"Happier than ever
Kinda just like Billie Eilish"
🫧🫧🫧
I spent the rest of the day with Vanessa, ignoring curious glances from my classmates and brushing of the questions from my other friends. And at the end of the day, I didn't know how to feel about the fact Xavier didn't even approach me.
The day went well. Well, if you ignore Star. And Jason. And Xavier. And the grumpy teachers and stupidly long homework.
And PE class.
Ok so maybe today wasn't great, but it was ok.
And whatever negative emotions I was feeling would be whisked away tonight. Apparently, Vanessa somehow convince me to go to a party with her and loosen up. It sounded like a very bad idea, and I would rather stay at home with Netflix and chocolate. But Vanessa being her usual stubborn self, lured me into it.
So tonight, no Xavier, no Star, no Jason.
No overthinking.
Just forget the fact I'm overthinking about how to stop overthinking in the party. Where there is usually no body at all overthinking anything at all.
I sat back at my chair in the balcony, letting the cool air breeze calm my nerves as I waited for Vanessa to come pick me up. I heard the balcony door open and close, and my nerves sped up when my brother sat beside me.
"Are you ok?"
"What do you want? And I'm perfectly fine."
"Woah, I can't just check up on you?"
"Well, everyone that has asked that question end up asking about Xavier."
"I do want to know about that, but not now. I just want to know why you're acting weird."
"I'm not acting weird."
"So the fact you locked yourself in your room all through there night is 'perfectly fine'?"
"I just needed space."
"What happened Amy?-"
"Xavier played me!"
Every single time I hear his name, I'm filled with rage. And right now, I just might explode.
"You were right since the beginning, you were right to have your doubts and I should have listened. But no, I let myself fall into the trap."
"What did he do?"
"He played me. He walked away. Right when we were making out-"
"You what?!-"
"Now he's probably gonna break up, or he'll start begging for us to be friends and- and then he'll tell me he was dating someone for a month and- and-"
"He isn't Jason."
"Exactly. He's worse!"
"Amy, Amy calm down."
"I should've-"
"Amy."
Slowly, I turned to face him. He had a calm expression on his face, which calmed me down.
"If he is a player, why would he be affected by what he did?"
"It's called a guilty conscience."
"It's called care and regret."
Silence enveloped us as I let his words sink in. Living in the moment of his wisdom, he gave me a pat on the head, reminding me to not do anything stupid, then left. Coincidentally, immediately he left, Vanessa barged into my room.
Five minutes later, I'm sitting at the front passenger seat while taking deep breaths. I didn't really want to come because I'm pretty sure Xavier would be here. And I'm pretty sure he'd run into me when I'm drunk.
Yeah, I'm going all the way.
When I was ready, we walked -more like cat walked- with arms linked together and heading straight to the bar. Nothing wrong in a boost of confidence.
"How's it so far?!" Vanessa half shouted because of the really loud music booming. I love loud music, and it helped that I knew most of the songs. My feet and fingers were already vibing to the songs, and I was itching to go let loose and let it all go.
I should go to parties more.
"Perfect!" I said, making my fingers make the perfection sign, with my thumb and index finger pressed together and my other fingers up in the air.
"I knew you'd like it!"
"Heheh me too!"
Lies. I was regretting the fact I accepted once I did. Till now, that is.
"Ready to go dance?!"
I didn't reply. Instead, I chugged down the remaining of my drink and pulling her towards the dance floor. We danced for what I think is two whole hours, and I was tired. Tired is an understatement. I was also tired of the guys trying to approach me. It wasn't until I was back in the bar that I realized Vanessa was gone.
Perfect, I'm dealing with my light head on my own.
I almost tripped and fell as I was trying to jump back into the bar seat, causing the bartender to grin at me as I smiled sheepishly. Surprisingly, he was young and not old and... somewhat grumpy. He had grey hair, which -to me at least- made him look more charming.
Not old.
He had a kind of chocolate skin color, but I wasn't really sure because of the dark mood of the whole place. He had pearly white teeth and a charming smile. And perfect grey eyes.
