𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 44: 𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮
But never will I ever not wish you well
Though we're not together, God bless you still
It's gonna get better, I know it will
Just hope you know, I still
I'll pray for you, I'll pray for you
𝐎𝐌𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐓
𝐋𝐎𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒, 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐀
December 𝟏𝟓𝐭𝐡, 𝟑:𝟒𝟑 pm
|| Guilt can bring the worst out of people to hide their hand, we're all proof of it ||
— 𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐀
ఌ
Amerie's eyes squeezed shut, hearing the sounds of him throwing up through his hangover which had gone on all day. She stood on her tippy toes to fish through his cabinets for any form of medication, yet it seemed like all he really had in his home were prescription drugs that weren't prescribed to him at all.
Her stomach turned at the amount of drugs she'd come across, ranging from anything with every single one seeming used at some point. She felt she never took time to understand, or have the opportunity to know just how bad things had gotten when it came to his mental health that was so faltered.
"Finally." She breathed out, once her hands that fished through the cabinets held onto a bottle of Advil.
Amerie peeled away from the cabinets to walk over towards Syre whose head buried in the toilet, letting out all the contents of his empty stomach. She stared into the toilet, making sure she didn't see any blood or anything that was concerning to his health despite the unknown amount of drugs he'd taken and how much alcohol he drowned himself in.
"You need to drink some water." She spoke softly, her hands running circles all along his back out of comfort.
She stared down into his face that slowly raised from the toilet bowl. It was like he completely ignored her presence, because he did. He washed his mouth out at the sink without even a glance in her direction, using both water and mouth wash to gargle with.
He could feel her eyes that followed his every movement, heard her footsteps that followed him out of the bathroom and back to his room where he'd been nearly all day. If it wasn't his room, it was the bathroom throwing up his insides.
He was in pain. Physically, mentally, despite the fact it seemed his emotions were so turned off. He couldn't think, feel, or acknowledge anything that ran through his head because he still had enough running through his system to shut all that off. Most of his life was spent shutting out those emotions, but this time was different. He didn't shut them out, they just weren't there.
He couldn't remember the day, it seemed as if he was just breathing and existing the entire day. He knew what happened, he remembered the moment he got the news of everything. But it stopped there, although that was the moment that consistently played in his head like a broken record. One he couldn't wash down or forget no matter how hard he tried.
"Riah, where the hell you going mamas." Syre watched his niece who stood with her small hands wrapped around his fingers. Her legs moved with her wobbly steps that still needed support, making Remi shake his head at his active daughter.
"She always tryna go somewhere, she be attracted to colors and shit." He spoke, sticking his daughter's pacifier in her mouth before she could start whining.
Syre reached down to pick her little body up to sit on his lap, while he continued on filling out the paperwork he was trying to finish. He'd been working day in and day out with both of his business, the legitimate one and his empire. But with Amerie's business opening and things moving forward for her, it only encouraged him to get things going with expanding his tattoo parlor.
His clientele grew by the day, having bookings all the way out into the next calendar year. And in reality, it was just stopping his own bag because with such a long wait time, it caused people to sometimes go to other people despite wanting his and his artists quality of work. So with making the one he had now bigger, and opening another shop, it'd only benefit him.
"How the wedding stuff coming and all that? You and Ki?" Syre sparked conversation with his cousin who shook his head while leaning back.
"The wedding stuff coming together as far as I know, but her and I we- ion know. We straight one minute, then we at it cause Brittany still around." Glancing up, Syre raised an eyebrow at the mention of Remi's ex who'd caused problems within the relationship already.
"When you say around, what you mean by that sir?"
"I ain't seeing her or nun, or keeping her around. But she be making her presence known and shit. I ain't on the hiring team for my clubs, I just pop in every now and then. I popped in yesterday, she on the pole performing. Ian know that, and I was with Kimora, so immediately she started tripping. She still pissed bout the shit, and I know she genuinely upset cause I heard her crying and she ain't tell Amerie about it. But I tried to explain to her ion know nothing bout that shit and I had no parts." He explained to Syre who shook his head, cause it sounded familiar.
Clearing his throat, he adjusted Nariah to cradle more as she was starting to fall asleep. "Went through this same shit with Cheyanna and Amerie, you just got to really assure ya girl. Cause tryna get the other bitch out the picture ain't gon do nun, you got to get straight with Ki and worry bout that, then worry bout Brittany ass after." He advised Remi who nodded, running his hand down his face.
