Summary: Jim wasn't fine, not like he said he was. His captivity in the Darklands hadn't left him unscathed as his team thought. Unfortunately, Steve doesn't let Jim walk free after blaming him for stealing the spotlight, leading to Toby admitting a promise he kept to himself.
Rating: T - for mentions of PTSD
Characters: Jim, Toby, Claire, Steve
»»————- ————-««
Jim swallowed as he stared down the angered look Gunmar, his heart beating wildly beneath his chest as every ounce of him grew tense. He dared not to show the deadly troll the dear he craved, however, Jim had tried so hard to remain strong, but his friends weren't coming.
They never came.
Nomura had beaten him and had prepared him for the blow that Gunmar would give. He crawled frantically as Gunmar slowly stalked up on his prey, Jim gasping as he felt the jagged stone through his armor, desperately clawing for an exit.
"You're mine, boy." The deep, guttural voice of Gunmar echoed, Jim's blood running cold and it seemed his body refused to move, locking him in place as he begged to leave. He would have cried for help if it wasn't for the fact he couldn't find his voice and how raw his throat had been.
Gunmar raised his sword, leveling it above Jim's head, and the Trollhunter was unsure if he would lose his life, or his control, giving into Gunmar's power and becoming a weapon against his friends.
Jim heaved, staring up helplessly, wishing he had said his goodbyes to his mother, kissed Claire, and shown Toby how much he cared. Yet, he hadn't, only fleeing to the Darklands. The guilt, the regret, and the feeling of loneliness had poured through him, just as the sword had come rushing down.
Jim sprang forward, eyes ripping open as his breath was fast and rigged, heart pounding as beads of sweat rushed from his hairline. His hand shakily moved to his heart, then toward his head, cradling it as he struggled to catch his breath.
It was sudden, and despite being safely tucked in his room, free, the tears pooled in his eyes, body shook with the sobs as he curled into himself. He tightly bound his hand into a fist, holding it close to his chest as the whimpers escaped him.
He didn't try to stay silent as he cried, his mother was already gone. His breath was shaky, and his blurry sight landed on the clock, the numbers seeming to multiply as he struggled. It was two in the morning and the dread had fully set it.
His friends were asleep, he couldn't bug them, he just couldn't. Swallowing as the tears continued to fall, Jim scurried into the corner, pressing himself against the wall and pulling the blanket over his lanky form.
He couldn't sleep, curling into himself, and stared at the door, as if it would rip open, revealing Gunmar with a wicked grin, ready to finish the job he never completed.
With fear, Jim kept himself pressed, giving him distance between himself and the door, the rest of his night was spent as gut-wrenching sobs that tore at his chest, body wracked with an onslaught of raging emotions.
And as if he was nothing more than a child, he was left alone, chin trembling.
—
Claire lay awake, glancing at the clock. She let out a sigh and flipped over in her bed. She struggled to get some sleep, which was strange. They had saved Jim, he was alive, he was here.
And yet, so many more worrisome thoughts crossed her mind, no matter how much she tried to ignore them. Was Gunmar free?
But most importantly, how was Jim?
Granted, he seemed so relieved to be free from his captivity, smiling and laughing before rewarding her with a deep, wonderful kiss. However, Claire knew that people who had gone through traumatic experiences were bound to suffer. And, while she hadn't heard what he had gone through, she knew he was a prisoner to Gunmar.
He was forced to fight, and Kanjigar warned them of Jim's death if they hadn't hurried. Jim was fighting for his life and had been near Gunmar, a troll that was known for his deadly title, something that everyone feared.
Yet, Jim had faced him.
She leaned over, staring down at her phone that rested on the nightstand, itching to call him. However, she decided against it. If he was sleeping, he needed the proper rest, yet, leaving him alone without knowing what Jim was currently going through was already killing her.
Even if he insisted he was fine.
She pushed herself into a sitting position, hand reaching for her phone, only for her heart to beat wildly as a message from Toby lit up the screen. Knowing the best option, to even ease her worries that Jim was okay and she could sleep, she quickly swiped on her screen, reading the uneasy message.
Claire, are you up? She snorted slightly, thankful that she wasn't the only one.
Yeah, I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking about Jim. You?
If the anxiety was any measurement of the torment she was putting herself through, it was extremely high as she stared at the screen, waiting for Toby to reply. Thankfully, it wasn't long but it wasn't the answer she was looking for.
Me neither. I can't tell if he is okay.
Do you think something is wrong? Claire responded before deciding to reply once again, finishing her message. I know he seemed fine, but any average person would not come out of captivity without issue.
I know, the only issue is that none of this is normal.
