don't wish karma on anyone, but I do believe that young teenager should serve some time for the crime she committed. She shouldn't have been drinking and definitely not driving. I know depression is tough, but my wife is fighting for her life. She's been in surgery for a few hours now. I just want some type of answers. I need God to work a miracle and do what only He can do."
"Well dad you are talking to the wrong one. Judah is clueless as to what you are talking about. Wait, why is she even here? Jo, you shouldn't have called her. She's not even a part of this family anymore, remember? She walked away and has never looked back. She doesn't call and check on us. Took us off of her social media. Changed her number, all that. She doesn't deserve to even be here right now. I would like for her to leave." Nineveh smarted off.
"Nin, don't start okay, I invited her. I wanted Judah to be here. That is her mother in there fighting for her life as well. Regardless of the situation, she deserves to be here." Josiah said.
"It's okay, you don't have to defend me. She is allowed to speak her true feelings. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion. Yes, it is crazy that I am here. I thought it was crazy that Josiah thought about me to call. BUT... at the end of the day Naomi is my mother as well. Whether she likes it or not. Whether you, Nineveh, like it or not. Whether I like it or not, she is my mother, and being here right now was a must for me."
"Ridiculous." Nineveh said.
"Look Nin, we don't have to speak to each other at all. We are both here for our mother, granted I'm technically not wanted here, but I'm here. Let's just act as if we don't even see each other and keep it cordial, okay?"
"You are wanted baby girl. Don't say that." Dad said. "While we are all here, we need to do what we can to come together as a family. It's time out for all of this drama. I want my family together. I know we are all different and have different beliefs. I can no longer allow any of you to mistreat each other anymore. It is killing me knowing that we are against each other. This has to end as soon as possible."
None of us said anything. I think we all decided to take in every word that dad was speaking to us.
A few silent moments went by and while I should have been thinking about my mother, I was thinking about the teenage girl.
"Hey uh, I'm going to step away for a moment. I need some fresh air."
"I'll come with you." Josiah insisted.
"No, it's fine. I need this space for a moment." I smiled. "I promise I won't be too far. Call me on messenger if you need anything."
I hopped on the elevator and went down to the first floor.
I made my way to the receptionist.
"Hey, I know you're not supposed to give out a lot of information, but this is really bothering me. My mother was involved in an accident, caused by a teenage drunk driver. By chance, did they transport the driver here?"
"I'm sorry I can't give you that information."
"I know, I know. But I really want to talk to her. My heart is breaking for her for some reason." I pleaded.
"How do I know you won't go in there and get revenge?"
"Trust me, if I wanted revenge it wouldn't be against her." I laughed although I shouldn't have said that. "Look, please. Just let me talk to her."
The receptionist looked around. "Look I need my job okay. Please don't make me regret this. This is my only form of income. I have no family. No support. Just my kid and I. If I lose this job...."
"You won't. I promise you." I smiled.
"Room 2B-16." She whispered. "Please don't make me regret this."
"Thank you." I smiled as I walked away.
When I made it to 2B-16 I knocked on the door. No one said anything. I knocked again. No one said anything.
I decided to slowly open the door.
The young girl had her back turned to the door as I heard sniffles. I walked on in and closed the door behind me.
I made my way to her side. When she saw me she kind of moved back.
"Don't worry. I'm not here to hurt you. Just want to talk."
"Who are you?" She asked in fear.
I pushed out a smile. "My name is Judah. My mother was the one in the other car."
"What do you want? Please don't hurt me. It was an accident. I'm so sorry." She cried.
"Stop. I'm not here for that. I heard the basics and now I want to hear your side of the story."
She stared at me.
"You can trust me."
She stared some more.
"I know what it's like to experience depression. Sometimes we do things out of the norm, due to depression. We allow all our hurt and anger to build up, until we do some things that we may regret. We think it's okay to bottle up feelings, because we feel as if no one cares. I've found it easier to talk to strangers more so people that I so call know. I went through depression two years ago, and ran away from home. In fact, I was surprised that they even called me to tell me about the incident. But I'm here. Now I'm sitting beside your bed, trying to figure out what is going on in the inside of you." I smiled.
"I'm 19. Never knew my mom. My dad passed away of a heart attack two months ago. He didn't leave any money for me. I just lost my job working at Wendy's because I overslept. I've been trying to maintain the bills at my dad's house but I couldn't. I got evicted. I've been sleeping in my car at a rest area. Ive been putting in job applications but no one would hire me due to being recently fired and the fact that I was 6 months pregnant. I reached out to my child's father and he basically told me the baby wasn't his and that I never meant shit to him. I was free pussy." She shook her head. "I conned a trucker guy that I met to buy me some liquor. I had to give him head and have sex with him in exchange. So I did. If he were to walk in here right now, I wouldn't know his face or his name. I began to feel bad about my overall actions and living conditions, which then I decided to get drunk. I don't know what made me drive. I really don't. I have never had alcohol before. I have never been in trouble before either. I was pregnant. I literally just had to deliver a stillborn baby. I told them I didn't want to see the baby or bond with the baby. I had to sign papers with my decision. I hate myself. I hate my life. I just want to die. I know I'm going to jail. At least then I'll have a place to stay." She cried. "But if I have to serve time, I promise I'm not going to be in there long. I'll end it all before I stay locked up."
We heard a knock on the door. In walked a detective.
"Hi, I'm detective Mansfield. You mind if I have a seat and speak with you Ms. Ashley Taylor?" She asked.
"Might as well." She said as she began to wipe her tears.
"Care to tell me what led up to the incident? I'm here to help."
Ashley said nothing. She just stared out the window.
"If you don't talk, I can only assume that you are guilty and I'll handcuff you right now."
Ashley said nothing. Tears just fell.
"How is that supposed to help, telling her that you are going to assume she's guilty and handcuff her?" I asked.
"Ma'am, I'm just doing my job."
"Well, I hate to be the barrier of bad news, but she's not talking without an attorney." I smiled.
"Who are you?" The detective asked as she looked at me hateful.
"I plead the fifth." I smiled.
The detective raised her hands. "Alright, looks like there's nothing more I can do or say. I'll be in touch." She said as she passed me her card right before walking out.
"You didn't have to do that." Ashley said.
"Here's my name and number. I'm also going to contact an attorney. I know this may seem strange, but I'm here for you. I'll help you through this." I smiled. "I will give you some space, but if at anytime you are feeling overwhelmed call me."
I walked out of the room feeling as if I connected with a soul that needed me.
Not sure how this will go, but she needs me.
💫