Ten months later
"Is here okay, son?" Rick asks, pointing at the counter of my new kitchen's house.
"Yes, thank you, Rick." I nod as I watch him set the box down. I have gotten used to him calling me son by now, but so far I haven't gotten myself to address him as dad, no matter how much I tried or wish I could.
I told him the truth about him being my biological father ten months ago, with nothing less than a letter. Maybe I should have told him in person, or at least with a call, but I wasn't ready to fully face that reality back then so I did it in the only way I could think of.
I also told Matteo, and even though I was nervous at first I knew nothing will change between us, we will always be brothers no matter what percentage of blood.
And if I went with the letters it was only because writing my thoughts felt a lot easier than explaining them out loud. I sucked at opening up to others so allowing them to read what I felt made everything much simpler. The message would get across and I wouldn't have to put myself in the spotlight. It was perfect... or almost, in a way I was aware that doing that was me hiding but I promised myself that day that that would be the last time.
Nine months, that's how much time I spent in rehabilitation. I remember thinking that I wouldn't need more than a few months inside when I first decided to admit myself in the center but my problems grew a lot deeper than I thought. Because it wasn't just the alcohol or the drugs, my mental health was the main issue, depression, anxiety, PTSD, fear of abandonment, to put it bluntly, I was a psychologist's wet dream.
Thankfully after months and months of therapy—and the ones still to come—, I felt somewhat... stable, which isn't much but is definitely a lot better than how I was before and it also gave me hope that there is still room for me to grow, for me to actually heal.
Once I got out, about a month ago I came back home to New York City and started settling down. When I sold the business I also sold the apartments, everything except the main house, I couldn't let go of it just yet but it was way too big for me to move in alone so with the money I had left myself to be able to restart my life once I was out I rented an apartment. It needed a lot of work especially since I had to baby-proof it, I wanted to have everything ready before asking Mia about my options.
Julia Russo-Rodriguez was born as a premature eight-month-old baby seven months ago, healthy, even given the circumstances. Rick had been the one to reach out to me to tell me, in fact, it was him who updated me about everything related to Mia's pregnancy for all those months, apparently, she had asked him to do it. At first, I thought it would be temporary but as time went by I realized that it wasn't. Mia had chosen to distance herself, not totally, she did text me from time to time, mostly to send me pictures of Julia or as she apparently liked to call her, Jude, and also to ask how I was doing but that was it. She needed space and after leaving her the way I did —no matter how necessary it was— I understood why.
Now, letting go of Mia didn't mean I would let go of my little girl and I made that clear when I called her two weeks ago, asking her to meet Julia. I explained to her all the work I had done on myself, that I was starting a new business that was completely legal, and that I had found an apartment in an amazing neighborhood for kids. She appreciated the information and told me that she would love for me to finally meet her and that no matter what happened between us she would never stand in the way between me and our daughter.
And today is finally that day, the day I'm going to meet my daughter, the day I have been impatiently waiting for since Mia told me she was pregnant. A few weeks after Julia was born and she got out of the incubator Rick told me that Mia would be okay with me visiting any time I wanted, that I simply had to let her know but I decided to keep my distance until I was sure I was healthy enough to take care of a baby. I don't know how many first-time dad books and articles I have read in the last few months, or how much money I have spent on baby stuff but I don't care because I needed everything to be perfect.
"Today is the day isn't it?" Rick smiles proudly.
"What gave it away?" I smile too, not able to hide my excitement anymore.
"Well, you just bought a huge box of diapers and I haven't seen you look this handsome in months. Are you wearing cologne?" He jokes pointing from my perfectly cuffed shirt to my new grey suit pants. "She is a seven-month-old baby, I don't think she will notice all that."
"I want to give a good first impression." Maybe I went a little overboard but I really needed every single detail to be on point.
"To Julia or Mia?" He finally asks the question that has been hanging in the air for a few hours now.
