Lily
I have been feeling weird since the other night, when Jay butted in my date with Sam and took me home. Anybody else could have believed it to be a coincidence, finding each other in the same place, but not me. I know how cunning Jay can be when he wants something. I thought we had agreed on being just the best of friends, but he went and reshuffled the deck, dealing a new hand. A silly smile covers my face; I don't know why, but this insane possibility makes me happy, giving the all-clear to the butterflies in my stomach to dance. Is this what I want?
"What has gotten you smile there?" Sam glances at me as he takes a side road to avoid traffic.
"Nothing important," I shrug, "just something that happened at work." Anticipating his next question, I am faster, and I change the topic, "where are we going?"
"It's a surprise," he whispers, his lips curling at the corners.
We arrive somewhere I feel I know well, but I cannot put my finger on why. I scan the area, and I spot a building that I would recognise among millions of other glass buildings. This arcade used to be mine and Jay's favourite hanging out spot through uni. After every exam, and at the end of all my placement blocks, we would come here and spend the whole night drinking, eating, and playing all kind of games. We haven't been in a while, though.
"I know this place," I shrill, "we're playing games?"
He reciprocates my smile, "have you ever been here?"
"Yeah, all the time. With Jay," I add.
"Oh," I can see his mood shifting and his features darkening as he lets my words sink in. Then, he physically pulls himself out of his head and back to a happy place. He tries to reassure me by shooting me a smile, but I know it's not genuine because it reminds me of myself when I wanted to look grateful to my mother for making us dinner, but it was peas and ham soup. I despised peas and ham soup.
I grab his hand and I rush to the entrance, "c'mon, I can't wait to race you!"
However, Sam stops me in my tracks before turning a serious face to me, "we're not playing, Lily. We can watch others making a spectacle of themselves, and we can make fun of them for sure, but I am not acting like a fool,"
I am taken aback by his harsh statement; it's just for fun, but he's being quite uptight. My eyebrows shoot up in surprise, "I am playing, but you do you." I open the heavy, glass door and I slip inside, walking straight to the arcade area. I spot Sam trailing behind me, and he looks crossed, but I ignore him, and I head to the car games. I choose the furthest seat, tripping on my feet as I hop on the hard, black plastic.
Sam stands between my seat and the one next to me as he looks down at me, "what are you doing, Lily?"
"What does it look like that I am doing? Playing. Are you going to stand there, or are you joining me?"
"I am a professional, Lily. I can't have people seeing me acting like a kid,"
"I am a professional, too, Sam but I am still enjoying a stupid game," I spit out.
A young guy, probably in his early twenties, with rebel chestnut curls takes the seat next to mine. He leans over, a few inches from Sam, "I am playing, if you want a challenge."
I grin, "you don't have to ask me twice," and I press the start button, choosing the car I want to use for the race. Sam shakes his head and comes to stand on the other side, not hiding his annoyance. The game starts, and the stranger and I both press the pedals harshly which causes my car to spin out of control before hitting his. We regain control, and we start speeding, occasionally hitting the barriers on either side.
"Hey, you can't cut in front of me like that!" he laughs.
"You literally just did the same thing, mate! Practise what you preach,"
The guy flashes me a wide smile while Sam rolls his eyes, crossing his arms on his chest. Loud cheers boom from our spot throughout the game, followed by complaints and more giggles.
"Good game," the stranger shakes my hand as he hops off his seat.
"Sorry I beat you," I reply, wiggling my eyebrows.
"I want a re-match next time,"
"Next time, then," I smirk one last time in his direction before he is reunited with his group of friends that keep glancing over to where Sam and I are standing.
"Can we go eat now?"
I sigh, "yeah,"
Sam walks in front of me, and he doesn't look back to check if I am following him or not. He finds an empty table, and he seats, grabbing the paper menu and flicking through it without uttering a single word. He is clearly giving me the cold shoulder.
"Are you alright?" I question.
"Yes. Do you know what you want to order?"
I nod, "just a Margherita pizza and a coke, please."
He stands and marches to the food area, joining the mile long queue. I don't know what on Earth has gotten into him; he was so excited when we left but his mood just flipped. Have I done something wrong? Is wanting to play stupid arcade games such a crime? I look around the room, and all the fun memories with Jay resurface as I decide not to add this day to the memories I have here. This is a special place for us, and I am not going to let this be ruined. Without thinking, I reach for my phone in my bag, and my fingers hover the screen, typing fast.
I am at Game Galaxy.
I don't know why I felt the need to tell him, but every time I am somewhere meaningful for us, I want to let him know, I want him to realise that I am thinking of him, all the time. Funnily enough, he does the same.
That's just because we're friends, right?
I am about to put my phone back when his name flashes on the screen.
Are you having fun?
I can see him typing again, but then he stops so I decide to answer his seemingly innocent question.
I am at Game Galaxy.
The ticks turn blue indicating that he has read the text already. He's keeping his phone with him; interesting.
You didn't answer the question.
I chuckle; he is right, I didn't with so many words, but I did in a way. He knows how I get when we talk about this place, so I am sure he'll figure it out. I have this weird gut feeling that I am being watched, and, as I lift my gaze, I catch Sam staring at me before whipping his head around.
I think I did.
I drop my phone back in my bag, and a few seconds later Sam joins me. He places the food in front of me before digging into his, still not talking to me. I blow on the hot slice of pizza, trying to avoid the same mistake I made the last time we went out, as I open the red can. I know something is wrong, and I am becoming restless; I scratch the side of my neck before rubbing along my jaw line, sighing visibly irritated.