Claire wished Toby would deny it, saying that Jim was used to such a terrifying act, which wasn't okay to begin with, however, it would be so much better if he was. She didn't want to see him hurt anymore.
But he's only sixteen, Toby. He's still a kid, like us. I know he tries to be the hero, but I don't feel relieved. I think something is wrong.
I know. I'll notify Blinky, but we should keep an eye on him.
We should talk to him.
He'll lie, Claire. Jim is stubborn, he also hates worrying people. You know that as much as I do.
Yeah, but maybe we could tell by his expressions. We can't sit here and let him hurt all by himself. Besides, he would do the same for us.
But how do we bring it up without causing an issue?
There will be an issue, it's like ripping off a bandaid, but it will be worth it. Trust me, Toby. And it's his first day back at school tomorrow, we need to do it before or we could have a lot more issues on our hands than the possible choice of Gunmar being free.
Yeah, I guess. But, you're the one doing it.
Fine, I can. Claire sent, and it took a couple of uneasy minutes of silence, not a single sign of Toby responding was seen. It made her feel sick to her stomach with worry.
Claire? Toby's message instantly stilled her. If something is wrong, what do we do?
I don't know.....
I don't know.
She stared down her messages, knowing the dread she felt. The guilt. They didn't know what to do, especially if they were handling something much more than Jim led on. She clicked off her phone, trying her best to get comfortable as she stared at nothing in particular.
They would keep an eye on him.
Anything for him.
—
The morning was rather harsh for Jim, his stiff neck which had been caused by the uncomfortable position he had fallen asleep in, which was against his wishes. His cheeks felt sticky from the dried tears, eyes heavy and puffy, making them hard to open.
He stared at the stream of light in his window, slightly calmed by the sight. He was safe, Gunamr couldn't reach him, and he couldn't take him. Jim knew that, yet, the small gut feeling had kept Jim wondering if Gunmar would find a way.
Jim knew he had to move, he knew his friends would be retrieving him for school and the mere thought of worrying them, or even, if he dared, being judged by them had made his stomach roll. He pushed himself to a shaky stand, legs wobbling from the weight as his body weakened.
He gripped the desk, his breath quickening as the floor below his feet grew dark, flashing with the dark hues of stone, dim lights of blue and green, radiating the cold that nipped at Jim's face as his feet were cladded with the Eclipse armor.
"N-no," Jim breathed out, barely above a whisper as his eyes frantically searched his room, or where he thought he had been moments before. It seemed to haunt him, the Darklands swallowing him as if he was safe was only a nightmare.
All while a horde of Blood Goblins began to circle him, their battle cries sending a shiver down Jim, ready to tackle him, to steal. Jim held his stomach, listening to his metal armor clink together as he curled back into himself, squeezing his eyes shut and lowering his head.
"Leave me alone, leave me alone. Leave me alone!" He yelled as the sound of Blood Goblins surrounded him, their angered calls growing dim until they completely vanished. He slowly cracked open his eyes, finding him back in his room and his chest lifting rapidly.
"You're home, you're home, Jim. Everything is okay. You stood up to Gunmar, you showed him that you're strong." He reminded as Gunmar's haunting voice seemed to respond as if Gunmar stood right behind him.
"Are you, or was it an act?"
"No, I was not afraid," Jim mumbled.
"Under all that armor, you're just a scared little boy." Nomura's voice hissed.
"What should a father do to the one who murdered his only son?" The sounds of stone crashing against metal seemed to echo, Jim holding his head as he tried to drown them out. The wave of fear felt as needles jabbed his skin, prickling him as the anxiety tumbled back.
It was almost dizzying, the brusque bolt of shock that shot through him, the bullet of panic rising in his throat, as if it seized his breathing, feeling as if Gunmar's cold, rough hand wrapped around his throat. As his eyes darkened, his stomach flipped, leaving him paralyzed by fear.
All lost in a blind panic.
The doorbell vibrated through the floorboards, sending a shock through Jim as he blinked frantically, trying to regain his senses. He swallowed the bubbling fear but it didn't help knowing it was his friends that were standing at the door.
"C-Coming," Jim tried to cry out from his room and struggled to dress himself for the school day. He could barely find the energy to get himself in a rush but managed to complete it. If that proved difficult, then he already feared the school day.
He stepped down the stairs, sloppily grabbing the strap of his backpack and resting it on his shoulders before pulling the door open, both Claire and Toby mustering up a happy smile.
"Hey guys," Jim started, trying to hide the shakiness, and was thankful that it worked in his favor.
"Hey, Jimbo. No lunches today?"
