[I.M.P Headquarters, Imp City.]
Behind a a closed door, a meeting was in progress. A male Imp was walking in front of a whiteboard on the wall as he speaks to his employees. This imps name is Blitzo.
Blitzo: Alright, now I know business has been a bit slaw lately, yes. It's no one's fault, okay? I'm not naming any names here. Moxxie. Now does anyone have any bright ideas on how we can get business drumming up again?
Blitzo faces his employees, asking them for ideas to get the company back on track. To his right were two Imps named Moxxie and Millie.
And to Blitzo's left was a male Imp and and a female hellhound. These two are named Y/n and Loona. (Look at the Bio to understand what Y/n looks like)
Millie: What about a car wash?!
Y/n: Millie... This is Hell. No one cares about their cars being cleaned here, and a car wash wouldn't pay enough to keep the business going and to give everyone a decent salary.
Blitzo: Ooh, what about a billboard?
Moxxie: We can't afford a billboard, sir.
Blitzo: Helpful, Moxxie. Really glad you're in the room right now. Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?
Blitzo turns on a TV showing them video of them killing people. Blitz sacks someone with a mallet, Moxxie shooting someone's brains out with a shotgun, Loona mauling someone to death, and Millie cutting someone's head off.
The final kill showed Y/n covering someone's mouth from behind with one hand to keep the person from screaming for help. With his free hand, Y/n pulls out his knife then reaches around his victim to stab them in the stomach several times, while having an insane and sadistic grin on his face.
The scene changes to everyone watching the TV with Y/n, Loona, Millie, and Blitzo eating popcorn.
Blitzo: Ahh, those were the good times.
Moxxie: I don't need any reminding, sir, considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel nobody watches.
Y/n: I have to agree with Moxxie on this one. Couldn't you have paid to have it played on a more popular channel?
Blitzo: Uh, hey, excuse me. What's obnoxious about a super-fun jingle, alright? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement's spitting bullshit.
Millie: People love musicals, sir.
Blitzo: Exactly, Millie. And we're basically doin' a musical. Are you gonna crush my musical theatre dreams like my dad did?
Moxxie: Sir...
Blitzo: Cause right now, all I see is just my dad's asshole talking to me! Crushing my dreams of who I truly am inside.
Millie: Are you trying to crush his dreams, Moxxie?
Moxxie: I... What?
Millie: I thought I knew you.
Blitzo: I can't Believe you, Moxxie, after I made you employee of the month!
Blitzo holds up an employee of the month plaque with a weird picture of Moxxie on it, which Y/n almost laughed at.
Moxxie: Okay, sir! I'm sorry, a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theatre. Nobody actually likes the jingles.
Millie: I liked it.
Moxxie: Do not agree with him in front of me..
[Flashback...]
As Moxxie missed and accidentally shot a kid, Blitzo, Millie and Y/n were shocked
The scene cuts to the boy being wheeled into an operating by a doctor, a pink-haired nurse and blue-haired nurse.
Pink-haired nurse: Doctor, he's not responding!
Blue-haired nurse: Cool water, stat!
The pink-haired nurse hits the boy in the face with a bucket of cold water, thinking it was a good idea when all it did was cause more harm to the boy.
Blue-haired nurse: It didn't do anything!
Doctor: Damn it! I'm not losing another one!
The Doctor slams a defibrillator onto a nearby table and gives each nurse defibrillator paddles. They move their paddles over the boy and prepare to give him a control shock.
Doctor: Clear!
The shock the kid and he wakes back up, gasping for air. The doctor and nurses were shocked, since it actually worked.
Doctor: Holy shit, it actually worked.
Outside the operating room, Blitzo was reading a magazine, Y/n was on his phone, and Millie comforts Moxxie, who looks devastated. The doctor comes out of the room with a clipboard.
Doctor: He appears to be in stable condition, but he'll need surgery. Now what insurance provider do you freaks have?
Blitzo: ... The fuck is insurance?
This is followed by them breaking through a window and falling
[End of flashback]
It cuts back to the boardroom.
Moxxie: I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault. Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. It's very simple.
Loona: Oh, sit on a dick, Moxxie.
Moxxie: You sit! Sit on... a-and the d... Do you job!
Blitzo: Hey, now we don't blame our screwups on Loona, okay? She didn't do anything wrong!
Blitzo goes to hug and nuzzle Loona, who doesn't seem to like his affection, making her growl angrily at Blitzo.
Moxxie: Are you kidding me, sir? She's awful!
