"Travis!" Vic jumps out of the aid car as soon as I park it in the empty garage at 19, to run into her best friend's arms. I climb out of the rig after her and awkwardly wave at Travis when he makes eye contact with me over Vic's shoulder. "Hi, Maya. Long time no see."
The awkwardness stretches when he tries to come in for a hug just as I turn to the supply closet. Vic snickers behind me and I can feel myself blush. For fuck sakes, will I ever be able to just be normal around other human beings? This is why I found every excuse to stop taking shifts with 19 for as long as I did, because I hated who I am when I was around these people.
It was my first shift with my old team since we rescued Maddi. I've been juggling organizing the upcoming captains' exam, physical therapy with Maddi that has progressed to track practices, the extra hours at work to make sure the lieutenants are getting the best exposure, and spending time doing things that make me happy.
I decide to bite the bullet and ask where the team went, hoping that they'll be back soon so that I can hang out with Beckett and Jack and not have to worry about offending any one here. "They got called out to assist with the cleanup at the baseball stadium after the storm last night. Huge high school final tonight. I offered to man the desk until the two of you got back from your call." I cringe inward because that meant that I am going to be stuck alone here with the two best friends for a while.
"Cool." I nod my head before looking around for my escape. "Why don't you guys go catch up and I'll refill the rig." I don't give them a chance to reply before I hastily walk to the supply closet to get the crates of medical supplies we used up during our call. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and take it out to see a notification from the courier company to say that my doorman signed for Pru and Antonio's birthday presents.
I do a little dance in the tight space and send Borris a text asking him to open the package and send me a photo. He does so within a minute, and I actually squeal when I see how perfect they look. Walker's uncle turned out to be a toy maker and when I complained about not being able to find the one gift Antonio begged for, she offered to arrange a meeting with him.
He loved my idea, and we spent the whole weekend at his shop, designing and building the two unique doll houses and the little figurines that gets to live in them. For Antonio we chose the design of a standard fire house, made from bricks wallpaper. It was enhanced with the red doors and red windowsills to make it really pop.
Mr. Walker even went as far as to make functioning fire trucks, fire hydrants that can be filled with water, and an alarm that blared random call outs. The figurines were made to slide down the firepole and we opted to decorate the captain's office as if Beckett still held the title. The little firemen and women even had custom made turnouts gear and uniforms. I was so envious of the cool gift, that I'm tempted to keep it at my apartment for when Antonio comes to stay over.
For Pru, we went a different route. She hasn't been the biggest fan of firemen and didn't even take a liking to Dr. Bailey's profession. I haven't been able to spend as much time with her as I would like, but Jack told me all I had to know. Her dream is to become a soccer star and play in the world cup on the same team as Ashlyn Harris. Thank heavens for Mr. Walker's knowledge of football because I was a lost cause.
He took the lead in the design of her dollhouse, creating a beautiful stadium that housed a football field, a gym, the coach's class box and the team locker room. Her dolls included five soccer players with the jerseys of her favorite players, the team of coaches in their tracksuits and a few spectators. It was absolutely stunning in all its pink glory and I couldn't wait to see the look on her face when she opened it in a few days.
I even secretly designed a dollhouse of my own as part of my healing process to get over Carina and let go of the dream of having a family with her. That was a surprise admission for both me and Diane when we were talking about who I am, now that I've been more comfortable in my own skin, and who I wanted to be.
It turns out that I still loved running even if it was my dad who set me on the path to being good at it, so now I only did it for fun. I became a firefighter for myself because it was something I wanted but it took a lot out of me to find joy in it now. I wanted to become a parent with Carina, and it freaked me out when I realized that I could actually see a future for myself where I'm a mom to an adorable kid like Antonio.
But for now, I was adamant to make sure I don't end up in that particular future since I'm still convinced that I'll become a parent like my dad, if I was ever blessed with the opportunity. It's the reason I declined Molly and Beckett's offer when they asked me to become Antonio's godmother. I loved that kid more than anything in this world, which is why I can't take the risk.
I can't ruin his life if something happened to the people that kept me sane. I was happy just being his fun aunt that he has sleepovers with, learns curse words from, plays with him in the park and takes him on fun adventures. Teaching him fundamental things parents should, was not something I can see myself thriving at.
