I remove the flower crown from Dae's head and set it on the bedside table. She had been insistent that she wasn't ready for bed when I mentioned it, but by the time we managed to get to her room and I convinced her to at least sit down her body had finally relented, giving into her exhaustion.
I pull the blanket over her.
I wonder whose idea it was to have wine out for the chosen to drink freely. I can't imagine how the other girls would feel when they woke up.
I know Dae is going to have some questions when she wakes up as well. I look around the room finding a desk with paper and pen and decide to leave her a note.
Dear Dae,
Don't worry if you can't remember much from last night, you had some wine and enjoyed it immensely. Some of the memories might come back during the day, but for the most part you danced and had fun with the other chosen.
If you are feeling up to it, come meet me under the tree after lunch.
Yours, Alvaryn
I leave the note under her flower crown before leaving her rooms.
Making my way back to the solstice, most of the guests have left, some are still lingering, watching the rising sun.
I find Aeris watching the bonfires as they burn down to coal and ash.
"Where's Daella?" Are the first words that come out of his mouth as he sees me approach.
"I just left her in her rooms asleep." I answer, standing at his side, hands in my pockets.
We stare at the dying embers. I feel like I am standing in an unfamiliar position, like I am out of my depth.
"We need to do something." Aeris says quietly arms folded over his chest, eyes reflecting the quiet flames that I know are no doubt still burning inside him.
"I know." I agree. "But this isn't just about you and I, Dae is at risk, anything we do can affect her, or put her in harm's way."
I had been thinking of all the implications over and over, how to react, how to confront Varis, all of my ideas kept coming back to Dae, how any of it would affect her.
"I don't think we can tell Demwyn."
I nod slowly. "What if we can't tell anyone?" I think out loud and feel his gaze turn to me. I look back at him. "Think about it, Demwyn wants Dae out of the picture, Father already thinks we are both just wasting time with her."
"Well then we go to Varis."
"We can't go to Varis, he could make it so much worse for Dae if he found out we know. Or he could really just make her disappear, I don't want to think about it, but I know he has that power, I know he could do it and there would be questions raised but he would have answers to all of them. She could be gone before we even hear about it." The words rush out in a bitter stream, all the thoughts that have been near strangling me since Dae had told me the truth.
"We can't just do nothing! He threatened her life!" He nearly shouts before taking a deep breath and turning back to the embers.
"I know, I know we need to do something, but our focus should be Dae, making sure she is safe, not fearing for her life every single day."
He runs his hands over his face letting out an angry sigh.
"I can't just ignore the threat to her Alvaryn, Varis has his fingers in every inch of this kingdom and this fucking palace. How can we make sure she is safe if he is still here, having his spies watching her every move?" He asks, dropping his arms to his side.
"I haven't figured out all the details yet, but it involves talking to Dae again when she a little more sober. I don't know how she will react if we tell her the truth but I invited her to meet us in the Atrium after lunch, she won't have any lessons today. I figured you would want to be there for it as well." I turn to him, watching the dying flames from the corner of my eye. They flicker and flare but stay put.
"I'll be there."
I haven't seen him this serious in years, its concerning but also a relief. After so long keeping up his constant parade of drinking and showing this carelessness to the world I was starting to worry that maybe it was becoming permanent. That maybe he had become the arrogant self-serving asshole he showed to everyone else.
But he was still there, hidden under all his smiles and sharp words.
"She probably won't remember much from last night, at least not the details." I say softly. "I'm not sure how much to tell her."
"Well I doubt you need to tell her about how she thinks we are beautiful, but I'm sure she will be fine with hearing all the rest." Happy to hear the humour in his reply I nod.
"Should we tell her that we aren't even meant to be spending time with her at all?" I think out loud.
"Probably not." He replies agreeing with my own answer to the question. It would only make matters worse, she had enough to worry about without needing that on top of everything.
"I just can't stop thinking about how long she has been hiding with that threat hanging over her every move, while we've been bickering and behaving like selfish dickheads she's been living every day with the thought that it could be her last. And she didn't say anything." It was something I had been thinking about as well. It had been weeks since I first found her upset. But she didn't want to talk about any of it.
"She doesn't trust us with her secrets." I say, watching the sun rise in the distance. The warm orange glow filling the dark grey sky as the first day of summer makes its way into the world.
"But this is different, this shouldn't be something she has to just deal with by herself." He replies, hands fisting at his sides.
"I know, and it won't be anymore, we can make sure of that. Once we tell her that we know the truth and that we want to help, I'm sure she will want to tell us everything she has been dealing with by herself."
"And if she doesn't?" He asks turning to me, face ashen and ridden with guilt and anger.
