Touch Without Touching.
The photo frame is not on the table anymore. The entire room looks more than mere minimalistic, as if the owner simply doesn't want a personal touch. Manik has always been a minimalist but this isn't quite similar to what he was. He is trying to reestablish his identity, he is trying to wipe out the past. But why? Pihu looks beside her where he is lying, sound asleep. She thought he could take some rest while she is here, because they told her particularly, that it was difficult for the doctor to make him fall asleep. His pain was that severe. Even after injecting the medicine he couldn't sleep properly.
How broken is he?
Her eyes follow where she is holding one end of his cushioned hair brush as it keeps stroking his messy hair. A smile of adoration creeps up her face.
"Did you have a good sleep?" Pihu asked after he was done eating his breakfast, knowing pretty well that he didn't.
He hesitantly nods, yes.
"That's nice. I couldn't sleep well though, you know." She said deliberately trying to start a conversation that can make him comfortable around her.
She wanted him to talk, to express himself, but she knew it's a hard task she was embarking upon. This guy was desperately trying to shield himself, he was treating everyone as his threat for some reasons and that included her as well. She needed to put her everything to gain his trust.
Vulcan looked at her curiously, his eyebrows furrowed. He said nothing however.
"I run some free educational centers in collaboration with some of my friends. The underprivileged kids around the area are given the aid and provided with the materials to keep on studying, because they tend to abandon it even before starting properly. Mostly because their families force them into doing other stuff , stuff that'll bring them a very meager amount of money but have the potential to put their lives into huge, life threatening risks.
I can't really blame them though. They already have a very unhealthy lifestyle. They'll do anything to survive." She kept on saying without realizing when she actually got into the flow. When she looked beside her the grey pair of eyes were intently looking at her.
"So we are having some problems, running the centres that is. Nothing as serious as your eyes are making it to be." She said looking into his narrowed eyes smilingly. He immediately turned his face around, seemingly embarrassed.
"Now that I have been honest, it's your turn. You can tell me why you couldn't sleep? Because I know that you couldn't." She said the last part so affectionately that it made him turn his face towards her, looking back into her eyes to find out if she's faking it. But he couldn't find anything other than sincerity. His eyes remained focused in hers for some long few seconds before he mumbled,
"Pain."
The word was almost inaudible, but she heard it. She heard his strained voice when he uttered the word with extreme genuineness. She couldn't keep looking at his eyes anymore. The torture he goes through was clear from his eyes. Her heart clenched from inside as her eyes moved downwards and the tears threatened to spill out. She forcefully held her breath, not to make a scene infront of him. But he saw it nevertheless, the tears that were pooling around her eyes.
'Tears.. for me..' was the only thing his conceited mind could deduce out of this.
His hands fisted beside him, because the growing urge of pulling her close to his body and wipe away the tears she was about to shed for him was getting out of his control. He chose to do what he does the best, he stayed silent and kept looking at her with utmost curiosity.
"Where does it pain?" She asked somehow still behaving normally.
"Everywhere." He answered.
"Everywhere? With the same intensity?" Now she asked looking a little restless. Vulcan hesitantly raised his right hand and placed it over where his heart was. His eyes trained downwards.
"Aches the most." He said, slowly raising his head and looking into her eyes. She looked at where his hand was resting and gulped but gave a tight lipped smile. The fact that when he felt weak he couldn't even ask for an embrace, the basic source of warmth when you're at your lowest, made it even more painful in her eyes.
"It must be extremely tiring to go through it again and again. But we can always search for solutions, can't we?" She asked calmly. Vulcan only looked at her without any expression at all.
He had been offered with solutions before, all of them included a doctor, a therapist, healthy lifestyle, meditation, good sleep.... and a lot of bullshit he failed to do. So he wasn't that hopeful anymore.
"I would've taken you out on a small trip to my favourite place here.." Pihu started finally drawing his attention. This didn't seem like the 'usual' solutions, he liked the sound of it.
"But.." Pihu continued, making him furrow his eyes in disappointment.
"You're weak, so we'll have to do this later. For now we can try something new, something different." Pihu added. Vulcan tilted his head to the side.
"You..... are sensitive to touch. How about I touch you without touching?" She asked more to herself than to him, as she slowly stood up looking around the room. Vulcan's heartbeat sped up, the mere thought of touch made his entire body go rigid.
"Perfect." Pihu uttered and the grey pair of eyes snapped at her. She was standing infront of the dresser. Her hand tightly gripping Vulcan's black cushioned hair brush. She looked at him and smiled.
"An experiment. It can fail but can pass as well. You don't like when someone touches you. How about I touch you with this brush? That way I can help you fall asleep and you don't have to be frightened of being touched.