[Flashback 1]
Loona was at her desk, reading a magazine called "Hellhound Monthly", and she seemed to have a small blush on her face. Her desk phone rings with the sound of a cute puppy barking for a ringtone. She picks it up and holds it to her ear.
Loona: Hello, I.M.P.
Millie: Loona, I got stabbed! Call Mox-
Loona suddenly hangs up, uninterested in the conversation and continues to read her magazine.
[Flashback 2]
Loona was in Blitzo's office as Blitzo and Y/n present her with gifts in their hands.
Blitzo: Happy Adoption Anniversary, Loonie! I got you a little somthin'.
Loona: Is it a cure for syphilis?
Blitzo: I... Oh...
Loona: Then I don't want it!
She grabs the box and throws it onto the ground, causing a swarms of spiders to crawl out of the box and cover Loona up to her head.
Loona Ugh!
Blitzo: I'm sorry, you love spiders
Loona: God dammit.
Already frustrated from Blitzo's gift, Loona looks at Y/n, who still had a gift in his hand for her.
Loon: I already told Blitzo, if it's not a cure for syphilis, then I don't want it.
Y/n: But... it is a cure for syphilis.
Loona:... Oh...
[Flashback 3]
Loona was at her desk watching the news. Moxxie approaches her with a flyer that says 'Chub B Gone' on it.
Moxxie: Um, excuse me, did you just fax me an ad for weight loss?
Loona: No.
Moxxie: Wha- W-Why would anyone send me this?
Loona: Come on, you know why.
[Flashback 4]
Loona was looking through the fridge in the break room while Millie was watching her.
Loona: Whoever left the fucking avocado salad and cheese burger in the fridge..
Loona turns to face Millie with a red box in one hand and a cheese burger in the other as she shuts the fridge door with her.
Loona: I'm taking them, because I have the worst hangover right now.
Loona rips of the lid and drinks the salads, which is a liquid for some reason. she then takes a bite out of the cheese burger.
Millie: Why would you drink on a work night?
Loona: I'm hungover from this morning dumb-ass!
Loona takes another bite from the cheese burger. Moxxie and Y/n enter the room and they notice Loona holding Y/n's burger and Moxxie's lunchbox.
Moxxie: Isn't that my lunch?
Y/n: And are you eating my cheeseburger?
Loona: You know what? I can't take this assault right now! I need to blow off some fucking steam!
She kicks the red box into Moxxie, sending him out of the room surprising Y/n. She push Y/n out of the way and runs out of the building, into the street.
Loona: Aaaaaaaah!
Loona runs up to a demon lady passing by, pushing her baby in a stroller. She kicks the stroller which sends the stroller flying through the air and storms off, while the demon lady stands there in shock and disbelief.
[Flashback 5]
Loona was at her desk when the phone rang. Blitzo, Y/n and Moxxie were holding cups, talking before Loona called Blitzo.
Loona: Blitz, that clingy rich asshole is on the phone. Says it's urgent and wants to talk to you. Sounds a little DTF-y.
Blitzo: Oh God, it was one time! If I hadn't slept with that privileged asshole, none of us would have access to the living world.
Moxxie: ... You what?
[Flashback inside of a Flashback]
An owl person was sleeping naked in bed. This man's name is Stolas. Blitzo, who are practically naked, walks away with the grimoire in his hands.
Blitzo: Got the book, got the book! Got this fucking heavy book!
Blitza was on the balcony and Blitzo sets the book on the ledge. They step up on the ledge too, but Blitza started to fall.
Blitza: Oh shit!
He lands in a cake Stolas' wife and her friends were having, which splatted pieces of it all over them. Blitzo looks a Stolas' wife.
Blitzo: Sorry I fucked your husband.
[End of Flashback inside of Flashback]
Loona: Blitz!
Blitzo: I heard you alrea--!
Blitzo is in his office, talking with Stolas, and playing with a bobblehead of Y/n on his desk.
Blitzo: So, what can I do you for this time, Stolas?
[In Stolas' Castle...]
Stolas: There's a political candidate causing trouble up on Earth for a few of my associates. He's trying to convince people global warming exists!
Blitzo: Doesn't it?
Stolas: Well, yes, but more people die if nothing is done about it. And it gets lonely here.
Blitzo: Okay, well yeah, that makes sense.
Stolas: You know what what happens when I'm lonely, Blitzy?
Blitzo: Oh, God fucking dammit.
