Everything felt like a dream, a nightmare, and out-of-body experience, as Alan, Coach and I rushed into the hospital, where the football team sat solemnly. Ever since Coach had woken us up and told us the news, I couldn't help but cry.
Jean was sat in a corner beside Emma, so I followed Coach over, enveloping them both in a comforting hug. I was unsure what to say, so I stayed silent. After releasing them, I waked back over to the door, where I'd left Alan. I sat down on his lap, beside Blue, who sat in the chair next to us, as there were no seats left. My eyes were red and puffy, and I could feel tears threatening to form in my eyes.
"Have you heard anything, Blue? Is he gonna be okay?" I asked, choking down a sob.
"We ain't heard nothin', baby. He's gonna be okay, he's still asleep." Blue said, tears brimming his eyes also.
I held Blue's hand in mine, resting my head against Alan's, who had barely said a word since we'd been told.
Gerry had been hit by a truck, and he was seriously injured. The nurse hadn't told us what injuries he had yet, but they were bad. Real bad.
I looked up as the door opened, and in walked Julius. I looked up at him, smiling sadly. I hesitated for a moment, but rose from Alan's lap, pulling Julius into a hug. Tears welled in my eyes, and I noticed that Julius had already began to cry, so I let go, and the two of us cried silently into each other's arms, until Coach Boone walked over.
"How you doin'?" He asked, putting a hand on each of our shoulders.
"How is he? Is he gonna be okay?" I asked, tasting the saltiness of my tears as they dripped into my mouth.
"He ain't all right? He all right?" Julius asked, an arm still around me.
"He's, uh.." Coach trailed off, unsure whether it was his place to tell us.
"Coach." I said, watching him expectantly, "You gotta tell us, is he okay?"
"How is he doing?" Julius asked, when Coach stayed silent.
Coach shook his head, squeezing our arms comfortingly, "Not too good. Not too good."
"How well is he doing? How bad is it?" Julius repeated, not satisfied with his answer.
Boone bowed his head, "He's paralysed from the waist down."
I felt my heart plummet, and smash into a million pieces. Gerry was paralysed?! All of a sudden I couldn't breathe, the only thing I could hear was the thundering of my heart, beating rapidly in my chest. It felts as though I was trapped in a bubble, floating higher and higher into the atmosphere, unable to breath, unable to scream and cry for help. How could this happen to him? Gerry didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve any of it. I couldn't hear the rest of the conversation, I could barely see Coach, who stood in front of me.
Suddenly, as if snapping back into reality, I pulled myself out of his grasp, and stumbled back to Alan, throwing myself in his arms. I curled into him, hiding my face in the crook of his neck. A river of tears flowed down my face, soaking his shirt. My body racked with sobs, that I fought to keep silent.
How could this happen? How could Gerry's life be put on hold like this? All of his dreams were now impossible. He was such a talented player, and now, he would never be able to play again.
Blue tried to talk to me, but I couldn't hear what he was saying. I stayed sat in Alan's lap, hiding myself until we were allowed to go in and see Gerry. Even then, I had to be coerced by Jean to get out of Alan's arms. Part of me felt guilty for reacting this way, as if I were taking this situation and making it all about me. But in that moment, I didn't care. Gerry would never, ever play football again. Ever.
Jean crouched in front of me, trying to grab my hands, and speaking encouragingly. I couldn't imagine how she felt in this situation, the despair she must feel. That was what made me finally look up, face covered in blotches and stains from my tears.
"Julia, listen to me." Jean said, putting her arms around me, once I'd peeled myself off of Alan, apologising profusely for the huge patches my tears had left on his clothes. "You and Julius are the only other people he wants to see. I need you to promise me that you're going to be strong for him, that's what he needs right now. Julius is in there now, he made me that same promise."
"I promise," I said, hiccuping.
The nurse walked me to Gerry's room, where I had to wait outside until I had calmed down enough, and Julius was finished. While I waited, I noticed some leaflets in clear plastic holders. I took a look at them, picking up some that related to Gerry's situation. Eventually Julius walked out, giving me a reassuring hug before I walked inside.
It took all of my will power not to burst into tears, as I took him in. He had cuts all over his face, and had bulky dressing covering a deep gash on his forehead. Wires had been fed through his nose, connecting him to a machine.
Since he couldn't sit up, he turned his head, smiling as he saw me. I returned the smile, sitting down in the chair beside his bed. I hoped that the blotches had faded, I didn't want him to know I had been crying. I wanted him to think I was strong.
"Oh, Gerry. I'm so sorry." I said, clasping his hand in mine. "How are you feeling?"
"Been better." He said, making me roll my eyes.
I fought back tears as I sat there with him, I couldn't imagine the pain he was in; mentally and physically.
"You're so so strong, Gerry-"
"Hey, I don't need no pity. Alright?" He interrupted, voice hoarse.
I nodded, turning around to discreetly wipe tears from my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I decided to put on a bravado, and act as normal as I could. At least until I left the room.
"You getting special treatment? Extra puddin'?" I asked, fiddling with the papers in my lap.
"I sure do hope so. It's gonna get real boring in here." He answered, squeezing my hand.