"No, sorry, Tobes. The Darklands must have worn me out, or I just missed my comfortable bed, I slept in." He chuckled, even though he knew he lied.
"I feel you on that one."
"We should get going, we don't want to be late," Claire said as she watched Jim slide on his helmet and climb onto his bike. She couldn't lie, reading his posture was more complex than she originally intended, however, the slight hunch in his shoulders seemed to catch her eyes, and it seemed as if whatever weight had been weighing him down.
Yet, she knew what the weight was, the only issue was bringing it up.
She pushed her bike forward, pedaling after Jim and Toby, and her teeth gnawed on her bottom lip as she stared down the two. The bike ride to school seemed much more prolonged with Claire's mind constantly on the thought of Jim.
Perhaps it was the fear of having to bring up such a hard topic, but she couldn't avoid it forever. What could a troubled soul do in such a crowded place?
When they had arrived at the building, already crowded with conversing students, Claire swallowed the lump of fear, it made perfect sense why she feared Jim going to school as once the boy stepped through the entrance, students crowded the boy, cheering and closing him in.
Jim stared in shock as students surrounded him, their voices drowning together as they wore big smiles and surprised looks. Usually, Jim could stand the strange attention if he ever received it, yet, instead, it seemed as the students grew closer, so did the strange sensation of prickling fear.
Jim's throat tightened as the walls of students became a blur, fading and flashing into the rocky prison that held him. The golden bars of electricity crackled as they seemed to move closer, mocking his freedom and making the enclosure smaller.
Jim's breath and heartbeat echoed in his ears as he looked down at his feet which had become layered in metal, the concrete ground being replaced with darkness, and the scratches in the rock from his constant scraping were nothing but scars.
He could barely make out what the crowd said as they surrounded him and all the air seemed to vanish.
Jim.
The boy squeezed his eyes, ignoring the voice that called for him, he was afraid that if he looked it was the Gumm-Gumms ready to wrestle him.
Jim..
He begged for the voice to leave, the silence of the Darklands was much more pleasing if he was alone. Because then he wouldn't have to fight, he wouldn't have to lose his life if he was alone.
JIM!
He tried so hard, the panic rising and clenching his heart, his body going through a strange numbness.
"Jim! Look at me!" The voice cleared, it was Toby's and the simple thought of his best friend being trapped within the Darklands had made the boy's head shoot up, looking around the the crowd of students and the sun that shined brightly behind the building.
He noticed the strange looks, and the silence of the crowd as Toby stood in front of him, the concerned look that Toby wore was hard to miss.
"Are you okay?" Toby asked as Jim stared at him, his breathing heavy and frantic.
Jim licked his lips, his voice coming out raspy. "Y-yes." It didn't seem that Toby took the answer as the stout boy turned to face Claire who seemed to understand the simple gesture.
"Sorry guys," Claire started, everyone turning to face her as Jim curled into himself, trying to give himself as much distance as possible. "He's still recovering fully, maybe we should back up. He isn't contagious but his body isn't fully functional right now."
All it took were a couple of murmurs before the crowd dispersed and Jim stared down his friends in shock, the worst possible idea coming to mind.
"Do they know?" Jim mumbled, trying to still the shaking that plagued him.
"They know that you came down with the Jim Lake disease, not the Darklands," Toby answered as he guided his friend to his locker, the two standing on opposite sides of Jim.
"Are you sure you're okay? I know I ask almost every time I see you, but..." Claire said.
"Yeah, just, you know, crazy to get used to a life when you've been gone for almost a month." Jim stuttered, hating how weak he sounded but managed to muster up a smile. Claire glanced at Toby as Jim peeled open his locker, the two sharing a silent conversation on whether to bring up the thoughts that filled them.
Sighing, Toby glanced at Jim. "Yeah, I totally get that." When Toby received another look from the girl, he knew she was not pleased with his answer but all he could do was shrug.
How could they bring it up?
"There you guys are!" Mary started, shocking the trio and causing Jim to jump as a new voice reached him. "I got a bone to pick with you, Domzalski."
"What? Why me?" The boy answered as Darci appeared behind him.
"You've been ignoring my girl for nearly two weeks, that's why," Mary answered. Claire gave a surprised look at the boy who fumbled with his answer as he stared down at the girl he loved, trying to ignore the seething look.
"We've been too busy trying to keep Jim updated in school," Claire quickly answered, unaware that her said boyfriend was backing away, hating the angered looks that came from the two girls, even if it hadn't been projected at him.
He stared at Mary, just from her look, images of Gunmar staring him down had replaced her, the images rapidly flickering and causing his head to pound.
