For Kaylee... Thank you for waiting...
My favorite thing about writing...? Getting into their heads....what were they thinking when things went wrong....or right?
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Kelly saw Boden heading to his office, so he took the moment to go and put right what had occurred at the fire.
He'd already had his head chewed off by the Chief, and he guessed he had it coming. But Kelly wasn't going to tell him that if it happened again, he would do exactly the same again.
To be fair to the Chief, he let him off lightly, and he wondered how much of that was to do with what he had confessed to him about the real reason he had disobeyed a direct order and run into the building. And to be honest, he didn't know who was more surprised by that confession. The Chief or Kelly himself.
Despite taking a bullet to his neck, Otis had escaped any lasting damage, but all Kelly could think was that Stella had been even luckier, her radio taking the bullet that would have otherwise slammed into her chest, not being able to help the inward shudder that had her radio been an inch to either side, she would very likely have died. Despite himself, his fingers curled into his palms at the mere thought of Stella not being in his life.
And that's what he was desperately trying to deny to Casey when his friend had fronted him about his feelings for his roomie.
"No..I told you..I'm not......"
But Casey dismissed Kelly's half-hearted protests as if he hadn't spoken.
"I know what you told me." Turning to look at where Gabby was sitting with Stella, he carried on. " That feeling, that connection, it won't go away just 'cause you don't want it to be there."
And now Kelly Severide stood staring at his reflection in the 51 bathroom mirror, his head spinning like a roulette wheel with thoughts and counter thoughts.
Closing his eyes, trying to ward off the impending headache from the overthinking, he sighed audibly. Why did this have to happen, and more to the point, why her?
He heard the door open, and he opened his eyes to meet the ones that kept him up at night, belonging to the headfuck that was Stella Kidd.
She smiled.
"Hey... "
He smiled back, that stupid fluttering in his stomach when she looked at him like that.
"I wanted to say thanks for coming to rescue me at the fire the other day, but I keep missing you." She came and stood next to him by the sink, putting one hand on his upper arm, giving it a squeeze.
"Though you shouldn't have disobeyed Boden. Looked like he really laid into you."
"Yeah...well... we were standing there idle. Anyway, it was to help get Otis out..."
Which was an outright lie, he thought. There had only been one thing on his mind as soon as he had heard that Stella was in the middle of that gunfire. To get to her.
"Yeah..of course..... " She amended quickly, standing corrected, "It was still brave of you, though, given all the bullets literally flying around."
He shrugged. "All in a day's work." He purposefully looked away from her, fighting the urge to hang out in the bathroom with his roomie, and went to walk out of the bathroom.
"Kelly.."
He had one hand on the door handle and looked back over his shoulder, his eyebrow raised in query.
"Yeah?"
"Is everything o.k?"
She was chewing her lip, certain she had detected a distance between them these last couple of days, and it had left her feeling really uncertain and bemused about what was going on. Was it because of what had happened with Boden?
"Yeah.. all good." He gave her a brief smile, but it lacked conviction, and she saw right through it. Stella opened her mouth to say something, but he had already walked out, leaving her staring at the closed door, a troubled frown on her face.
Kelly meanwhile ran a hand through his hair and headed to his office, shutting the door, pulling the blind down, hoping that would discourage any visitors. He sat down heavily on his bed and stared into space, willing his mind to think of anyone but Stella Kidd. Casey was right. Kelly did love her. But he didn't want to be in love with her...or with anyone. He shook his head as if that would rid the voice that challenged him. He had sworn off that being in love thing resolutely after Anna..though he had recently started to wonder guiltily if Anna had been that type of love because Stella had always been there in his head throughout.
But what he had said to Boden had been the truth.
He couldn't go through it again.
♡♡♡♡♡
"I saved you a plate." Stella was standing behind the counter, nursing a cup of coffee.
"Thanks." Kelly automatically touched her hip as he walked past, which made her smile.
She loved it when he did that.
He had just gotten back from a squad call, and they had missed dinner, so Stella had made sure to keep some back for them.
Stella sat down at the table to keep him company, but he walked past the table with his plate without stopping.
"Paperwork... better get it done." He was lying. Kelly was no good at lying.
Stella nodded, her heart dropping.
Yep, there was definitely something up with him. The teasing glint in his eyes was missing when he looked at her. In fact, she was inclined to think he was avoiding her. First, he had rainchecked their Milwaukee brewery trip, consigning it to a 'maybe sometime never,' and then he hadn't carpooled with her today saying he had academy after shift but he had definitely told her last shift that he didnt have any classes there this week so there was something wierd going on with him.
As much as she didn't want to admit it, she had recently started thinking that maybe he was finally moving her out of the friend zone, and had been loving the increasing closeness between them, even thinking that maybe.... She shook her head.... she was NOT taking her head down that road. It was enough that she tossed and turned most nights, turned on by explicit memories of when they used to have sex and the knowledge that he was in the bedroom a few feet away did not help her tightly wound up nipples or the ache between her legs.
So fucking up her head over him was a definite no no. Sex definitely. Love...no!