Stolas: When I'm lonely, I become hungry... and when I become hungry, I want to suck on that red ***** of yours! ***** your **** and lick all your ***** before taking out your ***** and ***** with more teeth until you're screaming ********** like a fucking baby!
Blitzo, who was disturbed by their conversation, hangs up. He brakes the cell phone in half, smashes it with the desk phone, pulls out a blender (Why does he have a blender in her office), puts the phone pieces in it, and blends them. Blitzo turns and gives the blender to Loona.
Blitzo: Eat this! And you know that bridge over the freeway?
Loona: Yeah?
Blitzo: Shit off it!
[Flashback Ends]
Loona leans over to Y/n and thanks him.
Loona: Thanks for that cure by the way.
Y/n: No problem.
Blitzo: Look the point is Loona's a valued member of our family, and you don't get rid of family.
Loona looks at Blitzo and smiles, touched by his words.
Moxxie: We aren't a family, sir! You are the boss! we are the employees! You treat her like she's some troubled teenager! She's more like a meth-addicted homeless woman you let man the phones!
Loona just looks at her phone, while she slowly gives the middle finger to Moxxie.
Blitzo: That is offensive! Without homeless people, I wouldn't have half the joy and laughter I do in this life!
Moxxie: While we're on the subject of 'family', can you stop finding me and Millie outside of work?
Millie: Come on, Moxxie! It's not that big a deal!
Moxxie: Excuse me, what?!
[Flashback]
Moxxie and Millie were preparing dinner in their kitchen.
Moxxie: Mill, can you get me the butter?
Millie: Sure, Mox.
When Millie opens the fridge door, she finds Blitzo inside who hands her the butter.
Blitzo: Spoiler alert, the butter's spoiled!
Millie giggles at what Blitzo said, which caused Moxxie to turn to Millie to see what's funny.
Moxxie: What's funny, honey?
Blitzo: Really impressive word play.
Moxxie: What the?! Why are you in our fridge?!
Later, Moxxie and Millie are asleep in bed. Moxxie was tossing and turning as the sound of a cat purring can be heard. Moxxie opens his eyes to see Blitzo standing over him, staring at him right in the eyes.
Blitzo: Whatcha dreaming about?
Moxxie: I was dreaming about my parents being murdered, but now, I'd like to go back to that.
And finally, Moxxie and Millie were on their couch singing together.
Moxxie: Of all the imps in hell.
Moxxie/Millie: It's for her that I fell.
Moxxie: Oh Millie.
Right as they were about to kiss, Moxxie heard the beep from a camera and turned to see Blitzo recording them from the window, enraging Moxxie
Moxxie: Are you fucking filming us right now?!
[Flashback Ends]
Y/n: Uncle I love you and all, but Moxxie is right. You need to stop invading peoples privacy. (Remember, Y/n is Blitzo's nephew.)
[Flashback]
Y/n was in the bathroom of his apartment that he shares with Blitzo and Loona. He was taking a nice peaceful shower, singing to himself.
Y/n: Da-da-da-badaba - he's a killer, he's a monster. He's an absolute tool - ba-ba-da-ba-bum. He's a douchebag, he's an asshole. He masturbates to images of your wife. His name is Y/n! Y/n! Y/n! Y/n! Y/n the douche, Y/n the douche. he's gonna stab you in the back while fucking your wife, and makin' slippers out of your dog. (congrats to who ever gets this reference)
All of a sudden blitzo peeks into the shower.
Blitzo: Hey, can tell me the wifi password again?
Taken by surprise, Y/n yells.
Y/n: WHAT THE FUCK!
Blitzo types on his phone but it doesn't work.
Blitzo: It didn't work.
Y/n: All caps and no spaces.
Blitzo types on his phone and the password works.
Blitzo: It worked, thanks!
Y/n: Good, now... GET OUT!
From behind Y/n's cracked bedroom door, Y/n was sitting on his bed with loona. Loona's head was resting on Y/n's lap as he pets her and scratches her behind her ear. But out off the corner of his eye, Y/n noticed Blitzo watching them from his cracked door and filming them with his camera.
Y/n: Blitz? What are you doing? Are you filming us?
This got Loona's attention as she looked at the door to see Blitzo with his camera, who wasn't even worried that he had just been caught.
Loona: Blitz! What the fuck?!
[Flashback Ends]
Moxxie: Just. Stop. Doing. That!
Blitzo: I don't see what the issue is! Is there something you don't want me seeing!
Moxxie: No!
Blitzo: You a tiny weaner haver?
