Getting back into the house without looking like the kisses they shared didn't completely alter Chay's view of the world cost Chay all the strength had. But once he got in, shut the door and slid down to sit on the floor in a truly dramatic fashion, that's when he allowed himself to lose his mind properly. He loved that kiss. Well, both of those kisses. Technically, three, but he counts those two in the car as one. He guesses that what shocked him the most was the intensity of the emotions he felt every time Kim's lips captured his. He doesn't think that he should feel so much with someone whom he kissed for the first time, someone whom he barely knows. It just doesn't seem possible, and yet Chay has never felt more light-headed, and his heart was never more loud during a kiss than it was with Kim. And yeah, Kim is attractive, and Chay can't deny that despite all that shit that happened, he likes Kim's company—well, if he wouldn't, then he wouldn't agree to be his boyfriend—but still... that kiss—Chay can still feel Kim's lips linger on his. The intensity of them and their warmth. And the way Kim got out of the car because he wanted one more kiss—and the desperation in his voice when he asked for more. Chay feels a huge smile spreading on his lips and a giddy feeling in his stomach, it doesn't even feel like butterflies more like a volcano erupting inside of him whenever he remembers the feeling of Kim's lips on his own.
He looks down at his phone. That's Kim's number right there. He has a mob boss' number on his phone. This is crazy. This whole thing is crazy!
The more he is looking at the phone number, the more reality hits Chay—he has agreed to be the boyfriend of a mob boss.
⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜
The days go by slower than Chay would want them. Heck, even a snail can move faster than that. He wakes up, he makes his bed, has breakfast, puts on his uniform, and heads to uni. There, he spends most of his days. Then he goes to see the children at the orphanage where he spent most of his childhood. He plays with them, he talks to the social workers and teachers there—he has already given a small portion of the money to the director of the orphanage. Looking at the two million in his bank account one night, Chay figured that it would be better to just give the orphanage and charities smaller donations here and there instead of having to explain how the heck did he come across so much money and that no...it wasn't a bank robbery! If he is not at uni or at the orphanage, he is again on the streets doing some busking. It's especially then when he thinks about Kim. For a couple of brief seconds here and there Chay may have even thought that he saw Kim watching him again, but whenever he tried to find him he couldn't and he guesses that that's probably a good thing—Kim is keeping his word, but it's also a bad thing because if Kim isn't really there but Chay thinks that he is then Chay is pretty much losing his mind over a man he didn't even know days ago and who gave him the best kiss Chay have ever had. It's all a little bit concerning if nothing else.
And on days when Chay doesn't hallucinate about a crazy mob boss watching him, his thoughts once or twice wander towards the box that he forgot in that damn restaurant. Chay doesn't want to contact Kim yet. He wants to give Kim a little more time to figure out if he really means it seriously with Chay. It's not only for Kim's own good but for Chay's as well. Chay is already falling. Slowly but surely, he is. If he wasn't, he wouldn't be thinking about those couple of kisses so much. He wouldn't think about Kim every time he is watching a crime show, listening to a podcast about the most brutal criminal cases, or reading an article online. He definitely wouldn't think about Kim almost all the time. So, yes, Chay is falling. And the last thing he wants is to get hurt.
And yes, technically, he can text Kim and pretend it's only about the box, but he has a feeling that both of them would know that it's way more than that. So Chay tries his best to distract himself from staring at Kim's number. He obviously does the usual uni things. He hangs out with his classmates. Goes with them to the cinema. Spends an unhealthy amount of time in the bookstore. He reads a lot. He writes a lot. In the past week, he wrote five songs, and all of them are actually pretty good, according to his professor. Trying to distract himself from Kim actually made Chay productive. Who would have guessed that?
It's the worst at night. Usually, just before he falls asleep. After scrolling through his socials and rolling his eyes over the group chat he has with his classmates, suddenly it's too quiet and too dark, and his fingers by themselves go to his contacts. Three times, he almost sends a text. Just by a miracle, he doesn't press the send button. He is just buying himself time if he is completely honest with himself. He just doesn't want to face reality so soon. What if the distance that Chay is putting between them on purpose will actually make Kim see things in a new light, he realizes that he actually doesn't want Chay at all and his obsession flies out of the window. And in the end, the irony of it all will be that it's gonna be Chay who ends up being obsessed because he can't stop thinking about those stupid kisses they shared.
He should really stop playing with fire and just text Kim. But what should he say? That he misses him? No! No, no, no! He doesn't! Okay, he does, but he can't say that so early on. Or maybe he can—Chay groans and rolls over in his bed from his stomach to his back. It's half past ten at night and Chay should be studying for the last exam of the semester, however, he somehow finds lying in bed in the dark and staring at his contacts list way more intriguing.
