You, Harley, Pyscho, and Clayface had just walked back into Ivy's apartment with bags full of cash, having pulled off a successful heist, Ivy was cleaning
"Who has two hands covered in washable ink?." Harley grinned. "This girl, we just made that bank our bitch!."
Harley dropped the duffel bag full of money on the coffee table, shattering it.
"Dude!." Ivy shouted. "That was a Noguchi coffee table."
"Uh, sorry." Harley backed away. "But hey, now you can buy a bunch of 'em!."
"Guch! Guch Guch!" Harley began making it rain, throwing money at Ivy.
"You know you can just hand me some money, You don't have to make it rain." Ivy said with a blank face as Harley kept throwing money at her, she slowly sighed.
"I'm gonna go make some nettles tea."
"Oh, man. This was our best heist yet, and we hit the perfect tone." Harley smiled. "Like, okay, everyone in the bank was super scared of us, but like not so much that they weren't also delighted when I just cartwheeled out."
"I'm sure everybody on the news is talkin' about it." You twirled a knife between your fingers, throwing it at the wall, it landed in the bullseye area of a dart board you made...out of Ivy's wall.
"I hope we didn't miss too much of the coverage." Clayface turned on the tv.
"Batman stops Joker from robbing the credit union." A report spoke.
"Credit union? That's just a poor person bank." Dr. Pyscho looked pissed. "We robbed a real one with a vault, and money, and predatory lending practices!."
"No, the news probably did us first." Harley looked at Clayface. "Here, try Channel 7."
Clayface changed the channel.
"And Batman foils the Joker-" Another report spoke up.
"Just let me look." Harley swiped the remote and began flipping through channels.
"We're the most compelling story, so they're probably saving us for last." Clayface smiled.
"And now our last and most compelling story." The reporter said, fixing the papers.
"Enter, us!." Clayface snapped a selfie.
"Turn up the volume!." Dr. Pyscho shouted.
"It's about damn time." Harley smiled with excitement.
"A cardboard box of baby ferrets has finally been returned to their rightful owners." The reporter said with a smile.
"Oh, boy...." You saw Harley's face change, her teeth grinded, her fists clenched up, she took her bat and swung at the tv again.
"You have been here two weeks and you have destroyed nine TVs." Ivy glared at Harley.
"Sorry, I'm just pissed." Harley sighed. "Why aren't they talkin' about us?."
"It should be our faces on that screen!." Clayface said. "We should be those ferrets!."
"You guys, like, realize you're committing serious felonies, right?." Ivy sipped her tea. "Like, you actually don't want people to know who you are."
"Or...." Harley smiled.
"No." Ivy glared, sitting down next to you on the couch. "No "or". I just gave you great advice."
"But, there's only one thing stopping us from being front page news." Harley smiled.
"And what might that be?." You asked, slowly putting a hand on Ivy's shoulder, she smiled for a brief second before realizing and swatting it away.
"No one's trying to stop us." Harley smiled at you.
"Of course!." Clayface molded his arms into figures of Batman and Joker like they were puppets. "Joker has Batman and suddenly a simple crime becomes a thrilling narrative between two titans."
"Exactly." Harley nodded getting up from the couch "We need a nemesis!."
"Lex Luthor has Superman, Sinestro has Green Lantern, Psycho has his own inability to refrain from using the c-word."
"My nemesis is Wonder Woman, that cu--Okay, I see what you're saying." Pyscho said.
"That's it then, I need a nemesis." Harley looked at Ivy. "Great advice, Ive."
"No, that's 100% not--" Ivy began to speak before Harley rushed over to a computer and looked up a website.
Timeskip...
It was the next day and Harley was checking the laptop.
"Alrighty, so our profile page on Find-a-Nemesis dot com has been up for a day and we have..." Harley checked the inbox "Zero messages?."
"Clayface, did you use my hairbrush?." Ivy came out of the bathroom, her hairbrush covered in clay.
"...No." Clayface walked to the couch, leaving clay-like footprints on the carpet.
"What the hell?." Ivy shouted. "You're messing up my apartment!."
"Your apartment? It's my apartment!." An elder man in a wheelchair opened Ivy's door, scolding, his one arm was cybernetic.
"And if your dirty circus freak friends keep messin' it up, I'm kickin' ya out, You know the rules: no pets, no noise, no commies, no d--" Ivy quickly shut the door.
"I don't know if he was gonna get racist there, but it felt like that's where it was headed."
"I thought robots were supposed to be helpful." You leaned against a wall, checking one of your guns.
"-Right?." Harley looked at you, agreeing
"He's not a robot, he's a disabled person." Ivy sighed, facepalming.