"Kimora don't be tryna hear shit though, but at the same time she ain't gon leave. So ion know, Ian bout to trip off ole girl and she don't need to be either. Nigga got down on one knee for her, not nobody else." Remi waved off, and that was one of the main differences between Syre and Remi when it came to relationships. One that shone Syre in the better light.
Remi may have been more patient, more reserved, and took more than Syre. But Syre didn't like to have lingering tension or bad energy when it came to a relationship, at least with Amerie specifically. He liked to talk things out when she was upset, and get to the bottom of a situation so they weren't going to bed mad at each other by the end of the night.
"Shit if it come down to it, my trigger finger been itching. I can solve yall issue quick." He grinned, having his own pressure that he'd been wanting to release.
Chuckling, Remi waved it off again because he really didn't care about the girl nor did he care about the situation as a whole. "That lil shit ain't nun. Wassup with you and yo 2 baby mommas plus pig ass girl?" He questioned Syre who raised an eyebrow of amusement.
"Shit, Jaileen tripping off me and Amerie talking bout we love each other at her event. But ion know why she mad at me, be mad at the BM cause she said that shit first. Then I talked to Cheyanna today bout some shit, cleared the air although shorty was acting real weird. And Amerie...Amerie's Amerie." He summed up, not even knowing what to say about his relationship with his ex girlfriend.
"Y'all ain't on good terms?"
"Ion know what we on, she a fucking weirdo who don't know what she want and Ian bout to drive myself crazy tryna fuck around with her. She don't want to be with me by mouth." He shook his head, setting the papers to the side once filling out the last line. "But Ian stupid so."
Nodding, Remi stroked his goatee in amusement. He didn't get into other people's business, but Syre's whole fiasco with the three main women in his life always entertained him. There was never a day of just peace, and he applauded his cousin because he knew he couldn't do it.
"And Cheyanna, you said y'all straight?" He raised an eyebrow, not expecting that out of all things.
Nodding, Syre fixed the hat that covered his head to sit more snug. "Yeah, she wanted to talk and we talked. I laid everything on the table but she was acting off...she been acting off, ion know-." His words were cut by the blaring of a phone ringing.
Both him and Remi looked around for it, both of them tapping themselves until grabbing their phones to see it was Syre's. He raised an eyebrow, seeing it was an unknown number. He didn't usually answer these because it was usually random kids trying to play on his phone, yet something in that moment compelled his finger that hovered over the green answer button.
He pressed it quickly, before placing the phone to his ear with his eyes on Remi who watched silently. Syre didn't speak, waiting for whoever the person was on the other end to reveal their identity.
"K- King, hello! Is this King?!" He heard the crying voice of a woman who he didn't recognize, making his body immediately sit up.
"Yo, who is this?" He listened out closely, hearing the person try to speak, but they were too choked up to release words.
His leg immediately began to bounce out of anxiety as he assumed the worst, his mind flooding to Amerie before anyone else. He knew his daughter was with his parents so it couldn't have been anything regarding her, and in reality, he didn't care about anyone else to allow his mind to linger on them.
"Reign- C- Cheyanna's sister...she- my sister she h- hung herself!" The girl cried out, and it seemed as if everything froze for Syre whose body went into a state of shock.
Remi watched the phone slip from his cousins hand before he could control it or think, and he just sat. There was no emotion on his face, no sounds came from his mouth, just his eyes that stared towards the wall as the words of the girl replayed in his mind. The words that told him about the death that came so unexpected to him.
He knew things were off, was well aware something wasn't right, but just not this. It just couldn't be this.
"I want to find the right words, but I don't even know what to say right now. I feel like nothing I can verbalize to you is about to make you feel better, no matter how much I want to help your pain go away." Amerie's voice spoke up as she sat down on the bed in a space behind, yet diagonal to him.
Shaking his head, Syre's eyes stared towards his dresser at a picture he had with the little boy he thought to be his son. "Ain't nun for you to say, it is what it is-."
"You say this, and then by tonight you're going to drink away your sorrows and drown in misery. I'm not allowing you to go through this situation of them all alone, you just lost your first love and found out your first child doesn't belong to you. That's not just something you forget about Syre." She turned his arm to face her, although he pulled it away just as fast.
"Fuck I'm supposed to do? Cry? Fuck all that man. Ian tripping off this shit." He waved off as if he didn't care.
But Amerie knew him a lot better than that. He didn't feel anything because he had enough drugs in his system to stop all of those feelings he could be having. But as they wore off and as the days went by, she knew he'd spiral and it made her nervous. But she didn't have plans of leaving him alone, not in a time like this.
