"He's ghosting me," I sniffled miserably. My friends had come over to commiserate over my conflicted feelings. We sat in Bigfoot's living room, the place he had been conspicuously absent from in the last few days.
"How can he? You live together!" Cansu asked me, baffled.
"Oh, he's very creative. He's out of the apartment before I wake up and doesn't get home until I'm in bed. He's also taking advantage of my pregnancy-induced narcolepsy since all I want to do is eat and sleep now. "
"Be honest, Ezgi. How hard are you trying to talk to him? I know you'd stick your head in the sand to avoid a confrontation."
"Ezgi loves nothing more than a confrontation," Cansu laughed.
"Not the emotional kind. Only the kind where she can throw hands," Deniz argued.
"I don't know what you mean," I said innocently. I furtively sniffed his t-shirt shirt which I was currently wearing. One which I did not appropriate from his dirty laundry. Because that would be crazy.
Deniz pursed her lips and she gave me the lawyer stare. The one that gave the opposing counsel pit stains in court.
"I wouldn't know what to say," I confessed, wilting under the stare.
"Tell him how you feel. Duh!"
"But that's just it. The more I examine my feelings the more I question them
Why didn't I say it if I'm genuinely in love with him? I thought I loved the Dirtbag but it was all in my head. And what about him? What if what he thinks is love is just getting the girl that won't fall and worship at his feet?"
"Honey, you did fall at his feet. He had you naked within hours of meeting him," Cansu pointed out.
"It was very slutty of me," I admitted.
"No one is blaming you," Cansu said. "I've seen him shirtless. You'd have to have titanium steel ovaries to resist all of that."
I threw a pillow at her.
"I...mean, the sex is excellent. Fantastic, extraordinary, incredible. All the superlatives. But what if that's just it? What if what I think is love, is just lust? What if I'm just dick drunk?"
"You know I was doubtful about him at first but even I noticed the difference in you and it's not just the belly. You finish each other's sentences for fucks sake. And I never got to tell you this but the night you left he planned this extravagant date. He closed the restaurant and the patio area was turned into this sort of flower garden," Deniz said and refilled her wine glass.
I stared at her. "What?" I whispered.
"Ozan said he'd never seen him so distraught as when you didn't show up. I'm not telling you this to make you feel worse. But I think he's been gone for you from the word go. Maybe he just didn't know it. Men can be extremely oblivious. But Anyone with eyes can see you belong together."
That was the most romantic thing I'd ever heard my unromantic pragmatic friend say. She was right. We did have a weird connection. I'd felt it from the moment we met. But did that mean happily ever after?
"Well, whatever it is. It's clear that you're miserable without him," Cansu said.
I was. Completely miserable and lonely. I missed him so much it hurt.
"I want to eat my feelings," I said morosely.
"You got ice cream?" Cansu said moving into the kitchen.
"Yes, the good stuff is behind all of Özgür's healthy crap."
"Ezgi? What's all this?" She called out a few seconds later.
I reluctantly left my security blanket, got up, and shuffled into the kitchen, Deniz hot on my heels.
I peered into the refrigerator. The neatly labeled (with heating instructions) containers of food and smoothies took up most of the space.
"Meal planning? How are you suddenly so organized?" Deniz said.
"Oh, Özgür does this. He's horrified by my eating habits. So he packs my lunches and snacks. Lately, dinner too since he's not home anymore," I mumbled the last few words, my voice breaking. They both stared at me.
"He feeds you, gives you multiple orgasms, looks like a god, and tells you he loves you and you have doubts?" Cansu said slowly, gaping at me.
"But what about the woman in his office," I said lamely. Deniz leaned back against the counter.
"Well..."
"Well, what?" I cried.
"It was a setup, I'm sure of it and you'd see it too if that Dirtbag hadn't done such a number on you. Ozan also told me a woman had been borderline stalking Özgür ever since he ghosted her a while back."
"You've been sitting on this vital information this whole time!" I screeched.
She shrugged. "I was waiting for the right moment."
"Someone sent you that text," Cansu interrupted. You said it was unusual coming from him."
"But who is she?" Cansu mused. "I'm sure she had help. She wasn't working alone. Who in La Gabbia had it out for you?"
I had my suspicions. Horny Hostess was horny for a reason. And she had never liked me. But all I could think about was the things I said and did to Özgür.
"I am the absolute worst!" I wailed.
"Well, you aren't going to get anywhere standing around here wailing like a banshee. Get dressed. We are going to investigate."
"Investigate?" I said my mind was still swirling with all the implications.
"We are going to the scene of the crime, of course," Deniz said. "Let's go to La Gabbia."
*****
Emre obsessively wiped at an unseen spot on the bar.
"Emre?" I said. He stole a peek at me and then went back to his frantic scrubbing.
"He knows something," Deniz whispered eyes narrowed on the nervous little man.
We arrived at the restaurant to find Ozgur had gone. Family emergency Ozan said without elaborating his charming smile nowhere to be found tonight. I could have sworn he gave me a side-eye. I tried not to let it bother me that Ozgur had left without even sending me a message. Deniz decided that Ozan was a vault and too loyal to spill any tea so we hit the next best thing. The eyes and ears of any bar, the bartender. Immediately we could tell something was up when Emre attempted to make a hasty exit but Cansu blocked his way. He grabbed a rag proceeded to avoid all eye contact and continued to scrub the same area in the sparkling-clean bar.
"Are you just going to ignore me now? I thought we were besties?" I said with a pout. He looked up and opened his mouth then glanced at the hostess podium and a small squeak escaped him.
