I don't know if I can do this. I mean, I know I'm going to do this, but I don't know where I'm going to find the strength. For the first time since I first told Diego that I would be leaving, he cried about me leaving.
I almost broke down crying with him, but I held back my tears as I held him. "Why do you have to go now?" he asked me over and over. I answered the first few times, but it didn't matter how many times I answered it, he kept asking. He understood that I had training camp. He also understood that I would be coming back home in six weeks. It did not make him any less sad.
When he finally settled down, he looked up at me and said, "I'm going to miss you".
I squeezed him as tight as I could and smelled his hair, fighting to hold back tears. "I'm going to miss you too," I assured him.
Then he asked me the question that sent chills down my spine. "Can you promise me you will come home," he said.
I assured him that I would be back in six weeks and all of us would go on a nice family vacation. That was not what he was asking about. I knew it wasn't, but I hope my answer would be enough.
"Promise me you'll come home from space," he said. "I'm worried you'll like it so much up there that you'll choose to never come back to us."
I assured him that I would never choose staying in space forever over coming back home to be there for him and explained that even if I wanted to stay in space, it wasn't possible. However, I did not promise him what he wanted to hear. Instead, I said "I promise I'll do my best."
Diego seemed disappointed, but he accepted my best. It caught my dad's attention though.
He mentioned it later in the night after I'd sent Diego to bed, and I answered him the same way I had when he asked me to promise. I'm not going to make a promise I am unable to keep. It would mean nothing but false hope anyway.