♡♡♡♡♡
"Morning....". She was in the kitchen a few hours after shift in just a T and panties. This was nothing new. They both often walked around in underwear in the morning, but he couldn't stop staring at the way the black material hugged her cheeks, when she turned around to get a cup.
Why couldn't she cover herself up, he thought irritatedly. But his dick was talking another language. One which was definitely not on the same page as that thought, and insisted 'no seriously Stella, don't cover up!'
"Coffee?" She held up the pot and when he nodded she poured him a cup, putting it next to him. She smiled at him and his mouth responded automatically, swallowing up her half sleepy doe eyes, a ridiculous desire to use his thumb to iron out the faint indentation of her pillow on the top of one cheek where she would have been asleep on her face.
After a suspended millisecond she hopped onto the stool, long legs dangling down, one foot pointing downwards, idly drawing circles in the air. He remembered those legs wrapped around him. Abruptly turning away he swallowed and moved to stand behind the other side of the counter. Down boy! There was only so much his sweats could hide.
" What are your plans today? I thought I could fix us some brunch?"
Stella was thinking that she could pin him down today and find out what was eating at him. She had heard him come in an hour or so after her, so he hadn't been to the academy, but she decided to leave that with him. There was definitely an evasiveness about him. Even now, the way he was standing behind that counter looking like he was ready to bolt at any second.
"Err... thanks....but .. I'm going to hit the weights at the gym."
He looked away into his coffee, suddenly seeming to find it fascinating, and Stella frowned, watching him swirl his coffee around his cup.
"I'm gonna go change..." He put the cup down and headed to his bedroom leaving her sipping her coffee and her heart sinking.
Stella stared at his closed bedroom door and started second guessing. Maybe he wanted her to move out and didn't know how to tell her? Had he met someone and was finding living with her awkward? But no... he didn't ever seem to go out except to Molly's and he never stayed out or bought anyone home. She would know if he was seeing someone. The thought of both those things made her stomach clench. Besides, quite frequently, she had caught him staring at her boobs or her ass when he thought she wasnt looking. Like a few moments ago.
O.k... she was admitting it, she liked that he was doing it. She wanted him to want her. Fairs fair she spent an
inordinate amount of time fantasizing about his naked body so he was welcome to lust after hers. But after the humiliation of when she had tried to kiss him when she was drunk, there was no way that she was going to make the first move.
Kelly decamped to the gym and pounded a punch bag to get rid of his frustration, but that had zero impact on how he was feeling. Stella had disappeared from the kitchen by the time he had left and when he'd called out goodbye she hadnt answered so he wondered if she'd gone back to sleep or was pissed with him. He knew she was confused by the way he was skirting around her and if he was honest it was exhausting doing it. Yeah he would have loved nothing more than to hang out with her, and have her make brunch even though she would half destroy the kitchen doing it and he would have to hover around behind her wiping things or putting things away again. But he loved watching the concentrated animation on her face as she prepared them a feast even if some of it ended up stuck to the pan or on the counter.
But this was a self inflicted punishment. Staying away from her.
Because he felt things for her that he didn't want to understand, but knew without a doubt that if it went wrong he wouldn't be able to take it.
He was thinking all those things as Blair, the hot blonde working out next to him, gave him an inviting smile as he left and much to her disappointment he looked through her, oblivious to her skin tight gym pants or her filler enhanced pout.
That evening, things almost came to a head when Stella asked if he wanted to order in for dinner.
"I have plans..... "
At least he had the grace to look apologetic, Stella thought miserably.
"Anyone I know...?" She couldn't help herself.
That wasn't too much like being punched in the gut.
"Nothing like that.... a buddy from school." He replied, grabbing his jacket.
Female? But she stopped herself from asking that. She needed to keep some pride still intact.
"Oh..ok.. have a good time.....I'm gonna go hang out at Molly's then."
Stella turned away as he opened the door to leave, guilt eating at him about blowing her off again.
Maybe he should stay in...
"Erm... maybe I'll see you there.. later...." He said instead.
Stella didnt turn round, holding a hand up in acknowledgement.
"I'll see you."
Kelly hesitated, knowing she was upset. But after a moment of hesitation, he left. It was for the best.
Ten minutes later he had parked up and was sat in his car.. he wasn't going out with a buddy...it was just an excuse to not sit cosied up on the couch with her because the way he was feeling right now, he was liable to push her back and do things to that body of hers that were currently residing as porn movies in his head.
In the end, he did end up at Molly's but was surprised and disappointed not to find her there. He messaged her to see if she was coming only to get back a " change of plans." He stayed for one beer and went home becoming even more miserable when it was an empty apartment and spent the night wondering where she was and with whom.
It was after 2am when she came in. He knew that because he was lying in bed, clock watching, listening to her singing softly to herself, every now and then chuckling as if she remembered something from her night and he refused to admit that it was jealously that was making him so irritated.
Next morning she slept in so he didn't see her until later when she came out of the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around her.
