River walked as Ellie walked past her in silence and gave Shimmer back to the barn attendant. The two haven't spoken in two weeks and had to endure silent patrols. River hasn't spoken to anyone. Not Charlie and barely to Hayden. She was talked to, of course. Dina and Jesse talked to her, Felix even tried to talk to her. River just went back to one-worded answers and kept to herself. It's what she knew best.
Her eyes turned to Ellie who walked over to Joel and talked to the older man. While things were still awkward there, there was an improvement.
River let out a sigh as she turned around and took Callus 2.0 with her back through the gate: "River!" She heard Tommy call for her, but River didn't turn back as she hopped onto her horse and galloped out of the gate.
She heard a few more calls, but River didn't care since she just wanted to be alone.
River rode over to Eugene's place and huffed as she tied up Callus to the side. She pat her horse's main, wrapping her arms around herself. Winter has passed, and spring was starting to bloom, but River still felt cold.
The girl turned on the generator and hummed to herself as she let her eyes roam the shelves of the library. No matter how many times she's been here, River hasn't really spent time looking through the books. Not for herself, at least.
River picked out a few that looked interesting and walked to the back. Her eyes went over to all the comics in the back, frowning at them before turning to the weed lair and heading down. River laid down on the couch and opened the book. She grabbed a joint and lit it while she read, blowing out the smoke to the side while her eyes stay glued to the page.
"Fuck," River muttered as she threw the book to the side and laid down completely while she blew out smoke. Her eyes stayed on the ceiling as she tried to control her breathing.
She knew about the community event tonight and it was the last place she wanted to be. It was just another bonfire. It was nice enough to be outside, even if it was a bit chilly. River thought maybe she would just stay here all night. Sleep through the event and go back to normal duties. That would probably be better than anything tonight.
"Hello? River?" River sat up with a confused frown at the voices and raised an eyebrow when she watched Joel walk through the door.
"What the..." Joel muttered as he looked around the room. When they landed on the girl, she raised an eyebrow at the older man and frowned, "Tommy, she's down here!"
When Tommy went down to the basement, he laughed out loud, "This all you?" He asked the girl who shrugged.
"Inherited."
"Yeah, we saw Eugene's tag," Joel pointed up the stairs, earning a blank look from River, "C'mon, kiddo. Let's get back to town."
"You can't make me," River sighed, "I'll go back tomorrow morning."
"And miss the party?"
"That's sorta the point."
"River," Tommy stepped forward, earning another look as he let out a sigh, "I know you're used to taking care of yourself and others, but you can't just run off on your own. Not while you live in Jackson."
"Well, then, I'll move."
"You're stubborn, you know that?"
"That annoys you?"
"I have Joel as my brother. I know how to deal with stubbornness," Joel sent Tommy a look, but Tommy ignored it as he looked at the girl, "I know you don't like me. I get it, really. I lied to you and betrayed any trust I may have had. But please just, come back. You don't need to ride out here on your own."
"You found me quickly," River told him, "you already knew I came here."
"We saw you come here before," Joel said carefully, "kept the place a secret."
River nodded slowly as she scoffed, "You're both good at secrets, so I believe that."
"Right," Joel cleared his throat as he looked at Tommy and shrugged. Tommy sighed, stepping forward since he was only a bit better at this than Joel. Joel was only good with Ellie, sorta.
"You don't ever have to like me, River. But I need you to trust me, Joel, Maria and Jackson enough to not run off on your own. You may have had to be alone for so long, fighting yourself, but you don't need to."
"Big speech just because I snuck out," River scoffed.
"People who sneak out are invincible from getting hurt," Tommy sighed, "it's actually pretty darn stupid. Putting yourself in danger."
"I don't care about putting myself in danger. Hayden's not, that's all I care about," River muttered as she looked down, "look, I'm high as shit so how about this one time you can escort me back?"
"Getting high then coming back alone," Joel chuckled, "smart."
"Not dead yet," River muttered as she stood up and followed the men out, "aren't you supposed to be sucking up to Ellie for years of lying?"
Joel paused in front of River and stopped her in her spot, "What'd you just say?"
"Chill, she didn't tell me what you were lying about. Although, it had to be bad. Something about her immunity or something-"
"River," Joel told the girl who raised an eyebrow.
"Don't worry, I'm not on good terms either," River rolled her eyes as she walked forward towards Callus while the two Texan's followed her.
"So I've heard," Joel told the girl who paused. Her eyes glanced over at Joel and she was surprised he even knew a little bit.
"Ellie is known for blabbing. It's a miracle she mostly keeps her immunity to herself."
"Yeah, she can. Especially when she's been hurt," Joel nodded and River felt a knot in her throat, "I don't know exactly what happened-"
"And it'll stay that way."
"I'm not gonna get in your business," Joel confirmed to the girl, "I already know not to. Just letting you know she's been hurt."
River locked her jaw as she grabbed Callus, turning to Joel and sending him a small nod as she went out the door where Tommy was waiting for them, "Thanks for coming back," River mumbled as she walked past the man and hopped onto Callus.