"Anyway." She looked at Clayface. "You stained all my carpeting."
"I-" Clayface tried to speak before Ivy turned to Psycho.
"You came home drunk and tried to mind-control the microwave, and burnt a hole through the countertop."
"That microwave knows what it said." Pyscho glared at the Microwave, the door fell of onto the floor, then Ivy looked at you.
"...And what did I do, oh queen of plants?." You gave her a smug smile, before she smacked you across the face.
"You made a dart board out of my kitchen wall for your knives and now it's full of holes, you took my car for a job and destroyed it, you stare at my ass constantly, you walk around in your underwear-"
"You said you liked it-" you slowly spoke, Ivy clenched her fists tightly, you realized you just fucked up, big time, before she could do anything to you, there was a knock at her door.
"Dammit, Sy! I will move the trash bins--" Ivy opened the door, to see a giant shark at the door, walking in.
"Oh my God!." Ivy shouted, quickly using her vines, you pulled out your guns aimed at the shark, Harley whacked her bat across it's head, it broke in half.
"Ow?." The shark frowned.
"Harley!." Clayface got in front of the shark. "Oh, oh, oh this is a classic misunderstanding, bat down, bat down."
Harley slowly put her bat down.
"This is King Shark." Clayface smiled at the shark.
"Howdy." King Shark smiled.
"Hacker extraordinaire and, perhaps more pertinent, social media maven." Clayface smiled.
"Uh, this giant, terrifying, half-man, half-shark is a computer whiz?." Harley asked.
"I don't like to brag, but he took me from eight social media followers to eight... teen." Clayface smiled. "Bravo!."
"What a major fucking improvement." You roll your eyes as you twirl a knife in your hands.
"Yes, most definitely, anyway, I called him to solve our nemesis problem." Clayface smiled.
"Mmm... I'm guessing you're the one having trouble finding a nemesis." King Shark looked at Harley.
"Well, we put the profile up and we're not gettin' any bites." Harley sighed.
"Is that a shark joke?." King Shark said in now threatening voice and Harley looked afraid.
"If so, it's very funny." King Shark started laughing. "Now scooch. Let me take a look at that profile."
"Hmm...Okay, now here's your first problem." King Shark put on some glasses and looked at the computer.
"You're not using any of the right keywords, I'll hack into the mainframe and get you featured." He began typing something into the computer.
"How long's this going to take?." Pyscho asked before a ding was heard.
"There you go. Got your first match." King Shark showed you all the computers.
"Who the hell is Tommy Tomorrow?." Dr. Pyscho asked.
"He's got a personalized ray gun." You looked at the screen. "...I wouldn't mind that-"
"He says he's looking for something casual." Clayface read the profile. "Someone to fight on the weekends-"
"I am not settling for Tommy Tomorrow, I wanna nemesis-up!." Harley angrily folded her arms.
"I mean...I wouldn't mind the ray gun..." you said before Harley grabbed you by the throat.
"I don't give a shit what you want you little-dick, dumbass moronic mercenary, I want a real nemesis, not some good-looking guy with a ray gun!."
"How do you know his dick is little?." Ivy looked at Harley, raising an eyebrow.
Harley turned away, slowly blushing but was able to cover it up. "How do you know his dick is little, huh?."
"...I...the guy walks around in his underwear all the time and plus I slept with him last night, remember, not because it's out of love or something, it's because he sleeps in the closet.-"
"Why are you looking down there Ive?-" you smirked before Ivy used her vines and threw the entire couch at you, it hit you in the head and knocked you out cold.
"You're not gonna find any A-listers on here." King Shark said. "There's no Batman."
"Or... we get Batman!." Harley smirked.
"Batman?." Ivy walked up to Harley. "You have fought him countless times and every time you end up at Arkham."
"I know another way and by the end of it, Bats will be our nemesis." Harley smiled confidently.
"I don't know." Pyscho said.
"Unlikely" Clayface spoke up.
"Yes, yes, yes." Harley rubbed her hands together. "Meet me at the warehouse on Morrison street, and can someone check to make sure Y/n isn't dead-" Harley left the apartment.
King Shark went over to you and put your head in his mouth about to bite down.
"Shark!." Ivy screamed, he quickly let go and your hair was now all messed up, your head hit the floor with a loud sound, making everyone wince.
Timeskip...
You woke up in a bed, you had a black eye and you were on the same couch Ivy threw at you.
"Hey..." Ivy walked over to you, seeing you now awake. "Sorry about the whole...you know...throwing the couch at you thing...you okay?."
"I'll live..." You got up and grabbed your guns. "Where's Harley?."
"She...she stole the batmobile."