"Come." She gestured for Syre who only shook his head no. "Come here Syre." She repeated, hearing him suck his teeth before standing up to sit higher on the bed right next to her.
He allowed her to lazily turn his head, until those broken windows of eyes landed on hers. She could feel the shatter within her, seeing him with a look in those eyes she'd never in her life seen from him.
The second her arms wrapped around him to pull his head into her chest, he broke. Completely. She squeezed her eyes shut at the pain, the hurt, everything that washed out of him. That hard front he tried to put up just crumbling, everything crumbling. Bringing her right back to the moments of his grandmother, and how bad he'd broken after that.
"Sy you need to talk to me love, please. I don't want you harboring this shit in for your sake and sanity, it's not healthy." She spoke softly, keeping her arms around his body as her own eyes leaked singular tears that trickled down her face hearing the strain of him.
She'd witnessed him break before, held him and comforted him through it because only she could bring that out of him. But it was never like this, she'd never heard such pain that came with it. The way he held onto her shirt, he gripped it so tight she felt like it'd eventually rip from his hold.
His head buried within her chest, finding comfort in the feel of her body heat against his face. She couldn't do anything but circle his back with her other hand gently caressing the back of his head. Her lips pressed a countless amount of kisses into his skin, hoping she could bring him some type of peace within his pain.
"She killed herself...I talked to her earlier that same fucking day man. She left a note Ian finish reading cause the first lines talked about Xyden." He spoke through the strain of his voice, so low that she could barely hear his words.
Knitting her eyebrows together, Amerie looked to him in pure confusion. "But I thought a DNA test happened, and there's resemblance between the two of you."
"It did." He chuckled, now knowing it to be a fake. Although that didn't explain the resemblance that at this point, he deemed to be just a coincidence. "It's right there." He nodded towards the note that hung from his hoodie pocket.
Amerie pulled it out to unravel the balled up papers, two of them. Taking a deep breath, she folded her legs as her eyes began to roam the words Cheyanna wrote.
Syre,
My first ever love. I know you're going to hate me after reading this, but I want to start off by just revealing the truth about everything. Xyden is not your son, and I couldn't leave this Earth without letting that be the first thing you know. I didn't want you having to go on by the day with the false reality I fed you, and I cannot apologize enough for lying about something of that capacity. The DNA tests were faltered because unfortunately money talks, and it sickens me I dragged you into something that never had to happen to begin with.
I'm sorry for my selfish ways running so deep to where I wanted to find just anything to ruin your relationship. I was so angry that you'd moved on successfully, I was so fucked up in the head and selfish that through my eyes it needed to be me. And because of that, I turned into a person I didn't even recognize. I did things I could never admit to you in person, so I guess it all has to be expressed through here.
I never wanted things to get to this point, not between us. I never wanted to become a person who'd die and have nothing but hatred from you, but I know after you read this, there won't be any other emotion for you to feel. Although I took my life as an easy way out, I also did so because of how bad I've done you behind your back that my sorry will never be enough for.
I've done so much malicious shit, and I wish sorry could be enough, but I know it won't be. I took the easy way out, I know I did, but I couldn't live with so much guilt that stabbed at my conscious daily.
Truthfully, years and years back, Leon and I slept together while you were in jail. I don't know why, or how, or why it happened but it did. We promised to never speak on it again and so we didn't, we instead just parted ways. Shortly after that I found out I was pregnant, and I assumed the child belonged to Leon although there was another man who could be his father...and that's where Semaj comes into this.
It's not a small world, it's more of so much spite and evil that I'm sick to say I played such an active role in. I knew Semaj for years, and we were together at a point in time until we weren't. Truthfully, he is Xyden's father. But at the time I came back into your life, I had the belief Leon was his dad so I got in contact with him. If you're still wondering why Leon turned on you so easy, it was also his guilty conscious believing himself to father Xyden. Guilt can bring the worst out of people to hide their hand, we're all proof of it.
I slept with Leon consistently so he would keep his mouth shut. For years we were sexual partners, up until Semaj came back around through Amerie. That's when I encountered him again, and it was then he confronted me about Xyden with Leon there. Long story short a legitimate DNA test was taken which revealed his real father. Leon was rather relieved than mad, and Semaj didn't hold much feelings towards it. He told me to keep up the lie with you and to leave things at that, so I did.