With my luck Antonio will end up more broken than me, probably using drugs to escape my moods or running away after I snap at him for losing a game or getting bad marks. No! No, I was not capable of embracing that dream. Diane understood my reservations and has been trying to find ways to help me work through my fear and insecurities to either let it go in a healthy way or gain the courage to move past it and chase that life after I leave Seattle.
That is how we got to the part of me designing a dollhouse for the imaginary kid that I would've shared with Carina, in the fantasy world where we were happily married. According to Diane, truly embracing the possibility of my dream life as a whole, should shed light on my personal desires and needs.
I closed my eyes and envisioned our child playing with their dollhouse with Antonio, and the rush of warmth in my heart brought tears to my eyes. The two kids standing side by side while they plan an elaborate scenario for their dolls. Carina rolling her eyes at me over her glass of wine, pressing her feet under my legs to stay warm.
Antonio dressing his firemen in their turnouts and opening the garage doors so he can take the trucks out. Our kid hanging the sign on the big white building to indicate what their dollhouse will be for the day. When they crack it open in the middle, one half has an operating room that lights up, a huge corner office and an on-call room. They're going to save lives like their mama.
On the other half, there is a whole floor that serves as a walk-in closet, filled with outfits and uniforms for all kinds of careers for them to pick from. The second floor houses an apartment with a huge kitchen. The best part of all was that the lights around the dollhouse could change the color of the building to their heart's content.
Our kid would have a better childhood than their parents could ever have dreamt of. They will be able to explore everything this world had to offer and could choose their own paths with our guidance. We would never control them or force them to be anything they don't want to be.
While I was picturing this scene in my mind, I slowly removed our kid from the scenario, only leaving Antonio. The pang in my chest made it clear that it was a dream I held dear to my own heart, but it wouldn't ruin my life if I didn't have it. After that I gazed over at Carina, watching her fade out when she saw the absence of her own child. I gave her a sad smile before she disappeared out of the fantasy too.
My heart ripped open and the foundation of my dream started crumbling. Carina was my heart's deepest desire and a life without her looked bleak, but when Antonio crawled onto my lap and wrapped me in his arms, the cracks in the walls stop. The Becketts opens the door to pick up their son and a sense of peace ran through me. It might not be the future I dreamt of, but I was filled with love and joy and I could let the dream with Carina go if I had them.
I shake myself out of the memory while I restock the medical supplies and complete an order form for the things that are below par level. I run up the stairs after completing my chores downstairs and take a quick shower. When I get out of the steaming cubicle, I instinctively rush past the mirror as I've been doing since smashing the one the day of the theatre fire.
I shake my head and take a few steps back until I'm standing directly in front of it with my eyes closed. The last time I looked into a mirror, the evil grin on the Maya looking back at me made me want to die. I hated the haunted look in her eyes, the determination on her face, the decapitating words from her mouth. I despised myself and I was terrified that if I opened my eyes, nothing will have changed. The lightness in my heart, and joy in my soul will all have been a dream.
What if I opened my eyes and the scenes of all my revelations will play out in the icy reflection of my father's eyes staring back at me. Mocking me for my weaknesses and failures. Laughing at me for thinking I could be better. Opening the floodgates for the voices to return and pull me back into that void I tried so hard to escape from.
No, I'm not strong enough for that. I turn my back to the mirror and slump against the basin. When I open my eyes, I look down to see that I was playing with the black silicone band on my ring finger. I immediately stop and curl my hands in fists to stop my fingers from fidgeting. I throw my head back and close my eyes, only to see the vision of Carina fading out of my dreams playing out behind my lids.
The sigh that escapes my throat makes me gag. I make it a point to watch all five fingers from my right hand twist and turn my wedding ring until my ring finger is completely bare. I hate the look of my left hand without my symbol of staying alive on it.
It used to be a reminder that I had to fight until my dying breath to come home to the love of my life. It helped me through my worst times of self-hatred, because it meant that there was someone who's warmth would chase away the darkness as soon as I was in her arms. After I got discharged from the hospital and opened the door to a home without Carina, it served as a reason to fight and get better.
The day I realized that Carina fell out of love with me, I clutched the ring to my chest while I sobbed, vowing to it that I would find a way to make her happy. And finally, the night on the pier when a dozen ways to kill myself ran through my mind and I figured out what I am, I felt the gold band mark me with an emblem to never hurt anyone like that ever again.
