"Ama, I'm actually really nervous," I breathed out nervously as I spoke into the phone, my fingers playing nervously with my light blue satin dress. The dress was absolutely beautiful, it had long butterfly sleeves and it moved with the grace of expensive satin. It had a ruched front and the dress reached mid-thigh. I wore the dress with a pair of stockings that matched my natural skin tone and a pair of Alexander McQueen heels.
"Don't be, friend, everything's going to be okay," I saw her face through the screen, her eyes were giddy and she looked so excited.
"I haven't been on a date in like...what?" I pretended to think but Ama was forever an enemy of letting me live in my own delusional world.
"In 9 months, 2 weeks and 3 days," she provided the exact date. She had a calendar in her home, and she circled any date that went by where I hadn't gone on a date. I laughed and so did she.
I felt my nerves leave me a bit and I could breathe easier. I took a few more breaths, "it's okay...it's okay," I kept repeating to myself.
"It absolutely is, friend. Look at you, you look like the most beautiful woman to ever walk this earth." She spoke, her eyes peering into mine and even though she was far from here, it felt like she was right there. Her eyes beamed with an adoration that I was almost too used to in her eyes. Ama had a way of looking at me like I was everything. How could I go out there in search for love, when I had it in my own best friend?
"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are, Evelyn?" she asked me with a gentle smile, and that sweet voice of hers.
I felt myself become bashful under her stare, "oh please, have you seen you?" I took the question back to her, the dark night sky and world surrounding me as I was parked in the parking lot, silent and trying very hard not to run as fast and far as I could.
"We're not talking about me though," Ama managed to expertly divert. She knew me better than I knew myself, and she knew the ways that I avoided ever hearing anything good about myself. I didn't do well with compliments, didn't do well with all attention on me. I hated every bit of it. "We're talking about you, Evelyn. You're so beautiful, no matter what you wear, no matter if you're rolling your eyes or laughing hard...you, my friend, are really the most beautiful woman that I've ever seen."
I met her eyes and smiled, silent and letting her words wash over me. "Thank you..." I mouthed softly, her words and the way that she said them, building my self-esteem in a way only she could. "Love scares me, Ama. I mean, I know that I don't love this guy, obviously, but love scares me. I run from it, not towards it." Because I've seen the things that it's done to you, I wanted to say, but I bit my tongue, keeping those words to myself.
Ama was my best friend though, she knew exactly what I wanted to say, knew exactly what I was getting at and that it was the fact that I couldn't point out any good relationship among my small friendship circle. Love didn't exist anymore, especially in this generation.
I didn't want to be like Ama, I didn't want to be made a fool of on television, didn't want to completely settle for a man who I knew was entertaining other women. I was the kind of girl who wanted to be the only one, wanted to be the kind of woman that a man looked at and thought the world of. I wanted a man to freeze heaven and hell over for me. For a man to see in me what he's never seen in any other woman, I wanted a man to love me like how fictional men love their fictional women.
In this day and age, I was asking for too much.
I didn't want to settle. Not when I was only 20 years old.
Ama nodded her head, I could hear the music blaring from the club that she was standing outside of as she spoke to me. She wore a sparkly silver dress and her makeup was all sparkly to match it. Her cheeks were flushed showing me that she was drunk, "I know, friend, but...at the end of the day, it doesn't hurt to try. It's better to cry knowing you've tried, than to never cry at all." She fell silent, "wait...did that make sense?" she asked me and I laughed, nodding my head because I understood what she was trying to say. "Let's picture this, let's picture that Adam is the perfect guy and this is how your forever begins. You walk in there, you see him, you make eye contact and the whole world falls away, and suddenly you blink, and it's years down the line, and you're still meeting his eyes...but the setting is different. You're walking down the aisle, and he's at the end of it, and he's smiling, just as he did tonight, and suddenly, you realise it's all worth it. Especially when you see me standing right there in my maid of honour dress."
We smiled at each other at that, and I took in a deep breath.
"Yeah...I kind of like that," I swallowed, and popped a Mentos into my mouth. I pressed the back of my head to the headrest. "Damn...is it just me or does tonight feel..." I couldn't put it into words, there was a feeling that I was having, my stomach was twisting and turning, there were goosebumps on my arms that just wouldn't let and everything felt...weird.
Ama's eyes widened, "yeah, omg I've been feeling the exact same way!" she squealed. I remembered that. She'd told me that tonight had a weird to it but she was going to take it as a sign that it meant something good for Adam and I.
"Yeah...maybe it's the stars aligning or something," I thought aloud and Ama and I looked at each other. For some reason, I found myself really looking at her, looking really hard. I took in her features, the look in her drunken eyes, the way that her red lipstick was smudged, and the way that she felt like home. Ama had been my constant for the past 2 years and I couldn't imagine life without my friend.
She'd taken me in under her wing and ever since, we've been inseparable, taking on Jozi together.
