JoJo's Bizarre Group Chat

By friedbreads

2.4K 54 162

jonathan makes a group chat it goes badly More

I
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VIII
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XXX
XXXI
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XXXIV
XXXV
XXXVI
XXXVII
XXXVIII
JOFOES I
JOFOES II
XXXIX
BONUS III
BONUS IV
XXXX
XXXXI
~Giorno vs Jodio~
BONUS V
XXXXVIII
XXXXIX
XXXXX
XXXXXI
XXXXXII
XXXXXIII
XXXXXIV
XXXXXV
LVII
LVIII
LIX
LX
LXI
LXII
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LXIV
LXV
LXVI
LXVII
LXVIII
LXIX
LXX
LXXI
LXXII
LXXIII
LXXIV
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LXXVII
LXXVIII
LXXIX
LXXX
LXXXI
LXXXII
LXXXVIII
LXXXIV
LXXXV
LXXXVI
LXXXVII
LXXXVIII
LXXXIX
XC
XCI
XCII
XCIII
XCIV
XCV
XCVI
XCVII
XCVIII
XCIX
C
CI
CII
FINALE
EPILOGUE
Final Score!

LVI

30 0 0
By friedbreads

THE SLIME LAIR

SLIMY added Prince

slimo: yoooooo

SLIMY: yooooo

Prince: yo

Prince: great names btw

slimo: true lol

SLIMY removed their nickname

goldielocks: that's better

slimo: no wtf >:(

goldielocks: what's wrong

slimo: i can't be slimo by myself are you kidding

slimo: i'll look like an idiot

Prince: i mean i'm sure it's fine

slimo: everyone's gonna say

slimo: 'look at jolyne she thinks she's slimo'

slimo: 'where's SLIMY? no slimo without SLIMY' that's what everyone's gonna say that's what everyone's always said

goldielocks: lmao i swear it ain't that deep

slimo: do i look like the kind of girl who can handle the slimo pressure without SLIMY there to back me up

Prince: uhh

Prince: sure 👍

slimo: i guess

slimo: i thought i was slimo

slimo: but i was only slimu 😔

Prince: which is so much worse

slimo: i am a disgrace 😔

goldielocks changed slimo's name to slimu

slimu: NO 😫😫😫

goldielocks: you were slimu all along

goldielocks: gotta keep going to get to SLIMY rank bro it's important

Prince: why have y'all got a whole ass grading system

slimu: goldielocks: gotta keep going to get to SLIMY rank bro it's important

says you 

slimu: you were SLIMY

slimu: ya pissed it away

goldielocks: Prince: why have y'all got a whole ass grading system

how can we slime our lair if we ain't slimy?

Prince: true true

slimu: NAH

slimu: YOU AINT SLIMY ANYMORE DAWG I AM STRIPPING THAT RANK FROM YOU

goldielocks: AINT NO WAY THATS COMING FROM THE SLIMU 

goldielocks: you know what josuke i think you were right to beef with jolyne the whole time

Prince: i wasn't actually lmao

goldielocks: THE WHOLE TIME

slimu: OH WELL YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK

slimu: i think you suuck

slimu: no slime

goldielocks: i ain't slime

goldielocks: i'm SLIMY

slimu: nope

slimu: no slime

slimu: 0% slime

slimu: all suck no slime

Prince: umm 

Prince: you're 'slimu' which means you haven't even reached 'slime' rank yet so i don't think you can say anything

slimu: EXCUSE ME?:?????????

goldielocks: PREACH

goldielocks: josuke you can be rank SLIMY with me for that alone

slimu: oh oh i see how it is

slimu: as soon as we add another MAN to the chat you immediately give him the SLIMY rank

goldielocks: exactly

Prince: i'm slimy now

goldielocks: *SLIMY

Prince: oh wow SLIMY what a difference

goldielocks: fr

slimu: MAYBE YOU TWO ARE SLIMY

slimu: two SLIMY, CHAUVINISTIC PIGS

goldielocks: fr that

Prince: yes that is what we are

slimu: you- you SEXISTS

goldielocks: yes 100% you are right

slimu: i know i am

slimu: i am only slimu and i am still MORE RIGHT than YOU

goldielocks: OH OH YOU WOULD SAY THAT

goldielocks: I THINK YOU'RE MORE LAME THAN ME got you

slimu: no 😫

Prince: woah

Prince: flames fr

goldielocks: exactly man

goldielocks: see josuke gets it

goldielocks: he truly deserves the rank of SLIMY (unlike someone)

slimu: oh my goodness gracious

slimu: well fuck you two i don't want to be SLIMY anyway

slimu: i don't want to be part of such a CORRUPT, MISOGYNISTIC system

slimu: please let me be SLIMY

Prince: lmfao what that was a 180 ong

goldielocks: you ain't SLIMY

slimu: please i'll do any favor you want

Prince: nah you slimu

slimu: i mean sexual favors

Prince: WHAT 💀

goldielocks: nahhh wtffff we're related nahhhh wtfffff naaahhhhhhhhhhh

slimu: i don't want to be SLIMY anyway so you lose 

slimu: i'm happy being slimu

slimu: and you all are trying to teach YOUNG, IMPRESSIONABLE GIRLS that changing their appearance to fit in with the widely accepted conventions is GOOD so i will stay being slimu as protest

Prince: i ain't reading allat

slimu: why, because a WOMAN wrote it???

