Kieran met Brinny at a health food café where the sandwiches, wraps, and dishes seemed overpriced and built for nibbling rabbits instead of hungry humans. However, she happily ordered a salad with an iced, unsweetened fruit tea. They ate amongst skinny women dressed in athleisure wear who picked at their food at the pace one would sip a hot coffee and bearded hipsters with buns and vests. Off to the side sat one Rubenesque person with short blue hair and a black t-shirt that read 'I come in peas' with a UFO flanked by a few pea pods that made him smile. He had nodded to them in passing, and they did the same.
"How was the game?" Kieran stabbed the last piece of pork in his power bowl. It would have been more powerful if it contained double the meat and more sauce, but he enjoyed the savoury taste with a hint of bitterness.
She grinned. "Fun. I scored two runs! You should see Naomi though. My God, can she hit and sprint! Have you seen her play?"
He shook his head. She hadn't invited him to the game, and he suspected she wouldn't for the rest of the season. But he didn't hold it against her, especially if it kept their relationship free of drama with her ex.
"Only at the batting cages. But that was impressive."
Brinny sipped her drink and placed it on the square wooden table. "Ian's talented too."
"Oh, yeah?"
It had shocked Kieran to witness Brinny making out with that guy on the weekend. But perhaps that was encouraging if she was surviving break-ups without commandeering Kieran's evenings.
"He said he'll teach me to hit better too."
She speared a tomato and arugula but played with the fork in her bowl. She looked toward the women in fitted tank tops and short shorts. Kieran readjusted his position in these uncomfortable metal chairs. His knees bumped against the table and its narrowly-set legs, sending waves through their drinks without spilling them.
"So, what's the deal with you two?"
"He treats me like a goddess, and I am here for it." Nobody grinned that wide unless they won the lottery, were in love or getting laid, and Kieran suspected the latter.
"So you're hooking up?"
"It's a summer romance. Intense, passionate, and with an ending we've both agreed to ahead of time."
He finished chewing rice and black beans. "I don't love the sound of that. Don't you want something real and lasting?"
She chuckled. "Sorry, it's taking me a second to adjust to you advocating for long-term relationships."
"It's what you've wanted as long as we've been friends. Just because I wanted something different doesn't change that I wish you had it."
Plus, the combination of time after losing Katy and Naomi's presence made hookups lose their appeal.
"It's not that he wants to leave me, but he's committed to his degree. A temporary romance may be good for me. I know what to expect and can enjoy being happy while it lasts. He won't pretend he'll keep seeing me in the fall just to ghost me. And who knows what'll happen after he graduates next spring? Maybe it'll become more real or be a great memory."
Kieran finished his bowl while Brinny still had most of her salad to eat. "If you say so."
She was not talented at staying unattached, but it was her life.
"How's that salad?"
"It's great."
She stared at half a tomato and popped it in her mouth. Her bites were small and measured. How wasn't she starving? Once she'd finished, she leaned forward on her elbows, the sleeves of her long breezy cardigan billowing in the breeze from the overhead fans.
"So Naomi is pretty into you, eh?"
"That's what she tells me."
"It makes sense. You have many qualities of a great boyfriend. You were just reluctant to share them." She took a tiny bite of her tomato and set it in the bowl. "Have you met her ex?"
"Greg? Unfortunately. Was he at the game?"
Brinny nodded. "He's pretty nice. Ian hates his guts, but he seemed sweet and not bitter with Naomi."
"Right." Kieran took a sip of his fruit-something smoothie to soothe his dry throat.
"Not that you need to be worried. She's crushing hard on you, and they only seem like friends."
"Friends?"
Naomi had preferred distance from Greg and found his friendship advances uncomfortable. What had changed? Was she still hiding the fact that she had a boyfriend?
"I wouldn't stress about it. She had her phone out, I assume texting you. At least that's Ian's theory."
"She was."
He'd find silly baseball GIFs to make her smile, and they'd flirt steadily. If her game was closer to his apartment than her place, she'd stop by, and they'd spend the evening together. It had gotten routine enough that Jake was asking which night games were on, so he ensured the space was 'guest-ready'.
"We're heading to her sister's place in Gimli this weekend." He couldn't help but grin. He'd even taken a vacation day so they'd have more time.
"Aw, I'm excited for you, Kier. I've never seen you this happy."
"And I'm excited for you too. Naomi's friend Marc said Ian's a decent guy, so even if it's not forever, at least he shouldn't be a jerk."
"He invited me over for supper with his family on the weekend."
"Already?" They hardly met a week ago.
"We both live with our parents. It's inevitable, especially since he would rather my dad not know about us since it's so short-term."
"Why is he scared of your dad?" The man had always treated Kieran well. Her mom was the more particular one.
"He's my dad's summer internship student."