What is Kim doing right now? Is he already asleep? No. Chay almost laughs at that. It's too early for the mob boss to be asleep. When does the mob boss even sleep? Do people like that sleep the same hours as normal people, or are they more vampire-like? Maybe Kim is committing the worst types of crime in the shadows, covered by the darkness of a night sky... Okay, Chay, you really need to get a grip! He sits up, staring at the wall. What if Kim is sleeping but not alone? Chay immediately pushes that thought away. Kim promised him, and Chay might be stupid to trust Kim, but he does. He trusts Kim. Maybe Kim is just having late dinner or hanging out with someone. Or maybe he is in bed as well, thinking about Chay.
Chay groans and throws himself back in his sheets. He isn't tired enough to sleep yet. Maybe he should watch something.
He spends the next thirty minutes deciding what to watch, and then he settles on continuing his third rewatch of Criminal Minds. But if Chay wanted to take his mind off Kim, he should have gone for a TV show that doesn't involve crime!
"I'm fucked," Chay groans and picks up his phone. "I guess it's time to text my boyfriend."
His hands are shaking with a mix of excitement and nervousness as he types the text. The most important thing is to sound casual and not desperate at all. Cool. That won't be a problem.
— watching Criminal Minds
— thought of u <3
— btw it's "sweetheart"
He giggles as he sends one text after the other. He keeps looking at the screen for a couple of more seconds and then he lets the phone fall into his lap. Who said that Kim would reply right away? Maybe he is in the middle of something really important. He can easily notice Chay's texts only in the morning. It's pointless to wait now.
Chay throws one more glance at his phone and then he grabs the remote control to resume the episode, but he is barely a minute in when Kim texts back.
Chay opens the text message, his heart beats wildly onto his ribcage. And then, the more he reads the bigger his smile gets.
— finally!
— I was going insane here
— don't do this to me, sweetheart. I thought that you had forgotten me :(
Chay giggles at the last message.
— u sound too cute for a mob boss
The reply isn't helpful in making Chay's heart calm down.
— I'm not a mob boss when I'm talking to you... I'm your boyfriend
— am I not?
Chay bites his bottom lip, typing a reply.
— hmm I guess u are
— what are u up to?
— just killed a guy
Chay rereads the text a couple of times. So, technically he was right. Kim was committing a crime tonight. Chay hates the fact of how much it turns him on.
— I hate how hot that sounds
Only after he sends it did Chay realize that he did actually press SEND. "Shit."
Kim is fast to respond.
— I'll let you watch next time
The words settle in Chay's mind. Making a comfortable spot there so that they can repeat themselves over and over again. I'll let you watch next time. I'll let you watch next time. I'll let you watch next time. I'll let you watch next time... Would Chay want that? Is it bad that he is even considering it? Before Chay can reply Kim texts him again.
— we don't have to talk about my job at all if it makes you uncomfortable
— I think that we both know that it doesn't make me uncomfortable. I was just caught off guard
— why?
— well...
—it isn't every day that a mob boss offers me to watch him kill people. so, sorry that it takes me a while to adjust
— I didn't mean to push too far 🖤
The more texts Chay gets from Kim the more he keeps wondering whether Kim is so sweet and considerate to people he cares about all the time or he is just playing nice to get Chay exactly where he wants him to be. The catch is in the fact that no matter which option it is... it's working. Chay wraps himself in bedsheets like a burrito and with a giddy smile he types a reply.
— you didn't
— maybe just keep the offer like that for our 3rd or 4th date 😘
Chay freezes. Did he just send a kissy emoji? Oh, he did! He really did! He groans into the pillow and kicks his feet as much as he can in his burrito wrap. This is so embarrassing. His face is so red—he can't even see himself but he knows that it is. His head snaps back up when he hears the notification of Kim's reply. His heart trembles as he reads.
— it's killing me that I can't kiss you right now
— when will you let me?
— when will you get me out of this misery, Chay?
— do you even know how perfect you taste?
Chay takes a deep breath and replies quickly. It's hard not to just text Kim to come over but if he wants real answers, he has to stay with his legs firmly on the ground.
— your obsession
— is it something that will disappear the moment I let you have me? How can you even want me this much when you barely know me?
— I just
— I want to understand you
This time the reply doesn't come instantly and Chay isn't sure if it is because Kim is pouring his heart out or he is just trying to come up with some good lie to deceive Chay. Chay's eyes are closed, his breathing is slowing down, he counts each second and waits and waits for Kim to reply. He doesn't even know what kind of answer he wants. Does he want to read reassurance, wants to read that Kim's obsession with him won't go away, that instead, it will get even deeper once Kim gets to know him better? Or he wants to read a rejection, saying that it was all a mistake and it will be better if this is where it all ends?