You dropped both of your guns and looked at Ivy with a concerned face.
"You're joking right?."
"Do I ever joke?."
"...Where is she?" you ask as you pick up your guns again.
Timeskip...
You showed up to a warehouse where Pyscho and Clayface were waiting inside.
"Are you people fucking insane!?." You shouted.
"I prefer the term Pyscho." Dr. Pyscho smirked before you pulled him by his hair.
"Batman, out of all the fucking people in this city, Batman!?."
"I don't see the problem with it." Clayface patted your arm. "Stealing Joker's arch nemesis will make him oh so jealous, like-"
"It's fucking Batman, he'll throw us all in Arkham, you idiots!."
"Are you scared of Batman?-" Dr. Pyscho smirked.
"I'm not scared of anyone or anything, besides for Ivy when she hasn't had her morning coffee, but that's it, you could've gotten any mother fucker, Penguin, Freeze, Riddler, Two-Face, Flash, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Aquaman, hell even that fucking crazy patriot Peacemaker, but instead, you get the one guy that'll tear us inside out ass first!-"
You all heard tires screech and looked behind you, Harley was driving the batmobile at high speeds, stopping before she hit any of you.
"Ta-da!." Harley got out of the batmobile, a bright smile on her face.
"How the hell did you pull this off?." Pyscho asked a grin on his face.
"The car's voice-activated, so I took some recordings of Bats' voice and spliced 'em together." Harley took out her phone and played the message.
"Open Batmobile allow Harley to drive." Batman's voice was heard in different tones of speech.
"He also said..." Harley showed another message.
"I definitely make love to bats."
"Ha! Heavens to Murgatroyd. He admits it!." Clayface laughs before being grappled and hung up by one of the beams.
"The signature grappler!." Pyscho smiled. "The bat-eth hath arrived-eth."
"Success!." Clayface laughed.
You saw the outline of the caped crusader fly around and load both of your pistols, putting in extended rounds of magazines.
"Stop talking, I gotta make an evil first impression." Harley though for a minute. "Shit, I shoulda thought of an opening line."
"Uh." She continued to think "Good after-doom?...Pleasure to beat ya?"
"Not so fast, losers!." Robin shouted.
"Oh, come on." Pyscho face-palmed.
"Robin?." Harley's smiled turned to a snarl. "What are ya doing here?."
"Where's Batman?." You asked, putting away your guns.
"You think Batman has time to deal with you guttersnipes?." Robin dropped down from the rafters, landing in front of you, Harley and Pyscho. "You're lucky I even showed up."
"Oh, was Batman too busy doin' this?." Harley showed him the message of clips spliced together.
"I definitely make love to bats." Batman's voice was heard from her phone.
"Shut up and battle me, nards." Robin raised his fist which made you laugh.
"Oh god, last week I was in the fucking Legion of Doom and now this is my life." Pyscho groaned.
"We're not battlin' a 12 year-old from the fuckin' Ren Fair." Harley growled.
"I was raised by an elite group of assassins from birth." Robin growled back. "You're a clown." he pointed to Harley.
"And an old one at that, what are you, 30?."
Your eyes widen as Robin then kicked Harley in the shit.
"Ow!." Harley yelped. "You little shit!."
You grabbed Robin by his cape and pinned it on a meat hook.
"Hey!." Robin shouted. "What are you doing? Put me down!."
"Tell Batman we're coming for him." Harley growled at the boy wonder, you walked up to him and messed up his hair before kicking the meat hook down the warehouse, Robin screamed as the hook pulled him by the cape.
"It's past your bedtime kid...and by the way...if you think you are an assasin, then I'd love to see you fire a gun...oh wait...you can't kill or daddy Batman would be upset."
Timeskip...
You all came back to Ivy's apartment and saw that Robin was on the news, doing an interview of Tawny in front of an audience.
"...well, Tawny, then Harley said, "I'm coming for you." 'Course then we had a huge battle."
"-Mm-hmm!." Tawny nodded.
"Tons of punching." Robin continued, making several punching noises.
"Mmm!." Tawny nodded again.
"Some lasers." Robin smiled. "Lotta lasers."
"Boy, stop it!." Tawny laughed.
"When I beat her butt, that's when she asked me to be her nemesis." Robin smiled at the camera
"Your first nemesis at just 12-years old." Tawny awwed. "Now, are you a little sweet potato pie? 'Cause I could just eat you up!."
"Yeah. I'm a little sweet potato pie." Robin gave the camera a cheesy grin, making the audience aww.
"Oh!." Tawny smiled. "He's just so cute!."
You slowly looked over at Harley who had her fist clenched seeing the interveiw.