That was another point in Brinny's favour. Ian had to be on his best behaviour or Brinny could mention something to her dad that may affect his future employment prospects. Not that Brinny's dad was that kind of guy. Unlike Naomi's father, he left Brinny's romantic life to her and hadn't come across as intimidating or outspoken when Kieran had first met them. Half the time he was over, Kieran was like another one of their kids.
Brinny stared at her food without taking a bite.
"Are you nervous about meeting them?"
"It sounds like his mom cooks very rich dishes and..." She rearranged the purple and green leaves of lettuce. The salad looked nearly identical to when they'd served it to her. "I want to want to eat it, but sometimes it's hard."
"What makes it hard? Though, I can't blame you today for not loving a boring, tasteless salad."
She chewed on her lip and stared at the black bowl. "It won't make sense to you, especially since I've changed, but," the next part came out as a whisper, "I get these visions of waking up the size I used to be."
"There's nothing wrong with the size you were."
Brinny tapped her fingers on the table. "People stared at me for the wrong reasons then."
"I wouldn't say many of the guys you've dated since losing weight have treated you well."
"None of them humiliated me like he did at my worst." Her hands shook.
Kieran squeezed her hand and released it. "Not every person is an asshole. Naomi never comments on my size unless I'm insecure, which happens around athletic settings or people like the ones who used to make my life miserable. So I get it to a degree."
"Do you know how much I wish I were like Naomi? Then I'd throw a food party without someone making a joke at my expense, snatch treats from the table without a second thought, fill up a plate without getting judged or calculating how much I need to exercise to maintain this?" She picked at her nail beds.
"If a man is that shallow, he isn't worth your time."
She scanned the quiet restaurant before whispering, "There's a limit to 'attractively curvy', and I've been on the other side." Her lip trembled, and she hunched over her bowl, her blonde hair curtaining her face.
"Brin, you've always looked amazing from the moment I met you until now."
"You don't have to say that. I'm past the point where that helps," she muttered.
He frowned. Over the years, he'd grown well-versed in Brinny's moods and what she craved, be it flattery, attention, supportive outrage, or a laugh. But this version was new like she longed to dissolve into thin air.
"Are you sure this fling is a good idea if it makes you feel this?"
"I've felt this much longer than I've known him."
Her teary eyes met his, and her chest rose and fell with shaky exhalations.
Had she really? He couldn't remember the last time they ate at a restaurant together, but Brinny was saving to move out. Whenever there'd be snacks at her place, she'd say she'd already eaten or would have some later. Why had he never noticed that? What kind of friend missed this?
"I looked into getting support. It starts in a few weeks. I thought trying to eat in front of you would help. At the party, Ian was convinced his dessert grossed me out, even though it was delicious, and I don't want to make a poor impression on his family."
"Have you told him about this?"
"God, no. I hid it from you for long enough."
"You used to eat with me, didn't you?" He was doubting his memory now.
"Yeah, but the less I looked like my old self, the harder it got. I had more to lose. Inside, I always heard those snide comments people made about how I ate."
"Your old self isn't the enemy."
The expression on her face mirrored Naomi's in her bedroom at the party. The 'thanks for playing, but you're wrong,' one. Brinny didn't have to remind him he'd worsened it by only ever insinuating a physical, non-romantic relationship between them.
He cradled his pocket where his phone rested. It was a stupid idea, but it could also be a good step to acknowledging his past and reassuring Brinny. She'd trusted him with this painful part of her life, and his dismissal had contributed to her weight fixation.
"I want to show you someone."
Brinny raised an eyebrow as he withdrew his phone. A few days ago, he'd uploaded images he'd transferred from a flash drive he'd stored away after the move. As he opened the photos, his breath caught in his throat. Her smile had always melted his heart and that black dress forced him to remember how to breathe.
Brinny leaned toward the phone. "Is that young Kieran? You're so awkwardly adorable!"
It was before the beard, and his hair was shaggier.
"Yeah, and that's Kay or Katy."
"Wow, she's..." Brinny's eyebrows shot up, but she masked it with a smile. "She's pretty."
He sensed Brinny's original thought. Her size was what everyone but him, her family, and friends saw first when they looked at her. He flicked to the following picture where he had his arms around her on the back porch of their Halifax home, the ocean stretching out behind them.
Her warmth still lingered in his memory, along with the salty brine scent of the water.
"That was supposed to be our house where we'd share romantic, ocean-view seafood meals on our porch. With maritime sunrises, walks on the coast, and the perfect rustic yet functional kitchen. It was a life I truly desired with her. So when I said your body had nothing to do with my feelings, I'm not lying."
Brinny sighed, staring at the photo. "You seemed in love."
"We were."
"What happened?"
He inhaled sharply and tried to shove away the memories. The happy ones came with bittersweet melancholy he could manage, but he buried the end despite how many times it had been dug up.
Seeing her face unlocked it all.
His frantic voice screaming her name.
The 9-1-1 call.
The blood.
He slammed his eyes shut, visualizing the porch. The weathered texture of the ageing white paint on the posts he wanted to sand and refinish.