It's as if Chay doesn't understand himself when it comes to Kim. It's as if Chay has to hold Kim's hand and trust Kim to lead him in the right direction.
The text comes and Chay doesn't read it at first. He can't. And that gives him all the answers he needs. He wants to go on this crazy life adventure with Kim. If he didn't, he wouldn't be afraid to read what Kim replied because even if it would be a rejection, it wouldn't upset him.
So, after Chay thinks that he has laid with his head deep in his pillow long enough he finally unlocks his phone. There are only three words staring right at him.
— can we call?
Chay didn't think this far. He only wanted to text today. But if Kim wants to call, he must have a lot on his mind. And Chay finds himself wanting to hear it. All of it. The good the bad and the ugly. All of it, no matter what it is.
So, instead of sending another text, he dials Kim's number.
The phone doesn't even have time to start ringing properly, and Chay can already hear Kim's voice. It's a little bit deeper than his own and slightly raspy at the edges, but Kim's tone is soft and eager as if this is all he was waiting for, talking to Chay, hearing his voice. As if Kim doesn't want to be anywhere else, do anything else. A is if this is it. This is it for him.
And Chay can't say that he would love to be somewhere else either. This is fine. He likes this.
"You really called."
Chay smiles, "you wanted to call, didn't you?"
"I missed your voice."
And I missed you — Chay has on the tip of his tongue, but instead, he says, "how do you feel about me, honestly?"
He hears Kim taking a deep breath before he starts talking. "You said that I barely know you—and that might be the truth, but there's a lot I picked up about you from that couple of hours we have spent together. I know that you were born to do music. You love making people happy by doing it. You have a sharp tongue but use it only when it's necessary. You seem sweet and soft, and you are, but your mind can get dark pretty quickly, can't it? That's one of the reasons crime intrigues you. That's why you aren't afraid of me. You want to see how much you can do without actually feeling remorse. You are skilled and smart—preparing Molotov Cocktails in the middle of the shooting wouldn't cross just anyone's mind. You do that thing when you are nervous you absentmindedly play with the hem of your shirt. You are confident and won't let others walk over you, but you don't like it if you have to confront others too much. Your lips taste like sunshine. And your touch—god, I miss it—your touch is warm and gentle but it sets my skin on fire... and you miss me... just as much as I miss you."
"You are right about everything besides that last part. Also, I'm not sure that my lips taste like sunshine. It was literally just a strawberry chapstick."
Kim laughs, "you miss me, just admit it, sweetheart."
Chay really wants to just laugh Kim's words off. He really wants to pretend that Kim didn't read him so well. That hearing him say all of this didn't make Chay long for Kim to be right here next to him and whispering all of it right to his ear, instead of being miles away and his voice coming muffled only through the phone.
"I do miss you," Chay admits. It's not easy. It feels as if the ground underneath him is shaking when he says those words. But after he says it—the world is calm around him and he feels like everything is just the way it should be.
He can hear Kim taking a deep breath as if hearing Chay admitting that he misses Kim too—shook the ground under Kim's feet as well. As if the waves of the little earthquake that Chay created with his words, reached Kim now and he feels exactly what Chay felt just moments ago.
"I want to see you," Kim breathes out.
Chay thinks about it. He did think about it even before he texted Kim. There is one day coming when Chay would especially hate to be alone...
"Not yet."
"Please, at least for a couple of minutes, sweetheart. I'm on my way home. Your house is on the way. I can—"
"My birthday is coming," Chay interrupts Kim before he can convince Chay that meeting tonight for a couple of minutes wouldn't be a bad idea. Chay knows damn well it would be. "It's on Friday. My brother is in Norway so he can't come and I don't really have friends that I would like to hang out with. So, if you want to be my company—"
"Sweetheart, nothing will make me happier."
"Don't be dramatic!" Chay laughs.
"I mean it," Kim's voice sounds serious through the phone, "you have no idea how much I want to see you. I'll make sure you'll have the kind of birthday you deserve."
"Thank you," Chay says. "But I don't want you to prepare anything. I mean it. I'll be more than happy if it's gonna be only you and me."
"Okay. I'll be at your house Friday morning."
Chay giggles, "if you come before the sun is up, I won't let you in!"
"When do you usually wake up?"
Chay smiles, "between seven and eight."
"I'll be there after eight then."
"I'll be waiting," Chay mumbles. It seems that sleep is slowly but surely taking over him. The bed is soft and Kim's voice is so soothing. Chay closes his eyes. "I think... I'm gonna... I'm gonna sleep. Night... boss."
As if from somewhere far far away he can hear Kim wishing him sweet dreams and then, once Chay wakes up the next morning, he will think that he had a dream of Kim singing him to sleep.
To be continued...
P.S. I promise they'll meet soon 🥺