The comfort I got from never taking it off was unmatched. It held the memories of the best thing in my life and served as a shield to protect the rest of the world from me during the times at my worst. 'Please give me time to work on myself until I'm strong enough to meet you in the middle.'
I hear Carina's plea as clear as day in my head and put the ring back where it belongs. I shake my head at the idiocy of holding on to the hope those words stirred. At first, I was hellbent against the thought of remaining in each other's lives. I tried my best to talk her out of it, but she made up her mind.
I then tried to find the right time, and then any chance to tell her about the transfer but she literally ran away from me. Molly and Beckett talked me into giving her the time she asked for and allow her to make her own decisions for once. They understood my desire to protect her, but I had to stop manipulating her into something she didn't want.
So, I've been keeping my distance. No longer replying to her confusing texts or trying to talk to her when I had to take a patient to Grey Sloan. I made sure that I was at another station when it was clinic day and avoided her in the hallways when I took Maddi to her physical therapy sessions. I look down at my ring while I fidget with it.
I promise myself that I'll take it off when she sends me the divorce papers. She may be confused about us, but I know the power therapy has. Dr. William or Hallem or whatever it is, was going to make her see me the way I do and then she'll disappear from my life forever. I wonder how long it will take her to reach the same conclusions I had. Maybe she already started making her own revelations and that's why she's been avoiding me.
He'll make her realize that I can't give her the type of family she craves. He'll help her work through every bad thing I ever put her through and tell her how toxic our relationship was. From the research I did, he'll probably use words like self-centered, manipulative, needy, controlling, malicious and evasive.
She'll see the world in neon display, just like I did that night in her room when I looked at her smiling in those pictures; that her life will be better in every way without me. She'll spend more time with Nate and her friends while working on herself, and she'll figure out how bad she had it while we were involved. She'll fall in love with Nate eventually, if she hasn't already.
That would explain the silent treatment. She probably feels guilty for giving me false hope at a future with her in my life and she didn't know how to say it to my face. The next time I hear from her will most likely be through her lawyer when they inform me of the last steps of the divorce proceedings.
Hopefully by then, I'll be on my way out of Seattle, and she'll be delighted when her lawyers tell her the good news. I huff out a laugh when I take out a clean uniform shirt from my locker and look at the picture I kept of us in my pocket. Yeah, I no longer held any faith in fate. I'll wait for her in the middle for the rest of my life with the knowledge that she'll never meet me there. At least she'll get to say she tried when the flaps over her eyes fall away and the hold I still have on her, brakes for good.
The last step needed to move on with her life. We'll both be free to find happiness on our own. This feeling too shall pass, it was only a matter of time. I told Diane that I knew it was going to take years of therapy to get me to a place where I could love myself. And allow someone into my life to have the opportunity to show me that I might be worthy of the love of someone else too.
I was letting go of pieces of my past every day and at some point, I was going to be strong enough to let Carina and the ball of guilt I couldn't shake, go too. If I think back to how I felt before Christmas versus where I am now, I can admit that I am doing better. I will become my best self, one of these days and when I do, I'll finally find the happiness in myself that I was only able to find with Carina.
"Hey. Vic is making sandwiches. What do you want on yours?" Travis startles me out of my crippling thoughts, and I smile at his chuckle. "Sorry. I thought you heard me coming in." I shake off his apology and button up the rest of my shirt before following him out to the kitchen. "PB&J, avocado, bacon and cheese or chocolate spread?"
Vic presents the haul she found in the fridge for me to choose from. I grab the avocado and steal two slices of bread to pop them in the toaster. "What a surprise." She says it with a smile in her voice and I laugh when I see Travis rolling his eyes at my choice.
"The jelly expired when I was still captain, the bacon looks like mystery meat and there's only enough chocolate spread for one person. Since it's Montgomery's favorite and he's our guest, I thought avocado toast was the most practical choice." Travis flips over the bag of cherry jam and pulls his face when he sees the expiration date while Vic pokes at the supposed bacon with a knife.
They look at each other and I jump out of the way just in time, as they both jump onto the counter to grab for the chocolate spread. "As your mayor I order you to hand the spread over." I roll my eyes at their bickering while mixing my smashed avocado with some lemon juice and salt. I wait for my toast to pop before spreading the green mush over the bread and top it off with some black pepper.
