'I broke you just to own you'
One Of The Girls by The Weeknd, JENNIE and Lily-Rose Deep
EUNWOO'S POV
I drove immediately after she left me, her voice kept on ringing inside my head until I parked the car and got out of it to walk towards the club. The rain had not stopped for a long time now, but it never bothered me much. I just needed to get her out of my mind.
As usual, it didn't do much good anyway, because the more distance we put between us, the harder her words were beating against my ears and drowning my thoughts.
I wanted to drink, to feel numb with some strange substance that would erase her from my system for at least a little while.
Maybe having another girl would make me forget about it completely. I wanted hookups anyways.
There's no need to see her again, to have her close anymore. I just got carried on by the temptation to feel something else than the crushing loneliness I experienced every day.
She couldn't give that to me, no one could, I'd lost everything long ago. Nothing mattered in the end. I wasn't living like a person anymore. I could feel the emptiness of life spreading within me, and the emptiness was eating away at me every day without any respite.
I couldn't go back, even if I wished to do so. My existence was already an endless void of nothingness. It was too late. Maybe I loved her company because she used to distract me from these thoughts.
That's why I always liked to hang around her, she made me feel alive. When all I saw in front of me was an empty space, she gave me energy and happiness with a mere smile or a look. She never knew, of course. I always let her believe it. And it was fine that way.
Like she said, I chose her to fill my void. She's not special in any way. And I don't want her to be. I'm not in love with her, she's a distraction. A nice distraction, but still a distraction.
If I could keep myself together, I wouldn't have anything to worry about, would I? And that's what I needed right then.
Or that what I thought.
The alcohol helped to take me off this feeling for a second. I felt numb, a sensation I had gotten used to over the past years. It came naturally to me as soon as I started drinking, like breathing became easier and easier to pull into existence every time it was forced out of my body. I took comfort in this feeling that made me think I could control everything.
My eyes traveled to the girls on the dance floor when I passed through them.
They looked beautiful, when the beat changed, I watched how their hips moved along with the rhythm, how their legs swung across their bodies like snakes slithering on the ground.
Their hair flowed wildly behind them, they seemed to move under their own will.
I smiled at the sight of their swaying hips, their bodies turned to the music, their movements hypnotic and powerful.
I stood up and walked towards them, their eyes turned towards mine when I approached them, but their eyes only stared at my mouth.
I didn't even much effort to have them, one of the girls walked closer to me,
Offering herself to me and when her arms embraced me, her breasts rubbed against my shirt and her nipples hardened under the cold touch of my hands.
I could feel it in them, the desire of her heart, her desire for me. Her eyes begged me to follow her.
I leaned over her and kissed her. Her lips opened easily undermine, I felt a warm sensation on my tongue as I slipped it deeper inside her mouth. She moaned quietly and her fingers tangled themselves in my hair.
I closed my eyes but Y/n's face kept flashing inside my head, her bright and beautiful eyes. I pushed her away from me. I pushed the girl causing her to look at me in shock.
The anger I had felt before disappeared. I didn't feel like I had done anything wrong, I was simply doing what I usually did. But why is she in my head?
I left the club in a rush and drove to my apartment. As I got inside and walked in the dark, her images and words floated in my head, I sat down on the couch with my hands covering my face. I tried to shake her thoughts, but it was no use. I was not going to sleep tonight.
The apartment kept reminding me of her, the way I had her that night. How she tasted, how her lips moved against mine, how her hands wandered around the waistband of my pants. I tried to push those memories from my mind, my mind was not ready to deal with them.
Not yet anyway.
But I couldn't stop thinking about it. It kept running in circles in my mind, making me feel restless and helpless. Why was this girl making me remember such things?
I wanted her here, with me, in my bed, again.
I wanted to show up at her apartment, it was now a routine. I fuck up, she ignores me, and I go to her apartment. I don't care if it's late or not. The past two weeks felt like hell.
It was raining heavily outside, the heavy drops hitting the windows and glass panes with loud banging sounds. I want to see her so bad. I want her, I need her.
With an instant, I changed my clothes, and I reached for the key to my motorbike outside, I went straight towards her apartment building.
I was soaked from the rain and my clothes clung tightly to me like it was glued on. I ran upstairs and knocked on her door. I can hear the sound of the television from the other side. She doesn't come though, so I knock again and again and shout her name several times.
Finally, her door opens with a click.
Y/n appears before me, looking tired and disheveled. I can tell by her expression that the conversation we had last night didn't go well.
She was probably really uncomfortable, we stare each other for several seconds, neither of us speaks.
"Who is it?" I heard a girl's voice from inside the apartment, it sounded sleepy.
"Oh sorry," Y/n mutters as she turns around to shut the door. "That's my friend." she explained with a tired tone, she was reek of alcohol, seems like she's been drinking.
"Y/n? What took you- Oh my?! Is that your boss?." one of the girls said as they both waked over the door.
"Yeah, he'll be leaving now" Y/n says raising her eyebrows at me. I can tell from her expression that there's no way she wants to talk to me anymore. Well, that's understandable, considering the circumstances. But I didn't expect her to be so rude.
"I'm not going anywhere!" I said with rage, I know she was drunk, but I don't give a flying fuck. I want her, right now!