"Don't mention it," Tommy sent the girl a smile that she ignored as she kicked the side of Callus lightly and lead the two Texans back to Jackson.
"I didn't realize how long I was gone for," River muttered as she looked up at the night sky, "felt quick."
"You did have an afternoon shift," Joel shrugged.
"The weed doesn't help," Tommy added as River nodded.
"You gonna tell Maria?"
"We haven't yet," Tommy looked at the girl, "bring a friend, in the future."
River shrugged as she walked through the gate. She cleared her throat as she looked around the town and frowned. Everything just felt so fucked. And it was all River's fault.
"Thanks again," River muttered as she walked away from the two. She glanced at Joel one time, frowning slightly at the words earlier, before she walked off towards the town square where she saw the event was already starting.
She saw Charlie talking to Phoebe by the fire and frowned as he made her laugh. River was so preoccupied, she never even noticed them before. River was always so good at observing, figuring shit out... at least she thought she was.
Her eyes turned to Hayden who was laughing with Graham and Felix. Then she turned where Ellie, Dina and Jesse were talking themselves, joking around.
River walked over to the drink table and grabbed the bottle rather than a glass. She stood to the side and drank from the bottle as her eyes stayed on the fire: "You know that bottle was for everyone, right?" Dean said to River who shrugged.
"You gonna report me?"
"No, but I wouldn't mind a glass," Dean held out the glass to River who rolled her eyes before pouring some of the alcohol in his glass.
River looked up and saw Cleo in the corner talking to residents. She hated how much she looked like her. River hated that she had any connection with her. River Danforth absolutely hated Cleo Danforth, "You should stick with your wife. She's known to wander."
Dean looked over at River who took another chug from the bottle, "I'm sorry."
"You normally apologize for her?"
"No," Dean shook his head, "but I also didn't know half of her past, clearly."
"Has it changed anything?"
"When you learn something bit, it will always change everything," Dean chuckled, shaking his head, "it's just how much it bothers you."
"How much does it bother you?" River turned her head to face Dean, "No one has the best moral compass."
"I'm a father first, River. I couldn't imagine ever doing that to Phoebe."
River stared at him, gulping as she looked over at Phoebe again who was still with Charlie. And she knew that she felt jealousy bubble in her chest.
"Well," River sighed, "a decent human would." River handed Dean the bottle and stood up. He called for her, but she just sent him a strained smile as she walked forward, around the fire and was getting ready to leave. River didn't want to be here.
And when River heard Cleo call for her again, she sighed yet again and kept talking.
"River, River," Cleo called and the girl turned to look at her with a raised eyebrow, "can we talk?"
"I told you immediately when you got here, no."
"Please, can we talk?"
"Here?" River raised an eyebrow. When she saw Cleo nod, she let out a sigh as her brain felt hazy from the mix of weed and alcohol.
"You never give me a chance-"
"Cause I don't want to talk to you. It's bad enough you're even here."
"I made mistakes, okay? I don't deny that. I'm not proud of what I did, but I can't change the past. It's been so long, I just want forgiveness so we don't have to walk on eggshells around one another."
"Why do you think you deserve my forgiveness? What have you done to get it?"
"You wouldn't let me talk to you-" Cleo stopped when she saw River's glare, "You're a lot stronger now."
"I wonder why."
"I made a lot of mistakes, I'm just human. I want to fix it now. I know that I left, but there hasn't been a day where I haven't thought about it. I know you were young, but I was too-"
"I was 10," Cleo stops talking as River steps forward, "you were an adult. I was a kid and you were an adult."
"I know... you guys turned out alright-"
"Cause I did that," River spoke in a louder tone, "I shouldn't have had to do that."
"I was there for-"
"No, you weren't!" River shouted at Cleo, "You were never fucking there! I taught Hayden and myself everything! Even when you were physically there, you really weren't. I protected us because you never did!" River stepped forward more, "All you ever did was fuck up."
"River-"
"You didn't like me," River kept going, "all you ever told me about was how much of a burden I was to you. I didn't ask to be born and I sure as hell didn't ask to be abandoned," River watched as Cleo avoided her eyes and looked down, "I will never forgive you, Cleo. You may be my mom but you were never my mother," River felt her throat close and felt tears in her eyes as she stared at Cleo, "Everything I hate about myself is because of you. You constantly reminded me how much you didn't want me, and I always wished I was never born either."
River knew every wall was down as she cried in front of her mother like the broken little girl she tried to hide. And when her eyes finally went away, she saw the eyes of the town. She saw the eyes of Charlie and Hayden. And she saw the green eyes.
And River looked back at Cleo, "So, no. I will never forgive you and it's bad enough I have to tolerate you."
Then River turned away and felt herself crumble when she got to her house and didn't make it inside. River cried for the first time in over a year.
"You don't deserve any of that," River looked up to where Ellie was standing, "you're a good person."
"I'm sorry," River whispered to Ellie.
Ellie knew exactly what River needed and gave her a hug. And River melted into it.