"I love you babe, a lot," I found myself saying to her, hoping that she heard the sincerity behind the words. I couldn't explain the overwhelming love that I felt for my best friend.
She grinned, "I love you too babe, in fact, I love you even more, friend. It's you and I against the world, never forget that. Now fluff up that fro and go show Adam that you're the woman of his dreams! Woo!" she screamed excitedly and I laughed, doing as she said and getting out of the car.
I closed the door behind me and locked the car, making my way towards the entrance doors of the hotel. Fast cars surrounded me as I entered a world that I'd grown up in, the world of expensive cars and fancy hotels; the elites of the country. The valet held the door open for me and I smiled at the man, however he didn't smile back. He was a large man, towered over me with a black suit on and eyes that were dead set and never met my own. "Thank you," I said, hoping he'd hear the thank you since he didn't look at me.
I entered the place and looked around. It wasn't my first time here, but I felt a bit off. I shrugged it off to nerves as my stomach did somersaults. I took in a deep breath, walking through the place and feeling eyes on me. I walked up to the front desk and smiled at the lady, "dinner for two, reservation for Amahle Ngubane," I said to the lady and she nodded her head.
"This way, miss," she said with a smile and I followed after her, letting her lead me to my table. As we were approaching the table, I looked up and finally set my eyes on Adam, and even though Ama had told me that Adam was everything that I wanted in a man, including the fact that he looked like my celebrity crush Luka Sabbat, I was blown away. He and I made eye contact and as we did, we both smiled at each other.
Oh, he looked amazing. From the long dreadlocks, the brown eyes, the skin that was the lightest shade caramel, and pink lips. He was everything that I dreamed of, in terms of looks. "Hi," I managed to speak even though my heart was pounding and he stood from his seat, coming around to hug me.
"Hey," he pulled back from the hug and looked down at me. "I'm Adam, it's lovely to meet you," he introduced himself.
I couldn't keep the smile off my face as I felt my face warm up, "and I'm Evelyn, it's lovely to meet you."
"Please, have a seat," he pulled out my chair for me and I set my bag in the other empty chair before I sat down and let him push my chair in. He walked back to his seat and sat down, and we both shared nervous laughs. "Wow..." he breathed, "you're really beautiful."
I took the menu that had been placed on the table and used it to cover my face, hating the attention, "thank you." He chuckled at my reaction, "you're pretty handsome yourself," I told him as I set the menu down and smiled, tilting my head a bit as I stared into his eyes.
"Oh," he dusted his suit a bit, "I mean, I clean up well." We laughed, and we fell into amazing conversation that just flowed. I asked him about what he was doing and he talked about his business, he told me that he studied Arts in UJ, and went on and pursued his passion by creating a space for other artists. He asked me about me and I told him whatever there was, but I was only a 20 year old girl and he was older so there wasn't much to tell about me. I didn't say anything about my family, only spoke about school and law and complained about the fact that I'd gotten a speeding ticket a few days ago.
"Excuse me, is there anything that you'd like to order?" we both looked up in surprise at the waiter who smiled cordially at us. Adam and I looked back at each other and laughed, remembering that this was the third time he came back, since we still had yet to stop talking and actually look at the menu and figure out what we wanted to order.
"Right, sorry, sorry, let me see..." Adam trailed off as he looked down at the menu.
It wasn't my first time here, so I found myself ordering something while Adam browsed the menu. I heard the sound of my phone vibrating on the table as I was ordering, and my hands found it, "could you add that creamy sauce that has the..." I trailed off as I pressed the home button and my phone lit up.
The words Husband flashed across the screen and the screen automatically unlocked upon my face.
Husband: Wife. Where are you?
Me: Hey husband, how are youu? I'm just out and about with a friend, talk to you later mwah
I remembered that I was still speaking and quickly looked up from my screen to the waiter, "that creamy sauce that has the mushrooms, could you add it?" I continued and the waiter nodded, and then faced Adam who ordered something simple.
My phone vibrated again and I looked down at it.
Husband: I'm here to see you.
I felt my heart skip a beat.
Me: See me? You're in joburg?
Husband: Who's your friend, wife?
My heart suddenly stopped at that and I felt a deadly chill run down my spine at that message. I swallowed, my fingers beginning to tremble slightly. I looked up from my phone and found myself looking around, even though I had no idea what Kores looked like now. I wanted to see if there was anyone here who even so much so as looked like the sweet little boy I saw ten years ago.
People seated at their tables, none looked at me, but I'd only realised that there were men in suits, standing around the place. I figured there was probably some diplomat or some politician or business tycoon dining here, so I left it.
I placed my phone face down and refused to entertain it. I took in a deep breath but I couldn't shake the terrified feeling that I was experiencing at the moment, I felt affrighted and I couldn't understand why.
"So...tell me some more about you, Adam," I set my chin on my fists and grinned at the man sitting across from me, opting to ignore the very man I'd tied myself to all those years ago.