"We will figure that out when it happens." I tell him, because I honestly had no idea, I tried not to think about that outcome. What we would do if she didn't want to tell us anything. I couldn't think of that as a viable option.
Aeris had said he couldn't just ignore the threat to Dae and while I was better at maintaining this calm and controlled exterior I knew that my own anger and rage wouldn't accept that outcome, not without knowing that we had done something, helped Dae in some way. If she refused our help, would we be forced to step in? I don't think I could stop Aeris from taking matters into his own hands, he was barely hanging on as it was.
I had expected him to be angry, upset, wanting to do something to make sure Dae was safe, but his reaction was more serious than I thought it would be. Did that mean whatever he felt for Dae was genuine? That he actually cared for her, I mean I knew there must be something to make him behave the way he has been. Maybe it was best to consider what his true feelings for Dae were at another time, like when I wasn't trying to come up with a plan with would keep Dae safe while also dealing with one of the strongest fae in our kingdom and making sure Aeris didn't just take matters into his own hands and try and find his own way to make things safe for Dae.
"I'm going to head inside, you coming?" I ask, he just shakes his head.
The sun had finally risen over the crest, its full warm glow lighting up all the dust and ash in the air.
"I'm going to stay out here for a bit, I'll find you in the atrium." He answers not looking away from the glowing embers. All the flames had died down, now just the remains.
I knew it would take only a moment for the fire to flare back to life if Aeris wanted it, or if he lost control. I don't say it.
"Alright." Is all I say before leaving him to stare at the dying bonfire and the quiet remains of the solstice celebrations at least before the servants come to clean it all up.
There are still a few hours before Dae will wake up and find my note. I make my way to my rooms to clean up, ash and dust cling to my clothes and skin.
I scrub my skin twice until I'm sure it's clean and dry myself down while standing in front of the fireplace.
I wrap the towel around my waist before collapsing into the chair and sinking my fingers into my hair, elbows resting on my knees.
My mind was rarely ever quiet, constantly moving, thinking, planning, learning, adapting, observing, it's the way it has been for as long as I can remember.
It was different when I was reading stories, the rest would move to the back, becoming quiet and all I would see and feel and hear was whatever story I was reading.
There were times when I was with Dae that it had been similar, not the same level of quiet, but the rest of my mind sort of shifted, making room for her, watching her, listening to her, still working in its own way. It would note every one of her smiles trying to understand what each one meant, record the sound of all her different laughs, or capture each of her expressions and file them away so it could bring them out again when I wasn't with her, making it impossible to go very long without thinking about her.
Right now it was fighting with my anger, my anger wanting to do something impulsive, violent, make this better and deal with Varis and his threat in very slow and painful ways. But my logic was winning the battle, instead it was going through every interaction with Dae, every moment I had spoken to her, seen her, searching for the signs, for the proof, trying to figure out a timeline.
It didn't help calm my anger. My logic just used that rage fuelled energy to continue its unrelenting pursuit. And then it would begin to come up with alternate out comings if I had said or done something differently.
I had been called intelligent for most of my life and for the most part I agreed with that label, spending so many of my years studying various fields just for the sake of knowledge.
It was at times like these where I disagreed with anyone who had called me intelligent. It felt more like my mind was inflicting the stupidest kind of torture.
I couldn't change the past, couldn't go back and make her tell me whatever it was that she had been hiding. She hadn't trusted me, still didn't. I didn't blame her. I shouldn't blame myself either.
I grip my hair tightly, feeling the tug on my scalp, bringing me back to myself.
There were so many thoughts scrambling through my mind, I tried to create some kind of order of them but it was difficult with my anger fuelling my minds influx of information.
Most of my thoughts were centred around Dae. It was becoming a common habit of my mine. Filling any spare space with Dae, especially after this afternoon. I had expected to somehow pick up from where we had left off, enjoy the solstice and dance and talk without it deviating into some depressing topic like it always seemed to.
I had not been expecting her to reveal that someone had threatened her life and now she was terrified that she was going to disappear and be killed for not behaving a certain way, for not being good enough for Varis. Gods that conversation in the hallway made so much more sense now. He was trying to give me advice on the chosen, trying to steer me towards the girls he thought were better suited to being my wife and princess. Had he really just been telling me to stay away from Dae? Hinting that she wasn't someone I should be spending my time with.
What right did he have to even suggest it? What right did he have to threaten an innocent human girl who didn't even choose to come here into our Kingdom? He was using his position as Advisor to start deciding who did and didn't deserve to live based on his own thoughts and feelings and assumptions about someone he didn't even truly know.
He couldn't be allowed to get away with it. He couldn't be allowed to continue threatening anyone let alone Dae.
We will talk to Dae and find out exactly what he said and why he said it and then we would make sure that Varis and his fucking threat are something Dae never has to worry about again.