Chapter 24
~Grady’s POV~
I wasn’t quite sure when exactly it all went to hell but all I know is, one minute I was kissing his neck, my body cushioned between his legs, his hands trapped beneath mine and the next minute I was staring down into his terror filled eyes and watching him hyperventilate.
I stopped short, my eyes scanning his in concern. “Thomas? What’s wrong?” I questioned.
When he didn’t answer but continued to look at me as if he was staring into the eyes of the devil himself I immediately loosened my grip from his arms but it wasn’t until I pulled away from him all together and came to rest on my knees on the end of the couch that he seemed to ‘calm down’ a bit, if you could even call it that.
I got up from the couch, my eyes still glued to his still frame and came around to kneel onto the cold hard floor at his head, but I didn’t reach out to touch him. “Thomas? Did I hurt you? Talk to me man.” I almost pleaded. I didn’t understand what was going on.
I watched as he sat up slowly, bending his knees so that his elbows rested on them and buried his face in his hands. He still had yet to acknowledge me and as I knelt and watched him, my concern grew.
“Thomas?” I questioned uncertainly and when he still continued to remain silent I got up and sat next to him on the couch. It wasn’t until I touched him gently on his back trying to get his attention that I realized he was trembling. His flesh was still heated to the touch but goose bumps rose up over his skin and I listened as he tried to get his breathing under control.
“Jesus Thomas, I-if I did something to hurt you I’m sorry, maybe I was too rough-“ I started in panic but he let out a deep breath and spoke, cutting off the rest of my panic-filled apology.
“I thought I was over this.” He said, his voice breaking on the last word and I scooted closer to him, bringing my hand up to touch his tense shoulder.
“Over what?” I asked quietly. “Thomas you’re scaring me, just please tell me what’s wrong.” I said
“It’s been nine years, I didn’t think it would still affect me like this.” He said again in that same broken tone that had my heart pounding in fear and my brows furrowing in concern.
“I don’t understand.” I whispered, feeling helpless as he sat, his back turned to me, still visibly shaking.
He was obviously distressed over something but I couldn’t understand it. I tried to replay everything I had done in the past fifteen minutes but I couldn’t think of anything I had done to bring him to this state. We’d just been making out, I had nestled myself between his legs, restrained his hands with mine, kissed his neck and then…this.
“I thought I was over this.” He said again, almost as if he was talking to himself.
“Thomas please!” I pleaded once more. He had me beyond worried at this point and I had no idea what for.
He most have heard the tremor in my own voice because at that moment he looked over at me and my breath caught in my throat. Thomas was looking over at me with tears in his eyes and I watched in horror as they built up and spilled over, rolling down his cheeks and disappearing under his chin.
“Baby what’s wrong?” I whispered in question. Something had to be seriously wrong for Thomas to be shedding tears and I had a terrible feeling that I was the cause of it.
He took a shaky breath and ran his hand through his hair but the tears just kept building up and spilling over as he looked at me. It came to the point where I had an almost overwhelming urge to look away. I couldn’t stand to see people hurting and my best friend obviously was…I just didn’t know why.
“I-I thought I was over this Grady.” He said again and swallowed hard, “I was fine and then when you held me down I kept seeing him and I couldn’t-” he broke off to wipe his eyes but the tears kept coming.
“Kept seeing who Thomas? What’s going on?” I pushed, desperate for answers.
He only shook his head as if trying to clear it, “Fuck! Why am I crying?” he suddenly shouted then took a deep breath, then another.
“I’m not a coward, this is fucking ridiculous, I don’t know why I’m acting this way.” He said again, then took another deep breath, trying desperately to calm himself as I watched helplessly.
“Thomas, what’s going on?” I asked, this time firmly and when he looked up once more I met his tear filled eyes and he said to me, his voice slightly shaky.
“I-I was…” deep breath, then more firmly, “I was raped nine years ago and I thought I was over it, I thought I could do this...but I can’t.” he said then looked away before he could gauge my reaction.
I could only watch him in shock as my mind began to process his words. I saw when he ran his hand through his hair again and took another deep breath and I saw when he wiped at his wet eyes, I saw when he blinked a few times to dispel another bout of tears and I saw it when he schooled his expression and stiffened his jaw, trying to be tough but I wasn’t even sure I understood any of it, the only thing that was running through my mind were the words I managed to get out a few seconds later;
“What?”
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~Carson’s POV~
“So it’s true then, the human knows our secrets.” The chief stated rather than asked. He was looking at me with those piercing, distrustful eyes I had grown so accustomed to.
“Yes, he does, through no fault of his own. He simply got caught up in a matter between two mates.” I told him leaving out the fact that one of those mates included the pack Beta.
“It matters not how he came to know our secrets. We are only concerned with the fact that he knows. Am I to assume this matter is being dealt with as laid out in our code Alpha?” he asked and I gritted my teeth as I looked over at him.
He knew very well how I felt about the murder of humans and I could tell he was bubbling with joy in the face of my discomfort. The bastard. They probably all were.