"Had one too many?"
Call me stupid, but his deep voice almost made me melt. I'm almost melting because of a bartender.
A hot bartender.
Ok...maybe I have drank too much.
"You've forgotten you served me all those drinks." He chuckled.
"Oh really? How sure are you?" He said, leaning over the table and closer to me.
"Very. Who else would have grey eyes and hairs like yours?"
"Are you calling me unique?"
"Don't get your hopes up."
"Want more drinks?"
"Yeah."
I watched as he made my drink for me, mixing all the things I specifically asked him to, all the time giving me looks that made me feel warm all over.
The feeling sounds familiar, but I can't quite pin down where it's from.
"Can I ask what a guy like you is serving drinks instead of having fun with everyone else?"
"Sometimes it's too much, you know? And I just think it's fun mixing all these drinks."
"Looks fun."
He smirked, about to say something as he leaned in, but was interrupted when another guy placed his hands on my shoulder. The bartender pulled back with a confused expression.
"Boyfriend?" He asked. I turned to see none other than Xavier glaring at him. My hear stopped, and I immediately remembered where I got all the weird feelings from.
Then rage overtook me.
"No!" I pulled his hands away.
"Excuse-"
"Nevermind him." I glared at him, before turning back to the bartender guy and offering him a small smile. "Uhm, what's your name?"
"Elijah. You can call me Eli."
"No she-"
"Can you leave?! Like you did last time."
"Butt-"
"Go."
"I'm-"
"Xavier!"
"Just let me apologize Amy. I'm sorry about how I left. I was a-"
"Don't think I want to hear it. You're interrupting something."
"Your new date with a bartender?"
"Excuse me?" Eli said, folding his arms across his chest. "Do we have a problem?"
"Heck yeah we do-"
"Xavier you have no right to interrupt this. You left before, you can do it again."
"Before-"
"Leave!" I yelled. He looked hurt, and didn't bother hiding it. He opened his mouth, to say something, but closed it before walking past me, I glared at his retreating figure.
"Amy, right?"
I turned back to him, giving him an apologetic smile.
"Yeah. Sorry about him."
"It's cool. He isn't your boyfriend?"
"Uh...it's complicated."
"So he's like your friend with-"
"No!" He laughed, and I found myself enjoying the sound.
"You seem like an interesting girl, so I'd like to actually get to know you. Call me creepy, but I couldn't keep my eyes off you as you were dancing." I blushed.
"Really? Um- it's nothing. I can't even dance."
"If that is really true, then I'm a lost cause when it comes to dancing." He joked, making me laugh.
"What do you like to do?"
"I'm into drawing."
"Oh me too!"
He offered me another drink, taking one of his own and coming to stand awfully close to me.
"Abandoning the job now are we?"
"Sorry boss, there was this girl... too irresistible."
"Flirting with the boss?"
I have no idea where this boldness was coming from, but I didn't care. It was fun. And I liked the way he looked at me after I speak.
And with each sentence he inched closer.
"What can I say? My boss is too damn beautiful."
As his face came closer to mine and he looked at me deeply, I couldn't help but feel a tad bit guilty. I didn't know why, but I did. Like 70% percent wants to go ahead and kiss the heck out of this charming guy in front of me, but the remaining 30% percent is shouting something at me. Like I'm doing something wrong.
But I have no idea what.
Which is why when he crashed his lips to mine, all I did was kiss him back.
But we didn't even kiss for five seconds till someone clears their throat from beside us. At first I thought the person was signaling to someone else, but then he did it again. Eli bit my lip before he pulled away, glaring at the guy who interrupted us.
And my heart sunk when I saw who it was.
I told you! You are officially stupid!
"Bro." Eli said, his grip on me tightening.
"What the heck are you doing to my girlfriend?!"
"She isn't your girlfriend."
I sighed, gently pulling Eli's arm away from me. Gaining his attention.
"Sorry but can you hold on for a second?"
