ALERT: EDITED👁️🗨️
Song: Falling like the stars🎧
Artist: James Arthur🎤
Aliyu💕
Everything's still the same, the silence, the loneliness, nothing ever really changed.
It's been 4 months now and I'm still stuck on this bed, I've managed to find an operation team that'll help find my Maryam but each result always came back unsuccessful.
I had to sponsor Muhammad's unnecessary vacation trips in hopes he could look for Maryam in every country he'll be at but still the results were unsuccessful.
I've managed to get myself to be able to stand and sit but walking is still a difficult task.
Life without Maryam is not in anyway good, I'd rather be dead but I can't die.
I just wished I never let her leave that day, I wished I stopped her even if she continuously kept hitting me.
I loved her but I let her down and now she's gone, she left me all alone, why did she have to go like that, why didn't she wait for an explanation.
Even if she did, was my explanation worth it?, What excuse do I have?, I caused it upon myself and now I'm facing the consequences.
I just wished I could reverse time and get my wife back but that's not possible.
"Aliyu, Mum wants to see you, should I let her in?" My little sister Iman said coming into my room.
"Is this about another marriage?" I asked not ready for any bullshit, all this family are good at is trying to make me move on instead of helping me find my wife.
"It's not, it's about your health" she responded.
"Let her in" I said as she nodded before leaving.
4 minutes later my mum comes into the room with Iman trailing behind her.
"Assalamualaikum" she said.
"Walaikum Salam" I responded not sparing her a glance.
She's my mum and I'm supposed to love her more than anyone in this world, but I don't know why I hate her.
I don't know if it's normal to hate your mother, I don't know what a mother's love feels like maybe that's why I hate the fact she has to call me her son.
The only women who ever loved me were Alayna and Maryam, Alayna betrayed me and I betrayed Maryam.
My sisters Iman and Aiza whom I care about a lot, I don't even know if they love me for me or they're just pretending to cause I'm ill.
"How are you feeling?" Mum asked.
"I'm good" I responded as I could feel her release a sigh, sounds as if she already regrets coming here.
"You can leave if you don't feel like staying, I didn't invite you here after all" I said as I gave her a blank look.
"You're my son and I'm worried about you stop treating me so coldly" she said.
"Isn't this the same way you treated me when I was younger" I said.
"Aliyu, stop bringing up the past" Iman said.
"Don't interrupt when your elders are speaking" I said as her mum looked at her signalling her to remain silent, funny woman.
"Aliyu how many times do I have to apologize you for that" mum said.
"How many times do I have to tell you an apology can't make me forget everything" I responded.
"I know..." She said as I cut him off.
"That's why you should think twice before treating people badly, I might not have the scars on my skin but they are still in my heart and no matter how hard I try to get rid of they just can't and finally it started to heal but then I ruined it and now it just keep worsening, everytime I look at you everything you did to me keeps coming back, your face keep reminding me of everything that I wish to forget and so I hate seeing it" I said not thinking.
"Aliyu..." Iman said as I ignored her.
"I can't stand your looks let alone you, stop pretending to care about me let alone stop trying to get me married, those women you bring are disgusting and I'll never marry a woman chosen by the woman who tortured me most of my life" I said angrily almost like a yell.
Why I'm I letting my emotions take a hold of me, all the words I kept in, why I'm I letting them out, why I'm I confronting her after I promised myself not to, why can't I keep quiet, why I'm I angry, I have every rights to but why I'm I showing it.
"I'm your only son..." I said as she cuts me off.
"Aliyu that's enough..." Mum said as I cut her off.
"When I'm speaking you keep quiet!" I yelled as she gave me a look of disbelief.
"When I'm talking you don't talk!" I yelled again.
"Aliyu you can't speak to mum like..." Iman said as I cut her off.
"Shut up!" I yelled at her.
"When I'm talking you shut up and listen!" I yelled at the both of them.
"Keep your damn mouth shut and remain silent!" I yelled again.
"I'm your only son and yet you treated me like shit, you misbehaved with me, you insulted me, you hit me times without number, you starved me, you over worked me, you never let me have a proper sleep, you did all sort of shits to me and told me words a mother should never say to her child" I said
"Then I came up with a heart disease, you acted like you weren't the cause, you distant yourself from me, you denied me, you told my sisters to stay away from me, you convinced my father to abandon me at the hospital, you didn't let any of my relatives come see me, you just left me all alone" I said again
"Then I started getting better, I started fixing up myself, then you started pretending to care about me, you tried to make me sign my wealth into your name and when I refused you went back to your old habits" I said as the memories kept flashing back.
"Then I got married you never said a word to me neither did you come visit me or even treat my wife with respect and then when I divorced her you appeared in my life again and started being all nice then i got married again to a different woman and you went abroad with my sisters" I said
"You never said a word to me, even when I called you never picked, I wanted you to meet my wife and all you had to say is you don't care whoever I get married to and now she left..."
"And you're now back pretending to care about me, bringing me different women to get married to, for what?"
"So you both can collide and steal my wealth since all you ever cared about was money and never my feelings, you're married to a rich man yet you still want my wealth, what exactly is your problem?"
"You don't even know the type of woman I like, you don't even know the kind of man I am yet you bring those useless disrespectful sluts dressing in all kinds skinny outfit, what do you take me for?, Do you think I'm interested in a woman whom all men can see her figure, do you think I'm interested in a woman who bursts her face with make-up, do you think I'm interested in a woman who doesn't even say Assalamualaikum when she greets someone"
"What do you think of me" I said as they both remained silent looking at me.
"Get out" I said.
"What..." Iman said as I cut her off.
"Get the hell out of my room!" I yelled as they sighed getting up.
"I understand your anger but I'm your mum and you can't change that" mum said as I gave her a look of disbelief.
"If only you knew what you looked like in my eyes, you'll never show your face to me again" I said giving her a pathetic head to toe look.
"Now get out!" I said
"Leave my room and don't ever come back in the meaning of checking up on me or bringing any marriage proposal"
"I'll never marry a woman of your choice neither will I let your fake love get to me"
"Get out!" I yelled
"Don't say things you would regret later, I'm a woman, I'll always have a way" mum said as she left the room with me giving her a pathetic look.
"Aliyu what was that?" Iman said as I looked at her, she looked exactly like her mother, sometimes I want to hate her but can't she did nothing wrong to me so why punish her for her mum actions.
"Why did you speak to mum that way she's only looking out for you" she said again.
"You heard what her last statement was didn't you?" I said raising a brow at her.
"Yes I did but..." She said as I cut her off.
"Now get out as well, leave me room!" I said in a calm angry tone.
"You can't keep me away from you, I'll be back" she said before storming out angrily banging my door shut.
If only Maryam was still with me then I wouldn't have been here to listen to the shits of this woman.
I wouldn't have yelled at my sister neither would I have to deal with the chaos in this family.
"Maryam wherever you are, whatever you're doing, I might die without you, I can't live without you and each attempts I make it becomes harder and unbearable, please think about me and the moments we shared together, please come back and save me from all this..." I said as I could feel my tears struggling to stay in.
"I can't do this without you, I'm tired" I said as the tears I've been holding back finally escaped my eyes.
My eyes can't take it anymore.
In my head it hurts.
But in my heart's it hurts more.
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~hertahira~