I played the role of the baby mother as a way in, it was grimy and terrible, and I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry although nothing can be taken back now. All of them held guilt which made them act the way they did towards you, it was never you. Aaron had guilt because in reality, he killed Red and used the act of anger to turn on you. Leon had the guilt of betrayal and turned on you. Semaj had the guilt of not being there when you needed him and turned on you. And when people like that link up, the fucked up conscious leads their mind to places scary.
So scary to where they begin to believe the validity in their anger. What was guilt, turned into such a strong desire to overpower you and break you down. I mean, it was either that for them or to die. It was either death for me at the hands of you or myself, so I chose me.
I wish it was possible to reverse time, but it's not. I don't expect you to take in my son or treat him the same, it's not your responsibility. But Syre I'm sorry about everything, I'm sorry about all of the pain and confusion I've caused. I'm sorry for what this letter may bring out of you, I'm sorry for coming into your life to begin with.
Please tell Xyden how much I love him, along with telling my family I wish them peace. I will always love you even well into the afterlife, no matter where I end up. Thank you for everything again, and I'm sorry things had to turn out this way.
- Love forever,
Chi Chi
Amerie's eyes blinked rapidly, as her mind worked in the deepest overdrive to try and process the things she'd just read. She glanced up towards Syre who only stared at her to read the emotions of her face, since he refused to read the letter.
"What it say?" He questioned, looking to Amerie who still just stared at the note. Not knowing what to say or what to think about everything.
Clearing her throat, Amerie set the letter to Bette side. "I think we need to talk about it when you're completely sober, and a little better. Right now is not the time."
His dark eyes and blanked out face only stared at her, nothing said. She wished she could find the proper words for him, but it was so hard that her solution was to use her touch as her arms wrapped around him again. She rested her head atop his, using the intimacy of her lips to calm and soothe his skin.
"I know this isn't easy, and I don't expect you to come around and be fine for a while. I just need you to let me know what I can do to help you and support you, okay? I recognize that I may be the only person right now who you would feel comfortable going through this with, I'm not ignorant to that nor am I about to act like I don't know that because of the terms we're on. I'm not gonna shut you down when you come to me at all, I'm here for whatever you need right now. Whatever." She emphasized, pulling away ever so slightly to stare into his face that simply nodded.
Her thumb grazed the red bags just under his eyes from being up all night, "You need sleep papa." She mumbled, staring down into his drained face.
"Ian tired-."
"Syre." She sighed, "You've been sitting in this same position for hours, can you at least lay down?" She tried to reason, but his lack of movement spoke on the fact he wasn't trying to move anywhere.
His silence spoke on how little his mind could even process words she spoke. From the outside looking in, he looked to clearly be taking it hard. But Amerie knew this wasn't even a glimpse of the way he'd respond to everything, and it scared her. She wanted to be his outlet, but never had to witness him go through grief.
But just like so many other things in her life, she seen it as a test. She seen the timing of it as something so significant, and something that was supposed to pull her out of an element of comfort. To test just how deep her extended hand ran for him.
"Have you seen Xyden? Does he know she um- she's gone?" She questioned Syre who shrugged carelessly, making her sigh. "Syre look, I understand you're upset and you have the right to be. But he's innocent, and you knew him as your son for these past years. I'm not saying you have to continue playing a father to him, but do not single that boy out right now. He just lost his mother, he cannot lose both of you at once-."
"That ain't my kid, I got one child. He already lost his pops, whoever the fuck that nigga is." He spoke so dull with no emotion attached to his words, almost as if he didn't care.
Taking a deep breath, Amerie coached herself to have patience and understand he wasn't thinking straight. "I know that, but I just said he has nothing to do with this. She lied, Cheyanna. Not him. The least you can do is comfort him and be there for him, and figure things out after the fact. Where was he?"
Finally, his eyes looked to Amerie whose softened face held so much concern. "He found her hanging from the second floor inside balcony that she jumped form once tying the rope. He seen her body swinging, dead." He spoke coldly.
He masked his emotions so well that Amerie almost, just almost, believed he really didn't care. And it was scary, hearing someone describe death in such detail with not even a slim reaction to the words being spoken.
"I just want you to please rethink your words and the fact that beyond everything, you still love that little boy-."
"Who's his father?" He questioned Amerie who paused, looking to him in a way that read she really did not want to say.
"Syre-."
"Who the fuck is his father?!" His voice boomed and body stood, nearly scaring her from his outburst.
Shaking his head at her flinching, his body gradually relaxed but he didn't say anything. Instead, he brushed past her to go back towards the bathroom where he locked the door behind himself. She wanted to bang the door down, nervous to what he could be doing behind it. But it'd be no use, and she knew that.