"Is he your boyfriend?"
"Um...kind of?"
To my surprise, he chuckled.
"Whatever. When you're done please at least come find me. Not to kiss again, though that all depends on you, but just to talk. Like I said, I actually want to get to know you." I smiled as I nodded.
"I actually want to get to know you too." I stepped away.
"See you boss. Time to get back to work." I chuckled, ignoring the uneasiness I felt from Xavier's gaze.
"You're on the verge of getting fired."
Next thing I knew, I was with Xavier outside. We were just standing, arkward silence holding us really close. Till he spoke.
"I'm sorry, Amy. You didn't have to torture me like that."
"Torture?" I shook my head, shaking away the warm feeling crawling in. "You left me. You betrayed me. Right after we made out for the first time!" I yelled.
I was this close to slapping him.
And I did.
Oops...
He stared blankly at me, raising his hand to his cheek which was slowly becoming a little red.
"Drunk Amy can be violent. Noted."
"This is all some joke for you isn't it?! Our relationship, our kiss, everything!"
"Don't say that-"
"Shutup you left me!"
"And I'm sorry! I was ashamed of myself for how I almost took things too far-"
"You mistook me for one of your flings right? Then did it again by leaving."
"Just listen to me first. Please."
"We were on the topic of trust!"
"I know! I know. I was being stupid, I didn't know what I was thinking when I walked away. I just thought you would hate me for almost... doing that."
"And by leaving I wouldn't hate you? Why did you interrupt me and Eli? Weren't you still too busy being 'ashamed' and assuming?"
"How could I watch you make out with someone else?"
"The same way I watched you walk away."
"Amy. Please, forgive me. I have no excuse, nothing to say to justify myself. I know I messed up and put the wrong ideas into your head...but I'm not a player. I promise I'm not that person anymore. Jason and Star might've left you, but I would never. Never again."
There was silence for a while as I thought of all he just said.
Then I made a decision.
"We're done."
His eyes widened.
"Amy, you're drunk-"
"I'm not drunk!"
"You are-....then what are you?"
"Um...a bit tipsy?"
"Butterfly, we are not over."
"Oh yeah how could I forget, the school would be so suspicious right?"
"Wrong. It's not about that."
"Says the one who left. I'm leaving."
I turned to storm back to the party to find Eli, but then I slipped and from nowhere, landed in Xavier's arms. I almost forgot how it felt to be lost in his deep blue eyes.
"Stop it. You're killing me."
"Stop acting like you care."
"But I do. Come on Butterfly..."
As I looked deep into his sinking eyes, I saw all the hurt there. The hope. The regret. And I was this close to caving in.
But I felt like torturing him.
"You know, I really enjoyed that kiss with Eli..." I smirked as he narrowed his eyes at me.
"Not funny Amy."
"He reminded me of someone. Just a bit."
"Oh really? Who?" He said sarcastically, pulling me closer to him. It was then I realized he still didn't let go.
"See, there's this guy with deep blue eyes, soft dark hair..." I looked down at his lips.
"Well, I know this girl with the perfect shade of brown eyes, her hair is just around the same color and it makes her look so beautiful. And her lips..."
I smiled, before closing the distance between us. It felt so good to run my hand through his hair again. It felt so good to hear the sound he made because of it. It felt so good to have his hands around my waist and neck.
I can't believe I forgot how this felt.
But then I remembered I'd been drinking, and he still tastes the same.
"I can't do this right now." I said breathlessly. "As you noticed, I'd been drinking..." I looked away, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks.
"I don't really care, but if you mind it's ok."
"How do you not care I kissed someone else?"
Remind me to never get drunk again.
A hurt expression appeared on his face, but it only took a few pecks on the lips to take it away.
"I deserve it. I just left like that, it was stupid considering Jason and Star. But you know I'll never do it again right? Please don't tell me you'll never be able to trust me again."
"It'll take time, but I assure you, if you give me enough reason to, I definitely will trust you."
He grinned, before kissing me again.