"I get that Claire Bear, I'm glad you're supporting your man, but one is currently hurting our girl's feelings!" Jim's eyes landed on Darci to the rest of the group, their voices seeming to drown out as Toby replied.
All of it was becoming too much.
He needed to leave.
He needed to get out of here.
Nowhere was safe.
He couldn't hide.
He couldn't survive.
He couldn't do it.
He couldn't–
Jim's frantic thoughts were quickly seized as his back collided with a much larger abdomen and his heart rate seemed to race, ready to fly from his chest. His eyes grew in terror as the world around him changed, the blackened world swallowing up the light from the sun, and the trees and buildings turned into nothing but an arena.
Jim let out a small whimper, staring at the place around him. He didn't want to be trapped once more, he wanted to go home.
TO GO HOME!
Jim slowly turned, the body he had bumped into coming into his view, Gunmar's smirk filling his vision as blue smoke poured from the troll's eye.
"You're back," Gunmar spoke, staring down at his prey as Jim shook. He could barely muster out a word, whatever bravery he showed before was gone, all the hope and the beliefs he held close had vanished.
Gunmar was speaking to him, he was here. He was back.
"Are you going to sit there and ignore me, whelp?" The troll hissed, closing the distance as Jim tried to step back, finding his escape blocked by a wall. "How dare you ignore me, I am your king."
Jim's throat tightened, his words coming out shaky as he stared down the enemy. "Not now, not now, please. Not now."
"Every time you lost, you tried to take it back. I won, I beat you." Gunmar continued as he was a mere inch from Jim whose breaths were coming out loud and rapid. "In return you run off, take the attention from me and you will pay."
Jim swallowed, sweat beaded down his forehead as he tried to control his shaking hands.
His heart thudded in his chest, and blood pounded in his ears. It was hard to breathe as if a vice was gripping him. One minute he was all hot and sweaty, and the other felt like he would freeze to death. He could feel the tears rolling down his cheek, his mind unable to grasp what was happening.
"Hey!" A voice rang out and Gunmar's attention moved to the side suddenly, it wasn't Gunmar who was standing there, it was Steve.
Jim's eyes moved around the scene, finding he was back at school as his mind began to confuse what was real or not.
"What do you want, Tubby?" The blonde boy hissed out.
"Leave him alone, we don't have time to deal with this." Jim wasn't sure where Toby's sudden courage came to speak to the bully, but Jim was thankful as his back became sore from pressing against the locker.
"There's always time. Jim cannot get away with stealing my thunder, all because he lost Spring Fling."
"It's just a school dance," Claire stated, having ditched her friends after dealing with the small issue and stepping up to Steve as her eyes landed on her boyfriend, noting the bloodshot eyes and the small tear that sparkled on his cheek.
All while her chest tightened.
"It's not just a school dance, no one insults Steve Palchuk!" The blonde yelled as he gripped Jim's collar, fist raised and Jim's mind began to grow confused on who he was really looking at.
"Tell me, Trollhunter... What should a father do to the one who murdered his only son?" He asked, picking the boy up and slamming him back into the same wall, lightly cracking the surface. Jim cried out, trying to free himself but was pushed back.
Gunmar raised his fist, Jim wincing and closing his eyes as Gunmar swung...
...but it never came.
Jim peeled open his eyes, realizing he had squeezed them shut, staring at Steve's fist that had been only an inch away. Jim stared at the scene, realizing no one had moved to stop Steve from landing the blow, however, the boy himself had froze, eyes wide as he stared Jim down.
Toby's eyes softened as he stared at his best friend who wept openly in front of them. The usual strong facade that Jim wore crumbled the moment the fist was raised and the small group was left in an uncomfortable silence.
Thankfully, the halls cleared, unaware of what was occurring, the bell being longed ignored by the group as they stared down their usually stoic leader.
Jim shook as he couldn't stop the tears, staring down the knuckles as Steve loosened his grip. Once free from the tightness that held onto his clothes, Jim dropped to the ground, whatever was in his hands clattered to the ground as he curled into himself.
It felt as if he couldn't catch his breath. His heart seemed to skip as he tried to drown out the noises, the constant laughter, the growls, the chatter of Goblins.
"Jim, Jim!" Toby yelled and dropped to his knees, hands moving onto the boy's arms. "You're okay, we're right here."
Jim stared at the boy with fear, "I can't breathe, I can't...breathe!"
"You aren't there anymore, listen to me. You're home, with us, we won't let him touch you, okay? You just need to calm down."
"I didn't even punch him," Steve stared, turning to face Claire. "What is going on?"