However, this can only happen if you trust me enough to do this?" She asked carefully but Vulcan kept looking at the floor. His messy hair covering his entire face from both sides.
"Do you not want me to touch you? It.. it's totally fine, Manik. Trust me, I can understand. You don't have to...." But her words get interrupted when he slowly raised his head and extended his trembling right hand towards her, offering his open palm, as if he wanted her to hold his hand.
Pihu's face broke into a smile as she released deep breath of relief. She slowly extended the brush towards his hand and placed it on his open palm, very cautiously. He immediately clenched his eyes shut making her furrow her eyebrows. She was just about to pull the brush away when he gripped it tightly and his grey eyes opened to meet her obsidian ones. The intensity in those were so unnatural, so unreal, that it almost scared her but she didn't back away. She stayed still.
Because that very moment she knew, she was doomed.
She walked close to him, closer than before and he allowed.
"Lie down." She said and as if hypnotized, he did just that. She sat on the chair beside the bed and started rubbing his head with the brush, while he kept staring at her.
"Close your eyes and try to sleep. You need to recover fast to go to that trip." She said.
"You'll leave if I do that." He said looking at her.
"No. I already told you I won't. Please, trust me." She requested. With a deep sigh he closed his eyes.
¤¤¤¤¤
Pihu didn't realize that it's almost lunch time. Seeing that he is sleeping like a baby, she took away the brush and placed it back at its place a few minutes ago.
It would be better to bring his food upstairs, she doesn't really want to wake him up from such a peaceful sleep. So she slowly stands up and silently leaves the room.
The dining hall is already busy when she makes her way into the kitchen. Pratima ji and Teressa both are helping each other with the foods.
"Hey, how can I help?" Pihu asks from behind them. Pratima ji's face immediately lights up as Teressa turns around with a content smile across her face.
"You're already helping Pihu. Your presence is what we needed. It's what Manik needed." Teressa says sadly.
"About that, I was thinking about it the entire night. It's weird, isn't it. Why would he behave like this all of a sudden? He is behaving like a totally different human being. Why? It's confusing me Teressa.
We were mere acquaintances before he left and now he looks at me in a way as if I am the only person he knows in this entire world." Pihu says, as she takes the fruits and walks towards the sink to wash those. This household has been her everything for the last few years before she decided to leave her hometown. She knows it like the back of her hand.
"That surprised me as well, when I looked at him yesterday. His behavior was different with you, almost obedient, that's why we all agreed with Dev and Rik. If you can help him get out of this situation...." Pratima ji answers.
"No. That needs a doctor Pratima ji. I can be a mere distraction, it's about a physical pain, a mental trauma, some frightening incidents and memories he might have been dealing with for so long, all alone. Have you looked into his eyes, he looks pained, as if he is being tortured every single day." Pihu explains worriedly.
"Yes. And most of his pain and suffering are probably caused by me and his brothers. We have been nothing but selfish this entire time Pihu. We couldn't see his pain, we couldn't see he was feeling lonely, we were so stuck with our own problems we ignored him, his emotions. So, whatever is happening to us right now, we deserve it. Trust me, we do." Teressa says, as her voice breaks and that's when a loud voice booms through the corridor.
"Where is she?!"
And Pihu's eyes widen.
"Vulcan.. boss.. she isn't...." Leo's voice could be heard from outside.
"She left, didn't she. She.."
The panting deep voice stops the very moment he enters the kitchen and his eyes fall on hers. She is standing beside Teressa with a green apple in her hand.
The huge man has his hair disheveled, the zipper of his dark grey hoodie is half unzipped, giving a glimpse of his white tshirt that hugs his muscles beautifully. The tattoos are more visible now.
But his grey eyes look frenzied.
Pihu takes a deep breath and starts,
"I came down to bring your lunch up....." her words remain hanging in the air as he strolls into the kitchen, ignoring practically everyone. Then he without any hesitation grabs the end of her light green shawl and turns around grumpily, dragging her out of the kitchen.
"Manik.. stop. This isn't right. I was talking to them." Pihu tries to reason with him. But she gets no response.
"I was about to take our lunch upstairs. And also I was talking to them and leaving like this is rude. Are you even hearing me?" Pihu tries to raise her voice a little. No response.
"You know, I can easily let you go with the shawl. I'll survive with my hoodie." She says mischievously, when he finally snaps his head back at her. The mischievousness immediately leaves her face.
"I was only going to bring the lunch upstairs, trust me." She assures with a sad smile. He keeps looking at her.
"I couldn't smell you. I panicked." He utters, clenching his jaw.
To this, Pihu looks at him, awestruck. He turns around and starts walking and she follows without uttering another word. Her eyes remain trained on the edge of her shawl that's tightly gripped within his fist.
What has she gotten herself into?
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Love, Puja. 💜