"Ah, I gotta tell ya. I think he's adorable." Ivy smirked, before Harley let out a barbaric scream, gripping her bat down and slammed it against the glass coffee table, shattering it
"You know what, this one's on me." Ivy stood up. "I shoulda known that this was gonna put you in a smashy mood."
"Robin's lying!." Harley shouted. "Why would I fight a kid?."
"Because he's a little peice of shit and those people will believe anything he says." You picked up a piece of glass from the broken table, looked perfect for slitting someone's throat. "Mind if I keep this?."
"I want a nemesis with some hair on their chest!." Harley screamed.
"Well, that rules out Batman." Ivy laughed, all of you looked at her confused.
"Catwoman says he waxes everything."
"You know what, It's gonna be fine." Harley took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "Maybe this story will run one news cycle and be gone."
"I don't think so." King Shark spoke up, he was looking at a laptop. "You just got a Google alert for an article from THE Lois Lane." He looked surprised.
"And the headline is... Never mind." His smile turned into a frown once he read the articale.
"Let me see that!" Harley snatched the laptop.. "Harley Quinn Fights Child, Sets Evil Women's Movement Back Decades."
"Well, the headline is clickbait, but I bet the article itself is more positive." Clayface smiled.
"Really? Ivy raised an eyebrow. "You think that?."
"No, shit!." Harley growled. "it's behind a paywall, does anyone have a login for the Daily Planet?."
"Nope. I already burned through my five free articles." Pyscho leaned back on the couch.
"I can't subscribe to another thing." Clayface walked to the fridge. "My inbox is already swollen wit-"
"Well, I'm not payin' 7.99 a month to see shit like this!." Harley tossed the laptop over her shoulder, which King Shark caught.
"Let's just kill her." You suggeted taking out one of your guns. "That way she can't spit out more bullshit."
"Or... " Harley smiled.
"No. No more "or."" Ivy shouted.
"Or we kidnap her and make her retract the article." Harley suggeted.
"You can't fuck with Lois Lane, people." Ivy growled. "What if Superman comes!?."
"Great." Harley smiled. "Then I'll have the most powerful nemesis in the world!."
"Oh, brother." Ivy rolled her eyes.
"...so are we going to kill her?..." You asked, sharping a knife.
"No...I've got a better idea..." Harley smirked and walked out of the apartment. "Well?...what are you all standing around for, come on!." she shouted, her crew getting up and following her, before you left, Ivy gripped your hand.
"Please...try to keep her under control, I'm worried about her..."
"Don't worry Pam, I've got it covered." You smirked and winked at her, she quickly pinned you to the wall and gripped your throat..
"What did I tell you about calling me that!?." She yelled.
"Only use it during sex..." you said as she gripped your throat tighter before smiling.
"Good, you remembered."
"...So, you up for round three?-"
"No, I have to clean up my apartment....again..."
"Let me help you." You smiled.
"No, I can do this on my own, plus Harley wants her crew to go along with her, and you are part of her crew."
"Yeah...but-"
"No buts." She glared at you. "Just go with Harley, alright?."
"Fine..." you groaned and walked out after she let you go, what you didn't see was Ivy looking down, slowly blushing.
"I...I need to tell him at some point..." she said quietly. "...oh what am I thinking, of course he'll say yes, I mean, we've had sex twice...that's got to be something romantic...I hope..."
"Oooh, you have a crush on him!!!..." Frank smiled.
"SHUT UP FRANK!." Ivy shouted.
Timeskip...
"Harley, are you sure this is a good idea?." King Shark asked in the backseat of the car as Harley zoomed past other cars on the freeway.
"She is so dead when I get my hands on her!." Harley said swerving the car past a truck.
"Harley, perhaps you should calm down a bit." Clayface said. "You don't want to get a full head of steam, like Will Smith at the Oscars-"
"Does everything about you have to be something about drama?." You asked, sitting in the passenger seat of the car.
"I'm an actor, everything must be as dramatic as possible, hopefully someday someone will recognize my talents and cast me in a real motion picture!." Clayface smiled proudly, like he was daydreaming about that last part.
Suddenly the car was stopped and you all saw it parked in front of the daily planet.
"Alright, we're here." Harley got out, getting her bat from the trunk. "Come on, let's show her not to fuck with Harley Quinn."
"I don't retract articles, and I'm definitely not writing a puff piece about..." Lois said before pausing. "What was your headline?." She looked at Harley.
"It's Harley Quinn, number one supervillain in the many multiverses, still hasn't committed to a nemesis, much less Robin the Boy Wonder, or any nemesis that's boy or bird based." Harley said with a slight glare. "Ya can punch it up if ya want. You're the writer."