Normally, he would make some remark about her hair dripping water everywhere but today he sidestepped her, apologizing for getting in her way.
Stella stared at his retreating back, her brow creased, really beginning to get cross with this now. And she was not in the mood for it today either because she was tired and she had a hangover which she totally blamed on him. She hadn't gone to Molly's last night, instead meeting up with a friend who worked at Med and had proceeded to get hammered, oblivious to the hopeful guy in the Rolling Stones T shirt trying to spin her a line. All because what she really wanted to do all night was to go front Kelly Severide and tell him that she needed to get laid by him!
But right now, she was mad and being around him while he was like this wasnt going to help her mood. She had inventory at Molly's later this afternoon so she would damn well get out of his hair and leave him to the "gym" and his "buddies!"
Later, a terse "I'm going to Brett's... and then Molly's " was thrown over her shoulder as she grabbed her keys, leaving him with little doubt she was pissed at him.
Kelly tried to busy himself around the Loft with chores. He opened the washer to find her wet washing still in there and pulled it out, not even realizing that he was smiling. And when he shook it all out checking it was all okay for the heat for the dryer, he had an even bigger smile as he separated her black bras and panties from a few lacey pieces. Holding up a whispy piece of nothing that was a bra, he grinned. Not one he'd seen before! Jesus he'd love to see her in that! Not feeling even remotely uncomfortable or like a sleaze that he was fantasizing over her underwear.
And that's how he found himself opening the door at Molly's, a couple of hours later, a few hours of chores having done nothing to dismiss Stella out of his head or from missing hanging out with her. Hell, he'd just have to deal with feeling this way he had decided, folding her now dry laundry and putting it on her bed.
Stella was surprised to see him and even more surprised that he was asking if she wanted to go out to get something to eat.
Chi cafe..? Seriously? After the last few days of giving her the cold shoulder? He was already making to leave after she told him she was just starting inventory when she put down her pen and clipboard.. ..No... she was getting to the bottom of this, whatever it was with him.
"Hold on. Kelly Look, I know that communication is not your first language, but what's going on with you lately? You've been dodging me and just acting off ever since the fire.
Can you just, for once, just tell me what you're feeling."
Stella's face pretty much gave away her frustration, disillusionment, and bemusement, and for a long moment, she thought he wasn't going to respond.
But she could see his brain computing, just staring at her, and then he started walking towards her, coming to stop right in front of her, still saying nothing.... and stood there looking at her in a way that made her mouth go dry, and her heart pound like she thought it was going to jump right out of her chest. He was looking at her like that..... Like.... he wanted...like.... he wanted her.
Without thinking she put her hand up to touch him and that was it... he was cupping her face and kissing her like he was starving, and her...she...yeah she just dissolved, head, body, everything just melted under his mouth, his tongue licking at her lips and all she could feel was she couldnt get close enough to him and moments later that she had too many clothes on...and so did he.
Her sweater came off as did his and somehow so did her vest. He lifted her onto the bar, naked from the waist up, her tiny skirt in a position covering nothing. She heard the noise, of her ripping underwear, rendered useless, him unbuckling, unsnapping. And then he was on the bar next to her reaching for her, while she was already moving to straddle him.... and he was inside her.
Later.... some heated wildly desperate time later.. when his lips were still buried in her neck, his tongue lightly licking the beaded sweat, she had time to wonder about what had just happened. Her legs were still wrapped around his waist, and he was still inside her, although now spent. How long had it been since the last time? And the first time? That had been here too. She must have smiled then, eyes closed, her hands still in his hair, one part of her brain saying..thank you to every god and angel who had made this happen!
There was a moment of awkwardness when she climbed off him, not quite able to look at him, suddenly concious of standing in the middle of Molly's with her boobs out, her bra around her waist, no panties and thigh high boots. And Fuck she had been eager and had let him know it! But he took her chin and smiled at her in that Kelly Severide way that even in the muted Molly light, let her know that what had just happened was a really good thing.
So inventory was blown off. She'd make up some excuse to Hermann about not feeling well and instead was kissed against Molly's door until she was almost faint, the 20 minute car ride home too interminable a wait.
At home he took her by the hand and pulled her into his bedroom where they stayed up far too late, each privately thinking how much better the real thing was than their fantasies of one another.
They were barely able to keep their hands off each other even when they dragged themselves out of bed and finally the apartment next morning, making up they felt for lost time.
And it was that kind of shift. They were late, making out in the car far longer than they should have, almost running over Otis's temporary replacement, Cordova. It was fair to say they were like two teenagers after their first sexual encounter, wanting more and more, but right now, neither were stopping to think about it.
It took Dawson no time to work out that the two were sleeping together, and Stella made it her mission to find a way of cornering Kelly whenever she could because no amount of him was enough, faking calls from their landlord to get him on his own. Trouble, he called her, his heart somersaulting at her careless shrug.
It was only the bells that came between them that day and later that night when she sneaked into his quarters and pulled the blind down, pulling her station shirt over her head, he couldn't help but think as he reached for her that Stella Kidd was just the kind of trouble he wanted.