"I can't hold back my feelings
So I dream of a date"
🫧🫧🫧
Nerves settled in the pit of my stomach once Xavier stopped the car. I looked out the window, trying to hide it as I watched other people playing in the sand down at the beach. I was interrupted though, when he placed his hand a little over my knee.
"Hey." He said, a concerned look on his face. "You look like you're regretting this."
"No I'm not...I'm nervous." I admitted, surprising myself with how I held his gaze while saying that. Maybe I wanted to find some sort of assurance there to calm myself. And I did.
"If it helps, I'm nervous too. When I asked I actually thought you'd say no." He said, offering me a smile as he took my hand.
"You are nervous." I said incredulously. "And you thought I'd say no?"
"Yeah. So you're not alone in this. Ok?"
With the way he smiled at me, it was hard not to smile back. It erased all the nerves immediately.
"Ok. Let's do this." I replied.
He didn't let my hand go as we walked down to the beach, the path getting sandier as we moved on. Gentle breeze swirled around us, making some of my hair attack my face. It was annoying, but a bit funny.
Suddenly, he stepped in front of me, then brushed them behind my ear. His hand lingered there, his thumb sliding on my cheek. I couldn't help but notice how his hair looked golden thanks to the sun, his eyes just a bit darker than the waters behind us.
"You are really beautiful, Butterfly." He said quietly.
"Wish I could say the same about you." He chuckled.
"Your eyes said otherwise."
"My eyes can be decieving."
"Oh I know."
A silly grin made its way to my face as I pushed him away, laughing. Making him laugh too.
The next hours we spent there were probably one of the best hours of my life. No exaggeration there.
I felt like a kid again. I felt free. Just me and Xavier.
We spent the time discovering seashells, eating, taking pictures, running around in the sand, and finally, sitting on the sand and just talking as we admired the scenery in front of us.
"I wish I brought my sketchbook. How could I have forgot it."
"Maybe because you were busy thinking about me?"
"Not a chance."
"Don't lie to me."
"I couldn't even if I wanted to."
"Exactly."
He suddenly stood up, stretching his hand out to me. I took it, then he helped me stand.
"Unlike you, I didn't forget anything." I rolled my eyes at him as he took his guitar. "Come on."
He led me to a secluded part of the beach, where there were more rocks. Which were big. Big but still flat enough to sit on. With his help, we both sat on one of them. He pulled me closer, and I leaned into him.
"Now have you fully forgiven me?"
"Hmmmm..." I pretended to think, even though the answer was pretty clear. "I guess."
"Come on,we both know you have."
"You know me so well."
"And you don't still think everything I do is for our relationship?"
"I stopped thinking that a while ago."
"Good." He held up his guitar, positioning his fingers on some strings. "I've been practicing this more since the last time you came and..." I could feel my face heat up.
"Thanks for the reminder." I said, trying hard to end this stupid blush. He just chuckled.
"Anytime."
"Literally." I mumbled.
"Anyways, as I was saying, I've been practicing a lot since you came and I think I've gotten pretty good. Now I need a judge."
"And you couldn't ask Chris or Lila?"
"It's cause of you that I carried on with this, so it only makes sense if you're the first one I show off to."
"I'm flattered." I said, only half joking.
He gave me a look that could've made me melt at the spot, before he began strumming a few chords like a practice, before playing a song I recognized. I hummed to it till he finished. No mistakes.
"Let me guess, you somehow found out I used to love Gravity Falls like the spy you are."
"Something like that...so how was it?"
"Perfect."
"Perfect?"
"You made no mistakes."
He grinned widely, like the fact I thought it was perfect meant the world to him. It put a smile on my face. My mere opinion meant something to someone. Someone like Xavier.
"You really think so?"
"Of course."
"Maybe I should enter competitions..."
"You only just played gravity falls."
"Maybe I should start writing songs!"
"Xavier-"
"You could even sing them."
"It's nice to see you planning ahead." I laughed. "But what makes you think I'll sing publicly? You only heard me sing because you threatened me."
"I didn't threaten you... I just said I'll tell everyone you had a crush on Jace Norman."
"Which I did not!"
"Your diary says otherwise." He smirked.
"But I don't even have a diary!" He placed his index finger on my lips.
"Shush Butterfly, I don't want anyone else coming here."
I took his hand that was held up to my face, and laced our fingers together.He looked surprised. I don't blame him, because I never do this. It's always him to hold my hand, but look at me now. It's a small gesture, but it means a lot to me.
Maybe it's the fact I just found out my opinion means a lot to him, maybe it's just how giddy I'm feeling on the inside because of this whole date, maybe it's because he looks so hot right now, but here I am
I looked away, blushing as he grinned at me.
"Why's that?" I asked, after trying to remember what we were talking about. Luckily it was successful, I so didn't want to ask that.