I gazed around the room once more taking in the faces of the ten council members who sat in their circle at the front of the room. Every one of them had their eyes on me, trying to appear intimidating but failing where I was concerned.
If I said I liked any of them I would be lying. They were the pack elders, set in their ways and distrustful of the young. They thought humans existed for our amusement and to work alongside them was disgraceful.
They certainly helped to make my job as Alpha a lot harder than it needed to be with their strict adherence to the code and their intense dislike for anything that went against it.
“The human is being dealt with in the way I see fit. He will not be executed unless I see no other way to secure his silence.” I said adamantly and a chorus of mumbling went up among them.
“You would put your pack in harm’s way Alpha? You would ignore the code to secure the life of a mere human?” the chief asked in disbelief and I bristled.
“The pack isn’t in danger. The code states that if it is the Alpha’s belief that a human will publish the pack’s secrets to the outside world then said human must be executed without delay.” I said, quoting section 4, subsection 6, paragraph ‘A’ of the pack code.
“Precisely! Without delay-” the chief started again but I cut him off.
“Until it is my belief that he will not let our secrets to the outside world the human will remain untouched and under our care.” I spoke with an air of authority and the room fell silent. “Now if that is all, I’ll take my leave.” I told them and when no one spoke I turned and exited the room.
The moment the door shut behind me a chorus of raised voices erupted from within the room, but I chose to ignore them as I made my way over to the holding room to see how things were going with Jake.
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~Grady’s POV~
He shifted slightly on the couch but then dropped his head back onto the back rest so that he was looking up at the ceiling. Face red, eyes puffy and lips swollen.
“Thomas-” I started when he didn’t answer.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” He said cutting me off.
“Raped? Please tell me this is all some kind of joke.” I whispered in disbelief, but the defeated look in his eyes when he turned his head slightly to look at me confirmed my fear.
“Please… just, I can’t talk about this right now.” He said softly, then turned to look at the ceiling once more and when I saw his bottom lip quiver as he fought to compose himself I nodded and moved closer to him, offering my comfort without actually touching him because I had a feeling he wouldn’t welcome any touches from me right then.
My mind was reeling at the news…raped? Thomas? That wasn’t possible, who would rape a ten year old child? He never said anything, never let on that something like that ever happened to him. I tried to think of a time in my life when I’d seen Thomas like this; broken and scared but I couldn’t...wouldn’t I have known if something like this had happened to him? Wouldn’t there have been some clue?
I would have remembered if there was. Wouldn’t I? As I watched him struggle with himself I swallowed against the lump which formed in my throat. This was all so overwhelming, I just sat there as the minutes passed, staring at him and trying to wrap my head around it then after a moment he spoke, going against his earlier words.
“I was ten, one day my uncle said something to me; reprimanded me for something, I don’t even remember what it was but I remember being so mad at him for it, I wanted to get back at him I guess.” Thomas said breaking the silence, and I chose to keep quiet less he changed his mind and kept it all to himself.
“So that night there was supposed to me a pack meeting and of course they were mandatory for everyone so I was supposed to be there with my uncle.” His voice was low and calm as he spoke. “ but I was just so mad at him I figured I’d sneak out of camp and he’d be worried so he’d come looking for me that way he’d miss the meeting too and he’d get in trouble with the Alpha.” He said.
“I was such a little trouble maker then, I wanted him to get reprimanded like I did. So I snuck out that night and I decided I’d go to that park we always went to, you remember the one?” he asked without looking at me and I nodded.
“Only, my uncle always took me there so I didn’t really know the way.” He chuckled with not a hint of amusement. It was a cold hard sound that caused a shiver to travel up my spine. “I got lost; can you imagine that? a wolf without a sense of direction. Pathetic.” He said again.
“Thomas-” I started but he shook his head and I fell silent.
“I had no idea where I was. I remember it was dark and cold and I was scared but I kept thinking…my uncle’s gonna come get me you know? And then these two guys showed up. I don’t even know where they came from. One minute I was walking pass them down the street and the next minute they were dragging me into some alley.” My breath hitched and became shallow as I listened.
“The guy…he started pulling off my clothes and I remember struggling and calling out to the other guy for help but he just stood there… watching.” Thomas took a deep breath then, his jaw clenching.
“Jesus…Nobody saw? Nobody helped you?” I managed to get out.
“I shouldn’t have been waiting for someone to help me in the first place!” he spat “They were only human, I could’ve shifted and taken them out but all I did was lay there and like some helpless idiot while he did that to me.” He said in disgust.
“You were ten Thomas, you can’t blame yourself for this.” I said trying to calm him but he ignored me.
“The boy destined to be Beta and I couldn’t even shift to help myself when it counted.” he said shaking his head. By now all his earlier tears had dried up and he was looking across the room, his mind in a faraway place.
“So like I expected, my uncle found me after the guys had left me for dead. He took me home, cleaned me up and told me never to tell anyone; that if I couldn’t protect myself then how could I expect to protect my pack when the time came.”
I stared at him in disbelief “He was your uncle! He had no right to say those things to you!” I responded; my voice raised.