He stood with his feet pacing the ground until he just broke. His mind tuned out any sounds around him, only hearing muffled static as his body moved without control. Everything in sight, he released his anger on. Holes punched within the walls, glass shattered from his fists that punched out the mirror, sticking and cutting his own hand.
You caused this
Karmas a bitch
His mind taunted him, forcing the closing of his eyes as his bleeding hands gripped at his hair. His body stumbled all throughout the bathroom, knocking over and breaking everything. His mouth released a chorus of obscenities, as his body reflected the gone state he was in.
"Fuck!" She heard his voice scream from the other end, making her jump as she sat and listened to him self destruct. As she silently sat and allowed herself to cry out her emotions, both of helplessness, and the pain that came with hearing him go through his own.
━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━
"If I'm hurting you, I need you to tell me." Her voice instructed as she sat sat on her knees in front of his body. An aid kit sat on the ground right next to her, while she held his cut up and bruised hand in hers. "I'm gonna wrap it for right now, but you're gonna have to go to the hospital because it could very well be broken." She mumbled.
But he didn't say anything, waiting patiently for her touch that would bring the pain that felt so good. He watched his hand that leaked blood she tried her best to clean, although there was so much of it she couldn't get it all together at once.
Syre's leg bounced in anticipation, until the first pang ran through his body from her beginning to wrap him up. His eyes fluttered closed at the pain it brought, the feeling that soothed his mind in the moment. She could feel the way he relaxed at her touch, allowing her to wrap his hand up tightly to stop the blood flow and to not contaminate his open wounds.
"Just keep this on it for tonight though, I'm gonna go downstairs and tend to the food." She spoke although again, she got nothing in response.
Clearing her throat, Amerie packed away all of the things within the kit she had before placing it on his dresser. She quickly washed her hands in the destructed bathroom, before making her way downstairs after being up and down for the past hours.
She stood in the kitchen where she checked on the rice that sat in one of the pots she'd placed on the fire. The oven had already turned off with the teriyaki salmon she'd made, and the rice was just cooking at the lowest temperature to prolong the time.
She doubted Syre had any form of an appetite and doubted the fact he'd eat, but she was still there and Malani was still staying over. She stood in the kitchen silently, allowing her mind to roam with everything surrounding the sudden nature of everything that had occurred in just 24 hours.
She cried the tears she needed to cry, and used the rest of her time being strong for him. The person who was affected so much more to where she could swallow down her feelings towards the situation. It was sad all around, a young child didn't have either of his biological parents. And the man who he'd looked to as his father, wasn't. And she didn't have any certainty on how Syre would eventually go about that aspect of things.
Her eyes looked around his open floor plan that allowed her view of his living room, seeing the pictures and paintings he had plastered around. She hadn't been in the house in years, never stepping inside when it came time to exchange their daughter because she felt there was no need.
Cutting the fire off, Amerie allowed herself to walk deeper through the house, seeing the changes. The living room had pictures of the kids...and her, new ones of them with Syre in some and some of both the kids together, the kids alone, Amerie with Malani, and Amerie alone.
It only accented the mural along the side wall of his living room, the one that contained his staircase. She remembered him starting the painting while she was pregnant, it was of her, a baby Malani, and a separate painting of Xyden near it. She could see he was starting on something else, but couldn't make it out from just the sketch.
The ringing of her phone peeled her attention away from what she was looking at to dig through her pocket. Her eyes widened seeing Layton's name along her screen, and just then realizing she hadn't answered her calls or called her back not once since being with Syre.
"Shit." She cursed, contemplating on if she wanted to answer the call or not. Shaking her head, she chose to just face it and press the accept button on the call.
"Baby I'm so so so sorry, I've been so caught up and awake literally all night. I didn't mean to leave unannounced in the middle of the night, I had a family issue I had to tend to." She immediately rushed out to Layton who went silent for a moment, until her voice was heard on the other end.
"Oh okay, everything straight?" She kept it short and simple, although Amerie could hear the agility within the girls voice.
"Um yeah, I'm just helping my daughter's father out with something. He lost someone yesterday and he's going through a lot right now, so I'm just gonna be honest and let you know that's where I've been." She breathed out with her fingers tapping along her thighs anxiously.
Again, silence consumed the line until she spoke up again. "Your daughter's father?" Layton asked for clarification, making sure she'd heard correctly.
"Yes. If he's mentally not okay, that reflects on my child and I'm just here helping him out. It's nothing more, nothing less, but I'm gonna have to call you back because my daughter just got here." Amerie dismissed of the conversation, seeing the elevator doors of Syre's home slide open to reveal Kimberly holding Malani in her arms.