"To both, but not in the way you think." Rick has been rooting for Mia and me to get back together since I came back and even though a part of me would kill for that to happen other understands that there's much more to this whole situation. It's a complicated one and my opinion on it isn't the only one that counts.
"I get it, no matter what, I'm proud of you. You have come a long way." He gets closer and gently pats down my shoulder.
He is right, I have come a very long way and if I did it it was for them, but most of all for Julia. I wanted to be able to give my kid everything I didn't get as a child, and even though I'm confident I'm finally ready to do it I'm also scared shitless. Because what if I fuck it up? What if being a dad is not in my DNA?
"I can hear your brain turning, Don't overthink this, boy. You did everything you had to do and now it's time to get your life back. You will be an amazing dad."
"You really think I can do this? What if I don't know how, what if I end up making her life hell?"
"You love her, right?"
"Of course I do, more than anything." I haven't even properly met her and I already know I would give everything for her.
"Then you will be okay, because being a parent? It isn't easy, we all fuck up sometimes, I'm a perfect example of it, but what matters at the end of the day is love, son. You will probably make a thousand mistakes but as long as you are there for her, taking care of her and loving her, that's all that matters." He softly squeezes my shoulder, a small smile on his face that I can't help but notice the regret in.
"You were... and are a good father, Rick, I hope you know that." I wished he had been there for me since the beginning but he took care of me when it mattered and that's what's important.
"I have so much time to make up for but I'm trying." He goes to give a step back but before he can I have already wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly.
"I love you, Dad," I whisper what I should have told him a long time ago.
"I love you too, son." His voice breaks as he hugs me tighter against his body before letting go. "Now go, your daughter is waiting for you."
___
Mia chose a park near her new apartment for us to meet, pretty small but gorgeous. It has a little garden with so many flowers, trees all around the perimeter, and a tiny fountain in the middle. It's a good neighborhood relatively close to mine, and apparently, a lot of families come here to go for a walk or simply sit down at one of the benches and relax. It seems really peaceful and safe. Perfect for kids.
She told me to meet her near the fountain at four but I got here around three just in case, and since I couldn't keep myself from moving I have been walking around the park for an hour straight, waiting for them. Thankfully these last few months I have practically mastered my prosthetic and learned how to take care of my leg properly so I haven't had many issues with that.
On my hundredth lap of overthinking walking around this park and checking my watch every few minutes to see when it would hit four I'm finally making my way towards the fountain again when a dog barking brings me straight out of my thoughts into reality. I turn around, looking for the source of it and when I look up it's when I see them.
Mia has Julia in her arms as she points at the barking dog playing near them. Her smile the biggest and most sincere I have ever seen it as her focus moves from the brown puppy labrador to the beautiful curly-haired girl in her embrace.
Julia, who's also watching the dog with a curious stare holds onto Mia's arm looking absolutely beautiful, and even though I have already seen her in pictures now it's so obvious how a perfect mixture of Mia and I she is. She has my blue eyes, my dark hair too but with Mia's stunning curls, and also her beautiful golden skin and smile. But what's most important is that she looks happy, like every kid should be.
Slowly and after giving myself a small pep talk I finally make my way up to them, my hands uncontrollably shaking on my sides. And as if we were connected Mia's head snaps directly in my direction.
I don't know how I expected her reaction to be when she first saw me, but I do know that I wouldn't change this one for anything else in the world. Because the moment she looks at me, the smile on her face just grows bigger as she points with her finger at the spot I'm currently standing frozen and says something to Julia that I believe goes like "Look, there's daddy," and I know she doesn't understand what Mia is talking about but her excitement seems to be enough for Julia to smile too.
Mia leaves the stroller I hadn't noticed was there until now behind and makes her way up to me with Julia still in her arms, and with every step she takes I feel a part of my body exploding in a powerful cocktail of emotions. It goes from fear to raw pure happiness, and lastly to pride.
"Hey, it's good to see you again," Mia mutters the moment she finally reaches my side.
