"Listen, I'm not going to judge you, okay? I know we don't have the best bond, but I assure you, I don't care to tell other people your problems. I'm one of the few who isn't going to blow up on you, I promise. Get out what you need to," Naofumi promised, his voice calmer than his usual rough and tough voice. He surprisingly wasn't over the top annoyed; even if the usual narcissistic blond sat before him, twiddling his thumbs on the bed of Naofumi's rented hotel room.
He supposed Motoyasu only came to him because deep down Motoyasu knew he was on the wrong side. Motoyasu accidentally spilled the tip of the iceberg of his emotions in one of their fights, leading to these meet-ups. Though, this was only the first... But Naofumi could be sure it wouldn't be the last. The raven found it funny how this worked. Fighting until someone's throat was cut to being each other's therapist (Though, still not taking too much of a liking to one another.)
"I know- I- Thank you. If I told Bitch-no- anyone else, I know they'd see me as less...Thank you again, Iwatani," Motoyasu sighed. Apparent rejection towards whom he spoke to was still underlying in his tone, but the blond seemed to have a bit more acceptance now when talking to someone.
Naofumi sat down on the bed beside Motoyasu, leaning forward a bit. "Hey- I want you to get better. Maybe then I'll stand you a bit more," Naofumi huffed. Motoyasu gave a small eye-roll to his comment. "Well, spill anything you want to get off your chest."
Motoyasu stayed silent for a moment. "I-I should start with what I think is most important here. I... I don't want to hate you, okay...? I feel merely pressured to, though. I've seen you- and I hated you so much more just because of jealousy and my damn personality. I was jealous and in denial after the trial. I spend most of my life only getting attention from horny girls that were forced onto me by my friend. I never got attention outside of that- and I- I wanted and having no one and seeming like a nobody made me want to be perfect, and not have one flaw. My appearance has changed so much, and I- I don't even know what my fucking personality is anymore- and I don't even have hobbies that I commit to all because I want to be so perfect...," Motoyasu spoke, voice more sincere- and more emotional as he went on. Naofumi listened close.
Motoyasu looked at the raven finally, a sorry look claiming his face. "When we were summoned here and you were blamed with false accusations, I was seen as perfect- and I knew I needed to keep that persona. I tried to agree with everyone, impress everyone and try to be more of a hero than I knew I was. I- I can't do a lot as a hero... I just showed a mask of confidence and really tried to stand out when I got all the attention... Everyone- everyone loved me- and I felt happy in a way. I didn't feel like myself, and I know I acted nothing like how I really would deep down- but I felt happy with how accepted and perfect I was. I felt I accomplished what I had always wanted to achieve. Not only that- but I rose to the top... Just because of your pain. I probably wouldn't have gotten so much praise if I didn't make such scenes about what happened to you," Motoyasu mumbled, burying his head in his hands. His body seemed to tense, and his breathing hitched a bit.
Motoyasu let out a soft sigh, "After the trial, I knew everything I had was going to be lost. I was going to lose the only thing I had- an outside perfect life and finally had perfected what it meant to be well- flawless. Just- perfection. I stopped caring about depression, my true feelings and I didn't even care that I didn't even want to be in a relationship with Malty- any man would have wanted what I had- and I felt I was missing nothing. When the trial happened and everyone looked up to you and started to shun me along with the king's and bitch's crimes- I- I felt lost. I lost my true self and my fake self that I thought I could never lose. I was in denial- swearing I had sided right. I didn't want to be wrong- and if honest I still can't accept that I'm wrong. I don't want to be wrong. I know it's too late to become someone you trust. Too late to turn around all the horrible shit I did to you and your team members. To be honest- It was probably deserved for me to lose everything after what I did to you... But- I still don't want to accept it. I'm just- angry at myself- and confused," Motoyasu admitted, voice shaky as he held back tears.
Naofumi looked at him. He supposed he wasn't all just a narcissistic brute who took things to the extreme. Aka. a huge drama queen. Naofumi fixed himself a bit, placing a supportive hand on Motoyasu's shoulder- though awkwardly. Wasn't like people vented to him- especially about their entire life crumbling apart.
