tw: suicide, alcohol, violence
seonghwa's dark past, he was reliving it right now. in the actual world he is currently in the intensive care unit undergoing a surgical procedure.
his pov rn: (when he was 17, 5 years ago)
"HOW COULD YOU CHOI YN!" I said.
"I DIDNT DO IT I SWEAR HWA! I DIDNT CHEAT ON YOU!" She begged.
"THEN WHY DID I FIND HIM KISSING YOU!" I shouted at her.
"LET ME EXPLAIN HWA! HE JUST CAME ONTO ME I TRIED PUSHING HIM AWAY I SWEAR YOU CAME THEN HE RAN!"
"BUT I SAW IT WITH MY OWN FUCKING EYES. TO ME IT LOOKS LIKE HE WAS FUCKING MAD WHEN I CANE SINCE I RUIN YOUR MOMENT TOGETHER! IM ALREADY HAVING A SHITTY DAY AND NOW I CATCH MY GF KISSING ANOTHER GUY AND OUT OF EVERYONE HWANG HYUNJIN THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE IS IN A GANG! HES DANGEROUS!"
"SO YOU DONT FUCKING TRUST ME!"
"I HAVENT SEEN YOU FOR SO LONG I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE!" she tried coming closer to me but I pushed her away.
"I can't believe it. how can u do this to me Hwa." she cried more and ran.
I held her tight in my arms "WAIT YN DONT GO I SHOUKDVE HAVE-
"LEAVE ME ALONE! FUCKING PARK SEONGHWA! LEAVE ME ALONE!" She ran away and into her car with her sister.
"YN!! DONT LEAVE ITS ALL MY FAUKT IM SORRYY!" I said while running after her car which was currently driving off.
"IM SORRY YN!" I said running as fast as I can after her car.
I hear her asking her sister to drive faster and her sister asking questions about me chasing after. they were arguing and they didn't see the car coming towards them and the next thing I knew was their car crashing into another. their car flying and blood flowing out of the car.
I froze. I cant believe i caused that.
"I killed yn..." I shakily said. my breath becoming heavy. I suddenly couldn't breath well. my hands shaking. my legs giving in. I fell down. tears started flowing.
"yn. she can't die..."
I stood up slowly and I walked towards the car. I saw yn. she was bleeding uncontrollably. she was almost unconscious.
"hwa..." I heard her say.
I went closer to her. I pulled her out of the car with all the strength I had. since I saw oil leaking. I can't let her get blown up. I can't let her get hurt.
I carried her as far as possible then I heard an explosion. The car exploded.
"it's okay yn"
"you'll be okay. everything will be fine."
"I love u yn."
"I'm sorry."
"Im sorry I got u hurt. I'm sorry. forgive me."
"don't die. u can't."
"without u I have no reason to live."
"I-I can't live without u."
"you're my whole world."
"you're my moon. my light."
"remember our tattoos."
"you're star tattoo."
"my moon tattoo."
"we got it for each other."
"we'll be together until our last breath."
"that's what we said."
"what we promised."
"I love you."
"I really do."
"please be okay."
"please wake up."
"I love u yn."
"sir, I need you to let us take the victim. we need to get her to the hospital."
they took yn.
"NO. YOU CANT LET HER LEAVE ME!"
"sir sir we will help her."
"NO WAIT YOU CANT-
someone held me back. and they placed yn on the stretcher and they left with her.
"YN NO YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME!"
"SHES MY YN"
"seonghwa she will be okay."
I turned my head and saw hongjoong.
"SHE CABT DJE SHE WONT DIE!"
"we won't it will be okay. Let's go to the hospital."
—-
at the hospital.
"she is in surgery seomghwa."
"she won't die right. She can't. She has to live. We said we will be together until our last breath she can't die. TELL ME SHE WONT DIE." I was pacing back and forth outside the surgery room.
I then heard a flatline.
"HURRY! SHES LOSING HER PULSE!"
"WHAT NO!!"
I ran towards the door and that's when I saw her hand drop from the bed.