“He had every right! What I let happen was weak and pathetic-“
“Thomas you were a child!” I tried to argue with him. I couldn’t believe he was blaming himself. Had actually blamed himself for what had happened all those years ago, but he wasn’t listening to me.
“Ever since then I told myself I would never be weak again, I’d never let somebody have that kind of control over me again.” He spoke with conviction. And understanding finally dawned on me.
“That’s why you like being in control isn’t it? Why you never wanted to bottom.” I said “All this time you’ve had this in your head, you’ve been blaming yourself for what happened to you and there I was trying to get you to relive it.” I said, agonized at what I had put him through.
“It’s been so long since I’ve thought of that night. I thought I was over it. I thought I could just let you take charge and I’d be fine. I can’t believe I reacted that way. it's like as soon as you held me down everything came flooding back and all I could see was his face.” He spoke again. This time he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose then took a deep breath and turned to look me dead in the eyes.
“I didn’t tell anyone because I don’t need their pity and I won’t be pitied by you either. This isn’t your problem it’s mine and I’ll deal with it.” He said firmly.
“I would never pity you Thomas. I’m just shocked about all of this, I had no idea….” I trailed off.
“And I want it to stay that way. I don’t want anyone else to know.”
I nodded and looked away trying to process it all but he grabbed my arm and I looked back at him. “I mean it Grady. Not Jessie, not Carson, nobody.” He said again.
“I won’t, I swear.” I said and watched as he let me go, pushed up from the chair and started dragging on his clothes again.
I just sat there, as naked as the day I was born. This had been probably the craziest day of my life; chased by a bloodthirsty wolf, held prisoner for most of the day, almost getting the chance to top my boyfriend, finding out he was raped and now watching him get dressed as if this was all a usual occurrence in our lives. Either I was dreaming, I was high or I was losing my mind because this shit just didn’t happen in real life.
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~Carson’s POV~
“How’s everything going?” I asked Jessie when I entered the room minutes later.
“Not going sir, we can’t seem to get through to him. He just keeps saying he wants to go home but he has yet to give any indication he’ll keep quiet about all this if we let him go.” She spoke up. Her brows furrowed in what I assumed to be concern.
“Call his parents, convince them Jake’s staying over at a friend’s house.” I ordered and she nodded then left the room.
It was time I stopped treating this kid like a special guest. If I couldn’t convince him using this method then it was time I scared him into it because whether or not he trusted us, he was going to be in a world of hurt if I couldn’t get him to keep his mouth shut about all this.
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~Grady’s POV~
Everything had been swept right back under the rug. Just the way Thomas wanted it and I couldn’t say I blamed him. After the shocking news he’d delivered a few days back I’d expected things to be different between us, maybe even a little bit awkward but that certainly hadn’t been the case.
We’d just moved on with our lives pretty much. Thomas didn’t mention the ordeal again and neither did I and as much as I would have liked to delve deeper into that particular conversation I figured it was probably for the best that we had put it behind us.
Thomas would deal with it in his own way and if he needed me I’d be there to see him through it. Now that I knew why Thomas hadn’t felt comfortable with me topping I wasn’t disappointed that I didn’t get the chance to. He’d been through a terrible ordeal and he didn’t deserve to have it all forced on him again, however we still hadn’t ruled it out.
Thomas made sure to explain to me that he wouldn’t mind me topping one day so of course we’d just go slow. Just try until the feeling of me holding him down didn’t remind him of that dreadful night nine years ago. I was fine with it. Whatever he needed was okay with me.
“Don’t know why you had to go and buy this thing. I swear Grady if you fall off I’m not helping your ass.” Thomas was saying.
I was gearing up to go for a ride on my new motorcycle. We were standing along a semi deserted street not far from camp and he’d been telling me the same thing ever since we got here.
“Yeah Yeah, whatever.” I said waving him off. He might talk tough but I could tell he was worried that I might end up wrapped around a tree or splattered against the side walk. Thomas was a worry wart; it’s just something you came to expect from him.
I pulled on one black leather glove, then the other before I climbed onto the bike. I started the engine; amazed at the feeling of life thrumming under me, then looked over at him.
“Stop acting like you’re not glad I got the bike.” I said with a grin.
“And why exactly would I be glad?” he threw back at me, arms folded in front of him, feet apart.
“Because I look damn sexy in leather.” I said with a smirk and he laughed.
“Do you deny it?” I teased again and he rolled his eyes.
“You’re too damn conceited, that’s what you are.” He chuckled and I winked back at him a second before I revved the engine and sped off down the street, the wind blowing through my hair and the sunlight glinting off my shiny new toy.
AUTHOR'S NOTES
SO THEY NEVER DID HAVE SEX THAT DAY...SORRY TO DISAPPOINT BUT NOW YOU KNOW WHY THOMAS IS THE WAY HE IS.
THANKS FOR READING MY SEXY PEOPLE!
ShoutOuts: To awesomegayboy34 and nemeancestus for reading commenting and just being plain awesome! Thanks for your support you two! Keep sweet♥
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-DoUbLe.A
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