His vision fractured to a body on an unnaturally red rug.
You hear seagulls crying out and waves crashing into rocks. You're in Nova Scotia. You're happy.
"Kieran?" Brinny's voice was soft like a babbling brook.
Like a river, like the Red River here that witnessed you confessing your feelings to Naomi at game night.
Deep breath. You're in a café with Brinny. You're reassuring her. Give her something then move on.
"She—she had an accident."
Brinny's face grew pale, like Katy's had been.
Fuck.
You're in a café. You're–
"Was she okay?"
His throat was hoarse, each breath clawing into it like a feral beast. Deep drumming in his ears overwhelmed every other sound. He was vaguely aware of Brinny wrapping her arms around him as everything faded.
"She is the devil incarnate! I don't know how you survived living in that house." Katy shuddered and sat on the faux leather sofa, taking her head into her hands. He held her against his chest, rubbing soothing circles on her back.
"She's a lot. But we've made our down payment, and we've got jobs lined up. No one is interfering with our dreams. There's nothing I want more than this, Kay."
He meant it. It was the start of a dream life with the woman he loved.
She kicked at the rectangular coffee table, whose stone pieces were encased in sharp-edged black metal. "She sent my family pictures that made it look like you were having an affair! Once I saw them, it was obvious someone photoshopped them, but who does that to their son? What is wrong with her?"
Katy's face was red, making her bold red hair with blonde highlights stand out. It was easier to focus on how beautiful she was with her smoky-eyed stare than to understand his family. Soon it would be just him, Katy and her family with his mother a 15-hour drive away. His mom would be more manageable in smaller doses.
He tried to lighten the mood. "My brother and I have been wondering that most of our lives."
"He was smart to cut ties."
"I know." Katy had suggested it before, and he'd considered it. "But she has no one else."
Jay's university had been far enough to justify a move, and since then he'd refused to speak to their mother. Her current boyfriend was more off-again than on, and she had few friends.
"No wonder after how she treats people. Since we met, she's been out to ruin me. She called in complaints to my boss that almost got me fired at the bakery. She tried to apply for that joint loan with your name when she discovered we were looking for houses out of province. Please, Matt, I would not ask this if I wasn't terrified of how she'll keep trying to destroy us. Until she stops or gets help, I don't want her involved in our life. She is toxic and abusive to both of us."
"Okay. I'll tell her tonight."
Katy exhaled and smiled at him. "Thank you."
Little did they know it was the last promise he'd ever make her. Jake had unknowingly ensured he kept it.
Kieran felt like someone had scraped away his skin when he returned home from going out with Brinny. The wind was stronger than usual.
He recalled he'd promised Jake if he ever told anyone about what happened with Katy, they'd discuss it. Jake was eating dinner and listening to a podcast when Kieran arrived. Jake glanced back at him from the kitchen table.
"You look awful."
Kieran sat across from Jake and clasped his hands together on the table as if it might hold his life together.
"I told Brinny," he muttered.
"Told her what?"
Kieran raised his eyes to look at his brother. The man who hadn't hesitated for a second to help him start over.
"About Katy."
"Brinny? Why would you tell Brinny? Naomi is the one you should tell!"
It was a semi-good sign Jake wanted him to tell someone. He'd never said that before. "It just... I didn't plan to... but..."
"Tell me exactly what you told her."
Kieran retold his evening and showed Jake the pictures on the phone. Jake swore, something rare enough that it made Kieran lower his gaze as if he'd been scolded.
"You gave her enough to be curious and find more online."
Kieran rubbed his thumbs together. "I asked her not to tell anybody."
"Why now? Why her?"
He hadn't planned it, although it might appear that way since it hadn't been long since he'd uploaded those pictures.
"I don't know. When I'm out with Naomi, we talk about our lives, our pasts, and our regrets, and it stirs this shit up. I got sick of pretending it doesn't exist because it's a part of me whether or not I like it." Tension rose in his chest.
"You should have told Naomi. I trust her, not Brinny."
"I want to, but it's a lot to throw on her right now."
It was a lot to put on Brinny too, but he'd thought he was helping. Plus, he hadn't burdened her with the whole truth. That would shock her into silence.
"Will you tell Brinny the rest?"
Kieran shook his head.
"Good. And when you tell Naomi, I can be there."
"You've already done so much."
"It's a very sensitive topic, and we must approach it right to avoid freaking her out. You'll be putting more than your relationship at risk."
Kieran cared a lot less about the other consequences. A question burned in his mind.
Would Naomi still like him when she found out?
He didn't dare to ask as he likely wouldn't appreciate the answer.
Thanks for reading! I'm curious if you picked up on any odd moments in the flashback.
I hope Brinny's portrayal was okay. Let me know if anything feels off.
The next update will be in a week, next Wednesday. Naomi and Kieran will be off to Gimli for a fun romantic getaway.