I killed her. She's dead.
NOO THAT CANT BE TRUE
"time of death. 11.43 pm. 13 September 2018. choi-
"NO IT CANT BE! I DIDNT EVEN GET TO TELL
HER SORRY OR MY GOODBYE!"
"seonghwa hey! Where are u going!"
I ran back home. i couldn't live without yn.
I got back home. I got a rope and I hanged it and then it was my last moment.
"I'm-... sorry.. yn. i-i..sho-uldn't have-ee..done that. I sh-ould've said I..trusted u. I l-love u my lo-ove. now that-t you've died. I have..no reason..to live-e. I'll keep-p our promise. w-we will..be togeth-er until-l our..last breath. I lo-ove you- choi yn." my shaky voice, tears flowing down my eyes. I CANT take this. Losing yn.
"i love you yn."
i kicked the chair below me and I felt like I couldn't breath. my vision blurry. tears still flowing but then I heard someone coming into my room.
goodbye world. I'll be with yn again. I smiled while closing my eyes.
third person pov.
"SEONGHWA NO!" hongjoong shouted
he quickly got seonghwa off the rope and called the ambulance.
seonghwa was now unconscious.
hongjoong felt his pulse and it was barely there.
——
"come on don't die. why would u try to kill urself." hongjoong said while staring at an unconscious seonghwa. hongjoong had dried tears in his eyes has he cried after seeing his best friends state earlier on.
a few hours later.
"yn?? what. why am I in a hospital." he said trying to get out of bed.
"seonghwa. u tried to kill urself."
"I did?? why?"
"i don't know you weren't in ur best state of mind."
"the accident. she died didn't she. I caused her to die. how could I?"
"it's not ur fault seonghwa don't keep blaming urself or the guilt will just eat u up inside."
"how can I? she's dead all because of me."
"live on for her."
"what?"
"If u were the one who died. u would want her to live on for u wouldn't u?"
"yea I would. she shouldn't have to die just because i did."
"exactly so she would want that to. now come on. get more rest. tmr u can get discharged."
he left the room leaving seonghwa alone.
"I'll live for u yn. and I'm sorry. I promise you're the only girl I'll ever love."
——-
2019
"stop drinking seonghwa!"
"hongjoong it's a coping mechanism."
"it's been a year seonghwa!"
"i know but. I CANT get over her. She's to important to me."
"cut it out. let's go back to the gang. let off some steam."
"let's burn some shit up."
"let's go to a rage room."
———
2020
"my dear yn. i feel like shit without u. it's been exactly two years. I've not moved on. I don't think I ever will. I just hope you're happy."
he touched a photo he had of her that he has as his wallpaper. it was the first date. in a cinema. as he cried.
———-
2021
"MOTHERFUCKER!"
seonghwa was in an abandoned place. there were old cars and random trash. so he used a bat to destroy it even more.
"seonghwa. let's go to an arcade. you've ruined everything here until there's nothing to ruin."
"but-alright hongjoong."
he followed hongjoong and went to the nearby arcade.
"is that yn? the person drinking? no she's dead you're crazy seonghwa."
"what did u say?"
"nothing let's go."
———
2022
"what's the point of living."
he asked while drinking.
"what's the point of alcohol." yunho replied.
"nothing. it's just for fun. so live it to the fullest." yeosang added.
"hey guys my best friend is going to follow me to the arcade. want to join us? the more the merrier!"
"I'm in!" wooyoung said.
"we shouldn't intrude. let him and his girl have alone time." San said while smirking.
"who's the girl anyways?" jongho asked.
"her names choi-
seonghwa went out the room. and he went to the rooftop.
"my moon. I miss u so much. i promise. I will make sure I live my life well for u. at least I'll try. it's been 4 years. I've been living like shut. hongjoong's right the guilt's eating me alive. but I'll try my best. For you my love." he said his voice cracking. Tears flowing down.
———
2023 - present day.
tears were rolling down seonghwa's face as he relived everything that made him feel like dying. like shit. but he now knows something. yn is alive.