I asked the mission coordinators for 24 more hours to consider joining the mission to Europa. They agreed, but they emphasized that they need my answer as soon as possible.
Last night I dreamed of what it would be like to walk on the surface of Europa, bouncing with each step due to the low gravity. I pictured the glow of the icy blue surface and the view of Jupiter and its great wavy storms in the sky, with a background of stars more vibrant than I could ever experience on Earth.
When I woke up, deep down I knew I would not be able to say no. After years of studying images of this moon and determining its properties using spectroscopy, the opportunity to actually complete my research in person seemed too good to be true.
I hadn't even begun to consider the concept of what it would be like to discover life on another planet. Sure, despite the promising research she'd done on Europa, the odds were not in the mission's favor. Still, the idea that she would have an opportunity to discover life that didn't originate on Earth was remarkable. Who knew what life on the moon of Jupiter would look like.
Some people became bored of the idea of extraterrestrial life when the conversation shifted from advanced super intelligent life forms to simple microorganisms, but I find the latter just as fascinating. The idea of discovering how alien microbes evolved in a completely different environment on Earth was fascinating. It also served to answer questions like how rare life in the universe is and how does life begin.
My excitement for the mission faded when I picked up Diego from school and saw his excited face run up to my car. In all my childish wonder I forgot what accepting this mission would require, abandoning my little boy.
Today he was thrilled to show me the Macaroni art he made in art class today. If I wasn't feeling guilty enough about considering this mission, he said the picture was for me. When he handed it to me, he smiled and said, "I know how much you like space, so I made you a rocket!"
As I looked at his little macaroni rocket, I almost threw up from guilt.
On a side note, his art skills are beginning to improve. His picture of the rocket was nice, with a little window, the moon and little macaroni stars in the background.
Here he was at school thinking about me all day while I was at work fantasizing about leaving. I truly am a terrible mother.