"It's good to see you again too." And it is, it truly is but right now all I can focus on is the perfect little girl in her arms that's staring at me curiously.
And Mia seems to notice because she laughs heartily before looking down at Julia and whispering. "Judy, that's your dad. Sadly you probably don't remember but I told you all about him." Julia's big blue eyes grow as she studies me carefully.
"She has my eyes," I state the obvious staring at her every feature.
"She does, she looks a lot like you, actually," Mia says still smiling, The situation is a little uncomfortable but I can tell she is trying her best to make it as natural as possible and I'm trying too but I'm still in shock. "Wanna go sit down on the grass? I brought a blanket and some toys so you could play with her." She points at the forgotten stroller behind us that's parked right next to a small spot of grass.
"Oh, of course, I would love that." I nod and she turns around guiding me to the grass area.
And as I walk behind her I can help but notice how beautiful she looks too, her body definitely changed a little due to pregnancy but if anything it just made her a thousand times more attractive. Motherhood really fits her.
When we are about to sit down Mia goes to take a bag but before that, she turns around to meet me once again, her big brown warm eyes looking straight at my blue ones. God, how much I missed those eyes. "Wanna hold her while I get everything ready?" She says it so casually and I lose no time in reaching for Julia, scared as fuck but also deeply excited.
And to my surprise, Julia doesn't protest when Mia hands her to me, she just smiles as she tugs on my shirt with her little perfect hand.
"This is her favorite." Mia shows me a small stuffed animal that resembles a cat. "Danielle gave it to her when she was born." She explains as she sits down over the now spread blanket next to us.
I sit down too, making sure Julia is okay before softly placing her down on the blanket and then taking the cat in my hand to hand it to her. She instantly reaches for it and slowly shakes it. She laughs at her interaction with the toy and I think I have never heard something as beautiful as her laugh.
"Her laugh warms your heart doesn't it?" Mia asks, putting my exact emotions into words.
"I didn't think I could love someone as deeply as I love her." I know that's not what she asked but it's all I can think about.
"Yeah, it happened to me too." She laughs and my gaze moves to her gorgeous face.
She is adoringly staring at Julia, who is sitting down over the blanket with the toy in one hand and the other one on her little leg. And as on cue, Jude looks up to her, shaking the small animal once again and laughing. Mia smiles shaking her head in the same way Julia shook the animal which only makes her laugh harder.
And all I can think about is how deeply I love both my girls...
That and also about how Rick was right, when I first got out of rehab and contacted Mia my idea was not only to try and be in Julia's life but also try to win Mia back, take where we left off, try to be a family, but then, when I called her and asked her to meet she carefully reminded me that this was for our daughter and not for us. So no matter how much I would love to reconnect I also know that I have to respect her decision. That I have to let her go.
And it stings of course it does.
But now, as I watch her playing with our daughter, looking the happiest I have ever seen her, I finally understand that maybe this is the way it was supposed to go, that maybe, just maybe, we were meant to happen but not to be.
Or at least not for now.
THE END
Author's note
As always if you are here ty for reading and don't forget to vote and comment your thoughts!
So... here it is. The End. Who is crying?
More than a year writing this story (counting the months I left it hanging too lol) and even though I'm sad to let it go I'm also extremely proud of how it turned out.
I have had this ending planned for so long and I'm so happy I was able to pull it off, I know it's probably not what people wanted and that some might be heartbroken or even hate me lol but in my opinion, this was the perfect ending for Mia and Carlos.
Thank you so much to everyone for reading and I hope you all enjoyed this journey as much as I did. And a special thank you to those who commented all throughout the story, you all gave me the motivation to write this <3
This chapter is dedicated to Ti aka tiloveswriting or little evil elf, thank you for all your help on this journey.
Thoughts? I need everyone's opinion now more than ever!
Miles' book will be coming out really soon and as for this book, bye...
...for now.
*Julia aka as Jude is named after one of my favorite book characters, Jude St. Francis, love my sweet boy sm*
I love you all sm,
Maria