I plate it up and tap Travis on his shoulder, where he's looking for something else to eat in the fridge. "I'll share if you hand me a soda?" I hold out the plate I made for him with a hesitant smile. He grabs two cans out of the door of the fridge before taking the sandwich from me. We grab a seat at the counter and when Vic leans over to take one of the sodas, he slaps her hand away.
"When you learn to share like Bishop, then you can get a coke. Until then, lift your ass and get your own." He raises his eyebrow at her, and I bite back my smile when she sticks her tongue out to him. I missed these tender moments between people that used to mean the world to me.
Travis basically inhales his piece of toast after his first bite. He moans and rubs his stomach in an over-the-top way to tease Vic even further. "So, Lieutenant Bishop. Do you know that you are a hot topic at every union meeting? Your project has sparked a lot of improvement ideas in the SFD." I feel myself blush at the unnecessary attention he throws my way.
He pokes me in the side when I don't say anything and laugh at how uncomfortable I am. "Seriously, Maya. I've read your reports and have seen the statistics. What you've accomplished is impressive. I'm proud of you." I sit up straighter and beam at the praise. The project was kick ass and I had every reason to be proud of what it has accomplished. "Thank you, Mayor Montgomery."
He rolls his eyes at the title he was still getting used to. "The Union Chief hasn't stopped singing your praises since the simulation. I wouldn't be surprised if they awarded you with a promotion after this." I give him a tight smile and cough into my hands. I won't be here long enough for them to think of something like that.
"Nah, I made a deal with the union that if they approved the project, I'd never bring up my captaincy again." Both their mouths fall open with that admission from me. Maya Bishop, ruthless robot who would walk over anyone to get ahead was not gunning for a promotion. I could see how that would be unbelievable for the people who didn't know the new me, so I change the subject before I blurt out anything else.
"I heard you were selected to plan the Senate Gala this year." He groans when I bring it up and thumps his head against the counter a few times. "They told me to use my connections as mayor to get the best of the best, but I don't know anyone except the people in this house. And no offence, but none of you have any taste."
Vic takes offense to his words and throws him with her napkin. They get into an argument about her great taste and Travis quickly changes his statement to none of us knowing anyone who could bring pizzazz to the table. Or someone who owns a glamorous building to house the gala. He has been calling every venue in Seattle, but no one seemed to have an opening.
"You should talk to Carina." He gives me a defeated and exasperated look before shaking his head. "Yes, Maya. I admit, your wife has implacably better taste than the rest of you, but I don't think vagina art at the OB wing is what the senators of the United States had in mind for their gala." Now it's my turn to roll my eyes at him and punch him in the arm. I almost don't want to help him now.
"No, you dick. Her new boyfriend is the manager for some huge hotel chain. If he can't assist you, then he'll definitely be able to get you in contact with someone who can. I'm sure Carina would love to help you out by putting in a good word." The duo becomes very quiet very quickly. They share a look that I can't read but I can see Vic building up the courage to say something. "I thought Jack and Beckett were joking when they teased you about helping her with her online dating. You actually okay with her seeing someone else?"
I shrug my shoulders and give them a sad smile. Travis turns his chair to me but stops himself from trying to comfort me with a hand on my shoulder. "We've been talking a lot and she hasn't mentioned dating anyone. She talks about you a lot though." I scratch at my cheek before standing up. This conversation was stepping into uncomfortable territory. "She probably thinks we're still hanging out and doesn't want to put you in the middle. I don't know."
Travis and Vic go back to having their silent conversation with each other and I finally understand how annoyed people must get when Beckett and I do it too. "What guys? It's not like you didn't know that we're getting divorced, and Nate seems like a great guy. He makes her happy and the last time we spoke, it seemed like things were getting serious between them." They both pull concerned faces at each other for a few seconds longer.
"Yeah, Maya. We kind of all just assumed you'd work things out. You're you. You don't give up. I can't see you being okay with her moving on." I remind them that they were Team Carina last year and that both of them told me that Carina was too good for me. "Look, Carina is finally happy again. Nate doesn't like the idea of us being friends, which makes sense, so we stopped talking. If you want her help, you need to ask her yourself."
I can see that the both of them have something else to say, but I luckily get saved by someone walking up the stairs. "Bish, Sean? Anyone?" I'm surprised that I recognize the voice of the woman calling and of the cries from the little boy she's carrying. "Lara, hey! What are you -" Antonio's face is stained red from crying and Lara cringes when he lets out another wail.