Cansu and Deniz caught the tell at the same time I did.
"Curioser and curioser," Cansu said.
"Well, girls, I suppose there's no point in hanging out here," I said loudly, gesturing at them to follow me, and we quickly made our way out.
"Come this way," I said after we were out of view of the horny hostess.
I led everyone through the back past the kitchens. Everyone there was so used to seeing me hanging around that no one batted an eye. I pushed through the back door that led to an alley.
"We stressed him out," I said. "He'll be out here for a smoke break in three, two...." The door burst open before I finished my countdown.
I immediately grabbed him by his tropical grandpa shirt and shoved him against the side of the building. He yowled like a scared kitten.
"Spill it, shortie or the mustache gets it," I said, trying to sound menacing.
"The mustache gets what?" Cansu asked me, baffled.
"I have a razor in my purse. I'll shave it off!" I said in my best comic book evil villain voice, and Emre squealed louder.
"No. Not the 'stache!" He screeched.
"Shut it and tell me everything you know."
"I can't. If I do..." He trailed off, eyes wildly darting to and fro. He was afraid of something...Or someone.
"I thought Özgür was your friend. This is hurting him. I need to know what happened. Emre, please."
I let go of his shirt, and he slumped against the wall.
"It was her," he finally said, lighting a cigarette, still twitching like a nervous squirrel.
"We were at the bar when a sous chef hurt himself. Özgür went to the kitchen to deal with it. I did too but I hoofed it back to the bar right away, and that's when I saw...."
"What?" We all yelled in tandem.
He jumped three feet in the air and cowered against the wall.
"Gimze," He whispered. "Ozgur must have forgotten his phone at the bar when everything happened. She took it."
"That bitch!" I hissed, turning on my heel to march back into the restaurant and snatching her baldheaded.
"Nope," Deniz grabbed my arm. "You know I'd hold your earrings any time, but there's more to this story. We can't tip her off yet."
"Who was the blonde in his office?" Cansu asked.
"That's the reporter. She's the one that started all the Mr. Wrong bullshit."
"Wait, she's the one who wrote the Mr. Wrong article?"
He nodded. "Like a bad rash, that one. Won't leave Özgür alone."
"She went to this apartment," I said suddenly, recalling the day. It was the day we got naked, and I banged his brains out, but I kept that tidbit to myself.
"Why didn't you say anything?" I asked Emre.
He took a long puff. "They both know my girlfriend... One night I'd had too much to drink, and... Imadeoutwithastrangerintherestroom," he mumbled.
"Huh?" Both of my friends looked befuddled.
"He ended up making out with a rando in the restroom," I deciphered Emre's word vomit. Then I guessed the rest. "Horny hostess caught him, and now she's blackmailing him."
Emre hung his head in shame. "She has pictures and she knows my girlfriend."
"Shame on you for being a man whore and for not saying anything," Cansu chided.
"But I did! I told Ozgur about the phone. I just didn't tell him it was Gimze. He assumed it was the psycho reporter."
"Oh god," I wailed, remembering how hurt he was that night. He all but told me, and I didn't believe him.
"I have to find him! I need to talk to him," I said to them, agitated.
"Come on. That's enough excitement for you for one night," Deniz said, steering me away from the alley. Emre slumped against the wall, puffing away on a cigarette as we left.
We emerged out of the alley, and I glanced at the main doors longingly.
"Let me rearrange her stupid face, please."
"No. Not only are you pregnant but I don't want to spend my night bailing you out of jail," Deniz said firmly.
I turned and stormed my way toward the door anyway. I couldn't think past my rage and heartbreak.
"The only thing that would make me feel better is to wipe her smirk off her face," I grouched.
"Yes, but that will accomplish nothing except get you arrested for battery. How about a double cheeseburger? Will that make you feel better?" Deniz said, shamelessly using my current craving against me and hauling me toward a waiting taxi. My stomach growled, and I sighed.
"Fine, but only if you buy me a milkshake too."
I went to work the next day heartbroken, sleep-deprived, and with a terrible case of heartburn. Eating a double cheeseburger and chasing it down with a peanut butter milkshake before bed was not the best idea. My stomach roiled in remembrance. I still hadn't heard from Özgür. The pet sitter came by to take Tesla, so it was obvious he wasn't coming back anytime soon. I sat at my cubicle debating whether I should call him, missing him so much it hurt and wondering if I'd always been such a yellow-belly coward when my boss stopped by. He was old, crotchety, and smelled like an ashtray which usually wasn't a huge problem for me except he had roving eyes, and it squicked me out a lot. I'd given up on trying to hide my belly, and ever since he caught on, he'd been treating me more horribly than usual.
"Coffee, Inal. I don't pay you to sit around." He trod off while I stared after him in disbelief. Now I was fetching him coffee? Oh, hell no. I was done with this. I stomped after him. I was going to demand a position befitting my experience and education. Full of false bravado, I stormed into his office.
*****
Less than an hour later, I was standing in the corner waiting for an Uber with the contents of my cubicle in a sad little box by my feet.
I swallowed my anger. I didn't want the job anyway. It was a thankless dead-end job, and I had that business plan burning a hole in my documents folder. I only needed to be brave enough to take the leap. But being fired so unceremoniously still stung. I sniffed and went to check my phone again when a car stopped. I grabbed my stuff and slid into the back seat.
"Well, hello there. Fancy seeing you again." A familiar smug voice intoned.
"Tolga."