"I won't lie to you, Kitamura, I most certainly won't trust you any amount I would have if you took my side in the beginning, but..." Naofumi began, his words slow- thinking of what words to say next. He spoke from heart, but he didn't want to set off anything to make the blond's feelings worse. "You don't have to think there's no chance to build some type of bond. If you treat me like a human and like a hero- I would honestly love to help you sort everything out and maybe help you figure out and show your real self. You were depressed, did that not concern you? I think you just wanted acceptance- but please, None of this I have to be perfect shit- okay? This isn't aimed to make you feel worse, but you aren't perfect- no matter what you do. You can't be perfect- everyone has flaws-"
"So what are yours, Iwatani? You don't- You're perfect... No bad reputation anymore, a good team member, a good personality with good morals- and for fucks sake's you said you're willing to forgive me! And I could sit here for a long time giving examples and telling you all about how you're perfect!" Motoyasu cried, a weary expression on his face. A trembling body only matched that.
"If you think I'm perfect, you're delusional," Naofumi huffed. He grabbed Motoysu's hand, maybe looking to help him calm. Luckily, the blond did seem to calm a tad bit. "Kitamura... I don't know what set this all off for you- but I think you just- need some time to yourself- and to just do what you want to do. Do you remember anything from before you were on this bandwagon of perfectionism? Anything that sets it off you want to mention... Cause I want to help. It's obvious your perspective of yourself is horrible- and you're only going to wear yourself down until you can't take anymore."
Motoyasu narrowed his eyes. "Well, I dropped a lot of the things I liked- and changed so much about myself because of my mother's pressure. She wanted to be big, but she didn't make it... And my brother- well- he turned to drugs and alcohol to cope with all the shit my mother was saying to him. But- I think- her and my friend. I mean- I'm not even a natural blond- I mean- I like it- but it was to make me look better and more- desirable. But- I don't think looks are the main thing... But, I used to really enjoy sewing and sketching dresses, used to enjoy makeup, and used to love baking- think I dropped those cause they were seen as girly. I liked talking about nerdy ass shit I was into... And I had a thing for gaming and music. You know- things that weren't good grades, reading, becoming a star or a multi-millionaire- and most certainly weren't going to make me perfect for anyone."
"Well, I'd rather hear you talk about 'cringy' ass shit- rather than hear you go on about yourself. I mean, I'd assume it was to make yourself feel better, but still. There are a few limitations here in Melromarc- but I can get some materials for tailoring- or help you craft some stuff- and I'm sure the girls would love to have some more clothing, so. If you can befriend them, I'm sure they'd appreciate having you around, as long as you drop your fake made-up personality. And I mean, Motoyasu, you can bake- No one in my party will judge you for that. Just- please- act and do what you enjoy. Don't force yourself to act a certain way, and even if it takes time to figure out, just show what emotion you want, and don't repress it. If you're really excited about something you think is cringy or not perfect- just- please- talk about it to me or something. I'm not going to tell you to shut up, or that you're weird. Hell, I'm into half the same shit..."
Motoyasu gave a small nod. "I just... in public- I can't just change my entire personality... Shouldn't I still be out there, exposed and- confident?"
Naofumi held his hand a bit tighter. "Kitamura. You don't have to be. Think of this... All those people were under the mindset I was the bad guy, that's why they turned to you and Malty so easily; especially because you made your name known so quickly, and in a supposedly good manner. I'm not saying let yourself go, and most certainly- I want you to be happy- but that doesn't mean showing off. Just be kind, happy and yourself- at least when you find what that means for you. Some people may still like the fake you more, but those are stubborn people- who acted just the way Malty did. I'm sure you can get a good reputation back- and figure out yourself while at it," Naofumi assured.
Motoyasu looked to Naofumi, a rather confused, but kind look in his eyes. "I... But my mother- when I go back-"
"No. Don't think of her," Naofumi huffed. "She's not here, is she? No. She had no control over you- and when you get back- just- live your life and leave. All I've heard is that she's a bitch who can't deal with her downfall and has to project it onto her blood. Don't think about her- think of yourself. Of your happiness, Motoyasu," Naofumi said, words more harsh. Like as if he tried to welcome a new reality to the blond.