"I'm sorry. There is an emergency at the restaurant. Tess is in Colorado and the babysitter is sick. Molly said to bring him here since either you or Sean will be here." She looks at her watch over Antonio's shoulder to see an incoming call from Molly. The movement irritates him, and he lifts his head to reprimand his aunt but he sees me instead. "Bishy!"
He wriggles in Lara's arms and reaches out to me. I gladly take him and cradle him against my chest. He starts playing with the shield on my uniform and after two sniffs, stops crying completely. Lara looks at us dumbfounded. "That's not fair. He hasn't stopped crying since he woke up this morning." I give her an innocent smile and shrug, kissing my favorite little human on his head when he cuddles in closer.
She shakes her head on a laugh but stops when she looks me up and down. "This is what you look like in uniform? Dear god, woman. How are you still single?" She fans herself with her hand which leads me to roll my eyes at her. It has been an ongoing joke after one of their waitresses tried to hit on me and almost slid off her chair when Molly told her that I am a firefighter. Apparently, the woman had a thing for people in uniform.
"Shit! I don't have time to drool over you. Here is his bag. A change of clothes, his blanky, firefighter teddy and his medicine. Green syrup for pain and the red for his fever. Ten mil of each, every four hours. Eardrops every hour on the hour. Got it? Good." She rambles it off so quickly that I struggle to take in most of it since she's also shrugging off all Antonio's bags and stuffing them in my arms.
Lara closes the distance between us, kissing Antonio on his forehead before she kisses me on the cheek. I look down at my little man while he looks up at me with a smile. "Did your aunt seriously just abandon you in a firehouse? I think she did. Bad Auntie Lara." I boop his nose while bouncing him in my arms, which results in a giggle.
She flips me the bird as she retreats in a hurry. "Love you!" She yells it over her shoulder as she runs down the stairs to whatever fire needs to be put out at the restaurant. "Love you too." I yell it back and smile when she waves frantically all the way out the station. I bend Antonio over my forearm and blow raspberries on his stomach, resulting in more giggles and squeals.
"Bishy! Bishy, noooo!" I smile at the butterflies his childlike and carefree laughter stirs in me. God, there was nothing in this world better than making this boy happy. "See fire fucks?" He pushes himself away from me against my chest while he looks around the station. "Daddy drove away with them. Maybe later?" His lower lip quivers but he nods, nonetheless.
I give Lara enough time to get on the road before calling her. "You forgot to mention when he last had his medicine, if he ate, how good I really look in my navy blues..." I smile when I hear her groan on the other side of the phone. I know she's already regretting complimenting me. "You can give him another dose with his eardrops, and he didn't eat much of his breakfast."
I put the bag down on the desk and start taking inventory of everything his aunt packed. "And?" She laughs through the next groan, and I can just picture her shaking her head in the traffic. "You looked mighty fine, Bish. I'll be sure to give Cindy the full run down. Send me a photo so I can really bring the green monster of jealousy to rear its ugly head."
I pull my face at Antonio to show him my displeasure of his aunt's idea. "Cindy wouldn't even be my type if I was still in my selfcare Wednesday era. Don't push it, Lar." She sighs long and low before puffing out a breath of air from her lips. "Our whole family just wants to see you happy, Bish. Mamma Devous has all the ladies from her book club scouting Colorado for your next big love story."
I throw my head back and groan in the back of my throat. When Antonio looks up at me in concern, I gently shake my head at him. His grandmother was a force to be reckoned with. She has been sending me listings of apartments near their house just in case my transfer got approved.
She even created a Devous family group chat, which was supposed to be a collective space to keep everyone up to date with the big changes in everyone's lives, but it turned into a roasting platform between the family members. The newest bickering related to Antonio's birthday party plans. His grandparents, uncles and aunts all wanted to fly out for the whole week, which started the debate of where everyone will sleep.
Most of the siblings didn't mind booking a hotel room and it offended Mrs. Devous to the core. It was a family event and family should be together, so after it was determined that the sleeping arrangements between my apartment and the Becketts's house were not enough, the party got moved to their Colorado farm.
"I won't be surprised if she tries to pawn you off on the most eligible lesbian in town at a four-year-old's birthday party." We both laugh at the notion because knowing the fiery spitfire of a woman, it wasn't much of a stretch. "Don't worry. Molly and I get to vet them before you get to meet them." I shake my head and roll my eyes at them. "Maybe someday."