"Alright, Sam, I am not happy with this silent treatment. Either you tell me what's wrong, or I am going home,"
He lifts his eyes to meet mine, and the ice blue freezes my blood, "and how are you going to do that, huh?"
"Sam, I can get an Uber, I can take the bus, or I can call Jay,"
He throws the slice of pizza back onto the plate, but it slides over the oily paper, landing on the floor. "You always do this," he accuses me.
"Do what?"
"Talk about Jesse. Everything is Jesse. It seems like Jesus is walking the freaking Earth again!" His words hit me like a ton of brick straight in the chest, almost pushing me off the chair. My mouth falls open, and I have to blink a few times for the room to shift back into focus. What the hell is he talking about? "Wipe that puzzled look off your face; you know what I am talking about,"
I sit straight, clenching my jaw and biting the inside of my bottom lip so forcefully that I can feel the iron taste spread on my tongue, "no, actually I don't know,"
"I am not an idiot, Lilith; stop treating me like one. Since he introduced us, he has been everywhere. He's home every time that I am there; he is in every conversation we have; he is in every place we go to. You cannot tell me that it was a coincidence that he was in Borough Market the other night. He forced me to take that girl home, Lily, and I should have taken you home! But you didn't utter a single word. It's almost like you enjoyed it. I thought this place was going to be Jesse-free, but, hey, of course you came here with him. He's everywhere. This whole city oozes Jesse. Tonight was the cherry on top, though. I come to pick you up, and there he is, bare-chested and only a skimpy towel hiding his junk."
I cock my head to one side, "you could have looked elsewhere,"
"That's sick, Lily, don't you see it? You act like best friends but what do you do behind closed doors?"
"Excuse me?" my voice erupts from deep down my throat, and even I struggle to recognise myself.
"Drop the act. I am not going to be your second choice, and I am not going to let you treat me like a desperate kid running after you. I am sick and tired of yours and Jay's games, I am better than that,"
"I am not playing any games, Sam."
"Then show me," I lift my eyebrows in response, silently questioning him, "keep your distance,"
"What?"
"Stop hanging out with him so much. Ignore him. Don't share your plans with him. Erase him from your life, and I'll know you actually want to be with me. I am looking for something serious, Lily, for someone to build a life with, I don't want to be a pawn in your jealousy game,"
"Fair enough," I spit out, "but I can't do that, Sam. Jesse is my best friend; he is the person I love the most on this planet, really and truly. He has always been there for me, and I will never live in a world where he doesn't exist. Don't ask me to choose because I will never choose you. I want everything you want, but Jesse and I, we are a package deal."
"Maybe I don't want it, then,"
"Fab," I get up, throw my bag over my shoulder and zigzag in the crowd, locking myself in the bathroom before he can reach me.
"Lily, c'mon, don't be a child. Let's talk about this," I hear him shouting on the other side of the door while I grab my phone, my body acting before my brain can catch up. I hear ringing twice before I am enveloped by Jesse's reassuring voice.
"Lil? Are you alright?"
"Did I wake you?" it's not late, but he is working tomorrow, and I know he likes to bank a few more hours than usual.
"No," he lies, his voice already laced with sleep, "are you alright? Where are you?"
"Game Galaxy," I sigh, "can you come and pick me up, please?"
I hear our front door slam shut, "already on my way. Do you want to stay on the line?"
"Do you mind?"
"Not at all, love. I am only ten minutes away; I'll be there before you can say my full name."
"Jesse Edward Moore. Where are you?"
He chuckles, "you're always so funny. How do I put up with your crap, huh?"
I lean against the bathroom door, tapping my head against it. How did it get so messy with Sam in a matter of minutes? I do understand that mine and Jesse's friendship is weird, and I give it to him that there may be more, even though neither me nor Jay is sure about it, but the shouting? The accusation? Was he right? My conscience isn't clean, and I feel like a piece of shit. Maybe, I did deserve his outburst. Maybe, it should have been worse. But Jay doesn't let my thoughts get the best of me, and "Just so you know" blasts out of his speakers, reaching me through the phone. I can hear him singing along in the background, and the only thing I can do is snort thinking about the meaning of the song. I am sure he just switched on my playlist, and this must have been the first song to come on. How fitting, though. I single tear rolls down my cheek, my punishment for having put myself in such a situation. Sam's name flashes on top of the screen, and I drop down the menu to read the message without him knowing.
I am sorry. Please, come talk to me when you feel ready. I am sitting by the arcade.
I know I should go talk to him, I know I need to fix this, and I realise that, possibly, he is not even in the wrong, but I don't want to face him right now. I need to deal with the tumult within myself first.
"I am turning in the car park; do you want me to come and get you?"
"Don't worry," I say quickly, "I am coming."
I slide out of the bathroom, and I walk to the other exit, actively avoiding my date. From afar, I can see him glancing at the display as he turns the device in his hands. I am tempted to approach him, but I decide against it as I march out of the building. I spot Jesse's car, and I run towards it as if I was running to my filled tank of oxygen.
I am sorry, but I am going home. I don't feel like talking now. I hope you understand.
I hit send, and I shut the car door behind me, leaving this night behind.
**************
Hello and happy Wednesday!
Here is a new chapter :) Who are siding with? Let me know in the comments! :)
Love, Izzy.