Motoyasu looked to the floor, playing with some of his hair- as if to calm himself. "Yeah- yeah- She's not...Here..." Motoyasu hummed more or less assuring himself. "I- I'm sorry for putting this all on you... You shouldn't- I'm sorry..." Motoyasu murmured, pulling his hand away from Naofumi. The raven gave a small frown.
"No feeling sorry, okay? I understand- but if I'm not complaining about this, you don't have to apologize. You don't have to feel guilty," Naofumi uttered, bringing his body a bit closer to the blond.
Motoyasu stayed quiet, though gave a small nod. "I... I know this- this might be a lot to ask- no- I know it is... I know we aren't close- but can I just stay with you for the next little bit? I'll of course rent my own hotel room and crap, but- I... I don't trust myself being alone for too long right now," Motoyasu quietly admitted. "I'm just- too fucked up about everything... And I'm scared of all this self-hatred... I'm- sure you get what I mean," A small sigh escaped, and obvious worry escaped from his tone.
"You're more than welcome to join me for a bit, Motoyasu... And hell, if you're so worried about being alone, I can have us rent out one room. I have enough money now to afford a room with two different beds- and if you feel uneasy about being alone- I'd be more than fine sharing a room with you. Just please- don't do anything stupid, okay? It's not going to help you in the long run- it's only going to get rid of some pain for a few hours at most. Just- unless there's more you need to get off, why don't you get cleaned up- and then we'll go out. Maybe help freshen your mood a bit-? Take your mind off things?" Naofumi offered.
Motoyasu gave him a rather sad smile. "You- you are too good to me... Makes me regret how I acted even more," Motoyasu teased, forcing out a small chuckle. "I- Yeah I'd like to get out... There's one spot that I always liked to go to for some privacy back when things were quickly happening- so... Maybe we can go there. And uh- yeah I'll take the bedroom offer. Just- too much stress to handle alone right now," Motoyasu hummed, a little more embarrassed as he took the offer of sharing a room.
However, both could see the blond felt much more comfortable.
Motoyasu bit his lip, anticipating to speak- words caught in his throat. Naofumi waited, giving him time. "I'm not trying to vent or anything here- I just... I don't understand why you're trying to help after all I did. You deserve to slap me in the face and curse me out. Cause I know if things were reversed- well- I'd be far too selfish," Motoyasu hummed, keeping his eyes away from the raven next to him.
"Yeah, well, it's not like you were my main problem. Sure, you were a pain in the ass... But it's obvious you weren't just some asshole like-well- I assumed you were. I think that you can- mostly turn back what you've done. You can't reverse what you did, but you can make up for it," Naofumi promised.
Naofumi let out a small hum, planning to add to his words, but instead was welcomed by two arms loosely hanging around him. Motoyasu pressed his head against Naofumi's chest, grip slowly becoming stronger on the male. He stayed silent, silently hugging the raven. Although a little unsure of what to do, Naofumi awkwardly placed a hand on Motoyasu's head, gently moving his hair.
"I-I promise to make up for the past," Motoyasu mumbled. He spoke no more, but left one promise for the raven- his grip not loosening- but only becoming stronger on the raven.
"Just figure yourself out, and that would be enough for me," Naofumi hummed, keeping his hand through Motoyasu's hair, eyes looking rather pitiful to the side of the room. He wasn't sure how to take all of it in, he just hoped this turned out for the better.
IMPORTANT: I want to address this for future chapters. I've said before that I'd write smut when requested, but I will not anymore. Ngl- smut makes me extremely uncomfortable and it's torture for me to write and even read, so I just want y'all to know that. I'm not writing any smut- ever. Plus If you want smut, go on A03- cause apparently they only fuck. (Pov- they can actually have a good bond that is actually cute and would work outside of fucking each other and abusing each other.)
Sorry lil mad about that. Anyway, have a good day 💀✌️
Also bonus art. Not quite relate- but yeehaw.