"Back away, Steve. You'll make it worse," Claire snapped, eyes narrowed at the tall boy who stared at her in shock as she dived down beside Jim.
Steve stared at the scene before him. Granted, he was not happy with Jim, but once the boy had begun to cry, something that never happened, it felt as if everything Steve knew had changed the moment he saw the tear.
Why would Jim cry because of Steve?
What really happened to the boy?
After all, Steve had nearly discovered their lie, which resulted in a portal ripping open in the sky and spilling out water. He hadn't questioned it much after but now seeing Jim back at school and suffering from a panic attack, which was strange because the boy never feared Steve to begin with was strange.
"Jim?" Steve mumbled as the two friends glared up at him. "Let me talk."
"What? Now suddenly you care?" Toby spat.
"Look, Domzalski, just because I'm a bully, doesn't mean I'm heartless. Something is wrong and it's because of me."
"It's not you, he doesn't care what you do to him, it's what someone else did," Toby stated as Claire gave him a disbelieving look. "Sorry, Claire but we aren't playing this off, We don't have time, we need to get him somewhere that's not here."
Steve stared at the teens with a baffled look as they tried to soothe their friend before pulling him to a stand, whispering reassuring things.
"So, who did this?" Steve asked, licking his lips as the usual demeanor Toby showed him made him slightly nervous. This was uncharted territory.
"Place to sit first, questions later," Toby said as he gripped Jim's shoulders. "Listen, Jimbo, I'm here. Gunmar isn't, I know what you could have been through, I know you tried to be tough, It's okay that you're scared, but I promise, you aren't there."
"Why won't it stop," Jim mumbled, sniffling as the tears slowly dripped from his eyes.
"Because you're scared, you're suffering. You went through some crazy stuff, something no one has gone through. It's okay, we will help you, can we go to the shower room?"
Jim darted his eyes to Claire who smiled kindly, "I'm right behind, okay." She said as her hand wiped a stray tear from his cheek. The Trollhunter swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, letting Toby lead him into the privacy of the locker room.
Ignoring that Steve was right behind Claire, closing the door and sealing the outside world from their small conversation.
"Here, let's sit, I'm right here," Toby mumbled, helping Jim onto the bench and patting Claire to sit. "I have to talk to Steve, okay?" Jim shook as Claire took his hands into her, letting Toby leave the boy's side as she kissed her boyfriend's forehead.
"Alright, answers. Steve demanded as Toby waved him to the side.
"Jim wasn't sick, what you saw in the woods, was us trying to save him. Jim's been in captivity by someone who was willing to kill him." The words echoed in Steves's mind as Toby explained, starting from the beginning of finding an amulet to Jim's capture of an evil troll named Gunmar.
Steve could barely focus on parts as his eyes darted to Jim who seemed to slowly relax in Claire's grip as her hand drew circles in Jim's back. He wanted to say it was nothing but lies, but Steve knew what PTSD was, he knew such traumatizing actions could affect someone.
The guilt began to eat at him as he realized it was him who brought on the attack, even if Jim constantly told his friends that he was okay. Toby was right, this wasn't some silly attention game between Jim and Steve, it was a boy who barely survived a cruel world and told no one.
The world Steve lived in was nothing but lies, even the warnings Eli constantly spat out about the trolls, Steve punished him. And yet, here was someone who had to keep it all a secret but was suffering.
He should have done something different and acted differently. Who knew what others faced and here Steve was, blaming himself for causing the attack. He wasn't heartless, he knew where to draw the line, however, Jim's actions had made Steve think about what he had done to others, and how many people he could have hurt.
Steve looked at Toby who had tears filling his eyes as he spoke, staring at his best friend who took in Claire's comforting touch and it seemed everything came shattering around him. All because of what Toby said, the words piercing Steve.
"Who knows what he went through, we weren't there for him. He had to face it alone, something we would always do together. We were warned that he would have died if we left any sooner, and that Jim was hurting. The times I wished I was there to see what he experienced so I could feel his pain and figure out how to take it away, but at the same time, I wish he never went through it, even if it meant Enrique wouldn't be here."
Toby sucked in a shaky breath as Steve stared him down with a broken expression and the boy continued.
"Jim was hurt, was starved, threatened, and I wasn't there for him. I blame myself but I know it wasn't my fault, after we got him back, I made a promise, something I haven't told anyone, but I know that I will forever live by it as it will be the last thing I do. To be there for him, to help and care for him after all he has done for me and the rest of us. He doesn't even brag about it, doesn't even think twice, he would die for us if he could...
...and I'd do the same for him, I made a vow...
...that I'd die to save him."