"Thanks." Lois rolled her eyes sarcastically. "No."
"Okay, then I'm gonna have to kill ya." Harley held her bat in a swinging position.
"Okay, go ahead." Lois smirked, just then, Superman bursted through the wall, a smile on his face before he spat out something
"I need to remember to keep my mouth closed when I bust through walls."
"I've been tellin' you that." Lois smiled looking back at Superman.
"Holy shit, it's Supes!." Harley smiled. King Shark, get the camera, livestream me fightin' Superman, my new nemesis."
"Okay, you're live." Shark said as he held the camera up.
"Hey, Superman!." Harley taunted. "Come get Lois Lame before I make her a deadline!."
She then looked back at you.
"That made sense, right?."
"Sure..." you shrugged, which made Harley smile.
"Is she mad about the paywall too?." Superman looked at Lois. "Seven nintey-nine is an ambitious price point, and it doesn't include the crossword, which is ridic."
"Ya gonna fight me or what?." Harley growled, holding her bat tighter.
"Everybody duck." Superman smirked.
"You were ill-advised to think you could get away from me, Harley Quinn." Robin said as he bursted through the walls on a hoverboard.
"Aww!." Lois said in a cute voice.
"Oh god!." Harley growled.
"Again?." Pyscho facepalmed.
"Hey, sport." Superman patted Robin on the pat.
"I fail to find the humor in this." Robin wiped the blood from his nose.
"No need to be nervous, kiddo." Superman cleaned the blood with a tissue. "Just step into the box. You got this!."
"You're embarrassing me in front of my nemesis." Robin waved the tissue away.
"Actually I'm not currently committed to anyone, but y'know, Supes, if you're avail, I'm..." Harley spoked before she was cut off.
"Flattered, but I have a pretty full dance card."
"Leave us be, boy scout." Robin looked at Superman. "I'm sure there's a cat up a tree somewhere."
"A cat up a tree." Superman smiled. "Isn't this just the cutest thing ever?."
You looked at your gun.
"Maybe I should just end it now so I don't have to listen to this shit...nah...I haven't completed my bucket list yet."
"Lois, you okay if the little guy takes it from here?." Superman nudged Robin who growled.
"Yeah, whatever." Lois said. "We still doing sushi tonight?."
"You know how I... roll." Superman smiled and flew away.
"Do me a favor." Pyscho looked at King Shark. "Can you untag me from this whole thing?."
"You ready to do battle, Quinn?." Robin pointed at Harley who sighed and looked back at her crew.
"Let's go." She walked towards the elevator.
"That's right." Robin shouted. "Run away! Fear me!."
You were heard laughing in the background of the recording.
"Stop laughing!." Robin shouted.
"That was the most humiliatin' t--" Harley walked in before gasping, Ivy was sitting on the couch next to a baby cradle, there was a card and a big banner that read congrats in big blue letters.
"Oh my god, Ivy!." Harley smiled. "You're pregnant?."
She ran up and hugged her friend.
"This is gonna be so bad for your career, but so good for your Instagram."
"No." Ivy pushed Harley away. "All this shit is for you."
"Aww." Harley frowned. "No baby?."
"Nope." Ivy shook her head. "No baby."
"But there is a card." You looked at the cradle seeing a card addressed to Harley.
"And it was addressed to you, so I didn't open it because I'm not a rude person." Ivy spoke to Harley who opened the card.
"Congrats on Robin the cradle." Joker's voiced laughed. "From all your never-gonna-be-your-friends at the Legion of Doom."
Harley tossed the card up and it exploded, getting ashes everywhere in the apartment.
"Well, this room was missing a dusting of ash everywhere." Ivy sulked.
"All right, that's it. Enough of this shit." Harley dusted herself off. "We're killin' Robin."
"Harley, you can't kill him." Ivy said.
"You don't think I can kill a 12-year-old?." Harley glared. "Oh, okay, well, I will smash in his face with a bat like a watermelon!." She started shouting.
"Oh, no, no. I believe you have the ability to kill him." Ivy put her hands on her shoulders. "What I'm saying is, if you do it, you validate what everyone's saying, that Robin's your nemesis."
"Also, you'd be a child killer, which some may argue is worse."
"There are things worse than being a child killer." You said. "Pedophiles are a prime example, also child molestors-"
"Aren't those the same thing?." Clayface asked.
"Everyone just shut up!." Harley shouted. "I've... "
"Yes?." Ivy asked.
"No no, I wasn't sayin' your name." Harley smiled. "I was sayin' "I've" as in I've got a plan."
...Timeskip...
You, Pyscho, Clayface and King Shark were back at the same warehouse, walking over to a tank filled with water.