Prince: you ain't a woman bro you're slimu

slimu: bro joins and immediately starts talking indescribable amounts of shit

goldielocks: slimu: i'm happy being slimu

nah you ain't slimu after that chicanery

goldielocks changed slimu's name to slimt

Prince: slimt??? 💀💀💀

goldielocks: you slimt

slimt: 😡😡🤬🤬

slimt: well i'm not doing any sexual favors for you now bro

Prince: i- good!

goldielocks: i dont want you to wtf

Prince: that's terrible!

slimt: i am NOT slimt 🤬

goldielocks: dude you're lucky i haven't ranked you down to slimf rank yet

Prince: NOT SLIMF 😱

slimt: shush

Prince: she will never slimf

slimt: why would i want to slimf

goldielocks changed slimt's name to slimf

Prince:

slimf: i'm fucking sick of you

slimf: i'm slimf of you

slimf: praying on my downfall you misogynistic wifebeaters

goldielocks: i'll beat your wife

slimf: wtf????

goldielocks: gwess boutta catch these hands

slimf: leave her alone or i will slimf you

goldielocks: 🔥🔥🔥😎😎😎

Prince: 💪💪💪

goldielocks: you're sliming on one level

goldielocks: i'm sliming on a whole nother level

Prince: why are you talking like you're from the hood lmao

slimf: OH GREAT HE'S RACIST NOW AS WELL

slimf: this is absurd! chicanery, i tell you!

Prince: giorno you're acting kinda sus

goldielocks: listen

goldielocks: i'm just boogieing on over to my office rn leave me alone

slimf: BRO has a FANCY MAFIA OFFICE 😱

slimf: i bet it's covered in slime

slimf: quite nauseating! 🤢

goldielocks: bro i bet your cell is covered in slimf 

goldielocks: especially if you share it with gwess yuck

Prince: boogieing?? 

goldielocks: yeah what's wrong with that

slimf: it ain't the 90s OLD MAN

slimf: OUTDATED ASS LINGO ONG

goldielocks: what am i supposed to say?

goldielocks: STRAIGHT UP I'M DOWN BAD TO MY OFFICE NO CAP ON GOD I'M SKRRRTING ON OVER THERE TO DEADASS COP MY PAPERWORK YOU GOBLINS

slimf: goblins deez nuts! did i get them?

Prince: who is them?

slimf: them

Prince: oh dear

goldielocks: is anyone even gonna ask what paperwork i'm getting?

slimf: absolutely not ngl

slimf: you are SO cringe

Prince: giorno we don't care

goldielocks: bro imma have to demote you in a minute on god

Prince: no wait dont

goldielocks: i'll let you off this time but fr bro

slimf: yes this is all josuke's fault he did this

Prince: bruh

slimf: i've forgotten who we're making fun of rn

Prince: lmfao you're so busy pointing fingers you don't even know what we're talking about 

goldielocks: ok well i know you all are secretly invested in my paperwork so i'll tell you

goldielocks: some goofy ass green haired american woman has just broken in one of our storehouse windows because she 'wanted to see what glass tasted like'

Prince: lmfao wtf

slimf: green

slimf: haired

slimf: american woman?

goldielocks: yeah she was literally named Foo Fighters which is goofy as hell

Prince: better or worse than having the biological name Hot Pants?

goldielocks: lmfao true i would sue the shit out of my parents if that was my name

slimf: BRO

slimf: goldielocks: yeah she was literally named Foo Fighters which is goofy as hell

THAT'S F.F.

goldielocks: oh

goldielocks: wait that's what f.f. stands for

slimf: YOU AREN'T ARRESTING HER ARE YOU???

goldielocks: nah the paperwork was just signing to get reinforced windows because diavolo is an idiot and literally just had absurd amounts of drugs stored in corrugated cardboard ahh warehouses

goldielocks: disposed of all the drugs obviously

Prince: should we go on a call?

goldielocks: yessir

slimf: nahhh bro i ain't vcing with you misogynistic losers

slimf: praying on my menstrual cycle istg

Prince: certainly not doing that but ok

goldielocks: that's such a-

slimf: fantastic thing to say???

goldielocks: i was gonna say goofy but ig that works

Prince: @slimf jolyne join vc 

goldielocks: join us

Prince: why is the vc called 'the hole'

goldielocks: it's the hole of depravity

goldielocks: @slimf come on join us

Prince: join us

goldielocks: jOIn uS iN ThE HOlE

slimf: i dont wanna >:(

goldielocks: omg you're being really JODIO about this right now, cousin j

slimf: OH REALLY NOW HOW ABOUT I JOIN VC AND BEAT YOUR ASS

goldielocks: do it you won't

goldielocks: no balls you won't

slimf: OH I'M JOINING RIGHT NOW PREPARE YOUR ASS BRO

goldielocks: umm- pause

Prince: how is it this hectic with only three people lmfao

Prince: goofy as hell

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