"Maybe I just like it when it's just you and me."
The blush I thought was gone, returned. Why can't he just say something normal?! Why did he always have to make me feel all warm inside?!
"Me too." I found myself saying. He squeezed my hand.
I looked away towards the sun. The whole thing looked so beautiful. So beautiful that I wished I could copy it in my mind and get back home and recreate it on paper. The sun looked like it would set any minute now, and I'm sure people are starting to leave.
I wanted to pause this moment. This moment that's so beautiful and..real. This isn't to fool anyone, Xavier wants this. Even if he asked at the heat of the moment, it's clear he's enjoying this just as much as I am. And it makes me feel... special. Seen. Noticed. Not in the way people look at you as you walk down the hallway talking with your best friend, not in the way they glance at you in class just because you're popular or the it girl, not the way guys admire you and fight for your attention, but in the way that you wished would never end.
That's how I feel with Xavier. Every little moment we get together, I wished it would never end.
"What are you thinking about?" Xavier asked, snapping me out of my train of thoughts. Which heavily involved him. His voice was soft, quiet. The sun had just began setting, and I knew that this day would soon come to an end.
"Nothing much."
"I totally believe you." He chuckled. "Do you know how many times I've looked at you?"
"You looked at me?"
"Exactly."
"Why did you look at me?"
"You seemed lost in thought. It was cute."
It was cute. Not you are cute.
Who am I kidding?
"Everything's just so beautiful." I admitted.
"You are so beautiful."
"You don't look bad yourself."
"Thanks so much."
"What do you want me to say? You're hot?"
"Definitely." He grinned, looking down at me with this look in his eyes. This familiar look that I can't quite decipher.
"You're hot." I giggled.
"Aww you mean that?"
"Just a little."
He shook his head at me.
"As always, your eyes say otherwise."
"And as always, my eyes are decieving." He smiled at me, before we fell into comfortable silence. The only sounds being of the waves crashing into each other, and the birds and faint sounds of children playing around.
Then unexpectedly, he held my chin up to meet his gaze which I quickly got lost in. The way he was looking at me, with so much intensity and...that something else. It felt different. My breath hitched once I noticed he was leaning in.
He was actually leaning in.
His eyes were locked on me, shifting from my lips then back to my eyes. I was so confused. Why would he want to kiss me? Maybe this was a trick again... But when he didn't stop, I knew it wasn't. Xavier was going to kiss me. No audience, no one to fool, just us.
He stopped, inches away from my face. Our lips brushing.
"Can I?" He whispered. I immediately felt hot all over, still not believing what's happening. I simply nodded, and that's all it took for him to close the distance between us.
And I immediately kissed him back.
It was slow at first, like he said, we were trying to make this moment last as long as it can. We were trying to be in this moment as long as we could. We wanted to make it last.
His other hand slid to my back before he pulled me closer, deepening the kiss. One of mine was on his neck, the other on his hair. I've always wanted to know how it felt running my hands through it, and it felt so good.
I couldn't think straight. I couldn't comprehend what was happening. All I could do was feel. His hands that somehow slid to my waist, his lips moving against mine, the gentle breeze.
Then at a point, I could only feel him.
I don't know how long it took, but we finally pulled away from each other. Breathless.
How come kissing Jason never felt this good.
Somehow, I brought myself to look at Xavier. Glad to see he was breathless too. His hands were still on my waist, and mine both on his neck. A grin broke out on his face, which made me grin too.
"Did we...just do that?" He asked softly. His voice a little above a whisper.
"Judging from the looks of things..." I drew out, looking into his eyes.
"Damn. Jason taught you well." I couldn't help but laugh.
"He wasn't my first kiss."
"Really?" I nodded.
"What can I say? I'm irresistible."
"Well, I'll make you an expert."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You're a smart girl Butterfly."
"Did you just say I'm not-"
"No of course not." He said, already knowing what I was about to say from the look I was giving him. "I meant we'll be doing this a lot more often. You're perfect."
"If you want to make me an expert, it means you have a lot of experience...which comes with being a player." I mumbled to myself, ignoring the blush.
"And what's that supposed to mean?"
"Ewww!" I pushed him away. "I just kissed a million other girls!"
"Hey! It wasn't even up to four."
"Really?" I don't know why, but I was surprised.
"Yeah." He said, sounding offended. "We crossed paths just in time."
"Does that mean I'm a good influence?"
"Then what does that make me?"
"You're the bad boy. The player that falls in love with the good girl."
"Right." He playfully glared at me. "You know I'm not a player anymore right? Seriously. Even if...you leave me."
"What makes you think of I'd leave you? It'd probably be the other way around."
"I don't think so." He smiled. "So not likely."
"So what does this mean?"
"That this relationship just got a lot more interesting."