"Well, while I was waiting outside I took a look at some of those pamphlets. They're pretty helpful." I said, handing him the small pile.
He took them, and I helped him look through, as he wasn't strong enough to do so himself. We both liked the idea of paralympics, where disabled people could compete in all sorts of sports.
"See, not all of your dreams are crushed." I smiled, rubbing his hand with my thumb.
"If you think my dreams are crushed, you're gonna be devastated once you see my Camaro." He joked, smiling sadly.
"No! That poor baby!" I said, being playfully dramatic. I flipped through the pile of leaflets, until I found the one I wanted. "Look, they have special cars for people in wheelchairs. Once you're ready, you could be up and drivin' again."
Gerry took the leaflet and flipped through it quickly, handing it back to me to place on the bedside table.
"Julie, I know I'm putting up a good act, but I'm scared. I'm scared of being a failure. My life's only gonna go downhill from here. I can't walk, I can barely move my head. I'm never gonna be able to play football again." He said, voice full of pain, tears welling in his eyes, but never falling.
I squeezed his hand, putting my other on his face, stroking his cheek with my thumb. He was like a brother to me. He always had been. I'd never let anything happen to him ever again.
"What are you talking about? You're Gerry Bertier. Nothing can stop you, nothing. I will do everything in my power to give you the happiest life you deserve. Wheelchair or not, I'm here for you. I promise." I reassured, wiping a tear that had fallen from his eye.
"I love you, Julie. You're my little sister, forever." He whispered, smiling sadly.
The nurse re-entered the room, saying that I had to leave. Gerry had tried to protest, but I knew that he needed his rest, so I gathered my things. I rose from my chair, and lent down, kissing him gently on the forehead.
"I'll come back and visit you, I promise. Take a look at the rest of those leaflets, big brother." I smiled, walking out the door.
As soon as I walked back to where everyone else was waiting, I was swamped by my friends. They were all asking me questions, and it took all my might not to snap at them.
"How is he?" Louie asked from beside Rev, a destroyed expression on his face.
Louie was a very sensitive person, which was one of the things I liked about him. He was always respectful and aware of how his actions could affect others.
"He's pretty banged up, Louie, I ain't gonna lie. But he's the same old Gerry. I think he's gone back to sleep, the nurse kicked me out." I said, walking over to sit with Alan, who was comforting Emma.
He wrapped an arm around me, and the three of us sat in silence until the hospital staff told us all that we had to leave.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
By the time we got home, it was almost midnight. We'd left Sheryl in bed, as she was fast asleep when we'd tried to wake her up, and she was still snoring away.
Alan and I went straight up to my room after saying goodnight to Coach, who went to sleep too. I couldn't be bothered to change back into my pyjamas, so I undressed until I was only wearing underwear. Alan's eyes were trained on me, from the opposite side of the room, taking in my body admiringly, but also watching me in concern. Throwing on a random t-shirt from off the floor, I climbed into bed. It was my turn to watch Alan in awe as he changed into just his boxer shorts, and I wondered how Coach could trust us to sleep in the same bed.
I tried my hardest to fall asleep, but I couldn't. For what felt like hours, I tossed and turned, unable to rid the picture of Gerry in his hospital bed from my mind. My brain started to picture my other loved ones in hospital beds, also badly injured.
In the end, I climbed out of bed and threw on a random pair of shorts. I crept downstairs and into the kitchen, trying to be as quiet as a mouse as I poured myself a glass of milk. I debated opening a beer from the fridge, to help with my overwhelming emotions, but I knew that it would disturb the one thing I needed. Sleep.
The sound of cutlery being knocked onto the floor made me jump. I turned around, but didn't see anyone around me.
Had someone broken into the house?
Was I about to be murdered?
Grabbing a knife from the drawer, I checked each of the downstairs rooms, my heart in my throat. Feeling like someone from an action movie, I leant against the wall to the dining room, peeking over the doorframe. I sighed with relief as I saw Coach sitting at the table, eating cereal.
"What're you doing awake? It's 2 in the mornin'." I whispered, placing the knife carefully down on the table.
"I could ask you the same question." Coach replied, shovelling a spoonful of fruity pebbles into his mouth.
"I couldn't sleep. Too much going on in my mind." I explained, sitting down at the other end of the table.
"Gerry?" He asked, looking at me in concern.
I nodded, sipping at my milk. "Same reason you're awake?"
"Yeah. That poor boy's gonna be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. He was so close to living his dream, and now he never will."
"I was lookin' at some of those brochures with him. He likes the idea of being an athlete in the paralympics." I told Coach, hoping to raise his spirits.
He nodded, seeming to feel a little better, and spooned more cereal into his mouth, "You're a good kid, you know that?"
"I know, I know. I'm amazing." I said, jokingly. "Hey, have you heard anything 'bout those adoption papers?"
"Should hopefully go through in a few months. Then you'll officially be a Yoast."
"Good. I don't like being a Wilson. Makes me feel like my mother." I replied, rolling my eyes at the mention of her.
We sat in silence for a while, before I decided to go back up to bed, feeling a little more content than I had before. I snuggled back up to Alan, who was snoring lightly. I took a moment to admire how angelic he looked, before closing my eyes and finally falling asleep.