"I said you're leaving", she repeated sternly.
"And I told you that I am not leaving!", I shouted.
"What makes you think you can order me around?"
She raised her eyebrow at me. "You're my employer." I said furiously "And I'm your freaking boss!" I added.
"Maybe we should leave you guys" one of the girls said, walking towards the door.
"Sam? Where are you going?" Y/n called her friend and they both watched her with empathy, the Sam girl walked towards her, whispering something into her ear before they both made their way out gathering their stuff.
Now it was just Y/n and me. She crossed her arms and gave me a bored look, clearly not interested in staying any longer.
"What do you want from me?" she whispered, and I looked at her surprised.
"I..." I began. What the hell does she mean by asking what I want? This woman is ruining me, and not in a good way. I want her so bad.
This isn't what a man like me should say! I thought I was a grown man.
"I don't want stay alone anymore..." I mumbled weakly. She stared at me for some time, apparently confused by the situation. But then, her expression changed once again, she seemed to be angry.
"What does that e-even mean?" she stuttered as the alcohol was making it hard for her.
I was silent, I didn't know what else to say.
"Listen, you can go to hell!" she said loudly, she clenched her fists at the sides of her hips. Her voice was becoming hoarse, and her breathing became irregular. She stumbled back a few steps before I held her by her waist, bringing her closer. She started to struggle.
"Let me go!" she screamed, punching at my chest.
"Stop fucking fighting me!" I yelled, grabbing her wrists trying to calm her. I noticed that she was starting to lose her senses. The alcohol must be affecting her brain.
"What do you want from me Eunwoo?! Why can't you just let me live in peace? Why are fucking confusing me?!" she said all at once with a high pitch tone.
"Y/n", I sighed. I wasn't sure how to explain it to her. "Look. You are drunk and you're having a hard time understanding things". I said slowly.
"You don't get it! Do you want me to suffer? Or... or hurt?" Y/n said, suddenly looking vulnerable and upset. Her eyes were filled with tears.
"I wish I didn't l catch any feelings Eunwoo, it fucking hurts and you're making it hard for me with your mixed signals!" she said angrily.
"You don't understand!" I replied. "All I want is you" I muttered, wrapping my arms around her. I can't lie and tell her I love her, but I want her close. My arms encircled her tightly, as she wrapped her arms around me too, holding me tight to her body.
"I don't believe you Eunwoo" she whispers softly. "You confuse the shit out of me". The tears start to run down her cheek as she says those words.
"I don't want you here", she repeats as I pull away from her slightly, my hands still on her arms.
"Please" I whispered as the guilt starts to take control of my insides. Y/n nodded her head as a no, distancing herself from me.
"Please Y/n, you're all I think about, I just want you close. I- I don't know how to explain it but you make me feel happy."
She was quiet for some time, she was still staring at me, with a blank look on her face.
"You make me feel sad", she whispered, "and angry, confused even" God, she was one stubborn girl.
"And I hate myself for feeling like that. All I wanted was you, I wanted you to love me, but instead you just pushed me! And I miss you, and I hate it. I hate what I feel for you" she continued.
"Y/n-"
"But all you think is about your stupid feelings, you just want me when you feel lonely and when you're fucking horny!".
"Cupcake..."
"Don't call me that again! It pisses me off. Don't say 'cupcake'. Just call me by my name!"
"Y/n, listen please". I say pleadingly. Drunk Y/n was giving me the worst headache.
Before I could add anything else, Y/n covered her mouth with her hand and turned around quickly.
Rushing in her apartment, I close the door behind and followed her behind. She rushed over her bathroom opening the door in an instant.
Here it comes, she has drunk too much, she's going to be sick.
"Y/n? Are you okay?" I asked concerned.
She sat near the toilet bowl and threw up everything she drank earlier. I pulled her hair to help her while she vomited.
I grabbed a washcloth and rubbed her back as she threw up more. Once she finished throwing up, she leaned against the sink and rested her head on the basin as she exhaled deeply, trying to relax.
"I don't feel good" she whispered, I helped her stand up carefully and clean her up after she washed her face and hands.
I carried her back to her bed and laid her down gently, "I feel cold" she mumbled in an annoyed voice as soon as I sat down on the edge of the bed.
I pulled her blanket over her small frame, and she cuddled under it.
"This is not enough, I'm freezing" Y/n complained. she's already drunk off her ass. I stood up and went towards her closet. I opened it and picked out a big black sweatshirt, I walked back to Y/n who was now laying sideways on the bed.
I put the fabric onto her small body and tucked her under the blankets securely. She didn't seem to notice.
"That's not enough either, sleep next to me" she whispered.
"I thought you wanted me to leave" I mumbled causing her to give me a death glare. "Look, I'm soaked and-" Y/n rolled her eyes.
"Then change, I still have the clothes you left here last time" she added with a tired tone. She seems to be freezing.
After I changed, I slept beside her. Wrapping my arms around her, holding her close. She seems to be asleep.
"You're the only girl I chased, cupcake" I whispered, tucking the strands of her hair behind her ear.
A/N: Firstly I apologize for any grammar or spelling error, I hope you guys liked this chapter. And please don't forget to vote⭐🥴 It's really important to me. Also, share this book if you liked it🌀
Love ya💜