"Listen shark-man, get in the tank." Pyscho told King Shark. "All you gotta do is swim around and scare the kid so bad he admits he's lying."
"Oh, I-I'm not that kind of shark." King Shark looked at the tank of water. "I'm more of the tech savvy kind."
"It's fine." Clayface smiled. "I can play the role of shark if he won't."
Clayface then turned into King Shark.
"Roar!." Clayface roared. "'Tis I, the violent type of shark! Straight from the beaches of Amity! Fear my rows of teeth, my unpredictable nature!."
"Yeah, that's offensive in a number of ways." King Shark frowned. "I-I'll just be the shark." He began walking up the steps.
"But, just to double check here, I-I'm not gonna do any biting, right?." He looked nervous. "'Cause I do not do well around blood."
"No blood." You said. "You're just supposed to scare him."
"I got him!." Harley tossed a sack on the ground, you all heard Robin's voice as he struggled and squirmed in the sack.
You hung robin upside down and King Shark was swimming around in the tank below him.
"You're gonna die, Robin!." You laughed freaking him out.
"Admit it!." Harley shouted. "Admit we never battled, I never asked you to be my nemesis."
"Unhand me, you freak." Robin shouted.
"Not until you tell the truth about us." Harley glared.
"Why would I ever tell the truth?." Robin smiled. "I'm Gotham's little sweet potato pie, remember?." He grinned. "Those rubes will believe anything I say."
"Busted!." You say as you pulled back a curtain, revealing Tawny, her camera crew and her audience that was booing Robin.
"Ya hear that, Tawny?." You smirked. "He admitted he lied."
"Tawny?." Robin's eyes widened. "You set me up, Quinn, you and your boy toy there!-"
"AY!." You shouted. "First off I'm her sugar daddy-"
"Y/n, if you want to keep your balls, you'll shut up and never say something like that again." Harley glared.
"Noted." You leaned against one of the walls.
"Mm-mm-mm!." Tawny shook her head at Robin. "My, oh my, how the sweet potato pie has crumbled."
"So, as everyone can see, I could'a killed him any time I wanted, but I didn't 'cause he's a kid and kids are gross." Harley looked at Robin then at the cameras. "Also, he is not my nemesis."
The crowd began booing more and Robin's nose bleed again, a drop of blood fell down his nose, onto his mask, past his hair, and into the tank of water...
"Blood!." King Shark's eyes blackened, his teeth became sharper and he sounded more...unhinged.
"Ooh!." He leaped out of the tank, trying to bite into Robin. "Blood!."
"Help me!." Robin shouted, now struggling.
"Aw, shit." Harley said.
"Woo!." You clapped.
"He gonna get eaten!." Tawny shrieked.
"Please!." Robin begged as King Shark kept leaping out of the tank, trying to bite him. "I'll bring you on stage at the VMAs next week!."
"Abort! Abort!." Harley shouted. "King Shark, heel!."
"Let me down! Help!." Robin screamed.
"Oh, you know what? This must be that "not being good with blood" thing." Pyscho watched from the steps of the tank. "I thought it just meant he got a little fainty."
"I did too." Clayface muttered. "It was misleading, How funny."
"Hey!." Robin shouted. "Stop that!."
Harley sighed and leaped off the rails, grabbing Robin and landing beside the tank, saving him, that's when King Shark bursted out of the tank, the water going everywhere.
"I'll kill you all!." King Shark shouted.
"Everybody run!." Tawny shouted at the audience ran away.
"Help! Help!" Robin was sent into a wall. "Batman! Batman! Father! Help! No! Dad! Help!."
King Shark was about to bite into the boy when out of nowhere Batman bursted in from the roof and landed on King Shark, pinning him down he sprayed some shark repellent into the nose of King Shark who slowly calmed down and his eyes were normal again.
"Ladies and gentleman, Batman!." Tawny clapped and the audience cheered as they sat back down.
"What is this?." The caped crusader looked around before seeing Tawny.
"Tawny?." He looked confused. "Are we live on Tawny?."
He then saw Harley who was recovering from King Shark busting open the tank.
"What the hell are you doing, Quinn?." He started angrily walking toward her, cracking his neck.
"Changin' the optics?." Harley nervously chuckled.
"You almost killed my ward." Batman glared. "You're going to Arkham for good, Quinn."
Meanwhile....
A bank was blown up and Joker was laughing as he and his goons were walking with sacks full of cash.
"Bring it on, Bats!." Joker shouted, smiling, his smile faded when he didn't get a response.
"Bats?." Joker looked around. "Batman?."
"Is he...well This is no fun." Joker folded his arms.