She didn't wait to hear what Layton had to say once hanging up and tossing her phone to the side, going straight to where Kimberly stepped out of the elevator with her daughter. Amerie watched Malani's head that tiredly raised from her grandmothers shoulder, with her small hands rubbing at her eyes that were just waking up.
"The princess was sleeping, my sweet girl." Amerie cooed as she gently pulled Malani from Kimberly's hold for her daughter to lay her head along her shoulder, assisted by Amerie's hand that gently caressed at Malani's hair. She kissed at her baby's forehead and cheek, before placing her attention back on Kimberly.
"Hey beautiful, what are you doing over here?" Kimberly furrowed her eyebrows, considering the last person she would have thought to see at her son's house was his ex girlfriend.
Sighing, Amerie rocked Malani gently with small bounces. "Cheyanna committed...last night, and he's going through a lot. I'll let him speak when he's comfortable, I don't want to tell all his business regarding the situation. But I'm just here to make sure he's fine, you know?" She spoke to Kimberly whose mouth dropped in horror.
"Oh my goodness." She gasped, having the same reaction as Amerie to the unexpected news. "Where is Xyden? Is he with his father or-."
"It's a lot going on Kimberly, but trust you'll know everything by the end of the week. Thank you for bringing her here though." She smiled as much of a smile as she could muster up towards the woman who nodded.
"Of course, and call me if you need anything." She waved, allowing them to part ways with Amerie walking deeper into the house and Kimberly leaving back on the elevator.
Amerie eyed Malani who raised her head up from her shoulder and began to shimmy her way down to her feet. Her body was already clothed in her onesie, just covered by her coat and hat that Amerie helped her take off.
"Where dada?" She looked around, in search for her father who was usually always there to greet her when she came to his house.
"Daddy's going through a lot right now, and he needs the most and best love and hugs and kisses you can give him right now. Mommy needs you to shower him with so much love baby, try to bring a smile to his face." She spoke to her daughter whose big, bright eyes looked to her mother in concern.
"Dada sad?" She frowned as her tiny footsteps pattered along the ground, her eyes still searching around for her father.
"He is pumpkin, and we don't like to see him sad so let's go upstairs and-."
"Cupcake for dada." She pointed towards the box Kimberly had her bring with her. Amerie opened it to see Malanis cute, but messily decorated cupcakes she'd made at her grandparents house. Clearly they weren't for anyone but her, but she was willing to share to make her father feel better.
"You're the sweetest little bean, daddy's gonna be so happy." Amerie smiled, grabbing the cupcake Malani pointed to that had red frosting. "Go upstairs." She nodded for her daughter to lead the way towards the stairs. Amerie followed close behind with her hand held out to support Malani's back.
They took a minute to get up the stairs, before Malani was off running towards her father's bedroom door. She looked to Amerie who nodded, allowing them to walk in to see Syre sitting staring towards the wall. He sat at the head of the bed with his legs pulled up to drape his arms around, the presence of the two people in the room going unnoticed by him.
"Dada!" Malani squealed, running up to Syre who snapped out of the daze to look down towards his daughter who struggled to get onto the bed. Reaching down, he helped her small body up to sit along the mattress with him, but she didn't want to sit next to him. She instead crawled onto his lap with her little arms wrapped around his neck as best as they could be.
"Hey mama." His raspy voice spoke to his baby, who he pressed a small kiss into the forehead of.
He stared down into her smiling face that cheesed up at him once she pulled away from her variation of a hug. He looked to what he could now deem as his only child, only sending a pang to his chest that he'd been trying to ignore for hours now.
"Look dada." She pointed towards Amerie who held the cupcake out for Syre to take with the smallest of a smile, the most she'd seen of him all day. "I make..for you." She grabbed it from Amerie to hold out towards her father who took the cupcake from her.
"Thank you baby, you already making daddy feel better." He mumbled, setting the cupcake to the side because he didn't have the appetite for it.
His daughter's presence allowed for him to snap out from his daze, and place his focus on a distraction. Her smiling and laughing that filled the room brought him the smallest sense of peace within the madness that stormed his mind. He could never, no matter the situation, turn on his daughter or treat her any way as a result of things he was going through.
"Baby sit down." Amerie smiled, helping Malani back down to sit on the bed properly once she began to stand up.
Syre watched the small pout that imprinted along Malani's pursed lips with her arms folded at her mother. "Dada." She looked to him for help, wanting to jump on the bed in the ways Syre allowed.