I chuckle at her gasp because usually I would fight against any talks of meeting someone new. I have got to talk to Diane about this little growth spurt in my self-discovery. I was actually considering moving on for the first time since I started seeing her. "Girls' night this weekend? Molly and mamma Devous are going to lose their minds." I chuckle even more at the excitement in her voice and hang up after agreeing to the date.
I hug Antonio for a few minutes, taking in the scent of his baby shampoo and allowing the love I have for him to chase away all the negative feelings I had while talking about Carina and her new lover. "Let's go make your aunties and granny jealous." I bounce him in my arms while giving him a tour of the station.
He's been in Beckett's previous stations but has never visited his dad here. I take my turnout jacket off its hook and help him put his little arms through it. I have to help carry the weight of it, as he completely disappears in it. "Boots please?" He looks up at me with his tiny head peeking out of the turnouts and I shake my head at him. I take the jacket off and lift him into my boots, strapping the loose suspenders over his shoulders.
He starts bouncing on the soles of his feet, seeing how the boots are too heavy for him to lift them. He squeals in excitement when I help him back into my turnout jacket. I take my phone out of my pocket and tell him to smile but he takes it to a whole other level when he strikes a pose in the large uniform.
I look at the photos I've taken and send one on the family group chat when I see the helmet in the background. I knock on it while winking at my favorite boy as his smile manages to stretch even further. His whole face disappears after he puts it on, and he pushes it up in the front to smirk at me for another photo.
"Can I slide down pole?" He gives me his best version of his puppy dog eyes, the same look that he knew would melt my heart and give him the world. I slap my hands in front of him to spread his arms so I can lift him up. "Hold on to the hat." He slaps both his palms on the top while I walk to the firepole with him. I lift him as high as I can go and hold on to his sides as he gleefully slides down the pole in his full turnout gear.
"Again! Again!" I help him get out of his turnouts and boots, putting them back in their place but let him keep my helmet. I tell him to run up the stairs while I wait for him at the bottom of the pole so he can slide down it on his own. I catch him when his grip isn't strong enough and he flies down the golden pole.
He jumps and claps to himself and I can't help but giggle at how ridiculously cute he looks with my helmet obscuring his head. He slides down the pole a few more times until he finally gets the hang of it. He throws my helmet off before running into my arms for a well-deserved hug. He is all sweaty and out of breath from his excitement and hot gear he wanted to wear. "Drink, please?" He makes a show out of catching his breath, so I'd walk to the kitchen faster.
When I walk into the common space, I try to ignore the shocked expression on Vic and Travis's faces when I put Antonio down on the counter. "Juice or water, Tono?" I look over my shoulder at him to make his choice before handing him a bottle of water which he gulps down.
I rummage through the freezer and fridge to pick out ingredients, deciding to cook something for Antonio and making enough for the whole team for when they get back. "Mac and cheese, meatloaf or chicken pot pie?" I lift my eyebrow at all three pairs of questioning gazes looking my way. Travis stutters on his words so Antonio makes the choice for them. "Meatballs and mash?" I smile at him for choosing his favorite meal for us to make together.
It was messy and fun to squish the combined ground beef mixture in our hands and he loved stirring in the butter into the mashed potatoes. I make him giggle when I slide him to the other side of the counter by his feet, to take out the basket filled with potatoes. I point at Travis and Vic to instruct them to get the potatoes peeled while Antonio mixes the meat and spices in a bowl, and I start on the sauce.
"Look at you, you little munchkin. You have so much flour on you that if I spread a little butter over you, I can put you in the oven and turn you into bread." Antonio throws his head back and laughs out of his belly while I tickle him. "Can you guys get this in the oven while I go clean him up?" I lift Antonio off the counter and escort him by his shoulders out of the room.
When I lift his shirt over his head in the bathroom, a cloud of flour drops down his legs and I have to fight back my grin. Travis broke the cardinal rule and asked if he could help with the meatballs. This resulted in Antonio throwing him with a handful of flour which ended in an exciting food fight between the two boys while Vic and I finished cooking.
"Let's get you fed, my clean man." He stretches his arms out for me to pick him up and I can see that the activities of the day have finally taken its toll. He snuggles into my neck as soon as I lift him into my arms, and I have to keep him talking on our way back to the kitchen, so he doesn't fall asleep in my arms. I slide him to my one hip while I dish a large spoonful of mashed potatoes into a plate and take out a massive meatball that has been cooking away in its sauce for a while.