"Uh... Uh... boss?." A goon tapped his shoulder, holding a phone.
"Uh, uh, uh, what, Steve?." Joker mocked. "Spit it the fuck out."
Steve showed him the live footage from Tawny, it was Harley fighting Batman, Harley was trying to avoid his punches.
"Oh, what the hell?." Joker growled.
Meanwhile...
Ivy had just got the third glass coffee table in and looked at the tv, seeing Harley fighting Batman while You, Pyscho and Clayface were trying to get King Shark up.
"Oh, what the hell?." Ivy sighed.
"Okay. So, Batman blames Harley for endangering his ward, but Harley says she's just a supervillain looking for an adult-size nemesis." Tawny said into the microphone. "Y'all know what I'm talking about, right?."
"Use your fisticuffs, Harley!." Clayface shouted.
Batman took Harley down with a take down and pinned her arm behind her back.
"Game over, Quinn." Batman said before the doors open wide and Ivy, controlling a bunch of vines walked onto the scene now.
"Let her go!."
"Ivy!." You smiled.
"Always a delight." Clayface clapped.
"This is getting too good, y'all." Tawny smiled brightly as vines were wrapped around Batman, keeping him restrained as Ivy went over to Harley.
"Ive!." Harley smiled. "You came to save me."
"Look, I always do." Ivy rolled her eyes. "My entire existence seems to be spent cleaning up your fuckin' messes." She swore and the audience gasped.
"Is that gonna be bleeped?."
"Please welcome another surprise guest, supervillain Poison Ivy." Tawny moved the cameras over to Ivy.
"Nope." Ivy said. "Not a guest, also, I actually identify as an eco-terrorist, so..."
"Seems like you're having some animosity towards Harley for not respecting your boundaries." Tawny looked at the crowd. "Am I right audience?."
The audience cheered.
"Tell us how you feel." Tawny held the microphone up to Ivy.
"No, no, no." Ivy pushed the microphone away. "Not gonna do that."
"Okay." Tawny nodded.
"But, since I'm here." Ivy took the microphone herself. "If I could just...You don't have to rinse out your cans and bottles before putting them in the recycling bin, okay, that's just a myth and it wastes water." She scowled at the audience.
You saw Batman using a tool from his belt to cut through the vines and free himself, before pulling out a baterang and throwing it at Ivy.
"Go, Batman!." King Shark suddenly awoke and clapped.
"N-n-no, no. Sit." Clayface sat the shark back down.
"Aww."
You saw the batarang fly through the air and you pull out one your guns, with pinpoint accuracy, you shot the batarang before it hit Ivy, she looked at you, shocked, you just gave her a wink and got in front of her.
"Ooh!." Tawny squealed. "A new supervillain has appeared on the scene to take on Batman himself, sir, sir!." She ran over to you. "What is your name?."
"Names Headhunter, master assassin, mercenary and drop dead sexy." You said into the microphone.
"Well Mr. Headhunter, what do you plan on doing in gotham, kill people, steal money, also can I get your number."
"Right now I'm about to skin a bat..." you pulled out a knife and looked at Batman who looked back at you, he didn't know who you were and you loved having the advantage. "And I don't need any fancy toys to do it, just a knife...also I'm taken." You winked at both Harley and Ivy, Harley slowly folded her arms and looked away while Ivy rolled her eyes, however, both of them were lightly blushing.
kill him, Ivy!
"Harley!." Joker walked out of the green smoke, a glare on his face. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?."
"Ooh-hoo-hoo!." Tawny smiled. "It's getting heated!."
"Are you trying to steal my Batman?." Joker pushed his way through the crowd, kicking a grandma down the steps and onto her head.
"Joker!." Batman glared.
"Uh, Batman." Tawny said. "Joker seems to claim you as his nemesis, but you came here to fight, Harley." Tawny continued. "And now....you're fighting Ivy and the mysterious Headhunter, Which one is it?."
"Me!." Joker got in Tawny's face. "I'm his, he's mine, I mean, we're together. Ha!." Joker shoved Tawny away and she was caught by her security guards.
"Oh!." Tawny yelped.
"Tawny! Tawny! Tawny!" The crowd chanted as Joker smiled walking over to the rest of you.
Batman kicked Joker then Harley kicked Batman away, Joker grappled Harley from behind but Ivy used her vines to pull the clown off Harley, Batman threw batarangs at Ivy who blocked them with their vines, however a beeping noise was heard and they exploded, Ivy was launched back and her body collided with the tank of water.