"Listen to your momma, she said no baby." He spoke nearly inaudibly with her eyes on his daughter whose pout only deepened. Syre shook his head while Malani raised an eyebrow.
"You'd fix that if you don't want an early bedtime. Me and daddy not tryna be around nobody who's all pouty and angry, that's not fun." Amerie spoke calmly, and they both watched their daughter who looked between the two of them until gradually fixing her face and posture. Amerie watched her with a small smile until her daughter mirrored her face. "Thank you pretty."
"Welcome." Malani responded as she reached out to hold Syre's hand, toying with the rings that filled up his fingers. "Rich...I rich." She glanced up towards him once pulling off one of his rings.
"Yo ass tryna rob me shorty?" He raised an eyebrow, watching her pull off his rings one by one.
"I want...pwease." She spoke while she continued to strip him of his jewelry on both hands. Amerie watched in amusement how easy it was for her daughter to locate the most expensive things in the room and take them for herself.
"I'm raising a girl who knows to get what she wants, good job baby." Amerie encouraged, just as she stood up with a small stretch and yawn. She looked to Syre who finally, for the first time all day, looked to be at some sort of peace within his mind.
She knew once Malani was sleeping, he'd go back into the state he'd been in all day. But if their daughter could provide just a couple hours of calmness in the midst of his storm for him, she'd take it.
Syre watched her closely, peeling his attention away from Malani to stare at Amerie. Their eyes locked in on one another, and the energy between them was felt so strongly it almost hurt. His eyes hung so low and bloodshot red, staring deep into those of the the one person he knew he needed in that moment, aside from his child.
He could see the effect he had over her, from her mind, to her body, to her heart that visibly raced. Her skin raised in goosebumps in the same sense the hairs along her body did, just from the darkness of his intimidating eyes.
"Where you going?" He spoke up, seeing as she pulled her jacket over her body. He didn't think she'd stay, but he didn't want her to go either.
"I'm about to head out, it's about to be 12- and time for her to go to bed too. Come Lani." Amerie held her hand out for Malani who had evidently tired herself out. She crawled over towards Amerie who picked her up. "You want to tell daddy goodnight?" She held her daughter who immediately reached for her father again who stood up himself.
"Night dada." She spoke softly with her arms wrapped around his neck in a hug. Amerie smiled small at the way she gave him a kiss that he returned.
"Goodnight mama." He mumbled, before placing his focus back on Amerie who watched him already.
"I cooked if-."
"Ian hungry." He interrupted Amerie who simply nodded, expecting that answer from him.
"Okay, but I'm not gonna be in this house with you allowing you to starve yourself. So that's fine for today, but you'll be eating by tomorrow." She told Syre who only eyed her.
His silence allowed her to leave out of the room and down the hall towards where Malani pointed that her bedroom was. She smiled small, seeing the door had a painted picture of Malani that matched the tattoo of her face he had on his back.
"Ooouuu girl, daddy got you living good. Look at this room, he making me look like the boring parent." Amerie shook her head once stepping into Malani's bedroom at Syre's house.
The entire thing was on theme of a princess castle, painted pink entirely with Syre's hand painted designs that she requested. Amerie could tell he was in the process of adding more from one of the unfinished paintings of Princess Tiana on the furthest wall.
The room was huge, with a big princess bed with drapes in the middle. The bed was big because of the frame, and the surrounding raised plush that encompassed the mattress to provide some type of barrier for her as she was still transitioning into her big girl bed, and they didn't want her falling or hurting herself. It was all in the shape of a castle, with stairs up one side and a slide down the other, with the entire top that hovered over the bed having a flat platform for standing with castle-like barriers and designs.
There was a life sized doll house in one corner, with tons and tons and tons of Barbie dolls of all looks, sizes, careers, anything a little girl could dream of. Barbie trucks, cars, airplanes, outfits, hair materials, all scattered around with her Barbie's. She also had a themed vanity with all her toy makeup scattered around.
In another corner, there was a tea party set that had some of her stuffed animals seated and two seats designated for her and her father. And the room sported all types of lights and games everywhere else. This was only a glimpse of what her playroom also consisted of which, Syre had turned the room right next to her bedroom into.
Amerie could see, just from glancing in, the all pink theme also. With a pink ball pit, slides, swings, and a huge structure for her to play on. She could only shake her head in satisfaction at the life her baby had the chance to live, and she couldn't be anymore grateful for how blessed the child she was raising was.