I grab us both a bottle of water in the fridge before twisting him around in my lap to eat at the table. He shakes his head when I try to feed him and climbs onto the table to face me. "I can self." I hand him his spoon and watch him cut pieces of the meatball and take a big bite of it, followed by a messy helping of potatoes.
He pushes the plate away when he's had enough, and I'm impressed with how much he ate of it. I can't wait to rub it in Lara's face that her worst critic chose my lunch over her breakfast. "Bit of juice, please?" I kiss him on his head as I get up to take the plate away and get his medicine. He takes a big chug from his glass of juice and smacks his lips at me. I file away the flavor so I can buy some to keep at my place for him.
He allows me to put his eardrops in without any resistance, but starts crying after his first spoon of syrup and outright refuses to take more. He slaps the spoon out of my hand when I try to coax him into taking his medication and I become strict with him. He smiles that smile that melts my heart before he swallows the last of his medicine.
Antonio cups my face in his hands and pulls me closer to him so he can give me a small kiss on my nose. "Love Bish." My heart swells and I pull him down onto my lap so he can get comfortable. "I love you too, Tono." He snuggles into my chest and within seconds he falls asleep. I try to put him down after ten minutes so I can get back to work but he starts crying as soon as he can't feel me anymore.
His nightmares are almost completely gone, but he still had anxiety when he fell asleep while being sick. I cuddle him back into me and rock him until he falls back into lala land. "Can you bring my laptop over? I can at least work on my reports while he sleeps." Travis drops the rag he's been using to clean up the kitchen and hooks my laptop up to the charger before placing it in front of me.
I hear the ruckus coming from the bottom of the stairs as soon as I press send on my third report and smile at Antonio when he wakes up and perks up as soon as he hears Jack and Beckett talking. "Daddy? Uncie Jack?" He pushes away from my chest and rubs his eyes with his fists so he can see them when they walk through the doors.
Andy walks in first and causes a whole pileup of tired firefighters when she stops abruptly. Everyone grumbles at her and walks past her, only to stop too when they see Antonio. The only two people that aren't frozen in shock, walks over to us to give the little boy kisses and hugs. "Want to come sit with me, Tono?" Jack tries to steal him from my arms, but he grabs onto my shirt, so I'd hug him closer. "You stink, Uncle Jack."
Beckett and I snort at the innocent honesty of his son, but I laugh in pleasure when Beckett tries to take his son and Antonio pushes his hands away. "I want Bishy." I stick my tongue out to the two grown men that look like lost puppies. Beckett gives me a questioning look as to why his son is here, when no one on the team except Jack and I knew about him.
"Lara dropped him off. There's an emergency and Mol told her that one of us would be able to take him." He takes out his phone to see a few missed calls from Molly that served to inform him of the turn of events, and the photos I sent of Antonio in my turnout on the family group chat, all of which he missed. "Do you mind if my son stays until end of shift, Cap?"
Andy looks taken aback by the request but more so from the shock of hearing who the little boy in my arms is, than from him being here. It was not the first time that a kid hung out at the station. She practically grew up here, so she nods her head at him. "Everyone. This is my son, Antonio. Tono say hi."
The whole team waves at Antonio with smiles on their faces and he hides his blush in my shirt before he looks at them and waves back. "You all stink." Travis and I break into laughter at the same time and soon everyone joins. This kid was too much, and I loved every minute I spend with him. "Right! You heard the kid. Hit the showers." I point to the oven behind Andy and tell them that there was food waiting for when they're done.
We all eat together like a family, Antonio never getting off my lap and even taking a few bites from my plate with me. I snuggle the little boy closer to me and kiss him on his head while I watch Jack, Beckett and Travis arm-wrestle over the last meatball. Maybe I don't need to leave Seattle just yet. I could learn to be happy here as long as I kept my distance from Carina.
I want to stay and watch Antonio grow up. I want to support Molly and Beckett when they have their second child. I want to babysit them so that their parents can go out and be in love. I want to grow with Beckett and who knows, maybe I'll even find my place to belong with them. I wonder if they'll consider moving back to Colorado if I get transferred there? I could use the money I invested from the Olympics and buy plane tickets to come visit them at least once a month, if not.