Moxxie: Sir, what you say and how you act is totally inappropriate!
Millie: Calm down, Mox. You're gonna have another panic attack.
Moxxie: I AM CALM!
Millie: Shh. Shh. There, there.
Blitzo: Look, I don't judge the boring stuff you do outside work hours, so don't judge me!
Moxxie: Oh, I do judge you, sir! Quite a lot actually!
Millie: Mox, he's our boss!
Blitzo: No no no, it's fine Mills, your husband is just... How do I say this without being offensive... Retarded.
Moxxie: Does immaturely insulting me make you feel better about your sad, single life?
Blitzo: It actually does.
Loona: The only reason you have a wife is because you're easy to manage!
Millie: No, he's not, you bitch!
Blitzo: Do not talk to my receptionist that way! She's sensitive!
Loona: Yes, I am!
Y/n was just smiling at his coworkers fighting against each other. Then everyone heard a kids voice.
Eddie: You guys are all fucking assholes.
The group of demons look at Eddie, the boy Moxxie accidentally shot. Eddie is lying on a table with wires from a heart monitor attached to his stomach.
Blitzo: Oh shut up, kid. You're lucky to witness this.
Moxxie: Ugh, this company is such a mess!
Blitzo: Alright, let's go back to talking about my my outfit.
Y/n: No one was talking about your outfit.
Blitzo: Which is why I'm trying to get that ball rolling. So, how does it look? It's good, right?
Eddie: It's been a literal hell having to pretend to be paralyzed, so you fuckshits wouldn't kill me! But now I want that. I want death! You are a selfish, greedy clown. And I'm a kid. We're suppose to like clowns, even the creepy ones!
Moxxie: Hey now, that's not very-
Eddie: If I wanted to hear from a spineless jackass, I'd rip out your spine and ask you some shit.
Millie: That's my best husband you're talking to!
Eddie: Hehehe! That's your husband? I took you for a slut, but I didn't think you needed dick that bad! And You!
Loona: What? What about me?
Eddie: Nothing. I don't talk to dogs. I'm a cat person.
Y/n gave this kid a hateful glare after he insulted his friends and family. It made Y/n wonder why they haven't just killed this kid.
Eddie: And you!
Y/n: You better think carefully about what you're going to say.
Eddie: What? Are you mad that you just a homicidal nut job that belongs in an asylum. Or are you mad that you have a bunch of losers for friends.
Everyone in the room was shocked that a kid just insulted them that way. Y/n's eye was twitching as he reached for the gun on his waist.
Blitzo: Wow. You know, kid, you kind of are a piece of shit.
Moxxie: Yeah, he's kind of a piece of shit.
Loona then received a message from the client on her.
Loona: Oh, fuck! Guys, I just got a text from our client. Guess he was the right target after all.
Blitzo: Who?
Loona: Him
Eddie: Me?
Loona: Yup
Blitzo: They wanted us to kill an actual child?
Loona: That's what they're saying.
Blitzo: Well, Christ on a stick, I guess there is a go-
Before Blitzo could finish his sentence, Y/n had already shot Eddie with his revolver, which sent Eddie flying into the wall then onto the ground.
Blitzo: Come on, Y/n! I wanted kill him!
Y/n: Sorry, but that little bastard pissed me off!
Y/n walked up to the body of Eddie, who was surprisingly still alive. Y/n aimed his revolver at the dying kid, who looked up at the Imp in fear.
Eddie: P-Please... N-No
Y/n: Should've kept your mouth shut, you little shit!
Y/n fire every bullet in his revolver into the Eddie's body until his revolver was empty.
Later, the group cleaned up the mess and chopped the little bastard in pieces with a chainsaw. They were outside the building, and putting the body parts in a bag. Blitzo then hugs Y/n, Moxxie, Millie, and Loona, bringing them into a group hug.
Blitzo: You know, even though this kid was a target, he's still a child. And it's important that we handle this going forward respectfully.
Y/n, Moxxie, Millie, and Loona smile, as the scene changes to a newscast, showing Eddie's mother holding up a terrible drawing of her son.
Eddie's Mother: Please! If anyone has seen my little Eddie, please contact us at-
Then the bag contains Eddie's body parts fell from the sky and inter his mother's arms, surprising her.
Eddie's Mother: Ohh!
Eddie's mother, the news reporter, and the camera look up. Y/n, Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie are shown looking down at them from a portal.
Blitzo: You're welcome!
Y/n flips them off before the four Imps disappear into the portal.
_______________