"Look at these, wow." She smiled to herself, taking in the pictures Syre had decorating all along every wall of the room. There were some of Amerie's pregnancy, some ultrasounds, some from when Malani was a newborn, and some from recent.
"Mama and dada." Malani pointed to one of the pictures of her parents that Amerie had never seen before.
It was her and Syre on a beach when she was pregnant, and she assumed it was from their Hawaii trip. She took the selfie of both his hands on her belly, with one of hers on top of his and their mouths fused in a kiss from where he stood behind her.
In another one, someone else took a picture of them with Malani, who had to be only a couple hours old being that they sat in the hospital bed. Syre kissed Amerie's temple, while she cheesed to the camera holding her newborn baby.
"You were so little when we had you, we were so happy." Amerie whispered out, pointing to the picture for her daughter to look at.
With the longer she stared at the picture, the more her face gradually began to fall and her stomach wasn't felt anymore. She couldn't peel her eyes away from what she looked to.
"Sad?" Malani tapped Amerie as she reached her hand out to wipe the water that ran down her mother's cheek.
Amerie's eyebrows knitted together, not even noticing she'd been crying. "No baby, something was in my eye. I'm not sad." She smiled to Malani who eyed her for a second, until smiling back. Sighing, she made her way towards her daughter's bed where she laid her down gently.
"Sleepy." Malani spoke to Amarie who leant down to kiss her forehead.
"I know, that's why you're going to bed. I love you so much princess, and thank you for being so good and sweet to your daddy. Goodnight." She gently caressed at Malani's hair, and that, alongside her words, were enough to bring her daughter right to sleep that fast.
Amerie stared at her for a minute, until finally standing to her feet. She cut Malani's overhead nightlights on, and turned on the white noise she needed to stay asleep.
She walked back into Syre's room to see him sitting on the edge of the bed, just staring down towards the ground. His arms draped over his legs, and head hung low with nothing being said. His dropped shoulders said enough, and it made Amerie's face soften up with the closer she walked towards him.
He watched from above his eyes the way she slid her feet into her shoes before him. "I'm going to leave Lani here tonight to give you comfort, and I'm gonna come back tomorrow-."
"Stay with me." He spoke quietly, his head still focused down on the ground. Silence.
She stared at him for a minute, her body tensed from the words she was praying he wouldn't speak. She glanced down towards her feet, then back up towards him despite the fact he didn't look at her.
His heart beat as he watched her shoes that kicked off of her feet one at a time, allowing his head to raise. He stared at her so intently, her every move from the removal of her shoes to the stripping of the jacket that clothed her body. He watched her remove her hoodie and sweatpants to show herself in nothing but a black bra and the matching black panties that went with it.
He gestured towards his dresser for her to grab whatever she'd feel most comfortable sleeping in. Folding her lips into her mouth, Amerie pulled open the middle drawer to grab a pair of his sweatpants, and the drawer right next to it to grab a long sleeved comfortable black shirt.
Syre stood himself to go towards the top of the bed with her following behind. He stood back, watching her crawl into the bed with no emotion warranted along his face at all. She made her way to the far side, with him getting in right next to her.
Releasing a deep breath, Amerie grabbed the comforter to pull over their bodies that lay in the middle of his bed. Her arms wrapped around him snug, keeping his head against her chest as her lips imprinted the smallest kisses along his forehead.
In that moment, it wasn't about their differences or the fact that they weren't seeing eye to eye. It was about the fact a person she loved was hurting, the main person she preached about the security of mental health to and she couldn't bring herself to leave when she knew he was potentially seeking one of his lowest moments.
"Shit may seem confusing right now, and I know you...you're gonna try to ignore your emotions to put on a facade that you're fine. You're not. This is the closest person you've lost in years, regardless of where y'all may have stood in your relationship. Especially because I know you made peace with her that same day, let yourself be hurt and get through this." She spoke softly, feeling his arms that wrapped around her torso to pull her body closer.
"I reached my fucking break, Amerie." He tiredly voiced out, "maybe this shit my karma for the way I treated you-."
"Syre, stop. Nothing you did to me will amount to the magnitude of this situation. You don't deserve this, nobody does and I want you to find peace and solitude in me. I want you to find it in your daughter if nobody else." Her soft voice spoke out as her fingers looped and tangled within his short curls.
"I'm here for you and I love you. I will always be here and I will never stop loving you." She whispered out, although he heard nothing. He was out instantaneously, finding himself in a deep sleep that had been so rare to him...yet in that moment, it came easy just from being back in the comfort of her arms for the first time in what was going on 4 years.
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