"IVY!." You ran over her and checked her pulse, she was still alive, just unconscious, you growled and ran at Batman, swinging your knife wildly, like a man possessed, he avoided all of your attacks but you kicked him in the legs and got a few stabs in, shocking the crowd, Harley tried hitting Batman with a pipe but Joker threw a bomb of his own, it went up and exploded on a light which crushed you, Harley and Batman.
"Dad!." Robin yelled out, Joker smirked and hoisted the tied up boy wonder over his shoulder, you helped Harley up and glared at Joker.
"Robin!." Batman shouted before Harley tried putting him in a choke hold.
"If you want to see the Boy Wonder alive again, you better start showing up to my cool crimes." Joker ran away, Batman threw Harley off of him and into you, your body collided with hers and you two fell down right next to eachother as Batman ran after Joker.
"Oh!." Tawny clapped her hands. "What a show, folks!."
Ivy, who was now conscious again got up and groaned. "What happened?." She saw you and Harley on the ground. "Oh my god are you guys okay!?."
"Well, I am spent." Clayface clapped as he got up from his seat, having enjoyed the fight.
"Yeah, nice job helping us out, assholes." You groaned at Clayface, King Shark and Pyscho, getting up, Ivy helped Harley up.
"Well stay tuned 'cause up next, we're bringing out those rescued ferrets." Tawny showed the ferrets from earlier on screen.
"Ooh!." Harley made a squeezing motion. "I wanna squeeze one!."
"Nope." Ivy gripped her shoulders and began walking. "Come on." She looked at you. "We're leaving."
"Fine by me." You followed her, King Shark, Pyscho and Clayface following you out.
Timeskip...
"Well, that was a shit show." Ivy sat down next to Harley on the couch.
"Yeah!." You nodded. "But, it was a fun show."
"Except for Batman kickin' my ass on live TV." Harley groaned.
"At least you got a swag bag, right?." Ivy smiled looking in the bag. "Ooh! Look at this. Organic shampoo...Ugh!." She groaned.
"It says for fine to normal hair, Damn it." She tossed the shampoo over her shoulder which you caught.
"Thanks!."
"I can't believe after all this, I still don't have a nemesis." Harley groaned.
"You know what?." Ivy rolled her eyes. "You can't force it, I mean, there's someone out there just for you, do the crimes that make you happy and the rest will come."
Harley groaned but Ivy continued speaking.
"JKH, right?." She smiled. "Just keep heisting."
"JK's already a thing." Pyscho was putting stuff back on shelves. "You add an 'H' to it, and I don't know what that is."
"It's muddled." Clayface was sweeping the floors.
"Yeah, I'm not here to workshop this." Ivy rolled her eyes.
"Thanks for always givin' me great advice, Ive." Harley smiled "Even if I don't always use it."
"You actually never use it." Ivy replied.
"But I love never usin' your advice more than anyone else's advice I never use." Harley patted her shoulder. "Also, listen, I am very sorry for the way me and my crew have been treating' your place."
"That changes today."
"Yes." King Shark smiled. "We promise to keep your apartment much cleaner."
"Wait, why is he cleaning?." Ivy looked at King Shark, confused. "Did you add that giant shark to your crew?."
"Actually, I'm a normal-sized shark, but I suppose I am large for a man." King Shark nodded. "And yes, I'm in the crew, It's just nice to be on a schedule."
"Yeah, you saw what he can do when he flips out." Harley nodded. "I mean, how am I gonna say no to that, plus, he does computer good."
"That's it, you're outta here!." Sy rolled into Ivy's apartment with an eviction notice in his hand. "This is a formal eviction notice!."
"You're evicting me? Ivy's jaw dropped. "On what grounds?."
"Your lease says no pets!." Sy then pointed at King Shark. "Him!."
"Well, that's racist!." King Shark frowned. "O-or at the very least xenophobic."
"Xena who?." Sy raised an eyebrow. "The bikini broad with a sword as big as she is?."
Sy then smiled.
"I love her!." He then glares at Ivy. "But that shark's been coming in here all week."
"Please, Sy." Ivy begged. "I love this apartment more than anything." She then looked at all of you. "I-I'll kick them out, I'll kick all of them out."
"Too late!." Sy rolled out. "You're evicted, honey."
"Hey!." Harley nervously said. "At least you don't have to keep cleaning up after us any more, right?."
Ivy looked pissed, like she was going to kill every single one of you.
"'Cause you know, let's be honest." Harley backed away with her heads up defensively. "It was really only gonna get worse."
Ivy, enraged, slammed the door so hard, it shook the entire apartment, breaking the third Noguchi coffee table, she walked over to all of you, looking pissed.
"We can split that one." She angrily growled.
"Sounds fair." Harley hid behind you, you looked away, not wanting to feel Ivy's wrath.