For many years of my life, I would close my eyes
Visualize my books and think about how their love conquered time.
With my body wrapped in a fuzzy blanket and warm tea in my hand.
I would think about dancing in rain and writing our initials in the sand.
Sometimes I would kiss my palms and give myself a hug.
Imagine it was you.
You would call me your love bug,
Or darling,
My sweetheart,
Or my moon
I would scream at the walls when we had arguments and dance in the kitchen when we made up.
Snuggle deep into the bed cuddling a pillow under the sheets that you had tucked.
Write a song with a distinct melody
Never ever forget the key
And sing it to you with tears in my eyes while my phone plays your heartbeat.
We would make dinner and go on dates and meet the parents and take the car to escape.
We would even shower together in the freezing weather.
But then
I'd eventually have to open my eyes and find that my phone died.
I'd have to plug it in and push play on the video of some random voice with some random guy.
I'd have to readjust my phone under my pillow so I could hear a prerecorded superficial heartbeat.
I would twist and turn and fold to once again find comfort in the moment so bittersweet.
It would take me a few seconds to retreat back into the hypnosis I put myself in.
And then I would sleep, wake up and do it all over again.